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I disclosed, I disclosed!! And its ALLLL GOOOOD

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So, I did it.


I told someone who I recently started dating about the good 'ol herpes thing. It was my first time telling someone that I truly care about. It was scary, I will admit that. I can honestly say I put it off until the very last moment that I saw being appropriate; I mean you can only make out and dry hump for so long before things start getting weird!


I approached it the way I wanted to: without SHAME. My voice was shaky, but I smiled. I made jokes, but I told the truth. It was a liberating experience. My partner took some time to think things over. I sent him the disclosure sheet from the blog, he said it was really helpful!


The day after I disclosed, there were a lot of mixed emotions on my end. I was proud of myself for telling the truth, but I was also scared. Scared that this person that I had grown so close to over the last month, would change his mind about me. Scared that I may be rejected. I cried. I mourned for a short period the person I was when I didn't have a STD. Oh how easy things would be, right?


In a way, I think not having herpes would be more difficult. Don't you think it would be twice as hard to weed out the not so nice guys? I do now!


After a weekend apart, he decided that it was worth it, that I was worth it, and that he wanted to take that next leap: into sexy land, ohhh ya baby. Yay me! I haven't felt this much love in a long, long, long time. And not just from him, but from myself, towards myself. I feel like I have exhaled a huge burden. The burden of feeling like I will never be enough, that I will never be truly whole again. The simple truth is, is that I am more than enough, I am more complete today than I was eight years ago when I contracted this silly virus.


What a lesson. What a mind blowing, life changing, Fucking awesome weekend! I knew I would be ok. Deep down- through all the pain, the shame, the outbreaks, the self loathing- I knew I would be ok. Is it over? the pain, the heartache? Probably not- I haven't been quite that blindsided- but I will tell you this: All you out there who are feeling worthless, lonely, un-loveable, gross, undeserving, scared, depressed- all that shit that goes along with a herpes diagnosis- you will realize one day that what holds you back from living is NOT a stupid skin virus that causes a few cold sores. It's that damn tape that plays over and over in your head, kind of like a Phish jam you wished would just be over already! Stop the tape. Replace the song with love. It sounds cheesy, but if I had continued to tell myself I would never find anyone to love me, and that I was too gross to ever be touched again, I NEVER would have had the courage to tell my partner about herpes. You have to start with you. Its all about you babycakes. Love that herpes ass of yours! It is possible, so very possible.

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Congrats on so many things.. 1) for finding someone to disclose 2) for telling him in your own way and the right way 3) for having great judgment for telling someone kind. If there was one attribute I could hand pick in a partner it would be kindness. It really does make the difference and even if he had decided not to pursue a sexual relationship with you, you would be rest assured that he would have treated you.. well kindly :) But hey!!! Look who scored (probably in more ways than one ;) ) Here's to dry humpin' no more for you! You go girl!

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kpeace, you are awesomesauce, girl. Woohoo! Great job. I'm really, really proud of you. You showed your beauty on many levels to this man. That's what he saw. Not just you, but you deep down.


I got so many CHILLS reading what you wrote ... Here are a few of those moments:


"I haven't felt this much love in a long, long, long time. And not just from him, but from myself, towards myself."


Wow, beautiful. Reminds me that you can only accept the love you think you deserve. And that means loving yourself first.


I also loved reading that your disclosure was a "liberating experience." Amen, sista! Truth and being true to yourself has a way of doing that. It's no longer fakin' the funk. It's BEING YOU. And that's liberating. Liberating us from the bullshit thoughts that we had been hanging onto that convinced us that we weren't enough and unlovable.


And yes, here's to what comes after dry humping. :) Congratulations on what sounds like the beginning of a truly awesome relationship. Way to be you.

Note: This is for informational purposes only. This information does not constitute medical advice or diagnosis.
I'm not a medical professional, so please take this as friendly peer support. 

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What a great story. Congratulations!!!


I haven't been on here much, mostly because I feel like I really am finally accepting H and feeling like what I have to offer will far eclipse that minor issue, once the right person comes along.


I've been dating some lately. In the process of dating, I meet guys who may not have H, but have some significant baggage (ex drama, financial circumstances like a past foreclosure, etc.)


I am sure many people agonize over disclosure of those past circumstances. I have a little skin condition on my nether region that is easily controlled with medication. I also have a job, my health and a pretty good life if I may say so myself. I date but I'm not desperate - I am enjoyin the process and I am patient. I am more selective (not picky, selective ;)) than in the past, and my red-flag detector is fully engaged. I think H has given me another perspective to really see myself and what I need from a relationship.

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Thank you guys! Thank you for being so supportive.


Atlantic- you most definitely have something to offer. That is, in fact, a mantra I tell myself, especially when I feel like I am lacking or when I am not enough- I have something to offer. Good for you for being patient. I fear that the cliche about finding love is true- it comes about when you least expect it. And I also agree, having herpes can really change your perspective about what a nurturing, respectful relationship looks like.


Nic4897 thank you for the kind words. Kindness is key!


Adrial- thank you for taking the time to read my post. It was really a huge step for me, and I am so very grateful that it was a positive experience. Thank you for being there and listening.


Noel- a year ago I didn't think Id be writing a post like this. I was so freaking miserable. This forum helped me a lot and I'm glad I can share a positive experience that may shine some light on someones rough day:)

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  • 1 month later...

Thank you for sharing this. This, along with all the other positive things I'm reading on here are helping me to feel stronger. I have now got hope that I will eventually find someone who will love me for who I am. But, I realise that before that day comes I have to learn to love and accept myself, something that I have struggled with all my life ( well before H).


So maybe, just maybe H has done me a favour, because now to be able to move on I have to truly learn to love and accept myself (flaws and all). I am now starting to think this could be a good thing, It means I no longer have to pretend I am super human !


Hopefully, along the way I'll find someone who will love the real me too. And have a relationship that's deeper more meaningful than any of my previous ones have been !!


Something that you have just found !



Thank you so much :-)

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I am so happy for you, and I wish I could favorite posts for me to save so I could read later in the future. This is extremely uplifting, and it brought me to tears.


You have such a positive outlook it is truly inspiring. I have good days and bad days, but reading this will definitely help me on the bad days in the future.


Cheers to you chicka!

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