Orngpeelmafia

I agree with herry that some of your symptoms seem to be stress related more than anything else. I get stress hives frequently and it's the most annoying thing ever...I get them weekly while my herpes just lays dormant go figure. Also going to a different doctor will make a world of differrnce. During my discovery phase I saw three different doctors. The first said it looked like herpes but told me I would have to wait until the free clinic was open four days from then to get a clear diagnosis and medication (still very VERY upset about that whole ordeal. I was crying and obviously in pain and this woman told me to wait DAYS for the hospitals free clinic to open up. No acyclovir no nothing ugh!!!!!) So the next day I went to planned parenthood and that doctor was waaaaay more understanding of the emotional toll herpes takes on people. She wouldn't continue until I had stopped crying and seemed to somewhat understand I wasn't dying. Then I was able to get in with my actual gyn and she was so sweet I can't even begin to explain hoe amazing that experience was. I had done my research at that point so she just sat there and said I was on the right path and to make sure I keep this positive attitude because I was healthy she gave me a clean bill of health she told me that the next part of my journey was going to be all emotional but I could overcome it if I stayed strong. Again stay calm and find a doctor who knows what they're talking about. All doctors will agree its no big deal but you need to find one that understands there's more to patients than their symptoms.

So something happened the other day that I really wanted to share with you guys. My boyfriend came home and started telling me about his day and about how someone he knew randomly told him they had herpes and how down they were and have been since they found out. Well he told them they should calm down because from what he understands it's not that big of a deal because he knows other people (teehee that's me!) that have it who lead normal lives and have normal relationships. He told them to look up different support forums too!!! I don't think he recommended this site by name but just the fact that he didn't make it a big deal and sent someone in this direction...he didn't have to he could've just said nothing. But he knows how much this place and you all mean to me and he knows how much this has helped me and wanted to do that for someone else. One step at a time this is being made to be seen as what it really is and that moment made me realize change is possible :)

I am doing the biggest happy dance for you right now!!! No seriously I scared the cats out of the room with my excitement :D It's a great moment to know your hard work paid off and it's a great Moment to realize you've had control of your life this whole time and I am so proud of you and happy for you girl!

I know it sounds damn near impossible but stop thinking about it. I find sometimes the itch is in my head. If I'm thinking about herpes and all my symptoms and start stressing next thing you know I have and itch in my downstairs! Keep and eye on things but relax...the more you stress the more you're giving power to your herp a derp...seriously though stressing out will lower your immune system giving herpes a clear shot to the outside world. I started trying to meditate or read for an hour a day to keep my mind off things...give myself a break. Between that and some positive thinking when I started to go down the negative thinking road my itches went down considerably. This is just my two cents :) maybe it'll work for you too but if it doesn't eventually your body and your herpes will settle down and learn to coexist and give you some much deserved peace!

All these things exist yes...but why do they have to stay that way? Things weren't always this way...I'm not gonna give the history (though there are a few AMAZING articles on this site about it!) but if things were different once they can change again. We've hit both ends of the spectrum socially...from not caring to full blown paranoia now let's find a middle ground of healthy knowledges and awareness but acceptance and understanding :) it's in the future I know it and it starts with us

Okay so little warning here: sometimes the way I mean to say things and the way I actually say things are two completely different things and I've been sitting here trying to type something but I keep erasing it thinking it sounds offensive. I mean NO offense here I promise you and if something strikes you a certain way please ask me to clarify because I am only trying to offer a different way of looking at things to help <3 You say preH you would've viewed herpes as a deal breaker...why? Is it because of everything you "knew" about herpes? And when I say "knew" I'm referring to the social stigma. You've never had an OB since you found out two years ago that is proof enough that physically this isn't a big deal. In the past five years you may have had an OB but it was the teensiest tiniest little thing and was only out for a short period of time that you never noticed. Herpes is weird like that. And that's how it is for most people especially as time goes on. Are you so sure you would've said no to an amazing person if they had all the facts and were confident and sound in their disclosure to you or do you think maybe you're just telling yourself that now because of the shame you feel and not wanting to be hurt. I felt that way for a little bit but the more I thought about it the more I realized we never know what would've or could've happened. We can speculate but the only sure thing in this would is was HAS happened. And what we WILL do now. I got herpes. No could'ves or should'ves will hold me back from the here and now. I WILL be an amazing person despite the emotional damage I've suffered. This is my mantra...give it a try :) you are wonderful and worth being loved. Herpes is nothing more than an annoying virus who's favorite place is very uncomfortable for us to talk about. Accept that and yourself and you'll realize that finding someone to accept this is no different than finding your love otherwise...life just threw you a speed bump in your process. You are a wonderful human being deserving of love just like anyone else :) there's no difference between us herpsters and the rest of the world.

There was more to that but poor internet connection cut me off anyway GO GET THAT JOB GIRL

Hun I had my car breakdown (those things need oil regularly I am told) and had to go a week without a vehicle...guss who left their valtrex in their car and couldn't take pills during the most stressful week of her life? THIS GIRL :D I was fine (might have had an ob...odd little bump that just hung out for a few days) because of the stress and my possible ob I just didn't have sexy fun times of the naked kind with my bf...but there's surprisingly A LOT you can do with pants on

Its a big deal because of the emotional toll based on an ignorant hateful stigma that is false. We don't want to pass herpes along more so to save our partners from dealing with their inner monsters as we were forced to upon learning we have herpes. When you look at the big picture herpes as a virus is a whimpy little thing...it pops up from time to time to let you know its still hanging around but it can't do much other than give you some unpleasant days. What makes herpes the big bad monster it seems to be is the power we allow it to have through that social stigma. We are here in this forum not only to help cope and be there for each other in times of need but to help spread accurate awareness of what this virus really is...a skin condition in a very embarrassing place.

When you disclose...and this is all my opinion!...if you do it when you're at a good place with yourself and you're disclosing to someone at the right time there's nothing to worry about. Disclosing opens up communication...it forces you and your partner to be completely honest and vulnerable with each other. I'm not afraid to talk to my boyfriend about anything because of how well disclosing went with him. We had many talks and each one bonded us closer together and made me realize I made the right choice in trying to date him :) The way I look at it, rejection sucks but I'd rather take the chance and disclose because the guys that rejected me let me tell you the pain and hurt I felt then is drops in a bucket compared to the deep well of trust and happiness I've found. If this relationship ends and I have to start over at least I have the knowledge of how I want to build my relationships: with a foundation of trust and open communication forever and always.

:;waves;; hi there herpes positive girl here dating a herpes negative guy :D I can't fathom the anger in these posts...it hurts my heart to read such things in a place I have come to expect nothing but support. I'm sorry you're so angry SG I'm sorry you hurt. And I'm sorry you feel the need to lash out but it's ok. We all are here because of choices. That's what life is about. Choices. I chose to have sex with someone who had herpes. I chose to remain ignorant and I didn't ask. I have no idea if he knows or not either. It bugs me everyday. I think about him a lot. I wonder if he knew. I remember the night before we had sex him saying "I don't use condoms just so you know" and I wonder if that was his attempt to disclose. So many "what if"s plague my life. Back to choices. You have choices and apparently you've made yours. Think about all the "what if"s you ask yourself everyday...can you live with adding more? I know I disclosed but I still panic every now and then...but all those what ifs are quieted when I think of all the talks I've had with my boyfriend and the trust we've built between us because of and in spite of my herpes. You're at a fork in the road. Choose your path wisely...walk slowly and carefully for some roads are one way and you can't come back to this point after traveling for so long.

I haven't had any over tired or shaky moments over the past year those I have had the worst acne on my face since I started taking valtrex :( and I talked with my gyn and she said it would be a good idea to be on suppressive therapy for a year relationship or not...this is the poop thing about herpes is that every person is different and reacts differently and there's no set norm between doctors for treatment and such aside from all the time or only during an OB :/ frustrating man

Skin abnormalities? Cause we need more of those :D oh my humor is poor

I leave the forum for a few weeks and this is what I miss?!?!?! Jeez guys you're having all the fun talks without me! :P and you can have a normal sex life...actually I wouldn't use the word normal...I have a BETTER sex life now. When I disclosed to my boyfriend things were cool but it took what felt like FOREVER to actually do the deed...but waiting longer meant more time to talk and be intimate in different ways. When it finally happened it was special

Defeated you say "if he can accept it then someone can" and where you're at from where you've been is amazing but how about the mindset "if I can accept me then I'll find someone worthy" :) Don't think I'm trying to harsh your buzz quite the opposite!!! I'm saying keep the good vibes rolling!!!

First things first :) breath! Did you take a deep breath? Okay now it's always recommended that you read the e-book and disclosure pamphlet...I would put links up but I'm on my phone so I'm a little limited here...Adrial can send you links but you should have gotten links to them in your welcome email and they can be accessed through the home page of this site :). Did your boyfriend ask you to get tested first? Or were you showing symptoms and then you guys made a deal? I'm a little confused to that part so if you could clear that up that would help! Either way if you're in a relationship with someone communication is key...and if you're sure he's the one that passed H to you and you're not mad at him flip the tables...can he really be mad at you? You both walked blindly into a situation but if there's trust, open communication, and honesty you should be fine. It's a scary thing to think about talking about mainly because herpes tends to bring our worst thoughts about ourselves to the forefront of our minds. Stay calm it's gonna be alright :)

::throws confetti;: YAY FOR YOU!!!!! So happy to hear your success story! Makes you realize you're still you after all right? :) hold on to that joy and self confidence and don't ever let go <3

Welcome!!!!! I feel like we need to get rid of the yahoo questions on herpes...those things are filled with wrong information from ignorant people. I remember sitting up late at night the day before my first outting to get tested and the terror coursing through me as a read post after post of "don't touch anything, burn any clothing or blankets or towels you come in contact with, never go swimming again" and blah blah blah when in reality Dancers post above me is full of real facts. Be careful but don't put yourself in a plastic bubble :)

Dancer you put things so beautifully that is exactly what I was talking about. I was using physicality to try and replace the empty feeling inside me...I had done this before H and continued even after. That's not what I want nor what I have ever truly wanted. I'm a settle down type of gal...I want something built to last and surprisingly herpes has helped me find the way to get what I want...no what I deserve.

I've found it's all about how you disclose. And herpes has made me more aware of my hopeful partners reactions too! I tried to do the casual thing for a bit "no ones gonna love me so maybe I can just have sex...maybe" was the thought process. I took the band aid approach with disclosing...I did it quickly and rather soon into knowing someone in the hopes it would hurt less when I got rejected. Whoops that was a mistake for me! The guys I met either said no (I was expecting it but that didn't make it hurt any less) because they didn't wanna get herpes which made me feel like a walking contagion or the guys that said yes were nuts. Seriously think about it...you just meet someone and within the first few hours are rattling off statistics about herpes and his response "well it shouldn't matter if two people love each other" BIG RED FLAG!!!!! Those are the same guys that use love lines to get into girls pants and never call them again. Except one...he turned into a stalker and then put my H status on my Facebook...yay. I found that casual sex has no trust involved...so while I disclosed and it was ok in the moment the next day I would have a guy calling me saying "I feel like I'm getting a cold I think you gave me herpes" which did absolutely nothing for my self image. It furthered my feeling dirty and used. These guys didn't want me they didn't know me...and when I would calmly explain to them transmission rates and that I have been showing no early symptoms and would never knowingly put someone at risk they would just say "but I started reading up on it and now I think I have a fever" and when I would tell them that the best thing to do would be to keep an eye on their symptoms and if anything got worse go to a doctor and I would be there for them they wouldn't find comfort in my words. I was apparently supposed to fix their fear or whatever. This happened twice...the one guy freaked out for over a week before he realized he had no bumps and when to planned parenthood and got tested...oh forgot to mention he already had HSV 1 orally but wasn't worried about that and has since apologized to me every time he sees me for being an asshole about everything. The other guy called me freaking out and then never talked to me again so I don't know what happened there. So what I learned is it's better for me to be in a serious relationship...I start dating someone and get to know them and if I care about them enough to want to keep seeing them and be physical I disclose...I then have someone I trust and can talk to and it's more rewarding for me.

I love the last point you made:some peoe who you know have it and won't talk about it. How many times have you said the word herpes out loud since you found out? I wasn't able to until I started to really accept myself. Even thinking the word made me feel gross. The more I started to accept myself the easier it became to deal with having herpes. Herpes was the catalyst for all my self loathing and doubt...but somehow it also made me love myself. We can't keep shaming ourselves.

Bahahahaha cooties...nice! Yay for disclosing success!!!! One of the best feelings in the world is making yourself vulnerable to another human being and them returning that vulnerability with strength and certainty. Keep up the happy stories!!!!!

Ah by whoo?!! I am quite interested in the tattoo world hahaha post pictures! I'm working on my chest piece right now and that stings like no other

There's more to my post but my phone didn't save it soooooo ROUND TWO! My third reaction was to just laugh because it's funny. This was funny to me before because herpes was something gross to laugh at...now it's funny because the ignorant stigma is just plain rediculous. My boyfriend sat there staring at me wide eyed not sure how to react even though I was laughing away. And why not? This stigma can be handled a few ways. Embracing the ignorance will only lead to more of the same. Fighting it loudly and proud will make people think it's a serious issue that needs to be handled carefully but the stigma won't really disappear people will just be quiet about it. Calm quiet information is the best way I see to fight people's hateful views. Roll with the punches as they say

I know what you mean I did the same thing for a bit. It's like a big secret that is right under the surface so anytime people compliment you you're really thinking "but I have herpes IF YOU ONLY KNEW" and that line of thinking is no good. You are very correct in realizing it's your own insecurities coming out through herpes. Once I made that connection I started looking at what I really didn't like about myself everytime I tried to blame herpes. Know what I found? I'm more insecure of my microscopic muffin tops that I am a rash, I hate the acne on my face and my uneven eyes more than an std, and when I started to pick apart my appearance I realized I was hiding the fact that I was just plain unhappy with myself as a whole. So I stopped the toxic criticism of myself and started controlling my controllables. I can't control that I have herpes. I CAN control how I react to it. I can't control my feelings but I CAN control my reactions to said feelings and I began reworking myself into a strong confident woman. Now I'm not saying I'm 100%...I don't think I'll ever be but ya know what I'm okay with that because I love myself more now than ever before and it feels wonderful. Stop putting yourself down because you don't deserve it. Next time someone pays you a complement tell yourself that same compliment in your head a few times...don't allow yourself to doubt!