MMissouri

The antivirals work best when taken right at the start of an outbreak. So the soreness might not be an indicator (especially if you don't have sex frequently), but the itching may be. You will have to figure that out as you go unfortunately. I agree with Katidid that the friction is probably the culprit. I would try to be better prepared next time (foreplay and lube) and see if that changes things for you.

Keep us updated!

Stop taking the meds. That's really a personal choice. I've deleted, rewrote, and deleted my replies- trying to avoid nastiness or placating, but I really don't think the replies matter. Vent away. Do you have anything to help with the release of that anger? Do you work out or ? Everyone gets stuck in their heads and it's hard as hell to get out and away from the negative thoughts. Counseling does help some people, but they have to be willing participants. I personally think it's up to the person to make the changes they need to make. So, drop the pill taking and get back the 30 seconds lost, and then look at the rest of the list. Can I give that back? Adrial? The forum? Nah.. it's on you. Sucks.. but there you go. (We can help though, if you are willing) When I'm angry (and yes your post resonates for me and I'm sure a lot of others) I realize I'm really angry with myself, my decisions, etc. It's easy to find something to direct that anger towards (givers, pills, society), but in the end, we just have to deal with it. Move on. Let it go. Or.. continue on as you are. I'm thinking you don't like yourself at the moment or you wouldn't be posting. It's not easy, and it's not going to happen overnight. And it takes commitment. It's hard work. So, are you up for it?

You've come to the right place. Talk away. And read also. Herpes is pretty much what you think it is.. so if you think it's a scarlet letter and hopeless, it will be. Don't get me wrong, there are people that are misinformed and scared of herpes, and they may reject you. On the flip side, there are others that are educated or might just think you are worth the risk, and they will accept you. But acceptance starts at home, and you will have to work on that also. Start with the stats, find out the facts. Jump into the threads. You are far from alone. Welcome to the forum :)

Welcome to the forum :) We all have to start somewhere. I don't have any words of wisdom for you, but I think that this step is a good thing. Best of luck.

I agree with the other posters, this is probably not herpes. A dermatologist might be able to help as well.

Could you clarify if you had a swab or blood test done?

You took a blood test prior to the outbreak and then one a few days after? Then it was too early for a positive to show up in blood work. If it's been a few months (I'd say 3+) since you've had what you're thinking is an outbreak, then I'd go ahead and retest. If you have another negative results, then I would side with your friend. If disclosure is what's bothering you, you could always tell people you've been exposed but haven't had a positive result yet. And yes, wear condoms-for your protection as much as theirs.

I should clarify we've never had an outbreak in the opposite area. I can't say we haven't transmitted it because there's no way to tell outside of an outbreak. Most people that get cold sores have had them since they were kids. Same virus, different area, funny how the stigma makes one so much more than the other when it really isn't. You're welcome :).

Since you have Ghsv1, the only way you would ever know if you have it orally would be if you got a cold sore. I would not worry about kissing. So many people have it orally, and if you tell them you have it genitally, then you've warned them you carry the virus. It's confusing, sorry if I've made it worse. Just be aware of your body. As for fingering, well there are mixed opinions on this. If they have intact skin (no hangnails, torn cuticles, cuts, etc) and you are not having an outbreak, odds are very low that they will get whitlow. (Not oral or genital herpes, that is from oral and genital contact, not fingers). Since you both have the virus, the risks are supposed to be lower. I have been in a relationship just like this, and we never transferred it to the other area (17+yrs and no protection other than abstaining during outbreaks). There is a risk though. It is up to you whether or not you are okay with taking that risk.

When I say mild, I'm referring to my ability to deal with it. So what I may view as mild someone else might say is major. I don't know if there are rules to what is mild- blisters vs cuts, length of outbreak, amount of skin involved, etc, but I typically take it as being bearable. Curious to see how other reply. I would get the rash checked out, it could be something unrelated.

If you go back to the start of the threads, there is a thread specifically for local support groups. I think NYC is listed. It's like the second thread down. Hope that helps :)

I don't think the root canal itself would be the cause of the virus, but it may have irritated the virus and caused an outbreak. Antibiotics will not help with viruses, only bacteria. Please don't take antibiotics without a cause, bad use of antibiotics is what causes some of the bacterial resistance we are dealing with. If you think what you have is possibly herpes, you could get it swabbed or if the sores are not longer present, get a blood test.

It makes complete sense. If I start a new relationship, I've planned on doing the same. People need to know what they are dealing with, and that is not just HSV related. 1-8 people have HIV and don't know. It is true that you could have had this for awhile and just didn't know. The first outbreak is usually the worst, but that doesn't mean you will have the first outbreak immediately after getting the virus. Does that make sense? Some people carry the virus for years and never have an outbreak.

I agree with the other posters. Get away from him. He's abusive and just reading your post made me think this could blow up and become something even worse.

I'm not sure of the immune response during shedding. I'm curious now, I just might look that up. Dripping blood on an intact, non mucous membrane, should not transmit the virus. (Like your thigh for instance). Having period sex would be a huge no.. vaginal fluids+ blood+penis=OMFG. I love that you are constantly trying to figure this out, but dang buddy, I hope you keep it on the boards and don't go out and use yourself as a guinea pig. Leave the bloody ones alone :)

What about shedding? Regardless of the amount of outbreaks you have, you still have periods of shedding. And sometimes outbreaks aren't really noticeable-that doesn't mean your immune system hasn't responded.

Then I would let that one go. I'm sure you don't want to hear that, but is this really what you want in a relationship?

My experience was that each outbreak was less than the one prior. The first year is iffy, but once you make it past that point, you generally find it's just a nuisance from time to time.

@centem. I'm a little late to the thread but as I was reading, I have to agree with you that something happened that weekend that changed her mind. I do agree with other posters that sometimes lack of intercourse leads us to think the person we are with doesn't want to take the risk, however, you did other things. Oral sex? Heck, I think putting your mouth in an area of risk speaks volumes. She strikes me as selfish. I'm sorry. While she was going on about her feelings about being rejected from lack of intercourse, did she ask if you were comfortable sexually because of your abuse? You seem like a wonderful guy. For a girl to just walk away from that makes me think she's hiding something, and it's not a feeling of rejection. I'm calling BS on this one. Find yourself a better girl hon. You opened up with her after all this time, you can do it again.

I'm thinking it would depend on the vaccines mode of action. If it reduced the virus enough that transmission wasn't possible, the immune system would still send T cells to the area to fight what virus particles remain and the risk for HIV would still be there. If they could completely eliminate the virus, I guess that it would also reduce the risk. Any STD increases your risk for other STDs though. Get chlamydia- get the shot- and you are still at a higher risk than someone who has not gotten anything.

Since you love to help others, this could be a learning experience for you! Do you know how many people sink into depression because of a herpes diagnosis? Once you adapt to the virus, you'll realize that it really does not change life much. It's kind of like an extra period once in awhile. (unless you are into period sex, then I guess that wouldn't apply lol). Like others have said, you'll be just fine soon. You have a sense of humor and smarts about you that will see you through this. Loved this post. "I don't care.. what they're going to say.."

A swab is usually used to test when the person has lesion or sore that they can get enough of the virus from for testing. So if there wasn't any sores around your vagina then of course you would test negative in that area, but that doesn't mean it's a "safe" area. You could get a blood test done, but swabs are very accurate with positive results. It's the negatives that are in question. Did your boyfriend get swabbed? Because he would need a blood test to tell if he was truly negative outside of an outbreak (meaning if he has nothing to swab, a swab would be useless for him). As for the count staying a certain level, I'm assuming you mean a viral load? Like they mention when talking about AIDS? That doesn't apply to herpes. Herpes isn't transmitted through fluids like AIDS, it's the skin to skin contact. Getting comfortable with the fact you are positive will come with education and time. Have you had the chance to read the statistics Adrial has on the welcome page? Read through some of the posts. We are all in the same situation you are, and once we find peace with it, life goes on. Not everyone will react like your boyfriend did. There are people out there that know the facts about the virus, and are fine with it. And I know you aren't at the point where you can see how minor it is in the whole grand scheme of things, but once you do, you'll realize he left a good thing over something pretty insignificant.

I'm crossing my fingers for you! And huge hugs your way, so sorry to hear of your losses.

I think the disclosure itself is such a stress relief. Sometimes they go well and sometimes they don't. Either way, you don't have to carry around guilt or worry about it in the future. Once it's done, it's done. What happens afterwards is really out of your control. I don't think you are meant to be alone, and I honestly think that rejection makes acceptance that much sweeter. You did good :)