HerryTheHerp

You don't have to apologize for being negative and being emotional. We all go through it. Having emotions means your human, and that's a good thing. It's ok to be upset over your diagnosis. It's not like anyone wakes up in the morning and adds "Contract herpes" to their list of life's dreams and wants. I've yet to hear anyone say "YAY! I contracted herpes," and quite honestly I'd question the mental integrity of anyone who did. Look at the positive though: You know you have this. You're being responsible with it. You're being honest with it. You're already 10 steps ahead of your ex. As far as the suicide and homicide, neither are good options. It's a skin condition that can be managed. That's all it is. Don't let it drive you over the edge. It's no worse than psoriasis, eczema, or acne. Look at it from that angle and it's much easier to deal with. We all understand feeling alone, and we all understand what it feels like to not want to be alone. It's a fear that's exacerbated by the bumps and blisters we sometimes see. But, those bumps and blisters can make you one helluva nurse. They'll give you a level of compassion and understanding that you can bring to the table when you're treating patients who have cancer or AIDS, and are standing on Heaven's doorstep. That's going to make you one incredible nurse, so don't give up now. You shouldn't feel dirty. You're not dirty. We've all got a past and unfortunately for those of us here, that past has left us with some battle scars on our bodies and our hearts. But those scars make you beautiful, and a true man, a real man, will see just how sexy, strong, and empowered those scars have made you. Real men look beyond a woman's skin and straight into her heart because they know that beauty will fade, but what's inside will age like a fine wine and taste even sweeter as the year's pass by. Give your boyfriend time. Answer his questions and take steps to alleviate his fears. Don't focus on the herpes and let other, more important things be the foundation for your relationship. By focusing on your shared interests, your shared dreams and desires, he'll soon forget about the bumps and blisters and see you as the wonderful woman you are.

Alright, it's that time of year again. Yep, it's that day of the year that we go look in the mirror and make promises to ourselves about the year ahead. So, I guess I'll start it off and feel free to post yours below. I'm only making 5 this year. This year I resolve... To love and be loved. To visit 5 countries I haven't visited yet. To get my first 3 books finished. To forgive myself for the past and only look to the future. To get back in shape and stay that way.

Good luck! Just remember to remain relaxed and straightforward with him. That'll go a long way! ;)

Save the Vajajay! I don't think there's a cure yet. Maybe in 5-7 years, but I don't think anyone has it stashed away. They're getting closer and Ian Frazer has already hit a homerun with Gardasil. Maybe he'll pull another one off. There's also Genocea, Pritelivir, Acam-529 and several others that are showing promise. It's a slippery little virus. Also, keep an eye on the HIV research. They're learning how to attack viruses that go latent like herpes and that's a key to finding a herpes vaccine that will work. Right now, that's the big problem. They can get the little bugger with Valtrex et. al. while it's floating about, but when it retreats into the nerves the immune system can't find it. For now I talk to my herpes every night. I sing them lullabies and so far they're quieting down. It's either I'm putting them to sleep or scaring the heck out of them with my out of tune style. Either way, I don't care. The OB has ended!

Well, Peachy if it makes you feel any better I autoinnoculated my ankles during my 2nd OB. Note to self: Sitting Indian style in a kimono while having an OB on your thigh is not a good idea. Yeah, I'm kind of hoping that doesn't last. Although, if this dang virus wants to attack my ankles and leave my junk alone, I'm all for it. In fact, I'll encourage it and actively support it.

Why not? There are airplanes that fly across the pond many times a day. 6 hours from London to New York and I've done it many times. And, the prices aren't too bad right now. Contrary to what you read in the news we're not all walking around packing heat and wearing ten gallon hats. We've forgiven and forgotten that whole Revolution thing (Or, as they say in Liverpool "The Colonial Temper Tantrum") and we would love to have you visit. Of course, you could also contact this group. They're in London and might be able to recommend a doctor nearer to you. http://www.herpes.org.uk/pro.html

Well, don't beat yourself up too badly. The woman I was dating and gave this gift to me never showed symptoms and had no idea herself. She's taking it pretty hard, too. She's actually taking it harder than I am and she's a carrier like you. 80% of the people who have herpes have no idea they have it; that's how it spreads so easily, and carriers usually find out because someone gives them an angry phone call saying "WTF?" If you haven't gotten an angry phone call, you just might be in the clear. Look at it that way. You got tested and you listened to your doctor. You did the right thing. His misinformation is not your fault. Yes, you should have done more research, but I don't think many people would have given the same situation. After all, your doctor has a degree is supposed to be an expert. Right? Problem is, most doctors get about 10 minutes of training on herpes and that's about it. Assuming you used condoms and got really lucky, there's a small chance you transmitted it to anyone you didn't disclose to. Risk goes up somewhat if you went swimming without a raincoat. If you're still in contact with the women you went to bed with, take 'em out for coffee, explain the situation just like you did here. Start from soup to nuts and be honest. On second thought, take 'em out for ice tea. If they're angry and virally enhanced, it'll hurt less than hot coffee. Look, we're all here coping with past mistakes. Some were mistakes, and some were misfortunes. Doesn't really matter. Consider yourself lucky you don't get OB's. That's a blessing. And, you're doing the right thing now. You're getting educated and you are telling partners because you know better now. Honestly, we're all learning about this virus, and what we don't know today, we learn tomorrow. It's a process, and through the process we learn to heal.

I agree with Dancer. You should really try and find a herpes expert. Most doctors don't get a lot of herpes specific training and after 10 years of what you've been dealing with I think now would be a great time to take a trip and see the best of the best. Consider it an investment in your health and your future. I know Terri Warren at the Westover Heights Clinic in Portland has a pretty good reputation and network of herxperts. They might know of one near you. Of course, Adrial might have some recommendations as well. If your doctor is a dud, ditch him and find one who knows what they're doing.

You danced into our lives from somewhere in the shadows and brought light and levity into our darkest of days. You are a friend, a confidant, and a cheerleader for anyone who comes to you for assistance. Reading your story gave me strength to write my own, and I look forward to knowing you for years to come.

That letter has a whole different meaning for us virally enhanced folks. Often when we think about the herpster that letter tends to focus our attention on the word Humiliation. Fortunately, there are plenty of other words that start with the letter "H" that I'd rather pay attention to. "H" is for humble. I humbly accept my affliction. In the end, it's a skin condition I can manage. "H" is for healing. My blisters will heal, and in time, so will my bruised ego. "H" is for horny. That's how we got into this mess in the first place. "H" is for happy. Happy is how I feel when I realize that I'm not alone and that millions of people understand. "H" is for heroes. These are the doctors and the scientists who are working on more effective treatments and vaccines. "H" is for healthy. Being healthy has a whole new meaning to me, and I'm glad it was this and not cancer that taught me that. "H" is for huge. It's a huge deal realizing you have the herps, but it shrinks in time. "H" is for hope. It's my greatest weapon against the doldrums and despair this virus can bring. "H" is for hefty. It's a hefty weight to know I have this, but I'd rather know than not know and accidentally give it to someone I care about. "H" is for her. She's the woman I care about, and I'm more worried about how she'll take the news when she gets her bloodwork back next week. I already know, but she's never had symptoms and it's going to devastate her to read the results. "H" is for here. I'm here, I acquired it there. I can't remain focused on there if I'm going to move forward; I have to be here. The only thing I want to remember about there is how good it felt to hold her in my arms and how happy she makes me feel. "H" is for help. I'm glad I found a site like this to help me get through my emotions and see the future instead of remaining in the past. "H" is for humor. A smile a day helps keep the blisters at bay. "H" is for herpes. It's a part of me, but it will never be allowed to become anything more than a little bump in my life.

Have you tried valacyclovir? How about suppressive therapy using acyclovir?

A loft of us here just found out, and you are far from alone. Trust me when I say that everyone on this site can relate 110% to your story and your emotions. We're all at different stages of accepting this, learning about it, and realizing that while our lives have changed, we're still the same people on the inside that we were before our diagnosis. The reality is that it does get better. The most important thing for you to remember is to keep that flicker of hope alive and not to let this consume you. 1 in 4 women in America, and 1 in 5 men know exactly what you are going through. That means almost 60 million American adults have walked the same path. Keep your head up, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Just keep walking towards it.

Nah, this is where your story begins.

I'm seriously considering getting one. Why not right? Of course, I'll wait a while. With my luck right now it just might end up looking like an angry turkey instead of a majestic bird. ;)

Dr. Google is a quack. Most of the stuff he talks about he learned via correspondence courses that were proctored by Sally Struthers. If you don't see an "MD" by the name of the person talking, don't listen. Even if you do, always get a 2nd and 3rd opinion to the same question. The caveat to that in regards to H is those of us living with it. We tend to know quite a bit about it and learn more about it the longer we share our bodies with it. Same with Dr. Yahoo Message Board. Most of the folks on there couldn't even pass an elementary school spelling bee. How most of the people commenting in there can make toast without adult supervision truly baffles me. They're the last people on earth you should take medical advice from. Be careful surfing the net. Read what you find here. It's good information, then go see your doctor or stop by Planned Parenthood. Write up a list of questions, research treatment options/prevention, then go out and live life. It's too short to go curl up in a ball and be afraid of a little skin condition.

Hey Zonique, don't sweat it. There are quite a few of us on this board that are virally enhanced with both 1 and 2. In fact, extrapolating statistics, I'm willing to bet close to 80% of us here are. Scared? You shouldn't be. 2 gets a bad rep. It really does, and really, it's not much different than the other 7. But, because you get 2 almost exclusively by doing the horizontal pokey pokey, it has a stigma attached. Plus, because of where it pops up, it hurts and affects our emotions far worse than it does our bodies. Meet the Herpe family. You've probably met many of them already and just don't realize it. HSV 3 - The Chicken Pox. That's right, the pimply little prick who beat you up and who kept you home for two weeks from elementary school. Like the O'Doyle family, he can come back as an adult and cause Shingles for a period of time. But, he usually goes back into hiding once you give him some drugs. HSV 4 - Mono a Mono, Monseur Epstein Barr himself. Ever French Kiss? Well, you probably have him, too. In fact, almost every adult has this one floating around inside them. Most of the time he lays around and does nothing. Every now and then when you are really, really stressed he can come out and play, but rarely ever does. HSV 5 - CMV . 47% - 90% of Americans have this one. Usually causes no problems unless you have an immune deficiency, then it's a problem. Otherwise, it's pretty darn harmless. HSV 6 - Causes rashes and a condition known as Roseola, mostly in children. HSV 7 - This one is kind of like the long lost uncle that Dr.s just found out about. Most of us have it by the time we die, but no one really knows what it does. Might cause Roseola, but Dr's really aren't too sure. HSV 8 - Kaposi Sarcoma. This is one you don't want to meet. This is a bad one. This is the one member of the family that should scare you far more than 2. It's not bad in and of itself, but it's often a sign you have AIDS or another very serious health condition such as skin cancer. This is the Freddy Kreuger of the Herpes family. 2's a pussy cat compared to this one. About 80% of the US has 1, and 25%-30% have 2. Don't let the virus scare you; Like this post said, that's where it gets its power. Get to know the virus, and be very careful like Mia said about where you are going to get information. Rule #1, if it's from Yahoo ignore it. That board is full of so much falsehood and ignorance it's not even funny.

2013 will be a year that I'll never forget. Specifically, November 16th, 2013. It's like watching a romantic movie over and over again in my mind where everything was almost perfect. The red wine, the candles, 60's tunes blaring in the background, the soft embraces, and a virus that changed my life. For one beautiful evening the world was a wonderful place full of things I looked forward to. It was an evening when the possibility of love was very real. The real irony is that on that day my horoscope said "Get ready for the most intense sexual experience of your life." Boy, was that right on the money! But like any romantic tragedy, Jack still dies in the end and Ingrid Bergman still gets on that plane. In fact, I kind of feel like Bogart right now watching that plane take off into the sunset carrying the person I used to be. He's somewhere in the cargo hold and I don't know whether to wave or flip the bird. Maybe this virus is in some strange and ironic way the key to finding a far deeper understanding of myself. So, 2014 is going to be the most important and interesting year of my life. Here's hoping we all rise like Phoenix's and soar among the eagles again! Herpe New Year, everyone!

Wow, I never knew being virally enhanced could have such a positive effect on my love life. ;)

The blisters Rosie and her five little friends are much more tolerable and don't put me out of commission for weeks on end. ;) I agree though, don't rush the sex. Take it nice and slow, and see where it goes.

The virus passes via skin to skin contact within the genital region. Condoms only cover the winky. They provide very little protection against Herpes. Condoms are not semi-permeable (lambskin being the exception.) There are ways you can minimize the risk to your boyfriend. 1. Avoid sex during times when you might be shedding. Since you don't have OB's often, that's hard to know for sure when that is. However, many women report periods as a trigger for OB's. I see no reason to believe that it would be any different for you. Thus, avoid the freaky deaky anytime before your, well, time. 2. Go on suppressive therapy. This can greatly reduce the risk of your boyfriend contracting this to about 1%. 3. Use condoms. No matter how much he balks, how much he screams, there are far worse things than the herpers, and condoms are very effective against those. Plus, the condom will help keep your boyfriend safe as you can also shed virus from within your vagina.

You have to tell your boyfriend. It's the right thing to do. You also need to make sure you are using protection. Of course, even with that there is still a risk. Myself and many of the guys on this forum were rubbered up and still got nicked. Bottom line is that it doesn't matter if you are having an outbreak or not, you can be shedding virus at any time and you probably won't even realize it when you are. That's how this virus spreads and it's one of the reasons why 80% of people who get it...don't know they have it. Read through the resources on the links above. There is plenty of information there for you to read and learn about the herpsie derpsies. There are also plenty of tips and suggestions on how you can discuss it with your boyfriend and educate him on the subject.

The testing can be pretty wild. It can take months to show up on a test. My doctor told me up to 6 months. Keep an eye on it. The good news is that if you did give it to her down below it's unlikely to cause any major issues. No, you can't pass it back and forth. If she has 1 below, and you have 1 up top, that's where it'll stay. That said, it is possible for her to develop both 1 above, and 1 below right now as the virus isn't established in a location. It's rare, but possible. You've had HSV1 long enough you don't have to worry about your nether regions at all. No condoms necessary. Contact can initiate OB's in some people. It just depends on the person. Everyone is different. The good news is that if it does, that usually settles down in time. Still dealing with that myself, but I'm new to my virally enhanced status.

We've all been where you are right now. Some of us, not that long ago. Take a deep breath. The first OB is a real pain in the arse, but it gets better. We're all going down the same road and there is a light at the end of the tunnel. For now, get educated about the virus. Get to know it and how it's affecting your body. Learn the ways you can live with it and manage it. You and your boyfriend should study up on it together and he should also get tested to see if he already has it. 80% of people who do have it never know or show symptoms, so it is possible. It can also lay dormant for many years before it pops up. If your boyfriend doesn't already have it, then it's something you've had since before you met him. Likewise, even if he does test positive, he might have had it before he met you. This virus is that insidious and you need to be careful of falling into the "you gave this to me" trap that so many couples in your position fall into. Go slow, get educated, stay calm, and you'll stay together. We all know you feel lonely. We all do at times, virally enhanced or not. I know it's little consolation as you look at the blisters, but 1 in 4 women in America have HSV2. 8 in 10 have HSV1. You are far from alone. There's nothing wrong with you. Just because you have the herps doesn't detract from your value as a woman, as a lover, or as a person. If you let it, it will transform you into a person who is sexier, more confident, more compassionate, and stronger than anyone you know.

From one writer to another, congratulations!

Violet, this is an awesome story and one that all of us single folk need to read! It proves that true love is truly stronger than this nasty li'l virus is made out to be. No OB's? Oh, lucky you. That's good, but not necessarily true. OB's don't always show up as bumps and blisters. Sometimes they can be as mild as a tingle or two and a little extra sensitive skin and you just never notice them. Or, you may be one of the lucky few that doesn't ever get them. Both are possible, and yes, it is possible you will never have an outbreak. The woman who set my heart and penis on fire hasn't had one since her first OB. I've had HSV1 orally for 30 years, and for the past 20 of those I haven't seen a cold sore. So, yes, possible is always part of the equation...and if you ask me, it has to do with your mental attitude as much as your antibody levels. The mind is a truly powerful weapon against this virus. The risks of passing it to your partner are primarily through viral shedding. Sometimes you'll know this is happening, most of the time you won't. It's a crapshoot. Statistically, your hubby to be has about a 4 - 10% chance of contracting it with each act...even if he uses a rubber shield during his exploration of your body. How his body would react is also up to question. We all react differently and you won't know until you cross that bridge (hopefully, you won't have to.) Estimates vary regarding how "contagious" we virally enhanced folks are. On the low end, about 5%, and on the high end about 20%. If these estimates are to be believed we're shedding between 18 and 73 days a year...and usually don't know when. Since some women have discovered that hormones/periods can trigger outbreaks, you may want to refrain from the mattress mambo around your period to reduce the risk a little bit as you might be silently shedding during that time. Right way to go about your sex life? Missionary, Doggy, Cowgirl, and Reverse Cowgirl come highly recommended, but do what feels good to you. If things get boring, you can spice things up with some body chocolates, red wine and roses, and if he gets to being a naughty boy who leaves the seat up, handcuffs and whips might be a safe thing to have hanging from the wall.