First rejection by a guy after telling him I have herpes

[Domo2012]

So, I have been talking to this guy for two weeks. We have seen each other everyday, and text all day and night. I have not felt this way about anyone in a long time. Yesterday we were at my house, laying down, and he asks about stds. This is the first time a man EVER asked. So, after hesitating for a moment I told him my story and status. At first he had no reaction. A blank face, no words. Then, he said thanks for your honesty, got his stuff together, and left. No kiss, no nothing. I explained the disease in the best way possible, even letting him know transmission rates, and ways to be careful. I have not heard from him since. Needless to say I am upset as he made me smile in a way I haven't for a long time... Any helpful comments?

[Kristin (breatheandletgo)]

Domo, I am so sorry. I know you must be hurting. ((((You))))

 

I am also sorry for the way he walked out on you. Whether he wanted to take on the risk of herpes or not is irrelevant to me. His reaction lacked empathy, compassion and basic kindness toward you. I am glad he at least thanked you for your honesty. (Edited to add that because I originally missed he'd even said that much)

 

I don't judge his choice to move on, but if I were in your shoes I would feel like I dodged a bullet. Relationships are always fun and flirty in the beginning, but sustaining them takes work and the ability to connect on a deeper level. Giving your body to someone is a deeply intimate act, and I wouldn't be interested in offering myself to someone who showed me so little human kindness. He may have baggage you don't know about that triggered his reaction, but he showed you something important about himself in that moment. And notice I said he showed you something about HIM. His reaction was about him, not you. There could be a number of reasons you may never know as to why he responded the way he did....but none of them say anything about you.

 

Take some time to be sad. Journal your feelings and thoughts or write them here. How did his reaction make you feel? What are you saying to yourself about it? Write down all of the good things about you he will miss out on. Use his own words, things he told you he liked about you, as well as things he didn't even know yet.

 

You showed such courage, compassion and respect toward him, Domo. You were incredibly brave and kind. Ask yourself if his response of walking out without a word is the response you deserved in light of that. I am going to tell you what I think. Fuck NO!!! :D

 

He may think it over and be back, but guard yor heart. He thought only of himself in that moment and left you alone and vulnerable, having just shared something deeply personal. For me, that would be a deal breaker no matter what.

 

Sending you warm hugs and lots of love. Love yourself. Keep your head up.

 

Kristin

Aka breatheandletgo

[Kristin (breatheandletgo)]

P.S. I am not trying to make him a "bad" guy as much as I am saying he could have been a better friend to you in such a vulnerable moment. Sometimes we accept less from our potential intimate partners than we would accept from a good friend.

 

My intention is to reflect back to you what I see...a guy who in my book wasn't a great friend to you in what was a very vulnerable and honest moment.

 

And to encourage you to ask yourself if that is the response you would expect your man to offer...the man worthy of everything wonderful that is you.

 

Xo

Breathe

[WhoopsiDaysi]

Domo,

I am so sorry to hear about his reaction to you being so very honest and upfront. If he asked about STDs (which most people never do) then it could be that he has issues of his own. I have run into a few people who have had bad experiences with H and so no matter how amazing I am, they will always have an issue with it. As Kristin said, it is about HIM, not you. But it hurts to feel so much for someone and to have that connection and then once they find out *poof* they are gone. We are all sending love and hugs your way and we are all so proud of you for telling your truth. You could have lied to him in that moment. A lot of people would have, but you didn't. His reaction is his choice but it doesn't mean it hurts any less. You can hold your head high because you did the right thing in that moment and that is all that counts. You are a woman of integrity and that will always be repaid. Hang in there my dear and know you are one closer to the right one!!

 

Hugs, Brenda xoxo

[lively]

Hey Domo listen to those wise women! I know it particularly hurts to be rejected when it's the first guy you've met for ages who really stirs your interest and it seems to be mutual. I went through this myself earlier in the year. This one sounds self centred to say the least. He may have been deeply disappointed, all sorts of stuff could have had him be so cold, but it's irrelevant to how he behaved. A basic requirement for a relationship of any value is that each holds the other's feelings and wellbeing as at least as important as their own, and he failed you in such a vulnerable moment.

 

Take heart. If there's one guy out there who you feel is special, there is more than one. Keep working on your self esteem and your body acceptance, keep connecting with this community. You are on your way towards full acceptance.

Big hug to you x

[lively]

Also Domo, it's worth noting that this first "rejection" is actually a major milestone in your own coming to terms with H. Once you get over your hurt and disappointment, and you will, you will know that you can survive this and use it to grow stronger and to love yourself more. You'll become more confident and fearless in disclosure. Remember the win in disclosure is your honor integrity and vulnerability, you cannot control the response of another. So the next disclosure will be easier, regardless of the outcome.

 

So be v gentle and kind with yourself, and know that you have made great progress towards the kind of relationship you want, both with yourself and with a man worthy of you. x

 

[Domo2012]

Hey all,

 

Thanks very much for the support. It did make me feel like less of a person even though I know this is not the case.. I do give myself credit for telling since I haven't been all the way truthful in my past experiences. In the end, this should get somewhat easier with time. Just working on me now is what I am committed to doing.

[Domo2012]

Xoxoxo hugs to you all

[Kristin (breatheandletgo)]

Domo,

 

Forget your past mistakes. Forgive yourself. You live and learn and do better when you know better. I hear so much shame in your words and it breaks my heart. I want you to know you are loved and forgiven. You are learning and growing.

 

I don't have any tattoos, but I have always said if I decide to do it, and you never know with me...that my tattoo will be this Japanese proverb for resilience.

 

 

Sending you the biggest hug, Domo. Stand up and start again. We're all here cheering you on.

 

xo

Kristin

 

[Kaykay80]

I think you have had a lucky escape, if he couldn't handle a couple of cold sores every few months imagine how many other common relationship issues he would have walked out on??? Plenty more toads in the pond, or fish in the sea whichever way you wanna say it :-) x

[Domo2012]

Thanks guys,

 

Today was sort of rough since I started missing him. But I know he wouldn't have been good for me in the long run.. I erased his number so I can't contact him out of desperation.... I know I deserve better, just didn't know it would be this hard.

[VirgoGirl]

we are all here for you!

[Kristin (breatheandletgo)]

I'm so sorry Domo. I completely understand how you feel. ((((you)))

 

I am proud of you for deleting his number. That is so bad ass of you! Seriously. You are going to be somebody's dream girl..you hear me? You just don't know him yet, but trust me...somebody is gonna be thanking his lucky stars this guy walked away.

 

In the meantime...I think we need to laugh.

 

[lively]

Domo honey I'm so proud of you for deleting that number too. Just let him go. Makes space for someone more worthy of you, and he will be a better match all round for you xx

[Domo2012]

Breathe, your words truly uplift my spirit every time I read a post by you... Lively, and Virgo Girl, the same goes for you. Thank you so much for your support. Today is a new day and I am going to start it off healthy, and with a clear mind. Since I don't talk to people about this much you ladies re my rock and are very much appreciated ;) just wanted to write this quick not before I get ready for my day..love to u all ;)

[Kristin (breatheandletgo)]

Love you too, girl!

 

When my daughter (who is almost 17) is feeling down on herself I give her some lovin' and then say, okay...head up, tits out, go get 'em. So...that's your assignment today. :D

[lelani]

Hi Domo...yes listen to these gorgeous women....get those tits out and go get 'em!!! Good on you for deleting his number...let him go. You knew him for two weeks and yes he made you smile...its easy to do that in the first couple of weeks. The real test about his intention, his integrity and his character is when the 'shit hits the fan' over anything - his reaction is the promise of things to come with anything that is challenging so best be rid of him.

 

And I can understand you missing him...actually its not really him, its the heady rush of feelings that you have when you meet someone. The hurt will pass - throw yourself into doing stuff for yourself and treat yourself. You do deserve more than a guy who behaves like that!!! Big hug. x