Just found out I have herpes.

[victoriaxxx]

I know that I just found out that I have Herpes, HSV-2. I only found out about 3 weeks ago today. I remember finding only one little itty bitty bump. I thought had razor burn or something else. I am pretty sure most of you have been there. I was so scared. I told my new boyfriend at the time that I was going to get tested, because it is around that time of year. I already knew that herpes was not apart of the normal STD test so I always asked for it also. I told him I just wanted to be safe and make sure that he is okay in the long run. I was fretting it. I was so scared after that test was taken. I was so worried. Some how deep down I knew I had it. I didn't tell him at all what I was scared of.. I just knew that I was scared of how this would turn out.

 

So I called them three days later and you know the nurse told me I was clean from everything. I was so happy. I even asked "Even the herpes viruses?"

 

She said yes. A day later I get a call saying I am sorry I misread those tests. I was more pissed because I had already told the guy I was with that I was clean from everything. I was crying and crying. Hysterical...

 

Well 3 weeks later he is still by my side after I told him. As I am getting educated he is also getting educated. He told me he didn't want to leave me because that doesn't change what him and I have. The love that we share. I am thankful, but I am scared that I might give it to him. I know we are going to take precautions.. But it still makes me upset and sad. I wish this didn't happen to me.. You know ?

[whatsallthehubbub]

First. Welcome .. and to steal from dancer.. (((hugs)) i hope you have read the material available in these forums and know the percentages for transmission.. for me.. knowing the numbers help.. we have all been where you are now.. believe it or not.. it gets better.. and its going to be ok... over time you will come to realize that.... i know your sad.. but as it stands right now... you have herpes.. your partner knows it and is still by your side.. means he loves you for you.. and thats awesome! Your out in front of your condition best you can be.. and your here.. where the information is correct and peeps are supportive.. i encourage you to keep posting.. :)

[WCSDancer2010]

@victoriaxxx

 

Welcome! So glad to meet you.

 

You said I wish this didn't happen to me.. You know ?

 

Who ever "wishes" that things like this would happen to them? Life happens. Unless you live in a bubble, unpleasant things will happen to you. Some suck worse than others. We go through the anger, the frustration, the pain, and we move on.

 

It's ok to be sad but do believe those of us "old timers", life DOES go on...and you have a great guy standing with you through this :)

 

I put the links under your other comment here:

 

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/comment/8307#Comment_8307

 

(((HUGS)))

[victoriaxxx]

Well I think a little differently. Yeah I think everyone wishes this wouldn't happen to them. It's uncomfortable and it hurts. I know, my mom also has it.. But I can't really talk to her about it.

[victoriaxxx]

I mean I know life goes on. Of course it does. It's life things aren't perfect. Life isn't fair. I have been learning a lot about the disease. I am glad I was able to be open with him right away, because I just believed that wasn't something that I should hide. Not in the least. I would never want to give this to someone else. He knows that we need to be safe and communicate well. It just hurts my feelings. I feel violated and lied to.

[WCSDancer2010]

I feel violated and lied to.

 

By who? Do you know where you got it?

 

Going back and reading your initial post, it sounds like you just started this relationship. Do you know if he had been tested recently? Many people think they have been tested when in fact they were not because most STI tests don't include herpes...and 80% of carriers don't have symptoms - so he could have been silently carrying it and given it to you unknowingly ....

 

Herpes is sneaky like that... it can make it so hard to figure out where you got it from.... :(

[Sab123]

I can relate to you so much I found out in October and I was shocked cuz I have only been with two ppl one for 7 years and my current for a year and a half I went through my sad angry phase I cried and cried but now honestly things are getting better I have only had one on so far which was my 1st I have vaginal hsv1 by the way and my boyfriend has not left myside at 1st it was very scary for us both and I thought it would ruin us but I have to thank god cuz we are getting stronger and have an amazing relationship the only issue I face now is the fear of an ob I don't want to go back to feeling the way I felt before I feel like it took me so long to feel happy that once it happens again I'm just gonna feel defeated again sorry for rambling I wish you the best of luck fingers crossed for both of us

[victoriaxxx]

I don't know who I feel violated by, but I know for a fact that it wasn't from the guy that I am with now. We have not even had sex yet. We wanted to take things slow. To do things the right way. So I thought since we are taking things slow I want to get tested to make sure that he is going to be safe. Also he has just been tested also. I have seen his results. Everything came back negative for him.. So i promise you it wasn't from him and I have no idea who..

[victoriaxxx]

@Sab123 I don't mind you rambling. It's hard I know. I was freaking out I was sure that he was going to leave me.. He said " This doesn't change you. You are still the woman I want to be with." He said " We just have to be careful." I talked to him about how you know that he has to be aware that even if we take precautions they are not 100% effective.

He said he doesn't mind because I am worth more to him then some silly stigma that everyone puts on this. It's not my fault. I mean I could have been more careful, but it can happen to anyone and I know that.

[WCSDancer2010]

Well then he's worth hanging onto Victoria ;)

 

The thing is, you may not have been "violated" by anyone. It's very possible the person who gave it to you didn't know they had it. In fact, I would venture to guess they would be mortified to know that they not only have it but passed it on.

 

Have you contacted any of your past partners? You would be doing them a favor to let them know that they need to be tested - odds are they think they have been tested and you could help to educate them about the truth about STI testing...

 

(((HUGS)))

[victoriaxxx]

Yes. That was the second thing I did after I told the guy that I am with. I told them all to get tested. They asked me what for. I told them for what since I know that it doesn't get covered in a regular STD check. I felt like that was also the right thing to do. I know that would be something I would have liked to hear. I have also told them the statistics about this. I told them the possibilities. I told them everything. ((:

It's still hard to tell someone to go get tested, but you know in the long run I am doing the right thing and helping them from potentially infecting others.

 

Also, I have a friend who has been helping me through this. He was there when the doctor called me and told me my test results. He says that he is clean also ( Mind you he is just a friend and we have never nor ever want to have sex) . I asked him when was the last time he got tested. He said never.. I kind of gave him this weird look. He asked me why am I looking at it. I said " If you are sexually active you should get tested at least every year." He said Well I know I am clean because I have never seen anything wrong. I really was trying to educate him. I said Do you know how many people out there don't know they are carrying the Herpes, HIV, Hepatitis... Or most STD ? I told him that he needs to go get tested because even if you dont " See anything wrong with you're junk" Doesn't mean there isn't anything wrong. Yeah so I am also just trying to educate in general. To make the stigma not as bad, because some people are so uncareful.

[WCSDancer2010]

It's still hard to tell someone to go get tested, but you know in the long run I am doing the right thing and helping them from potentially infecting others.

 

Hallelujah!!! If every H+ could all go out and educate JUST ONE person, imagine the impact!

 

Hows about giving your friends/ex's/whoever you are talking to (like your guy-friend) the disclosure handout and point them to the e-book links? That way they can at least make choices about testing based on correct info ... keep a bunch of copies of the handout and have them ready.... that way you make sure they have something to look at later when they are alone (and perhaps not feeling so vulnerable in front of you ;) )

[victoriaxxx]

I brought the packets with me, I even printed out packets about other STD's also for him. Packets that my doctor gave me. I want to be able to be the change.

 

I just want to make sure that he is okay... I knew he felt vulnerable, because I could see that he started getting mad. Not at me, but at the situation. He said he rarely goes to the doctor anyways.

You know I have noticed men don't really go to doctors. I told him. Not only could you be infected with STD's and not know it. You could have other problems and not know it.

 

I also told him the statistics of how many infected people don't even know they are infected and he got this disgusted look on his face. I kind of got upset with him, but I didn't show it. I understand.. I used to be in his position. ( Not with the not getting tested of course, because my doctor made it very clear if I am sexually active I need to get tested at LEAST every year.)

[WCSDancer2010]

I want to be able to be the change.

 

YESSSS!

 

And yeah - we all have to deal with those who just don't know about how many people have this. I dated a guy briefly a few months back who I had to tell SEVERAL TIMES that no.....he wouldn't know if a woman had H just by looking at her vajayjay .... I still am not sure that he really got that message..... in the end, we can only give otu info and then they will interpret and do with it what they will :(

[victoriaxxx]

You know that is funny. I had to tell my ex boyfriend. Funny, he was my first love. I had to tell him that I have Herpes and that he has to go get tested. He said " How could you not tell that he had herpes, you can see that." No.... That is not always true.

[WCSDancer2010]

This is why , IMO, we need some kind of advertising campaign to educate. Because soooo many have NO idea about asymptomatic shedding and the fact that most are not tested. Just those two facts alone would be HUGE to get into the public arena ...

[victoriaxxx]

I really just want to educate. That is what I want to do sooo bad. I want to help do some kind of advertisement. I want to help out others in need. I might have only found out a few weeks ago, but I feel like I have already had some people come to me for advice.. && I have made a lot of people smile and keep their head up.

 

I have also informed people who don't have any STD's also. (: I just want to be a teacher.

[mr_hopp]

That's beautiful to hear, victoria. We will be harnessing all of this energy into a huge campaign in a few months. Stay tuned for that. We got some awesome ideas brewin' ... ;)

[victoriaxxx]

May I ask where this campaign may be? Because sadly I am broke and.. D: Yeah.

[victoriaxxx]

I will stay tuned, because you guys are awesome. (: Really.

[mr_hopp]

The campaign will be virtual, so everyone who is inspired to help at whatever level they would like to help can pitch in! No money required. Just energy, enthusiasm and inspiration. This home study course is top priority now (launching at the end of the month) and then we'll build our team, get brainstorming, get all our ducks in a row, then we'll be appealing to all of you — our beloved community — to help us get the plan realized! :) Exciting times, I tell you. Exciting.

[Klopz]

Victoriaxxx, I know exactly how you have been feeling I just found out a few days ago and I also feel like more people need to understand what herpes really is and that it's not this big monster that everyone makes it out to be! It's really nice to meet you and I'm really happy that you have a wonderful supportive man by your side!! :)

[victoriaxxx]

That sounds awesome. Definitely something that I am interested in. I want to help ((:

[WCSDancer2010]

Folks - there really are some AMAZING things a brewing behind the scenes. So many (H)Oppotunities to educate in the pipelines. Can't wait to get to wrok on them when Adrial finishes the Home Study course :)

[victoriaxxx]

I have been highlighting and printing out a lot of stuff. I have been asking my doctor every time he finds something to send it to me. (: Very helpful.