What the fuck...

[kay928]

I just found out I have HSV-2 yesterday. And I'm really distraught, even xanax isn't really taking the edge off...I just really don't understand. I mean, I know it's my fault. I'm not one of those sad cases where I got it from a cheating boyfriend or someone lied to me...I was a trashy whore for about 6 months and I have no idea who gave to me or when I get it or whatever because I've never had an OB. I just went in for a routine blood work and bam...I'm sobbing while type this because I am completely alone. I'm 22 in 9 days (happy birthday to me) and my family are so religous that they already think im going to hell for not being a virgin. I have no one. And I've been wanting to just not be here for awhile now and this really doesn't help. Someone please help me. Please.

[whitedaisies]

Well you are not alone. And I know you are feeling sad and angry and disappointed and scared but trust me , all those feelings do pass. The initial shock is really hard. we have all been there!!!!

 

What blood test did you do and what was your numerical score, just so I can help you interpret the results if you need.

 

You are a young girl, having sex....you should be exploring your sexuality and that is perfectly normal. You are not a whore....do not shame yourself. Sex is a normal part of life and you just were unlucky like lots of us here.

 

We are a good group of people on here, come on here anytime to vent. There's always someone here that will answer.

 

Read the veteran stories and any posts including Ella Dawson as well as she is your age with h as well. It will give you some perspective.

 

Be sad for now if you need, but don't stay there too long. You can live a happy and fulfilling life with this. And even better you have no ob so it's not affecting you physically which is awesome.

 

Hang in....it will get better!!!

 

Lots of hugs.

[Bluessinger]

I'm so sorry you feel alone. Don't. I just found out as well and I basically feel the same way you do right now.

[kay928]

@whitedaises

It said: HSV-2- Specific Ab, IgG (L-163147); Value: 3.81

 

That's it though..?

 

And exploring sex? Yes. Exploring uprotected sex? No. I feel like that girl that girl with daddy issues always too trashed to do the right thing. It's fucking karma.

 

Thank you, though. I'm glad I'm not alone. I just wished we had our own physical community so I wouldn't feel so isolated where I am...

 

[kay928]

@Bluessinger well the good new is that if we're both alone together, we're not alone at all, right?

[steve1101]

@kay928 You are not alone. Do you have someone outside your close family and friends that you can talk to? I always find it is easier for me to call my friend in Florida or a friend that nobody else knows. Feel safer talking openly with them.

[kay928]

@steve1101 Unfortunately, I really don't. I have lived in small southern town all my life. I've gone a few great places but formed no bonds. The rule about this damn town is that you're forever stuck in this damn town. Hotel California.

[steve1101]

@kay928 I hear you. I lived the opposite, whole life in big city but I know those towns.

[Bluessinger]

@kay928 I so sympathize with you, feeling like it's my fault, daddy issues, too drunk to use a damn condom...the whole nine yards. The thing is, you can use condoms religiously and still get this asshole of a disease. It's just bad luck for us. And keep in mind that 1 in 5 people have this. I know it probably doesn't feel that way in your small town. Anyway, I cried for at least a straight hour today, so I'm right there with you in spirit. I'm at work now, and in the middle (I think, I hope!!) of a mean initial OB. But for some reason it's helping to resume normal-ish life.

 

We are still beautiful, smart women. I just have to keep repeating that to myself. The grief and anger comes in waves, but what I do know is that I will not let this define me or my happiness.

[whitedaisies]

Ok your value is over 3 so it's pretty definitely positive.

 

So you could have also got it with condoms. Condoms aren't 100 percent. So don't go to the would a should a could a stuff

 

I would really recommend finding a friend on here or even the h Opp weekend that adrial offers on this site. Don't know when the next one is.

 

You are not alone. Millions of people like you. I would like to add that you have no physical symptoms which is very lucky. I know it's hard to see now but so many people on here are plagued by uncomfortableness and physical pain.

 

 

I was so devastated at the beginning. Needed antidepressants and lots of therapy. It wasn't easy but I will tell you it will get better after this initial shock.

 

Hang in there!!! Xo

 

I have two besties that I met as a direct result of this site. My life is so much richer and fuller with them in it. I never would have thought.

[WCSDancer2010]

@kay928

 

Hello and Welcome!

 

First: You are not a "trashy whore" ... you did what many of us do when young and trying to find ourselves ... we ALL do stupid things and sometimes we lose the crap shoot... that's life friend 😉

 

I got HSV1 orally at age 4. HSV2 genitally at age 17 with my first sexual experience. (GO ME!). Genital warts from my 2nd BF. And with the current info about HPV, I likely have at least 1 other type of that too. And while I have had some fun times, I wouldn't say I was "whoring" it up by any means.

 

And even with condoms that only gives you 50% protection.... if the person has an ob or is shedding from an area outside of the condom, you will get likely it anyway.

 

Just remember that 1 in 5 of the people in your town likely also have genital herpes. Unfortunately thanks to the stigma (that wasn't even an issue until the Big Pharma companies started making H to be something you had to be ashamed of) no one talks about it. Just as women used to say "I have some irregular cells on my Pap Smear" in the past ... but now we know that means you likely have a strain of HPV, no one talks about it , even though the CDC says EVERYONE who is sexually active will likely have it at some point.

 

My point is, you just joined one hell of a big club. And it doesn't stop you from finding love and having a normal life. It's just a speed bump that gets in our life at times.... I have 2 beautiful H- girls, was married 20 yrs (got my actual diagnosis after giving it to the ex-hubby..but we divorced much later for other reasons). Have had 2 H- boyfriends since.

 

These links may help you to get a better understanding of the reality of Herpes .... and know we are here for you.... you are NOT alone!

 

(((HUGS)))

 

Handouts + disclosure e-book:

https://www.herpesopportunity.com/lp/ebook

 

http://projectaccept.org/who-gets-hsv/

 

Perspective:

 

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/6070/it-gets-better great tips for newbies

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/2886/herpes-yoga-and-self-love

 

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/6801/throwing-herpes-on-top-of-ugly-my-shallow-post

 

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/6780/something-for-you-to-chew-on

 

 

Herpes facts video

 

[kay928]

Thank you everyone: @WCSDancer2012 , @whitedaises , and @bluessinger. I feel so stupid for feeling so upset since I see it's so common...it's just the way people will look at me. I think the worst feeling in the world would to be have someone that I love tell me that they can't love me because of this disease. Something I can never change and could have prevented. But thank you, really. It's nice to not have to look someone in the eyes and say this stuff. Lol

[Anna01]

Everyone has said all that needs to be said. Just know that I am here for you if you want to chat. i was diagnosed in June. It is not always easy but what in life is? Haha Keep your head up and in time you will see that this is just a itty bitty bump in the road ;-) Big hug from me to you xoxo

[casi1001]

If someone can't love you because of this then I would have to question if they were worth knowing in the first place. Let this make you a better person (not that you weren't before LOL) in the long run. Having H will change how you look at life and what you want out of it but that's not always a bad thing. I have found that since I started telling everyone it feels like a 50lb weight was lifted off of me. I am even considering looking into ways of helping others with this because only someone with H can truly understand the feelings that go along with it. This site has helped SOOOOO many people including me. If there is ever anything I can do to help you please do just ask. I promise things will get better, you MUST believe that.

 

 

Remember too that No-one can make you feel inferior without your permission.

[Sil88]

I know I'm just repeating what others have said, but this isn't just a group for trashy whores. I've always used condoms, only had 3 partners at 27, and initially caught it on my finger. Once your 'what the fuck' period has passed you'll be fine don't worry. Stressing is the worst thing you can do at the moment - in fact, you're probably more likely to have an OB now that you actually know it's there. Also, this forum is 99% US/Canadians so I'm even more isolated over in the UK!

[2Legit2Quit]

I went two yrs no sex and had it one time, unprotected and got it. Would you think someone who goes two yrs w no sex a trashy whore? No.... I've always been conservative about sleeping around, but I did get intoxicated one night and decides to let my hair down and boom.... It happens. I have 7 gfs w herpes and only two of them slept around put of that 7, so it happens to the best of us. Don't beat yourself up.

[Elise1977]

Honestly, I don't even think it matters if you are/were a "trashy whore", it doesn't make you more or less deserving of it. I'm learning to understand that this is nothing more than a simple consequence of sex, regardless of if it's in a monogamous relationship or because you slept with a random dude you met at a bar. The good news is that this isn't fatal. Yes, you will have the virus 365 days a year, but it doesn't mean you'll be suffering the physical consequences of it all that time.

 

Since my diagnosis, I've started looking at people I pass in the street and wondering if they have HSV. Some of them obviously do. Some probably have something else that is ten times worse. But they're going through life, living it, because that's all we can do. They look just like me. Like regular people. They do not have a scarlet H above their heads. I have no idea if they've slept with one person, or a 1,000.

 

One thing my boyfriend said after I disclosed last night was: "It could have happened to anyone. I've probably had more promiscuous sex in my life than you have." And he's right. It's just the luck of the draw, girl. We didn't do anything to deserve it.

 

A positive of this diagnosis, as I see it, is that I am more confident this is the last and only STD I will ever get. Not because I'm immune, but because I will now only enter into sexual relationships with someone after getting to know them, and who shows me they've been fully tested. Obviously, someone can cheat, nothing I can do about that, but because of having HSV, I will be so much more careful in the future. I won't put up with cheating anymore, because it is a risk to my health! This time it was HSV, it could have just as easily been HIV.

 

You will be ok, eventually. We both will. We all will.

[2Legit2Quit]

Slow clap..... To roaring applause @elise1977 look at the newbie go! Whew! I won't be needed on here w the likes of you newbies, such as @anna01 making us proud! Like watching your baby crawl, stand or walk for the first time! Lol

[kay928]

Everyone is so positive but I am so fucking angry. At myself. At everything. I want to be okay but I'm so fucking mad.

[2Legit2Quit]

That's because most of the people responding, have already come to terms w it.. We have our moment's, but for the most what good does it do to be mad? Sure there is a grieving process and even after that, you can have brief moments of anger, but they don't last for us. The point is, being mad about herpes is the same as holding a grudge against someone and how it's like drinking your own poison and expecting them to die.. It's the same exact thing w H. There is zero you can do about having it. ZERO. So why allow it to make the u angry? It only hurts you, H doesn't care nor does it change anything.

 

As we've stated before, it appears you are blaming H for a whole lot more, than is actually a result of having H. W that said, you are newly diagnosed, it is normal to feel anger. I did too. In fact when I listen to one of my gfs go on and on about all her tinder flings, I have urges to throat punch her, because how does she get off scotch free w how much she sleeps around, I never have, went two yrs w out sex, have it one time and get it and I got it bad. Like neuropathy that made me feel like a burn victim from the waist down. So yes, it can make me very angry at times, but then I realize what a complete waste of time it is.

 

Give yourself a break and time to grieve.. Just don't stay there. Recognize that these feelings will subside. They will go from constant, to sporadic, to rarely to never again..

[Elise1977]

I admit, I'm probably less mad because I'm older. I've gotten to a place in my life where I realize shit happens and you have no choice but to roll with the punches sometimes. I think you have every right to be angry. I had one full night of being seething mad, then realized it was useless.

 

I'd guess that if your friends all went out and got tested, many of them would have it, too. The thing is most of them probably won't want to get tested because it's easier to live in denial, especially with mild or no symptoms. Sometimes I wish I hadn't gotten tested because I've got no symptoms and it definitely added stress to my relationship.

 

I know it's hard to see it this way, but having herpes may save you from even worse/scarier things like HIV, unplanned pregnancy, and the emotional baggage that goes along with having multiple partners that don't actually care about you at all.

 

But, we are also being positive because we are cheering you on! I'm sure we all have our moments of thinking that this really sucks, but dwelling on it too long is not productive. You will find love. You will have sex. It just may not be with random dude at a party - which, probably wouldn't result in anything good anyway. So be angry or sad when you need to, but don't let it control you. It is a skin rash. If it was on your foot, no one would blink. But because we have such moralistic views on sex, a sex rash is somehow more bad. It makes no sense!

[Sil88]

In fact when I listen to one of my gfs go on and on about all her tinder flings, I have urges to throat punch her, because how does she get off scotch free w how much she sleeps around, I never have

 

Lmao, this is so me.. I get this with lots of mates.

 

Kay I was fucking pissed too, it almost drove me insane. But you will waste a big chunk of your life obsessing and feeding that anger and 'living' in bitterness.. It takes a while to realise that, and it often occurs around the same time that herpes becomes a non-issue physically. Chill out as best as possible until then.

 

 

[WCSDancer2010]

Gosh I love all you folks!!

 

Anger is often part of the grieving/acceptance process. Many on here have been there. It's ok. Don't beat yourself up for that too..... just let it wash over you for now.... makes it rinse off easier later on when you are tired of crawling around in it :)

 

My message of the day:

 

"Herpes really is a nuisance skin condition in a really inconvenient place ... with a really shitty stigma attached to it thanks to our Puritanical forefathers whose legacy has been to make us ashamed of enjoying sex. So whenever something *bad* happens in relationship to sex, we believe it's a punishment for DARING to enjoy it. Your first, and most difficult challenge will be to not buy into the stigma ... "

 

And did you look at any of the links above... esp this one?

 

http://projectaccept.org/who-gets-hsv/

[2Legit2Quit]

@sil88 am I right or am I right? You listen to them in disbelief knowing they are and have always been this promiscuous and they have just had the luck of playing Russian roulette w more bullet's than we played w and they get lucky w every trigger squeezed... Drives me up the wall, but at the same time I look at her in pity, because clearly she let's herself be used like a car rental from Enterprise to feel worthy, so who wins in this? Me... H+ and all!

[WCSDancer2010]

@sil88 am I right or am I right? You listen to them in disbelief knowing they are and have always been this promiscuous and they have just had the luck of playing Russian roulette w more bullet's than we played w and they get lucky w every trigger squeezed... Drives me up the wall, but at the same time I look at her in pity, because clearly she let's herself be used like a car rental from Enterprise to feel worthy, so who wins in this? Me... H+ and all!

 

Well @2Legit2Quit .... like it or not, you are now doing what you don't want people to do to you - passing judgment - it's up to each person what they do with their bodies, and yes, it doesn't seem "fair" that they *seem* to be avoiding getting a lifetime STD (and you never know for sure...remember most people won't talk about it or even know it if they have it!), but for one thing, the only thing that is "fair" in this life is the foundation I use when I put on make-up.

 

And you never know what else they are going through... many who are "promiscuous" (Not all, by any means!) are using sex for validation - to cover a deep pain that they are trying to avoid and ignore.

 

Point being, we never know what another is going through. And as the Bible says "Judge Not, Lest Ye Be Judged" ... if you don't like being judged, then don't judge. We each have our own baggage, our own fears, and our own road to travel ... focus on YOURS and let them find their own way.... anything else is a waste of your valuable energy :)

 

(((HUGS)))