fitgirl

Damn straight. I'm cool with that. (not to mention I have tattoos and dreadlocks..... I am a comic goldmine really)

@ele3 I have MANY tats and I can tell you.... Herpes is not transmitted through blood. Unless you are having an open lesion tattooed (which would be fucking ridiculous and hurt like hell you are fine :)

@WCSDancer2010 Shit.... I am Polish, Ukranian, AND I have herpes! :)

@chikitta13 I am sure that's how a lot of people got herpes :). Bottom line..... we are all human. Herpes just brings us closer to each other. It brings us closer to the H+ people we meet and talk to (on this forum and in life) and it also brings us closer to the H- people we disclose to. Seeing the humor in the uncomfortable nature of the topic really does help. Keeping it REAL and not allowing it to bring you down speaks volumes. Comedians are trail blazers.... they confront the awkward and I LOVE that :)

@Truthbetold That sounds super sketchy..... she is obviously a sociopath based on the behaviors you describe. The reality is, people like that don't have a conscience so even if you were to get her to admit and apologize, it wouldn't mean a damn thing. The emotional toll this is taking on you has more to do (or at least as much) to do with her breaking your heart than with herpes. These types of experiences happen to all of us at some point in life and you just got a lovely "parting gift" in this case :). Herpes isn't something any of us would sign up for but it does give us a good filter for future relationships. It always seems like a bigger deal when we are having an OB and the bad feelings creep up again but take it from me, you were lucky on this one and as we often say on this forum, you dodged a bullet. A woman like that would not be worthy of you. She will continue to lie her way through life and end up in a very sad and lonely place. Don't give her any more power than you have already. Letting go of the anger will free your heart and mind to move on.

@giftreceipt yes, it's amazing how we relate to the jokes now!!! I actually love a good herpes joke as you can see.... Dane cook has some great ones like this http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8pVB0PfzdrY&sns=em

@looking4answrspls Welcome :) This is the hardest part of the process..... the beginning. You have come to the right place. Will your life be different now? In a way yes, but in a HUGE way.... not at all :) To start with, the symptoms are manageable and the outbreaks will get better. There are many vets on this forum that have some really great remedies and they will chime in on those. For my part, I can tell you that you will be ok and you will live every bit of the life you planned to. This is just a minor glitch in the equation of life for you. It will make you grow up a little bit faster than youu might have planned but that's ok. You are just as cute and loveable and sexy and worthy as you were before. Herpes does not define you. I have had it for over 15 years and I know how you feel right now. I was there once too. Let me guarantee this..... its not as bad as it seems. You will be ok and you will get through this. We all process this in our own way but you don't have to change. You will learn and get support here and in time, you will get back to feeling like your old self. Allow yourself to process this and know that we all grieve a loss on some level but you will see that those of us who have walked this path are living and loving life on a higher level. Herpes can elevate your life if you let it and give you a chance to develop more meaningful and deep relationships. Look at this as a curve ball, it goes off course momentarily then you hit a home run. You have just begun the game, there will be ups and downs but you will come out the winner as long as you love yourself and stay true to your core. Herpes is just a minor inconvenience, don't give it more power than it deserves. We are here for you.

@riverstyx That's fucking awesome :) see..... us females know a thing or two about the female mind ;). Any other response should have made you run for the hills! Congrats on your "non-disclosure disclosure". Impressive. The world needs more men (and women) like you. Keep us posted.

@giftreceipt Your situation is unfortunately far too common. Men and women (or as I like to call them, boys and girls) who knowingly have sex with a partner without disclosing are putting people at risk and being selfish,ignorant assholes. I understand your anger. That said, it won't help you :) and even if she did apologize at this point, isn't it too late? How could you even believe the apology to be heartfelt after she has acted in such a heinous way? The worst part is not the fact that she gave you herpes, its the fact that she hasn't owned up to it nor has she shown any regard for you or your feelings. She obviously is continuing to treat other men this way also so to get any acknowledgment from a " GIRL " like that is highly unlikely and would be less than satisfying even if it did happen. I agree with dancer, let it go..... its not worth the energy. She will end up a lonely old woman with behavior like this. You, on the other hand, will benefit greatly from this life lesson. It could be soooo much worse ;)

It sounds like she may be the dramatic type :) Don't let her reaction impact you so much.... it seems over the top under the circumstances.

And if you want my psycho analysis of you Koolkat ..... (well I'm a woman, that was a rhetorical question because I am going to give it to you unsolicited) I think you are better man than you have portrayed here on this stream. I think you wish you had a good reason not to disclose and you want to get the "atta boy" pat on the back to justify the thought. But DEEP down, you are just as scared and worried as we all were when we first got herpes. You want your former life back. I did too. But you are here for a reason, if you didn't care you wouldn't have posted here at all. I am going to give you what you came for...... the answer to your dilemma is simply this: listen to your conscience and do the right thing. Adrial was strong and brave. HE created his reality by having integrity and love for others. You can be the same, you don't need a website, you just need to stand up and be real.

:) I haven't attended any of them....

Yeah, it's nerve racking! It's the fear of the unknown, not knowing how she will react, not knowing how she will feel. You can't control that but you can be the man you have demonstrated to be here on this forum. I give MUCH credit to you for everything you are asking and doing, especially for a guy who doesn't even have herpes! You are doing the responsible thing for yourself and for her. Be proud of the fact that you are taking the initiative to keep you BOTH safe. If more people were like you, we would have less std's. If I were in her shoes I would appreciate your integrity and maturity and would absolutely want to get tested and get to know you better. THAT is the kind of man that would win my heart :). If she reacts negatively, don't blame yourself and don't blame her just accept that people have their own fears and insecurities so their reaction often has nothing to do with you or what you are communicating. All I know is that she would be crazy not to hear you out and be grateful for the stand up guy in front of her. Be strong and be confident, you are walking a path that is admirable.

God, I hope not.

My H- boyfriend ALWAYS chooses to have sex without a condom. HIS choice knowing all the risks. It is hard at first to understand why our partners choose to accept the risk knowingly but as time went on, I realized that he is ok with any outcome and I needed to relax and accept it too. I am on suppressive meds by MY choice but he has said that if he gets herpes, he doesn't care, he wants ME and will be prepared for the consequences. I am way more concerned than he is by a LONG shot! My approach now is that we are in this together and I will do everything I can to prevent passing it to him but I also have to respect his choice and LET him love me unconditionally, I suggest you do the same. There some amazing men out there, I am fortunate to have one of them and it sounds like you are too ;)

Well said dancer.

@ivoryrain Yep, you got it...... its amazing how a woman can be a piece of ass to some men without regard to their mind or spirit or emotions. Instead of learning something from you and growing as a person he chose to disregard the opportunity and will move on to another woman who will give it up without the biology lesson. That's ok. You didn't want to be that girl anyway ;)

Part of life is learning from our relationships (whether we have herpes or not). Each time you end a relationship or your partner does, ask yourself what pattern needs to change in order to make the next relationship work. We all default to our "usual ways" but if the outcome is always the same it's time to change the pattern. Herpes won't find you the woman of your dreams, it will merely be one more tool in your toolbox when maneuvering through the dating scene. Keep trying! :)

The reference to man up was in relation to maturity not masculinity, context means everything :) I actually believe that a true man is one who acts in a responsible and considerate manner and is willing to be vunerable. It has nothing to do with masculinity or stereotypes, it has to do with respect.

"Man up" "woman up" call it what you will.... the point is, step up to the plate regardless of gender. If you read my posts on this forum you will see.... I am a HUGE advocate of men and their plight. Bottom line.... we are all in the same boat regardless of gender. I know it's hard to be a man. I actually believe it's even harder these days to be "a man" than ever before. Regardless of gender we all have a responsibility to the people we are intimate with. I give the same advice to women, the LAST thing I am being is sexist. Just being a realist. Be careful not to project all challenges in your life onto herpes. We all have our challenges, we all have our issues. Herpes just separates the men from the boys and women from the girls. This isn't about gender, its about integrity.

Good luck! Let us know how it goes..... and remember, regardless of the outcome, you will be just fine! :)

I totally get where you are coming from. We call it the "bargaining stage". I have been where you are (as have many of H+ people). We want to be one of the ones that "doesn't know". I have asked myself all these same questions and wished I was one of them... the reality is, we aren't one of them. We know. It sucks, yes. But it's not the worst thing that could happen. Your life isn't much different than it was before, it just has another layer. Trust me..... disclosure is the only way you will be able to look your handsome self in the mirror every day :)

Yup its a part of life. Absolutely. But now herpes is part of your life too. Both can coexist but you have to respect the people you put at risk even if others didn't respect you. And the person you got it from may not have known she had it. You know you have it. Man up and let the ladies decide for themselves if you are worth the risk.

Hmmmmm seems like you might need to grow up a bit and realize that getting pussy isn't an accomplishment. I have always said (as a female) that "dicks are a dime a dozen". I can get dick easily, but guess what? A dick is a dick. And a pussy is a pussy. Big deal.... in a few years you will learn that life is so much more than getting laid and getting your dick sucked. And why would it not make you feel better if the links are from a female perspective? They are the ones with the pussies, you might learn something. Your luck with the ladies is based on your looks and charisma? That luck will run out quickly. Especially if all you focus on is getting head and hook up sex.

So the blood test won't help in this case since you both have hsv 1. A second swab test would be an option to try to determine for sure. Again, it may not be herpes. Bottom line..... she has herpes. She had it before she met you. You disclosed and you were honest. That is where the story should end, guilt has no place in this story ;)