fitgirl

Yes I agree. If you don't ask for the test, you won't get it. In Canada they don't even want to test when you ask!! You can have the virus for years before an outbreak so it's hard to be sure where you contracted it. In the US there are more testing options. Review this site and you will see all the ways to test and how much insight they can give you. Bottom line.... some people never have symptoms and never know, others will have regular outbreaks. You girlfriend may have herpes and not know.... she should get tested (for real).

@PositivelyBeautiful Yes..... I found it soooo much harder to disclose the deeper I got. more on the line, more to lose. If he isn't coming expecting sex, then I would let him come.... enjoy the visit and see how it goes (with no sex). Having other contact with hands is not much of a risk and is virtually zero risk without an active OB. So see how it progresses but be safe. And BTW, "safe" doesn't mean anal!!!! And by anal I mean rigid ;). Herpes doesn't ooze out of every pore of your body. Transmission isn't instant and it extremely unlikely when hands are involved. I have had 15+ yrs of sexual experiences that had zero transmission. Don't met the virus consume your womanhood, its only a small part of who you are. Whatever you decide, as long as it feels right for you then it's the right choice. Life cannot be full of second guessing, just live it!! Be mindful and know you are following your gut instinct and your heart :)

@PositivelyBeautiful I have been where you are. There are a few options..... you could tell him over skype, you could tell him over skype that you are going to email a "letter" with something you want to explain. you could also wait for him to come. If you feel like your gut is telling you that doing this in person is best for you, then wait. A trip to visit you should not come with the expectation of sex! If he is coming to see YOU then he will get what he came for. In my situation, I decided to send an email (after setting it up over skype that I had something important to share. That worked well for me because it gave him time to think about how to feel and react without being put on the spot. I know that I would prefer a written message as opposed to face to face (that's the controlling part of me). It gives a chance to absorb the information and formulate questions without feeling pressure to react in an acceptable way. That's just ME. In my case. It worked out amazingly....he responded via skype after he had a chance to process the info. he asked a few questions and I sent him to this site. (actually put the link in the email). He basically replied that "you aren't getting rid of me that easily" :) All this said, you have to decide what you are most comfortable with and be prepared for any outcome. I have yet to have a mann "reject" me because of herpes and I believe that is because I have owned my status, been honest and upfront. They can take me or leave me. Accept me or not. Showing confidence and power makes them realize this is really a minor glitch in the big picture of life. I know it's scary, I have had the virus for over 15 years and the disclosures are never fun but you can't control how others feel. Accept any result, we are all just human. Good luck, keep me posted.

@ callmecrazy26 I have had that same talk with myself many, many years ago....it makes sense when you are in the justification/bargaining stage of herpes. I know how you feel. BUT.... at the end of day, you wouldn't feel good about that and you would regret it (you know it). it's not fair at all.... but trust me when I tell you...... disclosing is what you want and need to do.) it's the only way to find true love and it's the only way you could live with yourself. Give your partner the option, love and respect them enough and it will come back to you in spades. I guarantee it.

Disclosure is case by case. I would suggest that in general, it helps to get to know the person and they get to know YOU. Not everyone would take the risk for someone they just met. It's so hard to know when the time is right. Trust your gut.

Each body responds differently.... valtrex has been a game changer for me. At first I wasn't sure. The first "episode" I treated, the drug made me feel sick and "off". But when I went on 500mg daily it was fine. I don't like to take meds at all but I will say, it was the best choice for me after many years of regular outbreaks. You have to figure out what works for you but try all formulas and options before you reserve judgement!!!

Perfect. That's always been my approach :)

Over all, two H+ people having hot sex is a most epic thing.....(in my experience). Credit to both of you for wanting to be safe. There is always a tiny possibility of exceptions to all the rules and stats but in the big picture, you are generally very safe! Don't let herpes play a role on your relationship because it doesn't have to since you are both positive. I have had many years experience with a H+ partner and never worried about it, that is the best case scenario.

My experience and info I have received from infectious disease doc.... once you have it, you can't get it again!!!! Meaning..... if you already have hsv of the same type it is HIGHLY unusual to get it in another location. that has been my experience of over 15yrs and that is echoed by the professionals I have talked to. I say.... enjoy the fact that you don't have to worry about infecting a H- person and have fun! :)

It is different for everyone for sure. Outbreaks have a varied timeline. Could be days, could be weeks. If they last for longer, you may want to look into antivirals. As for the discoloration, I know that with black men, the sores/rash can be red and then white when they heal but over a short time, the skin goes back to normal (within a few weeks). As a white chick (clearly) I know that the outbreaks always clear and my skin returns to normal. Others may have a different experience but that is what I know :)

@Nickolas66 Discoloration meaning? if you are white or black the discoloration would be different.

@brittyo that is fucking awesome! What a perfect outcome. Love it!!!! Great men (and women) like that are out there and this proves it. I have had similar experiences (more than once). It's so great to hear these stories, it shows how there are actually evolved people in this world. I am so happy for you.

No harm in different opinions, that's what make this site and living in a democracy so great! :) I can always arm wrestle you to settle the debate ;)

@Bslydell You go forward :) Educate yourself and be mindful that you have herpes. Take care of your body,mind and spirit. Remember... its JUST herpes. It's not a life sentence, don't let it consume you. Your life is still the life you want it to be, letting a rash get in the way of that would be a waste :)

I for one, am an advocate for personal responsibility. It would be a very different story if she was forced to have sex against her will. That was not the case. And who is to say wearing a condom would have prevented transmission... we all know that is no guarantee. Clearly the American culture (in general) supports and defends financial retribution through their court system. I see it differently. And why are oral hsv1 and hsv2 apples and oranges? Same virus, same lifelong infection just different location. Once again..below the belt stigma and different set of rules. Bottom line....she has herpes. And now she is richer because of it, we should all be so lucky.

Men and women like this exist. We just need to believe in ourselves and give them a chance to show their wonderfulness :)

@seeker There is no point to the fight I'm my opinion. You choose to fuck. Some will be honest and some won't. You choose to do a lot of things in life and many will "do you you wrong". The reality of life.... don't blame. just realize that we are all imperfect. Maybe the "infector" was ignorant. Maybe he or she was scared. Don't sit here and ask not to be judged if you aren't prepared to take the high road yourself. Life has challenges and shit happens. Move on. You don't get to sue for ignorance and fear and stupidity. If you don't want herpes, stay celibate. If this was life threatening it's a completely different argument. So every person with cold sores is subject to a lawsuit! Bullshit. Just because it's genitals it doesn't make a difference in my opinion. This lawsuit would suggest that every child who's aunt kissed them and they got hsv1 could sue...are you kidding me? keep it in perspective.

@Hope1 @WCSDancer2010 (I always forget the WCS part :) ) is totally right! so many of us have had success stories with H- partners who accept and love us for who we are, not what we have. (or don't have) My man who is H- has actually wanted to get herpes so that I don't have to worry! He has shown mad love for me that is unconditional. I don't want him to get herpes but I also know that even if he gets it, he is OK with it and will take it in stride. That is a HUGE weight off my shoulders. My point is, you should always protect your partner in every way possible but you also need to remember that all sex has risk, life is full of risk. We need to accept responsibility for our own lives and our choices. One partner or one hundred....it doesn't matter, herpes doesn't discriminate, anyone who is foolish enough to think they are immune to it is ignorant of the facts.

Americans love to sue each other :) I know in Canada this type of lawsuit would go no where. Our system doesn't allow for the damages worth suing for.

@callmecrazy26 That's a difficult thing to experience but it's his loss, not yours. Ignorance is a much bigger turn off than herpes!!!! From time to time you may come across these types of reactions but I can guarantee he was just in it for the sex by his reaction (assuming he didn't even try to understand or make an effort). The beauty of herpes is that it allows us to screen out potential partners. You would have had sex with guy (which may have been great) BUT then what? If he wasn't prepared to learn more then he isn't much of a friend either. Pick yourself up, brush off the negative energy and get back out there. Sooooo many smarter, more compassionate men on this planet than you realize. Go get yourself one of them ;)

@Roo21 You nailed! That post encapsulates the entire process and reality of herpes. You have gone from zero to 100 in no time flat. Nice job :). There will be ups and downs along the way of course (this is life) but you are well on your way. Welcome to the club :)

@Bslydell and @whitedaisies In Canada (alberta anyway) the HSV testing is virtually non existent. They will generally only swab an active sore AND will NOT do a blood test for HSV! I called health link numerous times to find out how and if I could get tested and was told that they don't test for herpes since there is nothing they can do for it anyway. I did get in touch with a infectious disease doctor who said he would do it for me and my partner but that was considered "special treatment". I went in with an active sore to get the diagnosis via swab (which btw, hurts like hell because they literally dig at the sore to get as much of the virus as possible). I knew I had herpes, I just need the test to get valtrex. In the US it sounds like you have way more options to get tested. That may be due to our universal health care. So, depending on where you live, not all of these tests are provided so asking around is the right thing to do. This site is a great resource for info and support from all over the world.

The swab need to be from an active "sore" to get a reliable result.

@David I can't say I have experienced that.... I am H+ for 15+ years. It may be that you are just horny at certain times ;) not sure if there is a correlation....

@tsv33 I have had a son while being hsv2 positive. In the absence of an ob, its a relatively safe option to deliver vaginally. If you are not sure, then opt for a c section to be 100% sure. My son was born naturally and vaginally... it is possible :)