MMissouri

Have you checked your spam? @Adrial, can you help?

A lot of doctors are misinformed when it comes to herpes. Since he is an ob/gyn you would hope that he'd be up to date on his STD information, but sadly that's not always the case. Even the up to date ones have conflicting opinions. If you are miserable, ask for the antivirals. And if you want to be on them as a preventative measure, tell him so. Some doctors don't like prescribing antivirals unless you have many outbreaks over a period of time. If you aren't happy with his care, then find another doctor. It may be he just doesn't know all the benefits or new facts on herpes, but you would be the better judge of how willing he is to listen/learn. Have you read through the forum? There are posts to help with shortening the outbreaks by fighting them from the outside. It might help lessen the pain.

Ah, many people battle the fear of rejection due to their status. It doesn't make it right, and I'm sure it doesn't make it better, but maybe it'll help you understand a little. It IS a breach of trust though, and it's going to probably take awhile for you to forgive him.. I agree that it helps to talk to someone on the outside! And if you need to, you can vent to us as well! Keep us updated, and best of luck with the therapy!

Knee pain? Well, I guess it could be possible but what about other symptoms?? I would tell him if he's concerned to get a blood test done, and that if he hasn't done so with previous partners, he could very well have already been in contact with the virus. Hasn't he been to a doctor for the knee?? If he can barely walk, why isn't he rushing in for a diagnosis?? Don't beat yourself up. Everyone makes mistakes. I would just remove myself from the situation and let him come to terms with it on his own.

If you need a sick day, just tell them you aren't feeling well. They don't really need the specifics and if they press say something general- like I think I'm coming down with the flu. It's good that your boyfriend is supportive. You should suggest IgG testing for him (That way you can alleviate some of your worries of transmission if he is already positive). Since it sounds like it's pretty mild, it may be genital HSV1 from oral sex? As for the fears, worries, etc... it takes time to adjust. I would focus on getting past the outbreak and on acceptance really. And learn the facts, they help with the alone feelings. I'm not sure how it works, but I do know you have a right to confidentiality. Talk to you doctor about your options. I'm sure he has some type of information. Or the pharmacist. There are laws out there to protect people from sharing that type of information, even for minors. If you want to be positive there are no errors though, could you possibly pay for it yourself?

Little red dots could be anything, but do me a favor and don't google it. The images have me thinking I have HIV! LOL Good luck with the culture results, and keep us updated!

You're welcome! I can't wait for the update!!

It's true that you are not suppose to base it on the index levels, they are in place just to confirm a positive so to speak. The bottom line is no testing can tell you for sure when you've acquired herpes when you're sexually active unless you've been routinely tested (which doesn't happen) and it was negative (and then you have to wonder if it was truly negative or falsely negative-meaning you possibly tested too soon for the antibodies to reach detectable levels). If he was telling the truth on the negative result, then it's possible you've had it all this time. But even so, he might very well be positive 3 months down the line. Sorry, a lot of it is just guesstimating. If either of you were sexually active before getting together, then the possibility is that either one of you could have had it and just didn't know.

I agree he needs an STI test. It definitely sounds as if he has an underlying heath issue.

I hope he wears that hat well, and he is everything you want him to be :)

Sepsis is very serious, and it can lead to organ failure and death. Most of these infections are caused by bacteria, not viruses or fungus, although in rare cases that can happen. I would say 95% of our cases are due to a UTI or kidney infections that have been untreated for too long. Cue the symptoms he had- burning while urinating and lower back pain. Typical for someone that may have a kidney infection. Again, it's highly unlikely his sepsis was caused by a virus or fungus. Since he was on IV antibiotics- it was bacterial. Antibiotics does nothing for anything but bacterial infections. He would have died if it were viral and they gave him antibiotics to treat it. And since he was septic, they most likely did blood cultures and therefore know exactly what type of bacteria they were dealing with. I'm not saying that he does not have herpes, but I think you're taking a huge leap thinking the sepsis is related-just because of his symptoms, what I know of sepsis, and his treatments in the hospital. Antibiotics do not kill viruses. That being said, most people at risk for sepsis are either very young/old, or have underlying immune issues such as HIV, Cancer, Diabetes. Have an injury or inserted devices (catheters). Curious.

I think that's a good place to start. Remember, they might have something you aren't aware of either. I think testing before hand is a good thing regardless of your status. I had a friend just get chlamydia and gonorrhea from her new guy, and of course he had no idea he had it.

Anger after diagnosis is natural. Did your partner know he had it?

Ah, I misinterpreted that. I thought he was just a liar. Since his family is shocked at his behavior as well could this be abnormal for him? I don't know.. but I still stand by what I said about trusting yourself to make good decisions. We can't always pick the perfect partner, but we can take time to get to know them and go from there. People find out their partner isn't what they seem all the time, you're not alone in that. How'd his family hear about the whole herpes thing? Yikes.

I think the marriage question is so far from the actual problem, I wonder what this counselor is implying?? That you can't be with someone that has herpes unless you are for sure this is going to be a lifelong commitment? This is just the oddest thing to bring up after a 3 month long relationship. What the heck? I agree with Stillmebutwiser, he needs to get a blood test, because he might just have it and not know. As for your relationship though, I agree with Katidid, it doesn't sound as if he is into the relationship enough to accept everything about you. And you deserve someone that does. Some red flags are: You love him.. he said he likes you a lot but doesn't want to get a virus. It's been a month- that's enough time to have an idea of what you want from a person (whether it be friendship or pursuing more). I think anyone would start to resent him at this point. You're feelings are completely natural! And his pulling away and not being affectionate is cruel if you ask me. He needs to make a decision, or you do. Don't get me wrong, if he were going through treatments for cancer at this point of time and was immunocompromised, I could see wanting to take precautions against getting a virus. But he's been cleared, correct? And what are your views on the cancer? Meaning that now he's had one round of it, odds are he could very well have another. Which could be limiting relationship wise. (I'm not trying to sound rude, but there are many health issues that arise in relationships, and if you're accepting of a possible life threatening illness that could take him away from you, then you would hope he could be accepting of a virus that does nothing for the most part but put a stop to sex occasionally.) Just some things to think about.

As far as the trust thing goes, (just my opinion, not judgement) when someone cons us into thinking something is better than it appears- we don't want to trust other people again. Naturally! But I think a big part of it is also forgiving yourself for falling for that person to begin with. Maybe you ignored some red flags, or had little doubts along the line that you blew off? Or maybe you just feel like a fool? (Again, please don't take this the wrong way.) Or maybe you're just hurt that you didn't see it coming.. A huge part in trusting others is to trust yourself not to make the same mistakes and fall for the same type of person all over again. To trust your judgement and realize your worth. I would start by building up you. And when you're ready, try again. Let the next guy win you over with his actions and not his words. Big Hugs.

You've never been diagnosed? How do you know it's herpes? Why not ask the dr to call with your results or use email? I haven't ever had my STD results mailed to my home. Or what about a planned parenthood type clinic? If you have been diagnosed, then odds are they won't retest you. You simply say "I've got ..." and they will give you a prescription. (At least that's been my experience) 5+ years is a long time to be having frequent outbreaks regardless of your frame of mind. Do you have any autoimmune issues?? I would ignore this out of fear that you'll get in trouble. What if there is an underlying issue you aren't aware of? Since this could affect your reproductive health, I think it's important to get seen asap.

@Answersneededplz I agree with ihaveittoo, This might not be herpes at all. Hopefully you'll get those results back soon and you'll have some answers.

Some people are able to reduce outbreaks with L-lysine. It wouldn't hurt to try it. There are a few people that have autoimmune disorders here, but I haven't seen them on the boards lately. Hopefully one will pop in with some more info for you. It does seem to impact the frequency of outbreaks. If it helps, I do believe their symptoms get better with time, it just may take awhile longer than normal.

Since you are friends with this guy that might be a potential partner, why not disclose now? I think it's perfect timing. If he's your friend, he isn't going to stop being so just because you have HSV. He might just surprise you and want to pursue a relationship after all. If not, you haven't lost anything. (And have gained someone that knows your status and that you can talk to about it). The relationships of your future are only as meaningless as you let them be. Sometimes being vulnerable can make for some strong bonds-friendship or otherwise. I don't date because my left is a mess right now, but I'm past the point of coping with my diagnosis. I just accept it. I personally feel that I'm more than a virus, and if a potential partner can't see that, then that's their loss not mine. How do you stay optimistic? You feed it, nurture it, and knock the pessimism back where it belongs.

You're welcome, best of luck.

I know. Every single person on this forum can relate. The only way to bring acceptance is to kill that stigma, and we can't do that if we feed into it. Every time we fear a disclosure we are giving that stigma power. We know it's not a big deal, but we are letting other peoples opinions make it one. I'm not one to shout my status from the rooftops, but I do try chipping away at it every time the subject comes up. I throw facts out there. If I can educate one person, get them looking into the facts, it might help. I know it seems to be a very passive way to get around failed disclosures by saying that if they truly are invested in a relationship with you they will accept it (meaning you as a person and not sex with you), but it does have some truth to it. I personally feel that what a person will not tolerate (and this may be herpes) depends on the person. And since we can't change our status, it's best to know their reaction before we get too fully invested. I can say that I want a partner that will accept me for who I am. And I'm a person that has HSV. If they can't accept that, then it wasn't meant to be.

I agree the herpes stigma is hypocritical, but since I'm one of the few that think HSV1 SHOULD be disclosed before kissing, of course I'm going to say HSV2 should be disclosed before oral. The stigma is ridiculous. I personally think the way to knock down the stigma is to blow up information about HSV1 coldsores.

Online pharmacies are not all legit. Meaning you have no idea if you are getting the real thing. And who knows what they could be mixed with or if they are expired etc. Scary. I'll leave that part of advice to someone that may know. You could check out l-lysine and see if it works for you (Over the counter in the vitamin section here, not sure of there). You can't pass genital herpes by kissing, holding hands, cuddling, touching, etc. The only way to pass it on is through direct contact with the area in which you have the virus.

Would you want to know?