MMissouri

You tested positive for HSV1, but since you've never had an OB, you don't know if it is oral or genital herpes. And...since you don't know where your OBs are, she is taking a risk with you too. What are her thoughts on you having HSV1? Do you plan on taking antivirals as well? Sometimes, I think asymptomatic carriers have it a little harder, because they don't know how to protect their partner. If you do some browsing on the posts, you will find some conversations where the stats come up. (Even those talking about the risk of a car accident!) I'm sure someone will pop up with them stats soon too.

I don't understand why you still have genital warts? Haven't you had treatment for them? There are many ways you can get those removed. As for the herpes, a lot of people have it for years and never know. Have you had a chance to read the handouts on the forum? Those and the videos can answer some of your questions in regards to H. I'm sure someone will pop on with some statistics for you. I would start by going to the doctor about the HPV issue. See what your options are. Since that is weighing on you more heavily than H at the moment, I would deal with that first. Although it may not seem like it at the moment, it's okay. Everything will work out and you'll get past this.

I'm so happy for you! I hope it works out, and if it doesn't, at least you know that you do have options.

When I was reading your post, my thoughts instantly went to the boyfriend. What is his response to all of this?? He knows your status, he knows the risks, and he is with you. No one wants to pass this on, I get that, but I think you are being a little hard on yourself. This might be comparing apples to oranges but what if your boyfriend had athletes foot? So.. he has this fungus that he can transfer to his hands and groin area if he's not careful. He have to be diligent with towels, shoes, surfaces he walks on, etc. (It can come back multiple times, some people have issues with it for life). It's contagious by indirect and direct contact. Some people might read this and be like...how gross! Some people will read this and be like big deal.. it's just a skin condition. Think about that. (And go ahead and look at google images...nice eh?)

I avoided this conversation because I don't think my reply is really appropriate for what this forum is about. That being said, I'm going to go for it anyway. So..you made a mistake and had oral sex with someone without disclosing. My first reaction is you should tell him...however... he hasn't had any contact with you since. That's where I become conflicted. And I'm still conflicted... I have no good advice for you on that one. I just get this image of you chasing down this guy yelling you have H and for what? As for future relationships, you've never been diagnosed for Oral HSV1. The swab came back negative. I wouldn't disclose on possibility. The possibility is there for everyone. As for the genital, which you have been diagnosed with, I would disclose about that for sure. Not just before engaging in oral sex, but before engaging in any type of sexual relationship.

Interesting! I wonder how much longer before it comes out. Maybe, since his products are so well known already, the marketing of this will help with the stigma as well.

I would disclose now. The reason being you are already into him, and before you get even closer, why not see how he reacts? A true friend would not hold this against you. His reaction will tell you a lot about him. It might make you guys closer, It might make him run for the hills. Either way, at least you will find out before you get too involved.

I get that you're angry and resent him, but I also think you are dealing with a lot of hurt on top of that. You find this guy and you feel a connection with him and then you find out he gave you H, lied to you, and continues to do so. He obviously is not who you thought he was. My question to you is, What do you hope to get from this threat of a lawsuit or by confronting him? Is it a reaction? Do you want to hurt him back? I'm only asking this because I know when I've been hurt, there is nothing worse than the person who hurt me being unemotional or not having any remorse. It sounds as if your guy is that way. My advice would be to let it/him go. I don't think anything you could do would make him a better person. And he really doesn't sounds like a good person. A lot of people here can understand what you are going through. You don't have to deal with this alone. You can vent as much as you want and this group WILL get it. That's just my opinion. I just really feel that continuing any type of contact with him will prolong what you are feeling. If you want to get rid of some of the negativity, I'd start with him. Good luck.

I wonder if the severity of the first outbreak depends on the person. Immune system, stress levels, and whether they are sexually active at that point. I would think someone that is not currently having sex would be more likely to overlook a bump or ignore a tingle. In my case, I think my first OB would have been pretty mild if I would have known what was going on, but I didn't, and we kept having sex (which made it worse). Hopefully I'm making sense!

Have you been to the doctor since diagnosis? I'm just wondering if any of your wife's issues could have been passed to you? The symptoms you describe doesn't strike me as a side effect of H. Yes, it would be considered a mucous membrane, and you stated it was for shingles. I don't think that would help you at all. Surely your marriage is based on more than just sex? Why can't you use this time to just enjoy your new baby or make a stronger bond with each other? Or.. if it's been that long and it is putting stress on the marriage, why couldn't you do something like mutual masterbation? It wouldn't take any longer than intercourse? It's all about your outlook, and if you refuse to see any good in all this, you will continue to be depressed. Life can be enjoyable with H and your marriage can be stronger depending on how you both choose to address this. It really isn't the end of the world. I promise.

I haven't, but I work with them and I think it would depend on the person.

If your outbreaks are external and in an area that a female condom would cover, then I would try them. I have to agree with you on the boxer issue. I think it would be uncomfortable/bunched up. Whatever works though! lol The first year with H is the questionable one. After that I think people get more in tune with their OBs and prodomes. Hopefully someone with statistics and suppressive information will come on soon!

I can't answer all of those but I'll take a shot at a couple. The type of protection you use depends on where your OBs are. If they are internal then a condom should be sufficient. If they are external then you would want a barrier between that area and him. (That's where female condoms and boxers come in). Can you tell when you are having prodomes?

This is all I could find (taken from the CDC) Most infected persons are unaware of their infection. In the United States, an estimated 87.4% of 14–49 year olds infected with HSV-2 have never received a clinical diagnosis

I will admit although I've been staggering/slurring drunk, I've never been black out drunk, so I don't quite understand what it's like. Sorry if I seemed judgmental/hypocritical. @ dancer, haven't heard the "Bitches Aint Shit But Hoes and Tricks" song in ages but the refrain is running through my head now! :))

I love these kind of stories. Really.. people who love us will love us regardless. It's as simple as that.

Try finding your optimism again. Like you stated, you could have had this all along. So what really changes for you? Once you get those outbreaks under control, life will go on as usual. You're used to having protected sex, living healthy, etc. You're ahead of the game if you think about it! And you have a supportive partner. Life is good, don't let H take that away from you.

@Seeker -I had the same questions. These kind of posts are popping up a lot lately and (this is NOT directed to anyone specifically, but to a future reader) it makes me worry that if you state your drunk its okay that you didn't disclose. Or even worse, their fault that you had sex before disclosing. So, I have to agree with seeker. There is a certain amount of responsibility you take when you put yourself in a situation where sex may happen. And..I would like to think I wouldn't do anything drunk that I never thought about doing sober. I actually read an article on drinking that stated alcohol doesn't make you behave badly, it just makes you care less about the repercussions. The situations we are talking about are a little different but I didn't get the I got raped vibe from these posts. I got the I screwed up vibe.

There is nothing to be sorry about, It was a long time ago. Thankfully, I've never had another OB like it. :)

It may be something hormonal that is triggering your outbreaks. It may be something that goes away once your body has settled down again. It could be the stress too since you stated you are a nervous wreck. As you already said, you've been living with this virus and you didn't know. Now that you do know, you can prevent it from spreading to your husband if he doesn't already have it. Is he going to get tested? I think that would be my next step. It sounds as if he is supportive, which should give you a little relief.

Well, that's kind of a hard question to answer. I thought my OB was due to rough/constant sex. And we continued to have sex even though it was uncomfortable. I just brushed it off as being sore, so that may have made it much worse than it had to be. By the time I actually went to see a doctor, I was doubled over in pain. My lymph nodes were swollen enough to see them through my groin area. And holy hell blisters.. the sex opened them, talk about pain. The exam was so bad they offered me a local and pain pills on the spot. On a scale of one to ten (and I have a pretty high pain tolerance) it was a 10 for sure.

I think I fall into the mild category. I've never had any pain associated with an OB since the first one. I can't even say I feel the tingling sensation. I itch, that's my only warning something may pop up. Usually nothing does. I think I may have seen one blister in the past 4 years.

(Iseewhatudid) lol

I wouldn't worry about this status. You informed him of yours and what he does with that information is not your responsibility. It sounds to me like you both had a fun date and sex. It doesn't sound like you two really got the chance to get to know each other. Then you disclosed, which probably/hopefully gave him a wake up call about fun dates that lead to sex without protection with someone you really don't know. And to this comment "I doubt that I'm at high risk for HIV".. I've read that those with herpes are 2 to 3 times MORE likely to get HIV than those without. I'm sure someone will pop up with some numbers or statistics on that. I'm not trying to scare you, but the risk is there. I didn't reply originally because you were beating yourself up for your mistake. I don't quite have the talent wcsdancer has to make people feel better. So keep that in mind before reading the rest of this. I don't mean to point fingers at you, but maybe this will help you in the future. Own your mistake. You messed up, you're human. Don't put yourself in the victim role. (I drank to much, I was in a fog, I feel used, etc). Own it and learn from it for next time, because there will be a next time.

I've replied and deleted this numerous times. This is just a tricky area. I don't think that anyone really understand H unless they have it. That being said, I also don't think a good therapist would make comments like that without doing some research. Her comments bother me. I'm assuming that you are going to therapy for issues in addition to H? If you have a connection to her, and she was helpful with other issues, then it might be worth a second chance. However...It sounds to me like you find her to be the lesser of two evils. It shouldn't be that way. I think if I were you, I would continue to search for a therapist that you connect with AND that knows something about STIs. Maybe you can inquire over the phone before even meeting them the first time? If they don't know about H, then I think that you could tell up front how open they are to learning about it.