Orngpeelmafia

Of course you're allowed to feel down! Just don't stay down there! I always like to look at it like this: we are all allowed to feel whatever we want to feel...it's the actions based on those emotions that we must pay attention to. So you feel down...understandable! Are you going to allow yourself to wallow in self pity and become a hermit for the rest of your life? You better not :) Have a good long cry. Take a hot bath. Drink some wine (if you're of age!) and watch a couple romantic comedies and eat some Ben and Jerry's...whatever it is you do when you're down go ahead and do it. But don't think the road stops there because it doesn't. This is going to take a while and what your ex doesn't understand he never will unless he's put in your shoes. You're faced with a social stigma that many people endure secretly....we keep it secret because of how the majority of society looks at herpes. You're probably going through all the herpes jokes you've made or laughed at and cringing wishing you could take all those moments back. You're thinking about how many times you've heard the word herpes and though "slut", "whore", etc and now have look in the mirror. Well we are all wrong from time to time and when it comes to herpes I'm pretty sure we've all cracked a joke or two in our pre H days...I know I did. And it's the realization of the ignorance that is so hard to come to terms with. I remember the hardest part for me to overcome was knowing that what I know now is truth...and everything I knew before was all ignorant bullshit. I never talked to a doctor about herpes before...why should I? And all I knew about it was what they taught us in health class in high school which was just "use condoms and don't get an STD" WOW whole lot of information there. I "learned" about herpes from TV shows and the like...I knew it was something I didn't want and gross people had it. Well...wait a minute here...I have herpes...and I'm not gross! I'm not dirty...I shower every day thank you very much! And I am not a whore...I prefer to be in monogamous relationships and I have been on the look out for a long term partner for quite some time. It just so happens that somewhere along my journey someone that I chose to trust either didn't trust me enough to disclose or didn't know that they had herpes so here I am on this forum today herpes positive and proud. It's hard to see right now because you're in the moment so much that it's all you're going to see and that's okay...it's natural...it's all part of the process...but don't stop loving yourself because you are worth being loved :) And while this is a life change...it's not a big one...it seems like it now but trust me when I say that once you get used to your body again things are going to even out. Take your time :) I hope that helped...I ramble so much in these things!!!!

Ok well first off calm down :) I know that's a LOT easier said than done but with herpes it's actually better if you keep calm. You may be continuing to feel symptoms because you're so stressed. It's completely understandable I remember how I felt when I had my first OB and keeping calm was the most impossible seeming task ever. Also I tend to think sometimes we make up the itches...the mind is a powerful thing and while we are all H-tastically awesome here I wonder if my focusing and thinking about all my symptoms don't cause some to appear when the virus isn't coming out to play. Just food for thought :) I'm just now coming to terms with the fact that every itch isn't herpes...Adrial made a comment in one of these discussions that hit home hardcore with me and is so true...I was spending 99% of my time worrying about my 1% chance of transmitting. I think the same goes for showing symptoms...I spend a majority of my time diagnosing every twitch and tingle my lady bits experience...I'm sure they could use a break from all the scrutiny they've been under for the past year. I have accepted herpes but that doesn't mean it's not a big deal for me still. That need to know my body to prevent anything from ever transmitting has been a big road block in me moving forward in my relationship. My point before I ramble too much is that we hold ourselves back more than we like to admit and how we see ourselves is vastly different from what the rest of the world see us. And that's sans herpes. Add a social stigma into the mix and boy howdy is that recipe for trouble...just have hope and believe in yourself...you're worth more than you think and it might take having herpes for you to realize that...I know that's how it worked for me <3

Ok I'm not a doctor so I would highly recommend talking to one BUT I think only ladies can get cancer from hpv...and it's not every strain. I've seen occurrences of people I know who have hpv but not the strain that causes warts. Hpv is also a little different than herpes meaning you can have it now and your body may actually fight it off. Most people get hpv and never know it because only a few strains cause warts and even the more serious strains can clear up on their own. Like I said I would talk to a doctor because all this info is most certainly just acquired second hand from a source that does have hpv so please arm yourself with true facts before you talk :) also I think the strain you have is the one you pass...I think I've even read somewhere that warts that appear outside the genital area can be caused by certain strains of hpv. It should go fine and just remember that this is just another of life's curveballs. I'm glad to hear that you won't give up!!! Roll with the punches <3

Adrial you bring up a good point. I'm gonna keep this short and simple: control your controllables. You can't control some things that happen in your life but what you can control is how you react to them and what you take away from those moments. Ask yourself how you want to go forward and make it happen :)

Oh Hun I am sending you all the hugs right now ALL OF THE HUGS. You need them. You are NOT dirty. You are NOT disgusting. You are NOT unloveable. You ARE beautiful. You ARE strong. You ARE safe. Most importantly you ARE and WILL BE loved. I love you. How can I love someone I don't know? Simple. I do know you. I've been you. We've all here been where you are, feeling lost and alone. You're not alone. I'm right here and so are all the other wonderful people here. Read our stories. Listen to how somehow each of us made it through because we have. It might not be the easiest thing in the world but ya know looking back it wasn't the worst thing either. Close your eyes and take a deep breath cause it's gonna be okay :)

Hey designergal and seafoam...check out my H story called me and my herp a derp...or message me privately if you so wish. Most importantly just know you're not alone and even though it's hard to see a light at the end of the tunnel it is there :)

Green eyes it's not the trials themselves that make us better people...it's what we take away for those experiences. That is what I meant by "herpes doesn't define a person" I had switched from self loathing because I couldn't let go of a silly social stigma to over correcting and believing everyone with herpes to be a god send of sorts. In truth people are just people...we all love, hate, make mistakes, we all LIVE. Some of us have brown hair, others blonde, mine is more often than not a lovely shade of blue! And some of us have a skin condition in a very embarrassing place...these things don't make us better or worse as people...but what we take away from these life lessons can help mold us into the people we wish to be...the people we are meant to be. And for me...well I want to be a strong confident person...I've always lived life going against social norms (body modification and I are quite close) and once I realized that herpes was just another silly label society was trying to force on me it got a LOT easier to deal with

Yes!!!!! Mysecretlife from a safe distance on cool setting=most amazing herp soothing feeling everrrrrr...I've only had one bad outbreak but during that time baths and blow driers were my bestest friends!!!!

I tried to do the casual thing after finding out. My doctor gave me the "you are insane" look when I told her I planned on being abstinent hahaha. She was prescribing me birth control along with valtrex and told me that not only could I have sex but I would and she didn't want me getting pregnant. So after a break up I started back in my old ways of find a guy go on a date and let the sexy times happen and then see if he wants to be serious...yupp I was smart (sarcasm alert!!!!) well now I had a little extra step of throw in a little liquid courage and disclose away!!!!! Here's the thing...being casual gets difficult when you have herpes because of how people view it...in my opinion. I had a few guys say no...one politely said he would need to think about t and never called me again. And then there are two LOVELY occurrences that just...well they scared the crap out of me. The one time I decided to disclose to an old high school crush...we were drunk he decided after I told him transfer rates and everything that he wanted to go forward with a fling that night...mind you he was very very drunk and...well...um...couldn't perform. THERE WAS NO SKIN TO SKIN CONTACT ever. Not once. Well the next day I get a text from mr limpy saying "I think you gave me herpes" and all he could identify with was flu like symptoms. He's had cold sores so OBVIOUSLY he has hsv1 but for some reason the though of the same thing on his "unmentionables" was giving him full on anxiety attacks. Three days of telling him to go to planned parenthood instead of his family doctor to talk to someone he finally listened to me and sent me an apology text when his results came back negative. I had another episode almost exactly like this expect after telling the guy he was more than likely ok and he needs to get tested he never talked to me again. My point here is you can disclose and be fine and you'll probably never transfer anything...but herpes isn't really physical...it's mainly mental and people have a hard time letting go of what they think they know. In a drunken moment you may find a guy who says ok...but will he mean it in the morning? These are the same guys who will tell you they love you and never call you again once they've gotten into your pants....they don't care about you they care about your body. Once I started to care more about my emotions rather than getting off I realized I had been using sex to mask self hate for a long time...well now when I disclose it's when I'm ready to be fully intimate with someone deserving of me and my body :) I hope I didn't ramble too much and that all makes sense!!!!!

This. I needed to read this thank you Carlos!!!!! I'm just regaining my sexuality...and I agree we all have this for a reason. And it's a good one :) life has an odd way of teach us lessons.

Hey guys and gals! 25 girly here living in eastern Pennsylvania and willing to share support to any and all of you! I've been living with the big bad H for a year now and it's not that big and bad after all...get on my level! And if you need help getting here let me throw you a ladder...the views much nicer from up top :)

I agree with everything mysecretlife has to say...also take a sitz bath and I know this part is gonna sound weird but blow dry your lady parts...the warm water soothes all that angry you got goin on! And you've got friends here :) I'm just a message away if you need to talk

It was a year ago almost today that I sat outside an urgent care center with the words "well it looks like herpes but I'm not the right doctor to tell you that" going through my head on repeat. This urgent care center was my last stop of the day, my local planned parenthood being closed that day and the one OVER AN HOUR AWAY that I had driven to refused to see me because I wasn't a patient there already. I sat in my car and screamed and cried, bashing my fists off the steering wheel because my life was over. This was it. 24 years old and now I was condemned to this life of sores and itching FORVER. No one was gonna love me everyone was going to find out and my life that I had grown to love was over. Right? I couldn't have been more wrong. And what I didn't know is that I was in for one hell of a ride! With the worst semi diagnosis a doctor could have given I charged to google...determined to know what was happening to my body...it's my body I better figure this out!!!! I wish I would've found this site...I did find useful information though. Enough to slow down my tears for the night. Next day up finally get in to planned parenthood woohoo! My outbreak is at it peak of horrid icky pain...boo!!!!! Once again my tears start up in the exam room as my doctor walks in. She sits down and looks at me and says "ok so we are going to find out everything today but before we go ahead and say yes or no to herpes, before I look at anything, you need to know something: this isn't the end of the world. You're fine. You know what herpes is? A skin condition in an embarrassing place. So no more tears I haven't even confirmed it yet and if it is herpes ITS NO BIG DEAL" the shock of her statement threw me into silence. Herpes no big deal?! WHAT?! I couldn't believe it. Well I left that day with a cdc pamphlet and the knowledge that I had herpes...but I had stopped crying. I called my mom and had one of the hardest conversations to date with that woman...and she helped even more. She told me to look at this as life's way of telling me to slow down and take a different approach to dating. To use it as something positive in my life. And I became hell bent on doing just that. I disclosed to my two closest friends and they were only ever concerned with how I was feeling emotionally. They were mad that the person I got it from didn't give me a choice in the matter and they helped. Knowing that there were people in my life that love me for me helped more than I can ever express in words. I had to disclose to my best friend of six years whom I had started falling in love with. Yea...start falling for your best friend and find out you have herpes in the same week...I was on a winning streak -_-; That relationship didn't last and while I know it's because he wasn't looking for anything serious and I was part of me still thinks that without H things would've gone differently. Fast forward a few months (and a few failed drunken disclosures) and I finally meet a guy I want to start seeing. Uh oh...but I have herpes!!! How's he going to handle this? The other guys I told I didn't care about but if he rejects me I don't know what I'll do! So I don't say anything and just make sure nothing too physical happens...including spending the night with him and sleeping in my jeans haha I was silly and scared. Well it gets to the point where I HAVE to talk to him and HE brought the talk up. How? He says to me one day "you know you've been acting weird and I know you have something that you want to tell me but you are nervous to. Well you might not be as alone as you think." And I met my first real life person with herpes...who was a hottie I might add haha ;) and over the next couple of months he helped me so much. He opened my eyes to seeing I shouldn't live in shame and shouldn't hate myself and herpes wasn't a big deal. He then turned into a big jerk and taught me that stigmas go both ways...herpes doesn't define a person. I disclosed a few times after that...they each deserve their own post hahaha disclosing was what I thought I was going to have the most trouble with and in all honestly it's not! Nerve racking sure but my herpes is a better judge of character than I have been so far in life. And I've faced the fear of being outed for having herpes...one guy I disclosed to decided it would be a good idea to post on my Facebook "WARNING SHE IS HSV-2 POSITIVE FOR HERPES SIMPLEX VIRUS 2. Thank GOD I didn't catch anything" thanks there jerkface just what I needed in my life!!! Well if anyone did see the post before I deleted it no one said anything about it...so there's another fear taken off the list yay! Now here I am a year later. I've met someone who is H negative and we'd both prefer it stay that way (let's face it...herpes isn't a big deal just an uncomfortable one but no one wants to discomfort the ones they love) and while we haven't done the no pants dance yet....I'm gald. I disclosed and he gave me the response I didn't know I'd been looking for in wanting to know me know herpes and go slow. Herpes has forced me to slow down my life and take a different approach to love. I've learned to love myself I know my body better now than ever before and I have a sense of self worth that I don't think I would've found without herpes. Is this the best thing in the world? Nah. But it's lead me to an amazing life.

Step one: breath! It's gonna be okay :) I wish I would've found this site when I first found out to be able to hear from people that it was gonna be okay. I'm only a year in but I can tell you the longer you live life with herpes the more you realize how little it affects your life. Hang in there it gets better I promise!

Well hi there everybody! My name is Katie and I'm new to this forum so I figured I'd throw out a hi there and share a little bit about me. I've been living with herpes for the past year. When I found out I thought my life was over...but after some research and a few conversations with the most supportive doctors I could have ever hoped to find I quickly came to the realization that I was a healthy normal human being and the healing I needed to do was going to be emotional and my journey truly began. This past year has been a roller coaster of emotions and I've grown and learned so much. Ill gladly share any story with anyone who wishes to know. I'm at a point now where I love myself more than ever. I've found peace of mind and herpes has not once reared it's annoying little head since my initial outbreak. I've disclosed to family and close friends and couldn't be happier about it. I've had "the talk" a couple times and had a few different reactions (one leading to the most horrible Facebook outing ever that almost destroyed all that I had worked for in terms of personal growth) I came to the realization that society as a whole makes this a bigger deal than any one person ever will. So here I am ready to share my stories and be there for any of you and am excited to have a place to go when I'm feeling ways that no one will understand without living with herpes. You all seem like such a positive (pun intended...I have a really lame sense of humor) and supportive group of people I can't wait to get to know you all! Positive and proud Katie