mr_hopp

Thank you for talking so openly about your experience. I deeply appreciate you putting yourself out there with us. I get your deep pain and your frustration. I hear it and feel it on a visceral level. Don’t you just wish our culture could jump ahead in awareness a bit to realize that herpes really isn’t that big of a deal? So many people make it such a big deal without really knowing what it is. The bark of herpes is much worse than the bite (especially considering that you haven’t even had a herpes occurrence in 10 years!). But Susan, the part that really struck me was when you said “It is too bad that the fact that I am honest has zero value” … That has all the value in the WORLD! Susan, you are strong and courageous and LIVE what you believe (that's integrity out the yin yang!). That is something to be proud of in itself. There are plenty of people out there who need that kind of transparency and honesty in their lives. Just because a few people in your life haven’t seen your honesty as valuable doesn’t take away its value. But trust me, I get how it can feel that way when your experience with being honest doesn’t seem to have produced positive results (a close and accepting relationship, for example). But I for one want to give you a hug and a fist-bump for being so real through all of this. I promise you that taking herpes as an opportunity to be real and vulnerable in a strong way brings exactly the kind of relationship you want to have to you. Honestly, I wouldn’t want a relationship where I couldn’t be open and vulnerable about what’s really going on with me, and I would want the same from my partner. And someone who would reject a whole human being because of herpes is like throwing the proverbial baby out with the bathwater — does that analogy work here? ;) There are so many other qualities in us that overshadow this little herpes thing, it’s insane. It’s just our job to focus on nurturing those positive qualities instead of letting other people’s opinions get us down. Those who live their values tend to recognize value in others. Like attracts like.

Ha! Pink, you crack me up! Yep, that matches my experiences and the stories I've heard about how doctors view herpes. It just goes to show the mixed messages that the medical community and our culture give us, right? The herpes stigma our culture holds onto tell us "It's bad, very baaaaad. Be ashamed. Be sad. Hide." And the medical community says, "What? It's just herpes. No big deal. Here are some meds." Why is that? Interesting ...

That’s awesome, Moe. It’s a great reminder that who you truly are always overshadows what herpes represents to most people. Bravo. For what it’s worth, I’m super proud of your whole response to all of this. You’re a good person and it shows. Your girlfriend clearly recognizes that. Thanks for the update, bro!

Myo, bro ... I'm glad you got something from the herpes talk video. And I totally understand that lost feeling. You're not alone in that. I felt lost for a long time with herpes. Then I realized there was a lot that I was using herpes as an excuse for (not saying you're doing that now, just be aware of the potential for that.) I appreciate you reaching out. I just want to give you a big man hug and tell you it'll be okay ... because it will ... So much must be rushing through your head and heart and guts right now ... be good to yourself during this process. Because it's just that: A process. And a lot of us want to hole up in our bat cave waiting for the shitstorm to pass by ... but sometimes the most powerful thing is to reach out (which you did, which is a huge step, so frickin' bravo for that) ... and allow yourself to feel what you need to feel. The good, the bad, the ugly. It's all part of the healing process. And about the whole "who will want me now" ... recognize that ultimately it is just a simple virus. Somehow our society has cast a pretty wide net around this herpes thing being a big scary monster. And for the most part that monster is between our ears ... and it gets pretty loud if we let it. Someone will want you. Why? How? Because you're NOT herpes. Because you're YOU. So don't let herpes overshadow that. Learn to love yourself more deeply and others will love that deep part of you, too. Try it out and let me know how it goes, bro.

MOE! Bro, seriously as I read your comment, I got shivers down my spine. You inspire me through your awareness of yourself and who you clearly are. We’re definitely going to be talking. And keep in mind — not to downplay your experience at all, but to show you how prevalent this is — that 80% of Americans have HSV-1! 25% of Americans have HSV-2 (genital herpes), so there are many, many people out there dealing with this and not talking openly about it. It’s something that many people choose to feel shame about. We need more people like you, bro, who choose to spread the word of honesty and trust in our culture instead of spreading the virus. Again, I’m inspired by you, bro. Thank you for sharing.

Hey Lisa, I love what you said about not jumping into a relationship for all the wrong reasons anymore. Having herpes gives us pause to think about what’s truly important in someone to become intimate with. It also allows that person to see your raw vulnerability and strength when you share that you have herpes. It can actually be a very connecting and beautiful moment to disclose something so private with someone (believe it or not!). My advice? Don't be so hard on yourself! Amidst your positivity and healthy relationship with herpes, I also hear shame seeping into your post. Reinforce your own deep worth by recognizing maybe you need this time alone … to be with yourself in a quality way; being alone is being a loving support to yourself. It’s nothing to feel ashamed about. It’s natural. And then when you feel whole enough again to share yourself with someone, then you make the decision to be open to the vulnerability that is relationship (with or without herpes). It’s an ebb and flow … being alone in itself is beautiful, then being in relationship is beautiful, too. And being open to which part of that cycle you are currently in is powerful and self-loving. It also shows great self-awareness. Thanks for your post, Lisa. It reminds me of that part of me that we share in common. I appreciate you sharing that with us.