MMissouri

If you're unable to get a therapist then maybe it's time to look at other options. What about a support group? They are free. You could also just talk to a doctor about antidepressants. I don't normally advocate them, but after a month, maybe you could use a little help to get back on track. A lot of it is going to be you. Making up your mind to let it go and move on. It's not easy, and if you need additional help, go find it. When I start feeling down, I try filling my days up with things to keep me busy. The grieving period is completely normal, but so easy to get stuck in. What do you do? Work, work out, volunteer, get some hobbies, surround yourself with good friends/family..make little goals. One day at a time. The more active you are, the less chance you have to think about it. Change one thing about your day everyday, and hopefully as time goes on, you'll find the old you again. And it might even be a better you. Hugs.

I don't think you're wrong but I do think that focusing on that right now isn't going to make things any better. Him running is the biggest issue at the moment (at least it would be for me!)

He may or may not be your giver, I wouldn't focus on that now. It sounds to me as if it's not the herpes diagnosis but him bolting that is causing you the most pain. I know you don't want to hear this right now, but if this is the way he is treating you, then you are better off without him. Focus on healing, and don't worry about the future at this point. Big hugs to you.

That's purely up to you and your partner. I haven't.

Although she is a nurse, it doesn't mean she knows everything about the virus. I learned more on this website than I have anywhere else. Better luck with the next one! And the relief of disclosure makes it a little better don't you think? At least you don't have to stress for months about a secret!

I didn't think of a visual diagnosis. Hmm.. that would make a little more sense. But I agree, something wasn't communicated well.

They assume since it reduces the outbreaks, it must reduce shedding rates as well, so you would think that it would reduce the rate of transmission. This is all hypothetical though, it hasn't been proven to my knowledge.

First of all, you can't get HSV2 from HSV1. Two completely different strains of the same virus. It sounds as if your gyno is misinformed, or something got lost in translation. Did she specifically say you have HSV2 or are you assuming that because it's genital? HSV1 can be genital and can be caused by oral with someone that has cold sores. I just wanted to clarify that genital does not always mean HSV2, because what you posted makes no sense. Your boyfriend needs to get a herpes type specific IgG test. It's a blood test that will answer whether or not he has HSV1 or HSV2. He may be an asymptomatic carrier. However, if you've had partners before him, it's possible that you may have been carrying it yourself and just didn't know. I'm a big believer in having test results in hand before assuming anything. As for the symptoms, search the threads. WCSDancer2010 (I believe thats the right screen name) has put a ton of information on things you can do to ease the pain, etc.

Ah, disclosure. For some reason I wasn't even thinking of that. I think if I had to disclose I'd just say that it is a very common virus, and more people have it than you realize. Or something to that effect. Maybe a ballpark figure so that it doesn't appear that you are being deceptive. (Something along the lines of "About 90-95 percent of the population has this") I get your irritation with the variation in facts. I complained of the same thing in my first post on the forum. I finally just figured I'd just stick to this site and the CDC for information.

Here is some information from a study conducted by Indiana University School of Medicine in 1987. "A double-blind, placebo-controlled, multicenter trial of oral L-lysine monohydrochloride for the prevention and treatment of recurrent herpes simplex (HSV) infection was conducted. The treatment group was given L-Lysine monohydrochloride tablets (1,000 mg L-lysine per dose) 3 times a day for 6 months. A total of 27 (6 male and 21 female) subjects on L-lysine and 25 (6 male and 19 female) subjects on placebo completed the trial. The L-lysine treatment group had an average of 2.4 less HSV infections, symptoms were significantly diminished in severity and healing time was significantly reduced. L-Lysine appears to be an effective agent for reduction of occurrence, severity and healing time for recurrent HSV infection." But for every supportive study I'm sure you can find one that says it's not effective. And as you can tell, this is quite old. I don't think they recommend that many milligrams on a daily basis. It wouldn't hurt to try it, it may help you out. Hopefully someone with experience with lysine will pop up soon.

Best of luck with your testing. Crossing my fingers for you. Even if you do get a positive result, you know where we are if you need someone to talk to. You're welcome. Have a great vacation and update us if you think about it.

Dump away! It's rare to read such an upbeat post from someone that was recently diagnosed. Love it when I do :) You're on the right path and you have a support group also. I have a feeling you're going to do fabulous regardless of your status. A few things I wanted to comment on: The itching, very common. Drove me crazy in the beginning. Now I think itching is the only symptom I have. It'll happen for a day and then it'll pass. (Thankfully!) The coffee/diet: Since this is your first outbreak it's probably going to be your worst. The diet modification is usually for those that seem to have triggers. Not everyone does. I admire your jumping right in, but why limit yourself if you don't have to? I LOVE coffee, probably drink enough on a daily basis to cover the forums intake lol. AND I LOVE chocolate. Eat more than my fair share of that too. It's never bothered me. Blueberries? I have them in my protein shakes. No issues. So if you want to get healthy and drop all that stuff just because- go for it. But if you are thinking you have to because you now have herpes- not true. (Just wanted to clarify that, it takes a little from us when we get that positive result, and it makes me a little sad that people automatically think they have to drop all the things they enjoy) Welcome to the forum :)

@Kenz, there is a herpes buddy thread you could look into for local people to connect with. It helps if you have a preference in who you get advice from (same age/situation/gender/etc) or if you want one on one conversations. Sometimes it's hard to pinpoint where you get the virus. Most people that transmit do not have signs or symptoms of an outbreak. Can I ask what type you have and the location? And has the boyfriend been tested? Sometimes when both partners are positive, it helps with the diagnosis. (Lessons the fear of transmission, you have someone in the same household that you can share your concerns with). Other times it starts the blame game lol. But if your relationship is strong, why not see what his status is and go from there.

I agree with WCSDancer2010. I would break off the relationship with the boyfriend. You're staying put for selfish reasons, and it's not fair to either of you. If you are unhappy, leave. How would you feel if you found out he was staying with you because he felt he had to settle? As for J-There is only one way to find out if he is willing and that is to give him a chance. I don't think fantasizing about it helps any. But that's just me. Nothing in life is guaranteed, and if you can't deal with disappointment/rejection at this point of time, then I think I would take that break WCSdancer suggested. Work on your inner strength.

Can I ask why the numbers matter? It helps to know that it's not a rare virus and many people carry it, but after that?? What does the numbers do for you? I'm just asking because I wonder why people focus so much on the stats. In a group of people you can guesstimate the probability of carriers but why? What's the point?

While I understand the anger towards your husband, like you said, it isn't fair . Even if he was promiscuous, the number of partners really doesn't matter when it comes to herpes. I'm assuming he's been tested and is positive also? Could this be an oral infection and not a genital one? It does happen (although rarely) that people get HSV2 orally. Since you've never had an outbreak genitally- I'm thinking this would make more sense. Not that it traveled the way you are saying, but that you got this orally, and it's making an appearance on your face. Since this is on your face and not on a mucous membrane, I'm going to guess that you would not have to worry about shedding as much as someone that had it genitally. That being said, while you are not having an active outbreak, you should be fine around your kids. While having an outbreak, you could just tell them you are not feeling well and don't want them to get sick too. Kids are very flexible. They'll get used to it. And you can give them double the love when you are "feeling better". I have a friend that gets outbreaks on her nose. She cracks jokes about her Herps coming to visit. I do know the fact that it's visible bothers her- but she only gets outbreaks in the fall, and she's adjusted. You aren't alone. Keep your chin up.

I'd look at two things when considering the antivirals. #1 Are your outbreaks bearable? Because if they are, then I'd let your immune system do it's job. If they are not, then it doesn't hurt to have some help. #2 Are you at risk of transmitting it to a negative person? If you are in a relationship and that person wants the added protection (or you want the added assurance) then I'd consider it. (Or females that may get pregnant, to protect the baby).

The only thing that bothered me about your diagnosis was that the swab was negative. If you have active lesions and they swabbed it properly, then you should have gotten a pretty accurate diagnosis. That and the the meds aren't working for you. I just mentioned CMV as another virus that can cause sores in the throat. (Not trying to diagnose you! There are quite a few alternative things we could come up with.) Now that was have more information- you're under a lot of stress, you've been dealing with some health issues, and your grandkids do have cold sores. It does sound as if HSV is a possibility. HSV loves stress, and if your immune system has taken a beating-then an outbreak could very well hang around for awhile. The blood test you can ask for is a type specific HSV IgG test. That will at least tell you if you've got the virus. And if the meds are not working, I would ask for a different antiviral. Sometimes people have better luck with one than the other. Keep on them! Nothing more frustrating than not being able to get well. Have you tried any home remedies to help with the irritation? I've heard of people using honey and even coconut oil to sooth their throat. It may help.

I would take those as conclusive

I don't think anyone is thrilled about having herpes. I've yet to see a post that says "I'm HSV positive.. and I'm thrilled with my diagnosis" We are not trying to convince you that you shouldn't care and that it doesn't matter. But we are saying that in the long run it will lessen. Most of us that say it's not a big deal have been dealing with this for a long time. We've adjusted. Some have had relationships that have eased our fears and really made it insignificant. One day hopefully you will experience that as well. It helps with the healing- time and acceptance. The best medicine for H in my opinion. No one is saying how you should feel. We are acknowledging your feelings and trying to help you get past them. But like I said above, the only true person that can help you is you. You have to be willing. And it doesn't look like you are at that point yet. And that's okay too.

I'm going to echo what optimist said, but I do want to say even if you do have oral HSV and don't remember (cold sores) I would still take precautions while she is having an outbreak. It's rare to get it in another location, but I wouldn't increase my risk either.

Is your wife positive for H? What type? You could have carried the virus for years and just not have known. It's not possible that you've gotten this from a dentist (they wear gloves correct?) or utensils in a restaurant. I'm sorry that you've not had intimate contact for 9 years. I guess that is a personal choice, but I wouldn't like that. As for the sore throat. Did the second doctor do a swab? And have you gotten a positive result? I can see it taking longer than three days for the meds to kick in, but since you've already finished one prescription, I think I would want some blood work done. And additional testing. Maybe it is H, but it may be something else. CMV is a possibility. How is your immune system? Do you have a fever? Other symptoms? If this is a herpes infection, you might want to have them change the antiviral to something else like valtrex.

@Bambina, I completely agree.

It is a skin condition, caused by a virus. The virus happens to be sexually transmitted. The stats are just how many people actually carry the virus. So yes, it's common, but unless testing protocols change, society isn't going to realize how common it really is. So, there is a stigma associated with it. And that stigma is what really affects the majority of people that have herpes. That positive test result brings every joke, innuendo, negative feeling associated with H to your front door. And it also brings company, every doubt you've had about yourself comes to the surface as well. (I'm not perfect, rich, beautiful, fit, funny, worthy, whatever..and now I have herpes on top of that) I do think that a part of how badly it impacts people is how they viewed herpes before their positive. It doesn't help if you thought it was something only promiscuous, dirty people get. Or if you thought it was gross. And getting past that and realizing other people don't necessarily view it that way is a step in itself. It really is about changing your thinking. In order to feel somewhat normal, you have to embrace the new normal. There is no changing your status, so your choice is to change how you react to it. It may seem like everyone is placating, has their head in the clouds, and are not accepting that they have an STD-or trying to change what that STD really is. But in reality, it's how you move on. It's how you find yourself again. It's letting go of all the negative thoughts we've all had at one time or another, and trying to stay positive. You ever hear that parable-the Tale of Two Wolves? I love it..in this instance- which feeling will be stronger? The one you feed..

I'm a little confused at why you would take a western blot if you've already had a positive result? What are your thoughts behind that? I'm also confused at why your parents matter in this situation?