Disclosing Via Text

[StillMeButWiser]

Just tonight I disclosed to someone via text. A little background....I dabbled in the swingers lifestyle and had played with this couple before my first outbreak. When the first OB occurred I contacted them (her). She told him. So tonight before I was to see him, and being just shy of year of seeming him and not knowing if she told him. I texted him saying I wasn't sure if she told you but....herpes thing. When he came over we got on the subject...he said he was impressed and glad that I told him personally. He had read up on it but the information he collected wasn't totally correct. Long story short, I disclosed via text and he accepted me totally. It may not mean much to some since he a swinger but to me, only disclosing to a few it meant something to me.

 

And now I think about it I disclosed to couple guy friends via text. To me, it's still as hard as face to face, just without the emotion being exposed. And they accept or not accept on the same value as face to face.

[Nal]

I disclosed to my bf with Whatsapp and hated, but he dragged out of me while I was in the doctor's waiting room before getting tested. I would have preferred telling him in person (which wasn't an option) or at least on video chat but I caved. He took it fairly well but that migjt be because he with 100% certainty infected me. Obviously it was a different situation but I wouldn't want to be disclosed to by text, tbh. Whether in a casual or committed context, I'd want to see the person's face. I'd also be a lot more likely to want to take the risk of contamination if the person sat me down face-to-face.

 

Now my boyfriend might be a person to talk things out by text and then phone me/video chat with me when everything is sorted out. So I guess it just depends on the person you're dealing with. Some may even prefer it. I wouldn't.

[Anna01]

@Bambina3 I was asking him his age for my own reasons. His name is @hippyherpy. Is that a veteran hippy who is in his 50's or one of the new age hippies in mid 20's. That is a popular thing going on. I have friends who have the "hippy" lifestyle. They go to festivals, party and have the free love mentality. @Hippyherpy your word choice also makes me curious (ex: hatin haha) So his age was relevant to me @Bambina3.

[Anna01]

@StillMeButWiser Whatever works for us right. It can be hard telling someone face to face BUT I feel the anxiety that comes with waiting for a response via text....UGH kill me now. I HATE waiting for replies via text haha. Especially if it is something I care about. Also, I feel that people can sense your humanity when their hear your voice or see your face. Text messages can feel somewhat detached. Regardless though disclosing is an honorable act. So if it takes a text to get it out, do it! I'm glad your swinger guy was open enough to see the reality of what this is :) Congrats!

[Anna01]

@Nal I do agree that everyone is different. Some people prefer to write all their thoughts out. It gives them time to really think things through and say what they mean to say. Also some may benefit from having the time to process what someone wrote them and think of a clear response prior to actually speaking.

[hippyherpy]

My thoughts are that whether or not someone rejects or accepts shouldn't factor into your confidence, regardless of if you have herpes or not. There are many other things in life that can have more weight in the equation.

 

That said, I do feel more comfortable saying that after getting a few yeses so far from disclosure.

 

It's been a little over a month since I've first I found out about my herpes, and as the time rolls by I'm realizing more and more how it's not a big deal to me personally, how it doesn't really seem to be a big deal to several other people I know, and how 2-3 people that I've known closely have had it for years without telling me. I can only imagine how many other people around me have it.

[Anna01]

You are absolutely right. I truly believe it is not a big deal and it is extremely common. So why let it hinder our confidence.

[hippyherpy]

Where is the area of this website that lists all of the threads about casual sex and herpes?

[mr_hopp]

https://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/1758/frequently-asked-questions-on-herpes-and-popular-conversations#latest

[WCSDancer2010]

The ones I listed are the ones I have "collected" ... I track/save discussions (in addition to the ones in the FAQ's) that come along that are repeatedly discussed or that have "specialty" info/opinions... these are the ones I've given you already ... you can also use the search option...

 

http://www.womenshealthmag.com/sex-and-relationships/dating-with-herpes Ella

 

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/70/herpes-disclosure-and-casual-sex general discussion

 

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/6484/another-great-interview-with-ella-dawson-includes-great-info-on-how-she-deals-with-casual-sex

 

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/2056/semi-success-i-dont-know-just-read-it thiisgoingtobeok (Casual Sex Successful Disclosure)

 

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/3271/first-disclosure-was-a-success-i-can-breathe-now- Rogue1313 (casual friend)

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/3368/my-one-night-wonder Casual sex Willow

 

[hippyherpy]

Just disclosed over text with a girl from online dating.

 

Here's what she wrote back:

 

"It takes a lot more to scare me off. :) Thank you for being honest with me. As long as it's not something that's manageable and not easily transmitted, if at all, then that's fine by me."

 

High five.

 

 

[2Legit2Quit]

Awesome! Look at you go!

[labyrinth]

I have disclosed over text before and in person. If it was a person I knew needed the information but I wasn't able to see them inperson I did try to give them a phone call first before the text. I think it would depend on the text conversstion. If it is someone you know is actively engaged in the conversation but you aren't in a position where you can see them face to face then you might be able to handle text disclosure. I am at the point where I would like to disclose to this guy I am really into but we can't seem to sync up our schedules. We have had some very interesting and adult conversations so I really want to do this face to face because he is a local. (Yes we have met inperson before but it was only in passing-long hysterically funny story.) However, I dread putting it off because I don't want him to feel like I have been lying to him, but I want to avoid the text disclosure because he gets easily distracted (darn ADD) and I really need him to focus on what I am telling him.

[hippyherpy]

Face to face is usually better odds.

[optimist]

@labyrinth All of my disclosures via text have been successful, but they have all been dialogues, not one-way communications. If the other person is not someone who can focus and engage in a text conversation and there's a risk that it would turn into a one-way message that they don't see until later outside of a dialogue, I probably wouldn't do it that way.

[labyrinth]

Lol. Which is pretty much what I was thinking and why I decided to wait to tell him. But man the wait is KILLING me. Most of my disclosures have been positive enough that I am comfortable during the conversation and am at that point where I will use my STI as a "wingman". Basically if they can't handle it then they can't handle me. I believe @WCSDancer2010 mentioned doing this in a blog and I liked the idea-it really is a good way to cut through time wasters. Especially if you have a dating profile, but I didn't meet him online.

 

I just keep hoping that he is one who can handle it. Lol.

[hippyherpy]

Your job is to make it as easy as possible for him to understand/handle it. The reality is that herpes isn't anything that most people should be worried about, they just tend to not know that yet though.

[labyrinth]

Good point. I have even gone back and re-red the pamphlet that they have on here and just cruising the forum to get some more ideas on my approach. Oddly enough I have disclosed before this but since it was on a dating site I didnt really have to do much. Although I have disclosed in person-survived it. I think I'm stressing because I really like this guy. Lol. Not helping myself with that worry so I am trying to not think abt it too much or make it a huge deal.