MMissouri

I hope you don't take this wrong, but it sounds like you're better off without him. He had a mistress and several woman with wife one and you with wife two?? He thinks he might have it but doesn't want to get tested or tell his wife AND he continues to sleep around. Terrible. As for you, I would get myself a good ob/gyn. Since you are newly diagnosed and newly pregnant I would be diligent about good prenatal care. Have you had an outbreak or did you get tested?

I doubt you are the first one to make this mistake or the last. I think there was a recent post about exactly the same thing. I can't remember the title off the top of my head. The important thing is you told her. She might not trust you now, but if you think about it, you kind of didn't trust her either. Does that make sense? Because in a way, when disclosing, you have to trust the other person. I hope that you can both work through this. Best of luck.

According to dynamiclear, "Herpes is not spread through vaginal fluids, blood or semen, or through the air. Herpes is generally spread by direct contact with the viral cells." (I haven't had the chance to read the entire page, but what I did read seems to be consistent with whats said on this forum)

I looked this up online and here are some suggestions: Dry humping (outercourse, whatever term they use these days)- one site suggested doing this in public to spice it up. Dirty talk, erotic stories, phone sex Massages Role playing Bathing together Mutual masterbation/toys Breast sex (I hesitate to use the term I normally do lol) Hope that helps! Have fun :)

Your towel is safe. It will not spread it to other areas of your body. :)

I agree, I'm glad you found another doctor. I hope that this one has a better bedside manner and is more informative! Too funny @ the gloves. You should have touched her haha. Could you imagine what her response would have been?! So funny, but yet sad at the same time.

I didn't state that in the way I wanted it to come across. I get to a patient it matters and why that is. I meant from a clinical perspective, they do state herpes is herpes. Meaning that it's essentially the same virus it just lands in a different part of the spinal column (near the ear versus the lower spine). I know that it's more in depth than that. Hopefully that clarifies what I meant to say! (I don't disagree with you, I was just trying to reply to her doctors stand on the subject.) This is one instance where shorter is not necessarily better. And I realize that I'm probably coming across as confusing and conflicted! It's sometimes hard to disassociate from what I've learned (and how outdated that may be) with how I feel.

I do agree that herpes is herpes. I think from an ob/gyn perspective they are not going to be concerned with anything until it's almost time for you to deliver. (Then they will put you on antivirals and probably look at you with a special light before delivery.) As for the gloves, isn't that a normal practice? Unless he put them on just to talk to you, I wouldn't take offense to that. I put them on way before I touch a patient and I'm not thinking about herpes. You definitely NEED to tell your next ob/gyn! They need to know to look for outbreaks before delivery, and you need the antivirals before that point also. The only thing I can say about your current Ob/gyn is he needs to work on his bedside manner. Good luck with the new one!

I'm thinking this is different for everyone. I have used one in an emergency situation before and nothing happened. If your body is accustomed to them already, hopefully it won't cause any issues. This is one of them experiments you'll just have to try to get your answer. Im editing this to ask if your outbreaks are external or internal?

I read your post, and although I didn't reply, I thought it was very sweet and ..motivational? I can not think of the term I want. Encouraging? Well, as you can see, I don't know how to reply to posts like these, although they are very appreciated and I wish the same for you! (If I felt awkward replying, I'm assuming some of the others might also. I don't know you well but I love your posts. Keep them up. They might not get a lot of replies, but they are read and they help. :)

Those numbers look very low to me! I would get retested in a few months just to make sure. And get an HSV1 test also, because you can get that down there. (You may already know that, but I'm just clarifying, because when WCS mentioned it you started talking about your mouth). I think that I would still be very careful for a few reasons. You don't know what caused your irritation and you didn't get an HSV1 test. And hopefully someone jumps in to correct me if I'm wrong but doesn't taking valtrex affect your testing? I'm not trying to worry you, the numbers look good! I just want you to be positive of your negative status. (which is a good positive to have :) )

I'm glad things went well! He sounds like a good guy. I hope things continue to work out well for you both. Good luck with his test results! I'll be looking for an update. :)

Well, I think it would start with the basics. Are you circumcised? From what I understand a little wrinkling of the glans happens sometimes to those that are. Other things you might want to think about are: weather, blood flow, and dryness. It could be completely normal.

I have my fingers crossed for you! Best of luck!

I think that is a couple's decision. I would get past the disclosure and go from there. Good luck.

That is very unprofessional of her. That's all I can say about that. As far as your worries I would relax but chill on the sex until you have a confirmation. (Or wear protection if you must have sex) Editing this to ask if you are still having the irritation at the moment? Because if so, I would abstain from sex until you have more info.

I'm glad to hear that! I hope that you can take that information and realize it's really going to be okay. How is your wife?

He might be perfectly fine with your status and his risk. He might not like the idea of other people judging him for it. From this point forward, maybe you both need to talk about what your boundaries are with H. He accepted you, he didn't necessarily accept the stigma. It's not that black and white IMO. Heck, I have herpes, I don't accept it (the stigma) lol.

I think I'd react just like you are. I also think it's easier to be sympathetic when it's someone else in the situation, it's different when it's you. I just replied on another post about someone's ex outing them on facebook and stated basically what your guy did. (That he pretty much will have people questioning his status now). It was an insensitive thing for him to say, but it was probably his honest thoughts. Now you have to figure out if you can deal with his selfish/human point of view. I say human because we make mistakes. He might not have been thinking about how it came across and just stating his first concern. Good luck with your conversation tonight.

I agree with Sil that deep conversations don't have to revolve around sex. There are many controversial topics out there. I hope this doesn't come across as rude, because I don't mean it to be, but are your values and intelligence any less now that you have herpes? As for sexual conversations.. this is where I'm different. I don't think it's anyone's business what is going on in your pants but yours. Do you divulge every time you have a yeast/bacterial infection? Ingrown hair? etc.. If someone asks why you don't have a relationship you could simply say you haven't found someone you've felt you've connected with. You could say that you've started rethinking casual sex. Isn't that partially the truth? You could also use those sex conversations to educate (without telling them that you have it) if the topic were to come up. I understand H throws a spin on our sex lives. We have to wear protection, take antivirals, and worry about transmission/disclosure. But sex is still sex. The parts are still the same, and the mechanics are still the same. What you like/dislike hasn't changed. Dive into the next conversation and enjoy it.

You were diagnosed by a picture?! Why didn't they swab it? It is possible it is something else. Without proper testing there is no way to know what it was. Keep in mind everyone's symptoms are different. I didn't get the joint pain/flu like symptoms, however, if that was your first outbreak, it seems rather mild. I'm sure someone will give you the facts in a bit. I'm stunned at the picture diagnoses. Where are you at?

If it helps, I have genital herpes and my husband has oral herpes. We went on to have three perfectly healthy babies. They are now 13,11,and 9. We didn't do anything different except wash our hands (which most people do anyway) before touching them and trying not to sharing drinks/kissing with an active outbreak (my husband, since his is oral). I say trying because kids are sneaky buggers sometimes and they would get a quick peck in or swipe his glass when he wasn't looking. Still no problems. Relax.

What a jerk, but honestly, he just exposed himself as a possible herpes carrier as well. He's been with you for a year? Don't you think some people will question if he's safe? Maybe it will bite him in the butt.. he deserves it. I'm not "out". I would be horrified if someone did this to me. I can understand everyone's opinion that this is your chance to educate, but personally, I would sit back and wait to see what happens. I think that good respectful people would question you directly. Those are the ones I would educate. I also wouldn't post it to my wall unless I was ready. I kinda feel like he pushed you into a position and you feel you have to defend yourself. It's really no ones business but you and your partner. Just my two cents.

I think that you should pause for a minute and take a look at what you think makes you unattractive. Maybe make a list some things that you don't like about yourself? Then take that list and narrow it down to what you can change, and what you can't. From there you could focus on changing what is changeable and accepting what isn't. Give yourself a purpose. To me it sounds as if H is just the icing on top of other self esteem issues. I can relate to that. I'm sure a few of us can. Granted Adrial is attractive, but I really think that personality goes farther than looks. There is something about people who are happy that draws other people to them. Intelligence is another one. I could go on and on. What is attractive to you? Most people don't want someone long term just because they "look good". Think about that. It's really much more than looks. Whether you see it or not, I'm sure you have something that makes you attractive to others. I love the link WCS shared (Yoga/self love). Check it out.

If your wife has oral herpes (didn't you say she has cold sores?), does she kiss the baby on the mouth? You have it genitally? I don't see you being the one that might have transmitted it to her. Are you positive it is a cold sore? I'm just asking because I think you tend to be overly anxious about what you see as a possible herpes infection. (understandable) If she does have it, it's not the end of the world. Remember, most people get oral HSV1 as a child.