I'm in absolute terror about telling my wife I have herpes - please help

[2Legit2Quit]

Cause , he took all his tests before 4 months @wcsdancer2010

 

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[MMissouri]

I missed that testing frequency. That explains that. Ty for clarifying 2legit

[MMissouri]

@Seeker1960. I see. Best of luck with the test. I hope you get some answers.

[2Legit2Quit]

You gotta sit on that neck pillow to alleviate pressure on the sacrunz where the inflammation is coming from and traveling down your buttock and back of thighs. Bard surfaces are the worst thing to sit on for long periods when you have neuropathy in that location and it absolutely will make it worse.

[2Legit2Quit]

@seeker1960 the type shouldn't matter when it comes to disclosing. I hope you don't have in the back of your mind still what you told me. Honesty is the best policy.

[WCSDancer2010]

I would say for most that knowing the type DOES matter for the reasons @seeker1960 stated... if a potential partner has the same one you do, then it means no problem... if you have H2 and the other person has H1 they have a *small* amount of immunity... but you can at least try to educate them that they already have 1 type of H...

 

We're all cheering you on @Seeker1960... just speak from the heart :)

 

[2Legit2Quit]

@wcsdancer2010 , not sure if you're just skimming my comments, but appears maybe, because this is the second time you've misread what I have said. The first one about the vaccine which I NEVER posted about. I posted about the test kit. Second, you don't know the personal conversation he had w me on what decision he was going to make, based on type. It is up to him if he wants to share that w you, but I'm not going to. You are taking it out if context and I am not telling him to not get typed, I am responding to him saying he wants to know his type so he can decide on what he's going to do. I'm simply telling him despite the type, he knows the right thing to do and his initial idea he had was grossly incorrect. Again, his decision to share w you what was discussed. Reading and not reacting would help.

[Fran]

@interror , just checking you are okay - what did you end up doing/ saying ?

[WCSDancer2010]

No news isn't necessarily bad news... it's just no news :)

 

We're rooting for both of you over here :)

[optimist]

@Seeker1960 Maybe I missed something here, but if your wife has oral HSV1, and you recently acquired GHSV1, is it not highly possible you contracted it from your wife? Or have you not been having oral-genital sexual contact?

[mr_hopp]

@Seeker1960, I'm inspired by your courage, brother.

[WCSDancer2010]

Yes we have had oral genital sex in the past. I'm just afraid that the tests has missed an HSV2 infection. I also have taken tests for all other STDs and have come up negative so far at 12 weeks.

 

At this point if all the tests have come back negative for HSV2, then ACCEPT THAT. The regular tests look for 1 or 2 proteins associated with the antibodies for Herpes. Western Blot looks for 16 I believe... so the odds are pretty damned high that if you got a negative for HSV2 (ie, not even "inconclusive) then YOU ARE HSV2- ...

 

And while you need to clean up the issues around the affair, the odds are reasonable that you could have got it from your wife too. HSV1 sheds from the mouth region about 3x more than it does in the genital region so YOU have been at risk the whole time you have been with her...BOTH of you need to understand that part... given you shed less than she does AND she has the antibodies, her risks are pretty low as long as you are smart around not doing anything genitally if you have concerns that you are having an OB... but you can still have a great time with oral as she can't get "more" of it from you that way.

 

At this point, I would focus on doing what you need to to repair the marriage. The longer you keep acting distant (because you have been working on getting all the tests done) the more SHE is going to start looking at why she is still there. Time to make your plan of action and just bite the bullet friend. And I truly hope you can work through this.... honestly, things like this *can* make the marriage stronger. But the marriage has to be WORTH it to both of you to want to do the work to get through the painful stuff that unfortunately will be part of the process.

 

(((HUGS)))

[Katidid]

@Seeker1960 I was thinking the same thing optimist said. You could have very, very easily gotten Hvs1 from her through oral sex. I understand that you thought they may have missed hvs2 in your test, but it's doubtful. Best of luck!!!