Jump to content
  • Want to be a part of a supportive community? Join the H Opp community for free.

    Welcome to the Herpes Opportunity Support Forum! We are a supportive and positive group to help you discover and live your Opportunity. Together, we can shed the shame and embrace vulnerability and true connection. Because who you are is more important than what you have. Get your free e-book and handouts here: https://www.herpesopportunity.com/lp/ebook

"The Positive side of being (herpes) Positive"

Recommended Posts

I just found this amazing post in another herpes forum from a few years ago and thought I'd share it with you because it really helps to change your perspective. It's a little long but totally worth the read. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did!



There is ABSOLUTELY a silver lining to having genital herpes. I would love to see people add to the list below. Then maybe we can have a very LONG list of things to turn to and think about when we get an outbreak or someone rejects us or we start thinking we’ll never find someone to love.


Here are just a few things to consider:


1) You’ve got it. You got herpes. I know this doesn’t sound like a typical “positive,” but here’s the silver lining: You don’t ever have to worry about getting it from someone else. You’re not ignorant anymore. You’re educated about it. Now you know the importance of having that STD discussion before you get involved with someone. Now you know that a huge portion of the population has genital herpes, that almost ALL of them don’t know it, and that you’re not one of the many people walking around NOT knowing and possibly infecting others. Now you will be smart and safe about your sexual choices and partners for the rest of your life – and once you get past the undue shame that herpes can bring, you will realize that this is a very empowering thing (and especially for us young people – to take control of your sexual future and to be wiser and more mature for it is VERY empowering).


2) This is fresh in my mind because my doctor, who I respect highly, used these words a few hours ago: Herpes is spread through skin-to-skin contact. Condoms do not provide full protection against herpes. Even in practicing “safe” sex with condoms, there is a chance of contracting herpes. Again, at first this does not seem like a positive, but look at the silver lining: Herpes is not your fault. It is a “sneaky” virus that affects 25% of the population and no one is entirely safe from it unless they are celibate. While the thought may seem “scary” upon first glance, I look at it like, “Well, unless I had asked every guy I was planning to sleep with to go get a type-specific blood test for herpes, then waited a week or more for him to get good results back from the lab BEFORE sleeping with him, I was always at risk.” My point here is that it’s not realistic that we are always 100% careful when it comes to sex. That, for me, diminishes a lot of the burden and guilt I feel about the sexual situation that exposed me to herpes. There are “promiscuous” people who never contract anything and there are people who get a chronic STD the first time they have protected sex. You are not a slut, you are not irresponsible, you simply got the sh*t end of the herpes stick. End of story.


3) Herpes is not life threatening. It is a recurring rash with no health complications. It is not by a long shot the worst STD to contract. As with many, many things in life, I personally find that putting bad things into perspective is the most effective way to accept them: I do not have a terminal illness. While my condition is chronic and incurable, I do not have to (knock wood) give myself insulin shots every day or take antiretrovirals or undergo chemotherapy or radiation. I have a harmless virus. Everyone has their challenges in life, some MUCH more serious than a contagious skin rash. PLEASE remember: It could be SO MUCH worse, and my heart truly goes out to those for whom it is.


4) I know, believe me, I KNOW, that the thought that keeps us all up at night is not the outbreaks (pills, creams, and sheer strength of mind can get us through that), but rather it’s the thought of: a) telling that certain someone, b) that that certain someone will reject us because of it, and c) that we will pass it along to that certain someone. Of course this is what makes herpes as “bad” as it is. So let me show you the silver lining when it comes to sexual partners:


First, telling someone is scary, but it gets easier every time. You learn what guys will be receptive and which ones will walk out on you – and who the hell would want to be with the type of guy that would walk out on you without even researching it or asking you questions? Clearly, my guy #1 was a bad choice – truth be told, my gut told me this early on, but I was very attracted to him and horny and needed to eventually have my first “telling” experience and there it was. I survived. Guy #2 was a friend from high school that I have hooked up with a handful of times in the past 5 years, but had never slept with. A few months ago, we were hooking up and I knew that it was leading to sex and I was going to have to tell him. It went MUCH better than with guy #1, but he still decided not to have sex with me. We continued to hook up that night, but I let him decide how far he wanted to go. It did not hurt my feelings because he is a great person and I know now that we are not meant to be in a relationship, especially if he is not OK with my herpes. Guy #3 is a different story. I have been dating him for two months now. We were very into each other from the start, and I told him about the herpes on our third “date,” before having sex. Maybe the two guys before him were practice and I’d learned the best way to approach it. His reaction: “That’s not such a big deal. I thought you were gonna tell me you had a boyfriend or something. So when do we get to do it?” Best ever. I tell you this story to prove that there are wonderful, mature people out there that will realize that you are more than a virus and that will totally want to sleep with you no matter what! We are still together, and he is nothing but kind and supportive. It is much more my issue than his, which continues to surprise me and give me strength. And if by some chance I infect him, I know that at least I was honest from the beginning about the chances, that it was ultimately his risk to take, and that really, so what? So I give him herpes. People have given each other much worse. And maybe it will last and maybe it won’t, but I was honest and we were responsible and we all endure consequences for choices we make.


Getting back to the original concerns in #3, of course there is always the risk that someone will reject you because you have herpes. It is the sad and honest truth because of how today’s society thinks about STDs. But you have to look at the silver lining: You dodged a bullet there! Hey – maybe that person has herpes and doesn’t even know it! Or maybe the next person you meet will have herpes too, and it will be a non-issue; the chances are 1 in 4! I KNOW that rejection is painful and that it makes the shame issues resurface all over again, but seriously, the one realization that gives me the most comfort is this:


Herpes will ensure that anyone I get seriously involved with will love me for me, will be able to look past this thing inside me and love ME. It will ensure that the relationships I cultivate are mature, honest, real, deep, and based on genuine mutual respect and love. Because I have to be honest about this from the start, the relationships I get into will be for real. And that is the only type of relationship I want to be in. When I think of this, I see herpes as a gift – something that I got, that I did not ask for, but that has given me knowledge, power, and the ability to identify and connect to people romantically who share my perspective, maturity, and unconditional love.


5) You are alive. Enough said.

Link to comment

Awesome post Iris...everyone needs to read this. Its true true true!!!! I would add too...


6) Herpes can make you healthier :-) because you become more aware of your body, what you put into it, do with it and what you think about yourself and life.


We all want to reduce outbreaks and by eating super healthy, excercising, doing things you love, thinking positively, eliminating the shit in your life and connecting deeper with others through honesty and integrity life just gets better!


Herpes is a good kick in the ass to look after yourself better and you get to reap the benefits. Because it's with us for life and can stop us from enjoying one of life's great pleasures there is more motivation to be healthy in every way!

Link to comment

I loved reading this! It made me smile the whole way through and even laugh out loud with how much i agree with it. I have not been lucky enough yet to be able to get to the point of meeting someone i even think is worth disclosing to, but i do know when that time comes i will do it with confidence and security. i love myself for who i am and know there is SOMEONE out there that will as well. The re-living the shame is the worst part and that has happened to me just now with something negative that has happened in the past week, but i am strong and i am still living and happy. I still have my supportive friends and family and what else do i need?!! :)

Link to comment
  • 1 year later...

Hey Zonique, don't sweat it. There are quite a few of us on this board that are virally enhanced with both 1 and 2. In fact, extrapolating statistics, I'm willing to bet close to 80% of us here are.


Scared? You shouldn't be. 2 gets a bad rep. It really does, and really, it's not much different than the other 7. But, because you get 2 almost exclusively by doing the horizontal pokey pokey, it has a stigma attached. Plus, because of where it pops up, it hurts and affects our emotions far worse than it does our bodies.


Meet the Herpe family. You've probably met many of them already and just don't realize it.


HSV 3 - The Chicken Pox. That's right, the pimply little prick who beat you up and who kept you home for two weeks from elementary school. Like the O'Doyle family, he can come back as an adult and cause Shingles for a period of time. But, he usually goes back into hiding once you give him some drugs.

HSV 4 - Mono a Mono, Monseur Epstein Barr himself. Ever French Kiss? Well, you probably have him, too. In fact, almost every adult has this one floating around inside them. Most of the time he lays around and does nothing. Every now and then when you are really, really stressed he can come out and play, but rarely ever does.

HSV 5 - CMV . 47% - 90% of Americans have this one. Usually causes no problems unless you have an immune deficiency, then it's a problem. Otherwise, it's pretty darn harmless.

HSV 6 - Causes rashes and a condition known as Roseola, mostly in children.

HSV 7 - This one is kind of like the long lost uncle that Dr.s just found out about. Most of us have it by the time we die, but no one really knows what it does. Might cause Roseola, but Dr's really aren't too sure.

HSV 8 - Kaposi Sarcoma. This is one you don't want to meet. This is a bad one. This is the one member of the family that should scare you far more than 2. It's not bad in and of itself, but it's often a sign you have AIDS or another very serious health condition such as skin cancer. This is the Freddy Kreuger of the Herpes family. 2's a pussy cat compared to this one.


About 80% of the US has 1, and 25%-30% have 2. Don't let the virus scare you; Like this post said, that's where it gets its power. Get to know the virus, and be very careful like Mia said about where you are going to get information. Rule #1, if it's from Yahoo ignore it. That board is full of so much falsehood and ignorance it's not even funny.

Link to comment

There are quite a few of us on this board that are virally enhanced with both 1 and 2. In fact, extrapolating statistics, I'm willing to bet close to 80% of us here are.


The stats I found for people having 1 &2 the other day from a reputable site (can't remember which one but it was a University) is 40% of the carriers.... just as a FYI. If I understood the info correctly, 10% of the dual carriers have both down below - the rest have the typical #1 in the mouth and #2 down south.... :p

Link to comment

Found This


12 Reasons To Assume Everyone Has Herpes



FILED UNDER: Medicine/Science, Personal Health, herpes, virus



Responses rolling in to Friday’s post, “Why you should assume everyone has herpes,” have run the gamut from “Yikes!” to “Who cares?” But one common theme is surprise at how incredibly widespread and easy to catch genital herpes is, from “the statistics seem shocking” to “Wow, wish I had known this earlier.”


On the assumption that many people might benefit from getting word now rather than later, here’s a Cliff’s Notes version of Friday’s post, condensed for easier viral transmission:


1. New findings by a pre-eminent researcher on genital herpes highlight that even people who have never had herpes symptoms can “shed” quite a bit of virus and potentially infect others.


2. People with herpes who have never had symptoms shed virus on only about 10 percent of days, the study found. People who have had symptoms spread on about 20 percent of days. But both groups shed about the same amount of virus when they shed.


3. The researcher says that “asymptomatic transmission” may be the central way herpes is spread. In the old days, doctors warned mainly about spreading during an outbreak of sores or lesions.


4. Nearly one-fifth of the American adult population tests positive for genital herpes antibodies.


5. More than 80% of people with herpes don’t know they have it.


6. Overall prevalence by the time people reach their forties is 26%.


7. In the general population, one-fifth of women and 11.5% of men are infected.


8. Among single women between ages 45 and 50, the prevalence rate is between 50 and 70%. That’s according to North Carolina professor of medicine Peter Leone, speaking on NPR’s Science Friday.


9. Genital herpes infections can also involve the herpes virus known best as “cold sores” around the mouth. If someone with the cold-sore virus performs oral sex, the receiving partner may contract genital herpes, though it is not the usual genital herpes virus. And the cold-sore virus is so widespread that pretty much everyone gets it.


10. Herpes does not need intercourse to spread; mere skin-to-skin contact is enough.


11. It can lie dormant for many years, suddenly cropping up in the midst of monogamous marriages.


12. It has no cure. Recent attempts to develop a vaccine fizzled, though more research is under way. Herpes patients can take antiviral drugs to shorten their outbreaks — and to become less infectious — but no existing pill can make it go away altogether.


Link to comment

Dr. Google is a quack. Most of the stuff he talks about he learned via correspondence courses that were proctored by Sally Struthers. If you don't see an "MD" by the name of the person talking, don't listen. Even if you do, always get a 2nd and 3rd opinion to the same question. The caveat to that in regards to H is those of us living with it. We tend to know quite a bit about it and learn more about it the longer we share our bodies with it.


Same with Dr. Yahoo Message Board. Most of the folks on there couldn't even pass an elementary school spelling bee. How most of the people commenting in there can make toast without adult supervision truly baffles me. They're the last people on earth you should take medical advice from.


Be careful surfing the net. Read what you find here. It's good information, then go see your doctor or stop by Planned Parenthood. Write up a list of questions, research treatment options/prevention, then go out and live life. It's too short to go curl up in a ball and be afraid of a little skin condition.

Link to comment
  • 3 months later...

I really should have went through my starred threads tthe other night. I forgot all the positive things from this that coould come up lol. i have been eating better and making sure i get more sleep. like lelani was saying. I've always had acne on my face but with me trying to take better xare of my body for herpes my skin has clearedup quite abit from what it used to be. I've also lost weight too so tgere are a lot of positive things from this we tend to overlook

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Create New...