Atlantic

so funny!

I have never had a problem with waxing. Honestly, the bikini area hurts less than your face....

Good on you for your bravery in putting your status out there, WCS. It's hard to find someone I want to date more than once or twice. Dating is complicated and I am selective. One guy just passed the two date gauntlet yesterday...a disclosure may be in my near future.

I certainly agree that the world isn't fair and I know this situation just feels like it sucks at disclosure time. Without a doubt, there will probably be a few unpleasant surprises in my future where a man who I expect to be cool about it could reject me. Regardless of whether he is polite or is a complete dickhead as in your case, my point is that,* in general*, dating in person will tend to give you more chances to observe his character and build a level of mutual trust. You'll see how he behaves with others and with you. Actions in addition to words spoken over the phone or words on a screen. You will have more of a chance to weed out the guys who you decide you don't want to disclose to because something isn't right. Will guys reject you at some point in the future? Possibly, but I think by getting to know the person better you will reduce the chance of running into such a dramatic response.

Hugs to you, Parrot. I also made the same choice as Lelani, and contracted HSV II via a relationship with a good man who ultimately was not a good match for me. I have only disclosed to one person who was awesome about the disclosure. I have dated quite a few in the year or so since I have been dating again. Each time I have dated someone new, herpes gives me a chance to closely evaluate that person , well before I intend that disclosure will take place. I ask myself questions like does he have compatible life goals? Has he demonstrated reliability and trustworthiness? Do his actions match his words? What common interests do we share that would sustain a LTR? What is his relationship history - has he had successful LTRs that ended reasonably amicably, or has his love life been nonstop drama? Is he in a situation with exes that would create unwanted drama? Is he a financial trainwreck? As life would have it, most men do not make it pass the initial pre-disclosure phase. I feel that most of these questions really can be answered only by observing behavior during the initial dating process in person. I know you felt like you knew this guy after corresponding online, but you may have missed indicators that would have been clearer if you had dated in person. His reaction was unbelievably ignorant and callous. Looking back, were their any indicators about his possible reaction? I know it hurts, but you have to accept the fact that this wasn't meant to be, and go forward with an open heart and trusting that there is someone out there who is not only a great match but will accept H without an issue.

As a 30something woman who has had HSV2 for about 3.5 years now, I can attest to the fact that the outbreaks and symptoms do indeed become more infrequent. I noticed, in particular over the past year (in which I have not taken Valtrex unless I was sleeping with an HSV negative partner), that I have a couple of hormonal triggers (ovulation and menstruation) which can bring on an outbreak if I am not caring for myself (nutrition, sleep, exercise). In addition to your immune system building strong defenses, you will learn what triggers your OBs and how to best stem them or shorten the OB.

Thanks for the encouraging story! I am actually on PS (and MPWH when it existed) but I don't "segregate" myself to that site. I am on two other "mainstream" site as well including POF which is usually just a good source of laughs. ;) I have actually met some really interesting men on PS who are HSV2+ but live far away and I am not interested in a LDR. The pool is indeed shallow locally and honestly most of the guys who are local for me are not compatible. Sadly, though, I notice plenty of users on PS who spend a LOT of time on that site , posting on their forum, which is not the best use of your time if you are trying to actually date real, local human beings. My advice is to use positive sites as just one tool for meeting people.

It's good to be back. Lelani, you are always inspiring. WCS, I am warmed by reading your thoughtful and courageous posts.

Your doctor should be able to write you a prescription so you can pick up Valtrex "as needed." That is what mine did. Over time, your body WILL build antibodies against the virus, and you may find you don't even need the Valtrex (or rarely need it), unless you're with a non-HSV partner and use it as a preventative to reduce the likelihood of transmission. I have had HSV II for three years now, and it's now to the point where I do get itchy from time to time, but haven't been having actual OBs like I used to (yay!) I find that outbreaks are triggered by things like stress, exhaustion/jet lag, drinking too much and sometimes by hormones (I'm female). You'll begin to learn your body and your triggers, and your body will help out on its own, eventually.

That's harsh and I am sorry it happened that way. He's a shallow player, and doesn't deserve your thoughts and feelings. I can't help but wonder if much or all of your conversations were texts? Because (speaking from experience) it's easy to get a false sense of security/intimacy with a guy, and think that he is caring when in reality he's just a douchebag who is typing messages to multiple girls. Especially in a long distance situation. There's someone better out there (possibly right under your nose at your school!)

What a great story. Congratulations!!! I haven't been on here much, mostly because I feel like I really am finally accepting H and feeling like what I have to offer will far eclipse that minor issue, once the right person comes along. I've been dating some lately. In the process of dating, I meet guys who may not have H, but have some significant baggage (ex drama, financial circumstances like a past foreclosure, etc.) I am sure many people agonize over disclosure of those past circumstances. I have a little skin condition on my nether region that is easily controlled with medication. I also have a job, my health and a pretty good life if I may say so myself. I date but I'm not desperate - I am enjoyin the process and I am patient. I am more selective (not picky, selective ;)) than in the past, and my red-flag detector is fully engaged. I think H has given me another perspective to really see myself and what I need from a relationship.

How is your nutrition? Are you sleeping well and taking care of yourself? Working out? Aside from the H episodes themselves, I have not noticed any increased sickness with H. Are you under stress? When I was going through a breakup of a long term relationship, I had a nearly month long sinus infection, which was horrible. Stress definitely reduces the immune system. Sorry to hear you are feeling crummy and I hope you can figure out what's up, and resolve things.

Awesome news! I really disagree with quarantining ourselves to H dating sites. I have tried them, and the men I have met seemed kind of bitter and negative. One guy even put on his profile something to the effect of "well, met a girl, she ditched me because of this... so I guess I'm stuck here" No, I don't want to feel like someone's backup. Plus, I am sure there are some good people on H sites, but do you really want to restrict yourself to such a small portion of the dating pool? I am taking a hiatus from actively looking for a relationship (I am on Eharmony and it's been pretty fruitless as of late. Once I notified them I was cancelling my subscription they started bombarding me with shrubby guys. But I digress). lol This thread is a reminder of the possibilities out there, and helps me remember to be patient and trust the universe. You guys are inspirational - as always !

Hugs and appreciation to all of you, and Pacific, I am so glad you were inspired to post. I'm on my mobile so I will make this brief, but I just have to say again how grateful I am to Adrial for providing this forum.

Congratulations Danielle! You are amazing and you should be feeling absolutely wonderful right now. Enjoy it, and best wishes to you as you move forward with the new relationship :)

As always, your posts never fail to provide inspiration and confidence. Lelani, you are amazing! :-)

Awwww thanks guys. I knew you would have me feeling better. In retrospect, I learned a lot from this one, and am going to be stronger for it. I appreciate the thoughtful and kind words. :)

Some of you may remember my disclosure story from a few months back. Well, that relationship seems to be over. We had a lot in common on the surface, but were not connecting on the same level emotionally. I know this should be a reminder that there are *many* reasons why relationships fail, and that H is really nothing in the scheme of all the many issues and compatibility challenges that must be overcome to create a successful couple. But... this is my first breakup since dating with H. I know I should take heart that I got through my first-ever H talk with success, had a dating relationship despite H, had sex, and all that...but to be honest I still get a bit down about putting myself back out there into the dating world, which is brutal enough when you're a woman in your 30s, even without adding the H-factor. I will try to take heart in the fact that H is still a good filter for those men who are into one thing and one thing only. Just wanted to vent and hopefully get some advice from those who have been dating with H for longer than I.

Good for you Suzy! I have also been focusing on myself and my health, working out and yoga, eating really well - this not only improved me physically but also boosted my self esteem. Several months ago, I met a wonderful man who accepted H without a moment's hesitation- we are now in a relationship with that is moving forward and overcoming even more obstacles together (geographic distance etc.). He is amazing and I may never have met him if it were not for the transformation and courage that my emotional recovery from H spurred me to undertake. And this courage is going only help me in the future. There is no way that you will be alone for life due to H. Have faith in yourself and your awesomeness. A tiny skin condition is not going to hold you back from love!

Love it !!!

Awesome Sayyywhatt. It sounds like you are doing the right thing by prioritizing yourself, healing and focusing on the right steps :) Friends first often leads to great results in relationships. Good for you!

My experience was that, once you've survived the first OB, the worst is over provided that you take your Valcyclovir and take care of yourself. For me, eating well (lots of fruits, veggies and reducing artificial stuff) has definitely helped as has reducing my alcohol consumption and exercising more. I do take certain multivitamins and supplements, but more importantly I focus on eating well. I can happily report that this new priority on my health also has me feeling and looking better too. :) The first outbreak will throw your body and female cycle out of whack, probably a lot to do with the stress. Your cycle will regulate itself after a while. You will notice that becoming exhausted and otherwise running your body down (drinking excessively etc.) will precipitate outbreaks. Taking care of your body (which you should be prioritizing anyway) becomes more important than ever. Be well.

Herpesaurus... I can just tell you're a bright, smart, funny and strong woman from the way you tell your tale and the tone of your writing. You are going to bounce back from this- in fact, you already have. You are awesome and inspirational.

"With these sites, I found people are sad or depressed about their diagnosis and are so willing to have a negative attitude about it, I can't stand it." Yes, while this is not the case with everyone, I had this experience with a couple of guys I met thru both Positive Singles and MPWH ("Meeting People With H"). I had joined these sites when I first started dating again after my breakup with my giver. I wasn't ready to fully put myself out there in the general dating population at that time. The men I met did not seem particularly well adjusted and one had apparently been blown off by a woman over H, and was super bitter and I felt like he was turning to me out of sheer desperation. One guy sent photos that could well have been 15 years old- he looked nothing like them when we met (nice guy though). Another was just kind of boring and negative- we didn't hit it off. Match.com was a terrible meatmarket overall- I had one bland date and lots of creepers decades older than me constantly "winking", not even bothering to email. Ugh. However, my Eharmony experience was overall great. Met several really interesting, intelligent guys, who I went out with but didn't have chemistry; however, one is still a good friend. I then met a man several hundred miles away who I had tons in common with (of course such was my luck), we met, hit it off with great chemistry, I disclosed my H and he was so accepting and awesome about it. :) We're planning on seeing each other again soon. I'd recommend signing up for a mainstream site like Eharmony, and maybe try your luck with an H site too.I see the success stories on MPWH, so I can tell the site has worked for some. I have talked to some nice people on there, but none were local to me.

Awesome effemmell! Way to go!