MMissouri

Lots of things can look like herpes. I would get it swabbed if you are concerned that's what it is. I haven't had an outbreak that was worse than my first so I can't comment there.

I'm getting ready to go in for work and this one doesn't have a quick answer. I'll try replying after my shift if no one has any insight by then.

Yeast/psoriasis/heat- it could very well be a rash. It's hard to tell. So many possibilities really.

Well, normally when you take care of yourself it leads to a better mind frame and confidence. I didn't say abstain from physical contact. I just meant get yourself in a good place mentally about sex/herpes before you try getting anywhere physically. I literally chuckled at your comment (sorry) but people remain abstinent for years and don't die. Try to stay busy. The busier you are the less you'll think about it. It doesn't really matter what I say, it matters what you think. Your thoughts are what are gong to make or break you. I can really relate to what you are going through because I'm going to be divorced soon. The thought of starting over is scary as hell. But I'm going to focus on other things (school, bills, house, work, kids, me, etc) and adjust to the changes first. I'll tackle the herpes issue when I get there. I did tell someone, and it didn't work out, but it's okay. (I'm not saying it didn't sting, but I'm not going to let some guy make me feel any less than I am). This entire forum is made of people that are just like you. Dealing exactly with what you are going through. This doesn't include all the people out there that aren't members but still have the virus. It really does boil down to what you want from life, what you'll accept, and what you feel your worthy of. Anyway, I don't even know if anything I say helps at all, but I hope it does.

Maybe use this as an excuse to pamper/take care of you?

Aw, sorry to hear that.

I would ride it out and see how manageable it is. If you are able to deal with it, then your immune system gets a chance to step up and fight it without help. One question though, did you wean yourself off or quit cold turkey? Because they suggest weaning yourself off the antivirals.

There are many things which come into play when talking about risks and transmission, but if you are on antivirals and not having an outbreak, his risk will be much lower. Try to reduce any irritation to the area prior to having oral sex. For example- if you shave the day of said oral sex, then you might have irritation to the area. Just pay attention to how you feel. This is just something I would do, not a rule or anything. Has he been testing for oral HSV? Because it is very possible he already has it. And if he does, you wouldn't have to worry about oral sex.

Read this with an open mind, I'm not trying to hurt your feelings. If he ran, then he didn't care about you other than using you for sex. I say this because anyone that cares about you is not going to treat you this way. Even if it's a friends with benefit type situation- they are not going to run away and not talk to you again if they are your friend. There is a difference in not having sex with someone because you don't want to take a risk of getting an STD (understandable) and treating someone like a leper. If he was even a "friend" he would appreciate that you told him the truth, tried to protect him by being honest, and support you through the diagnosis. I'm sorry, he WAS a jackass. Maybe it's easier to think he ran because of your status rather than he rejected you because he really wasn't into you. If he cared about you in the slightest, he would have made sure you knew that. You have two ways you can look at this diagnosis. You can accept it, make peace with it, and move on. You can find people out there that think having sex with you is worth the risk. Whether it is a one night stand or a long term relationship. They will see you as as the person you are, and want to be with you because of that, not because of what you do/don't have. Or you can do the opposite. You can fight reality (you won't really get anywhere with that since it is reality) and refuse to accept/make peace with the situation. But that refusal is not going to lead you anywhere. You'll be stuck in this exact same position months/years later. You are obviously struggling with this. And it's understandable. But you need to ask yourself if you are happy. Are you? Because if you aren't, then something needs to change. And change has to start with you.

Usually autoinoculation occurs in areas where there is a break in the skin (torn cuticles for example) or there are mucous membranes (eyes, nose, genitals, mouth). You aren't always contagious when there isn't a cold sore present. I do not think you have anything to worry about.

@bluebetty, my husband doesn't disclose either. (But he has oral HSV1). His reasoning is that he's had it since he was a kid, and for him it isn't an STD. However, if he is my giver, then that's one genital infection he has caused. And since was like hippyherpy when he was younger, and always unprotected, I'm sure I wasn't the first or the last. And.. I hate to say this.. but most doctors say it's not necessary to disclose. So unless you are newly diagnosed and looking for answers, or having emotional issues with your status, you aren't searching online for herpes forums. In addition, when you just run into general discussions about herpes, and see how it's usually talked about, it probably influences disclosures also (not in a good way). I'm going to guess that the majority of people who have hsv do not disclose.

Then just tell them you aren't interested in casual sex or that you don't want to have sex. Whatever way you want to word it. You don't have to give them excuses because frankly, it's none of their business.

Online register? I think that would cause more harm than good. I could think of many ways that would be abused.

I do agree hormones play a big part in outbreaks, otherwise periods and menopause would not affect outbreaks at all.

Point is that if people are so concerned about STDs, then at the very least they should ask their potential partner about it, and maybe lay off sex all together, because most people don't even know they have herpes. If they really care they should demand that all their potential partners show recent proof in the form of blood tests for that reason as well. Even with a recent blood test, you can't really be sure because the person might have had sex in the time between the blood test (like if it was last week), and now. I agree with this. Part of it is lack of education (how many people truly know herpes facts outside of the those that are infected? Not many), but part of it is taking responsibility for your own sexual health (Like you said, waiting the proper amount of time and getting tested with your partner). This is probably going to be taken wrong by quite a few people, but we all know that sex=risk. And without taking the proper steps to make sure that risk is not there, any STD transmitted is the fault of both parties. That's just my opinion.

You have a good point optimist. I just don't think lying about being married is going to help anything. If you are going to tell him something to get him to go away, herpes just might work.

I'm glad you did too. And even happier that it went so well! (By the way, I really enjoyed watching you figure it out on your own. And I gotta say, I proud of how you went through with disclosure even though it was a gray area.)

Then I would definitely look into having a continuous script for awhile rather than going on and off the meds. This is completely up to you of course. Some people feel that continuously taking the medications makes your immune system weaker at controlling it on its own. Meaning when you stop the meds, the outbreaks might pick up where they left off. But this will lessen as your immune system adapts. She may not have seen anything to alert her but since some people have papercut/ different types of lesions (not noticeable), sometimes visual exams aren't the best. Herpes is confusing. So many different outbreaks, symptoms, etc. It's not a textbook virus for sure, and it's one that has stumped the medical community for years.

I have to agree with Rop63. If anything, it might give you experience with disclosing.

I have although I just deal with it and haven't tried any treatments. I have heard epsom salt in warm water (bath) will help. Also baking soda (not sure if this is topically applied but there was no mention of using it in water). I'm sure someone might have other suggestions because itching and herpes is common!

I mean, how could you possibly say to a person, "I have herpes, now let's have sex (and you might get it)"? It's a nightmare. Like hippyherpy said.. the virus itself is no big deal. Meaning it's not crippling, disabling, popping pain medicine on a daily basis to get through life kind of "big deal". The statement you made above is what I think people have a harder time with. And that is not the herpes.. it's being vulnerable and putting yourself out there, and hoping you don't get rejected while doing so.

An gyno would be your best bet for sure. I think it is pretty common for periods to trigger an outbreak. I'm not sure if changing birth control would help this or not, but I would definitely ask since you are already having issues with what you are on currently. Best of luck!

@hhxoxo I think hippyherpy means that different countries have different views about herpes. Meaning in the U.S. it has a stigma. It is very often used as material for jokes and some people talk about those with herpes as if they are disgusting or dirty. If you read some of the posts here, many people who are diagnosed are very depressed and not sure how to continue on after their diagnosis. I think he means the general attitude of other countries in regards to the herpes virus is different overall. (They may be more mature about it for instance). Does that make sense?

You might want to ask a lab/doctor/pharmacist that question. Usually long term usage means it won't clear as fast as someone that just the only takes it occasionally. I would think it also depends on the patient and their creatinine clearance. (They should be able to get you an estimate though)

Hi Cheezit. The first outbreak is the worst. So I'm wondering if it could be possible that you are still going through the first one (meaning it's not completely gone and popping up elsewhere) rather than actually healing from one and then having another? Are you having days in between with no symptoms (bumps) at all? (Just wanted to get some clarification there) There are a few thing you could try. You could see if you could switch meds. Maybe what you are on isn't going to work for you as far as getting the virus under control. Or perhaps you can get a continuous script and see if taking it on a regular basis gives you some relief. Another option is to treat the outbreaks from the outside. Keeping the area dry, reducing friction (going commando if necessary), and doing things like taking epsom salt baths. And yes, patience helps a little while your body is getting accustomed to the virus. Unfortunately, the first 6 months/year is an adjustment period. I would not switch doctors just yet, or worry about infectious disease specialists at this point. If my math is right, you've had this just about a month. It should get better with time. I would try to focus on reducing your stress/anxiety. Herpes loves stress. If you can find a way to alleviate some of your worries, it just might help too.