I have something embarrassing to admit

[Guest]

I have something embarrassing to admit

Last night was Halloween. And I have something to admit to you.

(As I type this, I feel fear and sadness slowly churning in my stomach. Nervous anticipation.)

It feels vulnerable to consider telling you this. Why? Because me “admitting” this could lead to you judging me. Maybe you will judge me, maybe you won’t. I can’t control either your judgments or acceptance or what you will ultimately think of me. But there’s a part of me that judges myself about this, so it’s easy to jump to the assumption that you will judge me, too.Sound familiar? I am also wanting to share myself with our community in service of deeper connection and understanding. So you can know me better, so we can know ourselves better. And I trust that all of you will receive this well, with acceptance and heart. Because that’s just the kind of community this is. Understanding. Heartfelt. Giving. Loving. Supportive.

So what is this embarrassing admission?

Read on ...

[Aerial2013]

I LOVE THIS!!! THANK YOU FOR SHARING!

[Iamme34]

As I got this notice that u opened up n as vulnerable as we all are when we do, I felt the same feeling creeping in that u mentioned... I have those very often even before I had h... N even worse now since being diagnosed... Of the not being wanted or good enough... I realized that there are people out there although I haven't found one yet, but there are people out there that want to be around us.. Even if we r thinking there aren't... But what I love about this post is that even though u said maybe u weren't good enough, that I sit here saying shit!!! YES YOU ARE!!! N other than being in this sight I don't know you... But I find u inspirational.... U have given me hope, n answers to the best of ur knowledge n compassion n sincerity!!! That is enough for me atleast.. Because in this world that I know... People judge n are pretty ruthless to others!!! Not that u need me to tell you how great u are... But I feel the same as not being enough, n sometimes we need to see that other people go thru the Ins and outs of being and feeling unwanted.. For many reasons besides h... Thank u for posting because like I've mentioned, I needed alil inspiration...:0) xoxoxo have fun on the dance floor:0)

[PeasNCarrots]

I could so relate to your post. Thanks for sharing! :)

[anne]

Thank you so much for sharing your vulnerability to all the people in this group. To me. Thank you for showing how human it is to feel lonely and choose the loneliness because we are not able to do otherwise in the moment. And then to see that it will pass. And by being aware of that, expressing and sharing it, it will pass even faster.

What a beautiful thing you are doing. Wish you the best after-Halloween-party:) :-h

[hope75]

I can relate to this so much ! Thank you for once again for helping me feel not alone !! and as far as being not good enough? Although I do not know you personally, I can tell you, Your more than good enough. You have being put on this planet for a reason . You're a beautiful soul, whose glow warms the hearts of others !

 

As we let our light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence actually liberates others. ~Marianne Williamson

 

By facing your own fear so publicly and setting up this web site, you have liberated so many other people !! keep shining your light :-)

[Peggy]

First of all had you never had any of these feelings you and I and so many would not be on this website. The reason I love this website is because the founder has been there done that! Im so sorry to hear how you felt. I felt your saddness through your words. As you say usually our pain really has nothing to do with Herpes. Is there an echo in here ha ha! You are human like the rest of us. Sometimes I need to feel the pain..remember and move on. Thats what kicked us forward to start with right? Wanting to stop kicking ourselves. And thats when the tools come into play. I loved that I got to see more of you and what you go through. I love that you trusted us to share. You are an amazing light to so many! But we also yes, I said WE want to be that for you as well. I loved the frogger costume..great metaphor for not knowing where life will land you next! keep shining!!!!

[mr_hopp]

Thanks for all the support and love on this thread, y'all! It feels good to let you all into my life more and be received with understanding, love and support. This is truly a beautiful community that we have created together. Thank you all for all of your vulnerability and heart in making our supportive family so special for so many.

[Peachyogurtisawesome]

Its actually surprising to me that someone that seems so confident and has it all together on here needs support for sonething i think is so trivial. spending a halloween alone. doesn't make you uncool. Your posts are like little rays of sunshine round here among all the dismal and depressed ones. You're pretty cool in my book and i actually look to your posts as hope that what I'm feeling will get better. Sometimes the more i try to joke and cut up thr more empty my laughter really is. I was having a pretty rough night last night . i was talking to one of my real life friends and she just wasn't getting me why sometimes i get in these moods of just wanting to die. I was actually thinking what would adrial off of h do? When she said she loved me and would kick my ass if i did anything so stupid. so i tild my very first person last night in my real life about whay I'm going through. She didn't turn on me she didn't act like she was passing judement she wanted to cry with me and was angry with me. And i don't think i wouldve opened up so easily to someone in my life if it hadn't been for all the inspirational things you put up here and share with us. U certainly wouldn't think a night in on halloween would phase you. but i guess evdryone has a different view of what's trivia or not like herpes. i see some people on here shrug it off like no big deal but to me its like this big deal. I think its taking over my life andvi am just gonna have to force myself to stop ggogling it. cuz everytime i do it tajes. hrs out if my life and I'm left all more confused by the contridicting info in different sites. Butvim sorry u felt so bad. i guess even the strongest of us needs help sometimes. you're my favorite herpes bro lol you and carlos. i sign in everyday just to read his inspirational quote thread. so chin up buddy!

[mr_hopp]

Thanks for the kind words, Peach. WWAD? Ha! I'm so proud of you for telling your first person about herpes! Sharing your heart and your vulnerability. Beautiful.

 

And that's exactly it, isn't it Peach? We all have our own self-judgments. For some, my own self-judgments may seem minor, trivial. We all have our own ways of seeing our world based on how we have experienced our world in the past. This all ties into what so many people struggle with around herpes in a big way. From my perspective now — on the other side of shame — I can see that ultimately herpes shame can just as easily be seen as "trivial" as "life-ruining" ... why would anyone have so much shame about a simple skin condition, anyway? But I also remember when I was deep in shame about herpes, too.

 

Any perspective we hold can be "true" ... it just depends on what we believe is true for us. So hopefully this opens all our eyes that there are multiple perspectives from which we can see ANY situation in our lives — including staying in on a Halloween night or living life with this thing called herpes.

[joancharlotte]

Thank you for the wonderful Halloween story, last night was Valentines day evening and I was with out a boyfriend he left me when I told that I had herpes 1 genitals. He has another girl friend now. I went out with a girl friends even though I felt very sad all day. I think I am really luckey that he is gone because revealing herpes to him made him dissapear. I really was lonely with him.

He was not interested in me he only was interested in sex and his erection. Herpes did me a faver and revealed the truth about the other person. Thank you for your story about being alone , revealing your herpes story.

[WCSDancer2010]

I really was lonely with him.

 

WOW... that is a powerful statement .... there is nothing more lonely than being with someone and feeling alone like that...... what a great revelation for you Joan!

 

(((HUGS)))