Orngpeelmafia

I have two new tattoos since finding out about h guys

So I'm snuggled up on the couch with my boyfriend the other night and were watching Family Guy....does anyone remember in the first or second season there was a herpes bit? A toilet is on the phone with this girl and he tells her he has herpes and asks if she'll stay. She says yes and then the toilet says he doesn't have herpes he just wanted to know she'd stay. First reaction: stomach did a flip flop because the first half of this bit reflects what I have actually had to say to someone. Second reaction: get angry because fuck you Family Guy for making fun of my life!!!!'

Well you don't know how long you've had herpes because you didn't have an outbreak when you contracted or you had an outbreak so small you thought it was razor burn or something. Don't stress because the fact you didn't know shows how little it's been affecting your life! Don't change a thing just keep an eye on how your body feels

Tough love time from another person but know this is all said because it's what I needed to hear...what I ended up telling myself to get myself to where I am. Any way you get herpes is going to lead to the same thoughts: "I am a horrible person" herpes is just the catalyst for our self loathing thoughts. Why? Because society tells us herpes is "bad" but only if we have it on out unmentionables...well I am calling shenanigans!!!!! How you got herpes is irrelevant because now you have it so stop looking at the past and start moving to the future! I'm dating someone who doesn't have herpes on his man bits...and it was scary telling him about it and it was even scarier the first few times we had sex (afterwards hahaha) because herpes was always on my mind. And before he and I got physical we talked A LOT about herpes and what it means to me and my life now. And during these talks I told him how I sometimes think that if I would've been given a choice it would be easier to deal with. He looked at me and said "maybe it would've been easier to come to terms with but this moment wouldn't be any different...we would still be having this same conversation" and he was right. Knowing and having a choice might have given me a person to talk to about everything but my current boyfriend didn't give me herpes...so yea regardless of how I got herpes the disclosure and lead up to being physical with this amazing man would still be the same. Knowledge prior to sex or not we all have done the same thing: we made a choice to have sex with someone who has HSV. Now for me I used the "I didn't know" out for a bit to make myself feel better...but that just lead to "Katie you're a dumb slut" thought process...who would have sex and not ask?! Oh wait...a lot of people don't ask so I'm not being a dumb slut! But I could've been smarter about it right?! I'm such an idiot! And the self loathing just kept repeating over and over until one day I said enough. I have herpes now I have to have a life. I realized after some time spent here on the forums and talking with my other (sometimes more insightful) half that however you get herpes you can find a way to hate yourself for it. Why? I mean really why hate yourself for a rash?! Life happens. This is part of it for a good number of us but why hate yourself for something so trivial? Don't fixate on one thing that you perceive as a negative. Focus on your whole being as a positive!

Hey there SG! Helpful tip...stop calling it "my problem" because it's not so much a problem as an inconvenience right? That's how I started to look at it. I went to multiple doctors (check out some of my posts for deets) and got laughed at for being so dramatic...apparently that's what they'll call it when you're crying uncontrollably in a doctors office

Well it is a very odd situation...my baggage is pretty obvious hahaha herpes makes it hard to keep baggage tucked away and I've realized I'm not the kind of person to want to hide anything. He has his own baggage and trust issues as well and I'm not going to go Into detail but I understand fully his need to go slow as well. This is something neither of us expected or even wanted...but it happened and now here I am with all these feelings and just hesitant on proceeding. I know where things are going it's just being patient on getting there haha I've always taken short cuts and paid for it later...I don't want to cheat myself out of anything with him and I don't want to cheat him out of any moments either. Because of things he's been through I don't want to push him too far too fast either...I want him to know no matter what I'm here...I'm not going anywhere anytime soon.

I think some of it has to do with expectations...we always expect when we say "I love you" to hear it back. The thing is I don't need to hear it back. I kind of already know how he feels...I see it in his eyes shining back at me when he smiles and I feel it in his embrace as I drift off to sleep at night. For me saying "I love you" isn't about what I'm going to get back it's what I'm giving to him. This is what makes this relationship so special to me. For a long time I didn't love myself and used relationships and those three words as a means to find that love. It took getting herpes to set me down the path to finally accepting myself and loving myself. I am a whole person and I found someone who I want to spend my time with because they are worthy of my time. I don't need him for validation of self...I want to share all the wonderful parts I like about myself with him...and I'm not ashamed to show him the parts of myself I may not fully be happy with. He accepts all of me...everything I have shown him he has just accepted with open arms and understanding and a want to know more and the same goes for me to him. Trust didn't need to be earned it's just been there from the start from the foundation we were building as friends. I'm doing things the way I always wanted to and just never seemed able to. Maybe it's fear of slipping back into my old ways...when is too soon and when is just right? My past judgement has been off with timing haha... And this is all still fairly new and maybe I just am holding onto old fears "one day he's going to wake up and realize he can do better" is what I think and then well be sitting on the couch and he'll look over and ask "so you're sure you're not bored of me" if he's not reading my mind then we have to be sharing the same brain some times I swear. I'll keep you updated. Even if this ends one day I'll have some of the best moments in my life to date to take with me. Guess it's time to take one more leap of faith...I think he'll be there to catch me :)

Hey east coast love goin on here I'm 25 and chillin in Pa right across the river from jersey! I remember everyday when I hoped in the shower after I found out I cried. I felt dirty...I didn't know any better not to. The act of showering to clean myself...and knowing I would never be clean again...it turned into a depressing cycle. Wake up, hope in shower, cry my eyes out because the world as I know it is over, go about my day as an empty shell of what I used to be. One day I woke up and hopped in the shower and refused to cry. I couldn't keep putting myself through that anymore. And neither should you. We are not the events in our life...we are what we choose to be in spite of those events. <3 stay strong and stay proud

I've been shaving regularly and wearing thongs but only occasionally...but I've been on suppressive therapy for a year since I found out...only for about a week when the motor in my car blew and while it was getting worked on did I not have my meds (someone left their valtrex in the center console of her car and didn't grab it ugh I was so mad at myself!!!!!) and through all that stress and no meds I think I had an outbreak? But it was a bump that didn't blister and I only had a small bit of itching :/ not sure what that means but that's the only sign of anything since my first ob in November of 2012

So I've been dating the most amazing guy ever and I am at yet another life hurdle and made an interesting connection ::cue story time music:: So I reconnected with a friend of mine and we started spending all of our free time together and eventually ended up being more than just friends. Well that lead to disclosure time and I imagine all of you know the nerves that were coursing through me but this guy is special...someone we all think doesn't exist after we find out we have H...someone who could look past my skin condition and see me for who I am and wanted to be with me. We started dating and things have been blossoming into the best relationship I've ever been in. We've been going slow...friendship turned into something a little more, which turned into a relationship, which is slowly growing into a trusting loving relationship that I see lasting a long time. I'm falling in love with someone who's becoming my best friend! Well since I've been H+ I made a vow to go slow. Life threw me a speed bump and I took that seriously and it's been paying off. I have been enjoying every moment with this man and everyday my heart fills more with this overwhelming sense of happiness...I think this is it guys...I think this is the love you find in books and songs...but I'm not trying to jump the gun here! I came here because well this forum is more than just talking about herpes...it's about rediscovering ourselves and I couldn't think of better people to talk to about this :) I've been examining these feelings...I've been one to rush into saying the "L" word too soon and I don't want to do that with this guy. I want to wait until I'm so filled with emotion I HAVE to tell him...that feels right to me. Here's where my connection came...we were joking around one night and I was laughing so hard and we just stopped and stared into each others eyes while letting a our laughter calm down and I almost blurted it out but I was scared and that held me back. Saying "I love you" to someone is just like disclosing...well not just like it, but still we find ourselves sitting across from someone with a secret that we don't want to hide. A secret that if we decide to let out will put us in a very vulnerable state and in a position to be rejected. It's scary sure but in the end the risk is worth it when it feels right. But we have to get to know a person first to know that our secret is safe to be shared. I've gotten to know this man and everyday I fall more for him and I know that when I tell him my heart's secret I can trust him not to hurt me. Life had a really weird way of teaching us lessons doesn't it?

Because we know what it's like to feel this way. Knowledge is power the knowledge I have comes with the power to disclose and give someone a choice. I didn't have a choice and I didn't ask...this is the hand I've been dealt and I'm alright with it. It's frustrating sometimes sure but me personally I could never be with someone without being totally honest with them. Herpes was a big wake up call to me to start being smart...it takes two to tango but someone's gotta take the lead and I choose to be that person. When I found out I felt dirty, cheap, and above all dumb. I am none of those things. I don't want to make someone else feel that way ever so I choose to disclose...it puts me in uncomfortable situations but it also makes me feel like a better person to disclose. I'm being safer now than I ever was and my partners are now being educated and made aware. I can't speak for everyone on this site this is just my opinion but yea...make sense?

KATIE BRIGADE TO THE RESCUE!!!! Hahaha I'm Katie too ^_^ and I agree with the lady above that shares this amazing name. Now you say you want to feel like we do...because we make this seem to be the best thing ever and I feel like you're missing the point a bit. Herpes is most certainly not the best thing to happen to me...far from it...but what it has done is brought out the best in me. This is a place to come to make the best out of a shitty situation...and really it's not even that bad. We think it's bad because for the majority of our lives we've believed a social stigma. Welcome to the land of the well informed my dear! The things that happen in our lives don't define us...how we react to them and grow does. I chose not to let a rash and some horrible tv jokes bring me down for good and niether should you. What I gather from the people I talk to here and what I've read is that this isn't about glorifying herpes...it's about glorifying our own self worth. We are all here struggling through this journey and came to the realization here that we are bigger than this. I am more than a virus. I am more than a stereotype. I am a strong, independent, kind, outspoken individual and that's what I want people to know me as so that's what I'm gonna be!

Baby powder? I keep hearing that it's not a good idea but man I also keep thinking it smells good and will help dry everything out and that's what we want right? So confusing...

I use awkward humor always...oh jeez do I make some bad puns...my Heterolifemate and I frequent reddit and LOVE rage comics...well they always use the term "herp derp" which is where we snagged the term of endearment for my love bumps. Because it's way to close to the actual name we just say derp in text and person "hey how's derpin along going" "oh ya know same old same old" meaning I haven't had an outbreak since my first (I need to find some wood to knock on right meow) Herpes inferno...so many bad puns so little time...I love it!

Aw guys I know what you mean...even as supportive as my friends were when I disclosed sometimes the way they asked questions just made me feel icky...they meant no harm and it just goes to show how little we all know before we are forced to face real facts. Silly stigmas!!!! I remember being afraid to use bathrooms that weren't my own for fear of my friends asking if it was safe for me to...I was even scared to be around my nephew...I felt like a walking contagious wreck even though I knew that to not be true. And as far as your mom kickin your but to get back to bein the best you you can be...help her help you...it's gonna bring you two closer together :) I told my mom the day I found out. I called her in tears and she thought I was seriously in trouble like in a car crash or near death. When I hiccuped and sobbed my way through the statement "I have herpes" she got very quiet. I immediately started apologizing for being a poor excuse for a daughter and how I know she's probably ashamed of me. You know what she said? "I will love you no matter what you are my daughter. Calm down. Come home and let's talk this out its hard over the phone" and when I got home I walked in the door and before I could get a word out she just started hugging me. I hadn't been hugged or needed a hug like that since I was small...it's strange that at twenty five I had reverted back and those hugs helped just as they always have. Your mom may be hurting but it's not because of you it's for you. She's your mom and this is something she can't protect you from...don't feel guilty...this is a wound that no amount of band aids and hugs will make go away. But things are different now and you have the power to help yourself...that doesn't mean you won't need help which is what moms are great with. After hugging and letting me cry everything out my mom had her "so remember all the times I told you to be safe...I TOLD YOU SO" moment and I took it in stride. She then told me to be thankful. Life threw me a speed bump and it sucks but all this means is I need to slow down a bit. I blame my mother for me being a hopeless romantic hahaha and not once did she ever tell me to stop looking for mr right. Instead she told me to look at this as a screening process to help me find my matching puzzle piece and to help me slow down and find my self worth on my own before trying to find it with someone else. My mother is a very wise woman and I can only hope to be as strong and wise as her one day <3 yet another positive outcome of me and herpes...I'm closer with my mom now. I know I can go to her with anything...it helped to bring me back to that trust I had as a child where my mom knew all my deep dark secrets...we drifted in my teens years I distanced myself from her but now we have a bond that's growing stronger everyday.

I totally understand where you're coming from...I joined ps when I had just found out that me and herpes were in it for the long haul together. Then I actually found someone who had H without using that site...I like to think of him as life's way of saying "sorry for the tough life lesson maybe this will help ease you back into normalcy" because he helped me so much. We had hung out for two months before I said anything because I didn't know he had H and I was planning on just walking away if he wanted anything physical because I didn't think he'd wanna hang around after he found out. Well he disclosed to me after we almost ended things and it was a huge weight lifted...sex was fun like it used to be because we didn't have to worry...I was able to find some of my old confidence in the bedroom and I started to feel like me again. Well it ended up that he was using me both physically and emotionally...he taught me more than one lesson. The first thing I learned from him was that herpes really isn't that big of a deal. The second thing I learned from him was that positively or negatively herpes doesn't make a person. Bumps or no bumps some guys are jerks...so don't limit your dating pool...

Some quick tips I remember from my first OB that helped with the sting of my lovely herps: When ya gotta tinkle either run water over your parts to help dilute your pee and lessen the sting or if you think you could just pee at the end of a sitz bath (I opted for the first suggestion it soothes if it's cooler water and it helped make me feel "cleaner" which is nice when you're going through processing everything!) Post pee take your blow drier set it to cool and low then from a safe distance blow everything dry...to be honest this was one of the best things I found to do. No pressure on anything that was tender and the cool air helps to dry out everything nicely giving a few lovely moments of relief. Loose and Baggie sweat pants commando style will be your best friends!!!! I loved using my super huge American eagle guys sweat pants just cause I can fit one of myself in a pant leg...basically you wanna do everything you can to allow everything as much air flow as possible. You'll find it starts off feeling odd if not uncomfortable but the longer you go and the more everything dries your tears of pain will turn into tears of relief!!!! Ok so you've found out...had a life shattering moment and have probably cried more in the past few days than me during any given greys anatomy marathon. Now you've found this site and probably creeped around a bit reading some stories and you can't believe that there's a way out of the dark abysmal hole you've found yourself thrown into. Well it's true there is! This forum is filled with amazing people that are overflowing with positive energy for each other to bounce off of and were all here to help each other up. It's quite amazing how supportive people here are for others considering most of us haven't met in real life. But were all here :)

I was feeling ready too before I found out about H so I feel ya dude. Disclosing isn't that bad if you want pm me and we can chat :)

Who said disease?

Drinking and partying to forget you're depressed because you found out you have herpes and just wanna hide...yupp...I can relate! I think this is an awesome project...it's going to make a lot of people uncomfortable...but I once had a professor that told me the point of a play or film...the whole reason we preform or direct...is to get the audience to THINK. And I'm hoping that's what this movie does. I see many people disliking it because of the uncomfortable content...I see other making it out to be a joke. And I even see some refusing to believe what they are seeing could be how someone with herpes feels. But what is going to matter the most are the people that walk away from this movie wanting to get check because maybe they never have. My biggest issue with this stigma is that it surrounds a virus that's more or less brushed off by the medical community which leads to it's high transmission rates. I'm less concerned with the stigma...let's face it it's gonna take more than one movie to bury that thing in the ground...I'm more concerned with education and awareness. If more people get tested more people will realize what they have...and a chain reaction begins. I can't wait to see this movie!!!!!

I tried positive singles...even have multiple pictures up there. I never had any luck...I talked to one guy on there but I think my pushing for him to prove he's not a catfish scared him off :/ I also don't like that I went on there to find someone to talk to...basically I was looking for this place and people like all of you who can relate and have discussions...PS is BS in my opinion...crazies and people just wanting in my pants and I'm sorry but that's just not me. Also if you want any good perks of the site for actually finding people you have to pay for it and I don't wanna do that I think it's lame...I have herpes that's bad enough just find me someone and don't charge me an arm and a leg please k thanks!

Hey don't get so down on yourself! Be careful who you disclose to sure but if you never try you'll never know right? All the times you let a passing smile keep on walking instead of engaging in conversation you're not only passing up on a potential partner you're passing up a potential FRIEND and that's more important than anything. You're in a new city you need some people to hang out with...and I mean just go out for drinks or te beach or come over and play video games or watch football. I see a lot of "ok so I got herpes and now I need to settle down before I die old and alone" mind set...I had it once upon a time...let's be honest here I had that mind set before I got the herp derp...that just exaggerated everything once I found out. People time hasn't slowed down or sped up...it's still going at the same pace it always has. Meaning we all still have a lot of time to live and find that special someone (herpes be damned it's gonna happen). My point being go out and enjoy life. You're not going to find anyone to accept you if you haven't first accepted yourself...and are you accepting yourself by basically quarantining yourself day after day? Disclosing is scary but you've got a support system here to talk to long before that moment comes so when you are ready to tell someone you have all the confidence needed :) Everything worth anything in this life is earned. And it's not earned by taking the easy road. Take some risks and reap the rewards :)

Disclosing is what we all seem to worry the most about...and for good reason! I've realized that when I disclose to someone I am becoming super vulnerable...I'm going to let them in to a part of my life that I keep secret from the majority of people in my life and to trust someone like that...it's tough! I started first by disclosing to my closest friends and then my mom...and the more I disclosed the easier it got. I actually realized that when it comes to my friends...we've been through so much together throughout the years that there was no way they would ever turn their back on me and when they reaffirmed that thought by accepting me it was a weight off. Once I had my support system in place with my best pals by my side disclosing to people I wished to be intimate with became scary but manageable instead of terrifying and impossible. I was able to go on a date and then talk to my friends "oh my goodness this guy is so cute and nice and wants to hang out again" and then "okay...so...I think I really like this guy and I don't know what to do!!!!" And they sit there and do what we always do in girl time...talk it out! They tell me if they think it's a good idea to disclose or to wait or to plain walk away. Now what I do isn't for everyone but it's what I've found to work for me and I'm thankful to have my support system in place.

Useless?!?! I've had the most fun of my life playing those little teasing games nowadays!!!! I have to hide hickeys from people at work...I'm 25 and wearing scarves to cover my love bites like a love sick teenager thanks to teasing and withholding the sexy fun naughty time! I think this article is great! We forget how important foreplay is in relationships...it's not just for sex...it helps you to learn your partners body and that is beautiful.

You should go more easy on yourself :) When you disclose and you have a reaction of "okay...I still want to see you so what now?" All you can do is arm them with knowledge and get yourself on some antivirals. If the two of you decide that bedroom activities are gonna happen...it takes two to tango!!!! I would LOVE some input from someone who acquired HSV from someone while they were knowingly in a relationship with someone HSV positive. How do you cope? Is it easier? I deviate from what I was saying here because I didn't know. I didn't have a choice. And that's part of why I believe I had such a hard time accepting everything and why I take transmitting so seriously. I was blindly thrown into a social stigma I didn't know how to deal with...I was alone. My friends that did know weren't a lot of help because they couldn't even begin to fathom how I felt. Their support helped more than I will ever be able to thank them for but a herpes buddy would've been soooooooo helpful during my initial OB. I feel like if you can be with someone and know the risk...if you pick up the virus while it's still going to be a rough time...you knew going in that this was a risk and you have someone there who loves you to help Gide you out of that dismal herpes pit of stigma and self loathing. Ok back to my tango pun! Yes! If someone wants to have sex with you known the transmission rates then anything after that isn't your fault so long as you know your body and say no when you feel symptoms. Trust is a big thing and if you trust them enough to disclose and they trust you enough to stay then you need to be open if you are worried about having an outbreak or symptoms or anything. Keeping that communication open will help strengthen your relationship as well as keep your partner safe. And if you do all that and still transmit....you can't be held accountable for your herpes sending its ninja assassins out to play with your partners unmentionables...IT JUST WANTS TO MAKE ALL THE FRIENDS OMG CAPS LOCK. <3