HerryTheHerp

This is a support group. It's ok to unload and get everything on the table. Negative and positive, that's what groups like this are for. Question: Have you tried 125 mg of Aspirin daily? I was reading earlier that some people with really annoying bodymates like yours had seen some positive results from trying that. Not sure how it works, but there were some studies that showed the anti-inflammatory effects of the aspirin allowed the bodies immune system to focus on the herpes and get it under control. Might be worth talking to a specialist about.

Another great choice! This song speaks to the hearts of so many of us right now!

That was the idea, and I hope many others do as well.

:)

Well, somehow the Dancing Queen of this forum and I have gotten into a little battle trying to see who can get the most annoying song stuck into each other's head for the day. So, I'm going to be a gentleman and surrender before the situation escalates and we start wantonly tossing MC Hammer around. However, before I raise the white flag Dido's waving, I'm going to send a coup de grace and dedicate a song that should resonate in all of our minds throughout the day. This goes out to all of us on this forum, but especially to the young men and women whose notes I read everyday thinking they're no longer attractive, they're no longer desirable, they're no longer sexy. These notes are heartbreaking because we all understand them and relate to them on the most personal and intimate levels. You're beautiful and handsome; inside and out. Once you get through the shock, and get past the fear, you're going to find a real love, a true love, a love that lasts the rest of your life. You'll learn to love yourself, and if you let it, this virus can turn you into the strongest, most determined, and most compassionate person in the room. It will take time and commitment, but in the end those are the qualities that attract someone who genuinely loves you for who you are; and that's when the most amazing love stories begin. Stop being wallflowers. Get out there and enjoy the dance floor known as life.

Gay, straight, black, or white, this virus knows no distinctions. It's just as happy in a vajajay as it is on a willy. As long as it can find a host to infect, it doesn't discriminate. The same rules apply to reduce risk of transmission in your situation. Condoms for both oral and penetration, avoid doing it during an OB or when you think you are shedding. Gay world doesn't talk about herpes? Neither does the straight world. The only time either talk about it is to tell jokes about it, and those jokes are usually born out of a fear of contracting it. Male to male transmission is harder than female-male, male-female, but it's not risk free. I'm assuming you contracted it male-male, so you know that. If you want to reduce the already low risk even further, you could go on suppressive therapy.

Already thinking about it. I actually do write quite a bit of comedy, and I like the idea of a TED talk. I'm not quite to Adrial's openness stage yet, but I'm getting there. Ok, I won't push it. Speaking of which. Tone Loc. Ain't I a stinker? ;)

Oh, can't you seeeee.... :)

Relax, It's quite possible you had the infection for a while before you found out. That's pretty common. It's also possible that you don't have any outbreaks. Some people don't. Some people never have even one. Some have one, and then never see it again. It varies for all of us. And, just because we have the herper, it doesn't mean we can't also be affected by foliculitis, etc. You probably didn't transfer it to your eye. You'd know by now if you did. And, if by some chance you did and just haven't experienced an OB up there, a little Valtrex or any of the others will clear it up before it causes any problems. It becomes a problem when it's untreated, and since your HSV2 is already established, you don't have to worry about autoinnoculation at this point. So, your daughter kicked you in the butt one night? I wouldn't worry about that either. The possibility of transfer in that situation is remote at best.

Hey Reality, Come back to reality. First, you are still a mother, a sister, a hairstylist, and you have your own business. That's 4 awesome things and it sounds like they're doing alright. Herpes can't touch any of those aspects of your life if you don't let it. So, that's 4 on one side against your love life on the other. That means your life isn't crashing down; one part of it just had a little prick give it a little poke and it's deflated at the moment. ;) I think we all go through our phases after diagnosis where our bodies suffer. We stop exercising, we pig out on junk food to cope, in extreme cases we join the circus, change our names, and travel the world aimlessly looking to find ourselves again. That's normal and you are far from alone in your feelings. Trust me, I've smoked more, walked less, and cried plenty over this and last week I looked in the mirror and said "Enough!" This virus has a funny way of exposing the real you. It strips every emotion bare and exposes what's inside of you. That can be painful and a bit scary, and everyone reading this can completely understand. Many of us are still waiting for window periods to expire, and we know your feelings all to intimately. Rejection hurts. It can hurt especially bad when you're wounded emotionally and physically. While it can be very tempting to reach out and verbally slap this guy, I'd suggest you hold off. He was drunk, and there are some details you left out of your story, so I'm going to assume the possibility for now that he didn't know he had the virus and is in shock himself. Conversely, if he did know and didn't tell you, then deliberately exposing you was awful (and a serious character flaw in my book) and most likely occurred because he went through exactly what you're feeling right now with the sense of fear, rejection, and loss of both self and self-esteem. If that's the case, he didn't tell you because he couldn't face up to those fears again and he's hurting in part because of that. Based on what he wrote and the way you explained it, it sounds like that's most likely the case and he's feeling pretty gosh darned guilty and alone himself. I'd say take it easy before you go blowing up or burning bridges, get all the facts/details, then only you can decide what to do. Give it time, step back, then think the problem through rather than letting emotions guide you. For now, write out a list of all the things that make you the person you are. Write all the good things. A mother, a sister, a business owner, a master of the coif. Don't write anything negative on that list. Then, read and reread that list and think about it as you sit down on your yoga mat and ponder what you've just written and read. Then, say a prayer. God has a funny way of listening intently when we need to bend his ear. He also has a funny way of helping you find groups like this when you need a response to your questions because he's often the strong silent type.

"We have nothing to fear, but fear itself." Some wise words spoken by a wise man. It's a phrase that's worth repeating over and over in your head as the Herpes anxiety takes hold of your mind. I got to thinking today as I'm going through Google and battling an anxiety attack over the "Big H" that life really is a gamble. The deck is stacked against us from day one. Viruses, cancer, accidents, most Kevin Costner movies, falling toilet seats from de-orbiting space stations. In fact, the moment we're born is the moment life tries to kill us at every turn and we begin to die. Every breath we take, every move we make, every overplayed song lyric we listen to is just one more moment towards our final moment. I had to let that sink in for a moment. Ok, in all honesty once you get that song stuck in your head it lingers. Don't deny it. You're singing it right now. It's ok. Take a moment because it can sting like a first outbreak if you try and end it before the chorus. And, it was in that momentarily dark state of mind that the epiphany came. It's not the first moment, nor any one moment, nor is it the last moment that defines our lives. It's all of the moments from start to finish; and it's how we choose to go forward through all of those moments that defines our lives. The scariest thing of all is that none of us know how many of those moments we will have. Good, bad, we don't know what's on the next page of our lives and every day we have to decide how to handle those moments when they arrive. Herpes is a moment. For many of us that moment came as we were doing some praying ;) For others, the prayer came afterwards. :0 The prayer was the same though and usually went something along the lines of "Oh, God, Oh God..." And, then there was the diagnosis moment. Once again, most of us recited the same prayer and some of us even inserted an expletive or two into that moment. Don't worry, St. Peter will most likely give you a mulligan on that one when he marks that moment down in his little black book. It's important to remember that those moments are now over. Those moments are now the past. Those moments, joyful, fearful, and confirmatory exist only in our memories. What we have left is this moment, and it's this moment that defines our lives right now. It's this moment that will set the stage for the next moment, and so on, and so forth. Personally, I've decided I'm going to smile in this moment. And, yes, that is a decision we all have the power within us to make. No one and nothing, not even herpes, can take the power over your emotions away from you if you don't let it. What are we afraid of? What do we have to fear? Herpes is a skin condition. Yeah, it's embarrassing. Yeah, it can be painful. Yeah, it can make us feel lonely. Yeah, it wasn't on any of our list of things we wanted to acquire in this life. I don't know anyone who sat on Santa's lap and said "Geez, I really want herpes for Christmas." Ok, maybe you folks who are into hardcore S&M did, but as far as I'm concerned you've got issues far greater than herpes. Stay kinky my friends. Are we afraid of not living up to our full potential because we have a few blisters now and then? Keats, Nietzsche, Henry VIII, and a great many others had Syphilis and still accomplished some great things. How about Liberace, Denholm Elliot, and Magic? If they didn't let the Big H slow them down, who are we to let the Little h stop us from living life to its fullest and accomplishing our dreams? Syphilis makes you nuttier than a bad Hollywood remake of an 80's cartoon starring Alvin, Simon, and Theodore. HIV can kill you. Herpes? Herpes causes a blister here and there and in a spot that only those who are most intimate with us ever know about. Bottom line is that if we let our fears of pain, rejection, and heartache stop us from living in this moment with our heads held high, then the next moment doesn't matter. That's because this moment always sets the stage for the next, and so on, and so forth until the day we take that final breath on this mortal coil. I can't speak for y'all, but I fully intend to take that last breath in my bed with a Cohiba in my smiling mouth, a glass of aged red wine in one hand, a juicy steak in the other, and my wife riding on top of me like she's reenacting the chariot scene from Ben Hur. Herpes be damned, I'm living this moment and every moment forward the way I decide, not the way this virus decides. Now, if you'll excuse me I need to take a moment to find a Twinkie, a tub of Ben and Jerry's, and the phone number for my college philosophy professor.

Of course you can get HSV2 all over your body. You can get it in your hair, on your legs, your feet, all over your bum, and if the sex is really good and you're an athletic couple, you'll get it on the walls, all over the bed, the floor, the curtains, shoot, nothing is safe. Heck, you can cover the whole house with the stuff. But, like Adrial said, unless it's your first OB, or your immune system is seriously compromised, you have nothing to worry about. Keep in mind this is coming from a guy who accidentally autoinnoculated his ankles during his first OB; not quite what I had in mind when I said I wanted ankle biters someday. And, yes, I did ask my doctor about this who said after the first few months that goes away and autoinnoculation is extremely rare. So, Play that funky muuuusiicc right. Lay down the boogie and play that funky music 'till you die. :) (or laugh, or cry, or giggle, I mean we all have our little post-coitus rituals, do what works best for you.)

Adrial, I used aloe cream and it seemed to have a positive effect. It definitely helped with the discomfort. Blisters lasted about 9 days from appearance to healing, and this was on the primary. Unfortunately, I developed a bad case of balanitis in the aftermath which I've been told can sometimes happen. Again, the aloe helped with that and that lasted about another week. Didn't take anything else besides Lysine at 1500mg a day. So, from my perspective, I'd have to say it helped. Next time, I'll probably try a Zinc cream/aloe cream combo as I've heard that can be rather effective.

Zinc cream? Aloe Cream? The cream will help the OB heal faster. So, I guess yes, it does help bring the OB to an end. Keep using it 3 times a day as prescribed.

Ahh, yes. Sounds like a Will Smith song; Partners just don't understand (well, some of 'em anyway. ;) It's a fantastic idea and I think lots of folks are going to appreciate the fact it's there.

Emotional soup? Oh, you mean the Witches and Warlocks Brew. Yeah, that stuff can get kind of bitter at times. The wonderful news is that a little sugar and spice really does liven up the recipe. :)

It could be. My first OB was barely noticed. It came and went with a whisper, then I got walloped with a second one just about a week later that was most certainly noticed. It's actually pretty common, so you're far from alone. I've heard from some people who have frequent OB's in the first few months, then nada. Others, 1 ob, then nada. We're all different and pretty soon you'll figure out how your body will react.

I live to please. This is actually a great resource and will help serodiscordant couples through everything from disclosure to relationship management. Great idea!

So, does this mean that the H- place is a place to B+? Rimshot please. ;)

Unfortunately testing in children is notoriously unreliable. I haven't seen anyone recommend it for any patient under the age of 12 because of the inaccuracy of the tests before that age, so there's no way you can confirm yes/no right now. Further, since your children didn't have any visible signs or major illnesses at birth, there's always a chance they dodge the bullet on their trip through the birth canal as they were being evicted from their womb. You sound like a great dad, and you have plenty to fear. Boys with tattoos, the guy named Suave who shows up on a motorcycle when she's 18, college, the price of beans. Focus on those things and cross the HSVII bridge if you have to. You may not have to and right now you're just speculating. You've done the right things so far. You've gone to the doctors, you've done everything you can. Keep it up, you've got a long road ahead. And, the doctor is right about the difficulty to spread it. Just follow their advice and everything should be AOK.

I understand. At 74, you shouldn't be embarrassed to go to your doctor about this. In fact, STD's among people of your age are actually increasing and so your doctor should be quite familiar with what you are dealing with. Autoimmune deficiencies can of course exacerbate herpes, but can be managed if you treat the autoimmune disorder first. Psychologically at any age an outbreak is hard, but it can be managed with a positive attitude, healthy diet, and relaxation techniques. Try and relax your mind and you'll find it becomes much easier at any age, bet it 74 or 104. You acquired the herps via oral, so I'm going to assume you have type 1 as it would be rare for type 2 to be transmitted via oral. Fortunately, 1 is less active in the genital region which could also be one of the reasons you've gone 20 years without an OB, but you should get a PCR to confirm which type you have if you haven't already. Again, a one time deal I wouldn't worry about just yet; if it starts happening every week, then you might want to get serious with your doctor about it.

Sure, you can receive oral. Dental dams are not the best, but they are effective. You can even use the FC2 for both oral and penetration. I like 'em because they don't feel like a rubberband around my tallywhacker.

I could always use more friends and people to talk with about this. I'm a good listener, a good friend, and while I've only had to deal with this for a short while, I've come to terms with it. I'm still coming to terms with it and probably will be for a while. I'm from Colorado, but am a long way from home right now as I travel the world. I'm not scared of the herpes; I am concerned about what it means for the rest of my life. I won't let it stop me from living my dreams, but it does make me feel lonely at times, and it has taken a piece of me away. It's a skin condition with a horrible reputation is my view, and I am going to beat it the hell into submission no matter how long it takes. I've got one great friend in this, and would love to have more shoulders to lean on, and stand strong for when needed.

I've had HSV1 since childhood, and like you, I haven't had a cold sore since 1995. Still knocking on wood on that one. I was recently gifted with 2, and my OB was straight from a Hollywood horror movie. Zinc ointment, aloe, lysine, and lots of water got me through it. My logic was the same as back then with the antibody production and letting my immune system wrangle it first, etc. and I decided to forego medicine for the first one. Maybe I'll go 19 years...hang on while I bang the wooden floors for a moment... Everyone's body is different. Some get frequent OB's, some once a year, others once a decade...and 80% never get OB's. It's a crap shoot and I wouldn't start diagnosing yourself with cancer or some immunosuppressant condition just yet. Go see your doctor, get some bloodwork but it's most likely just a fluke of the virus and nothing to worry about.

Condoms don't cover the whole groin. Outbreaks can occur anywhere between the knee and the butt. That's a big piece of rubber and unless you're into S&M it's not practical to cover things up that much. That said, many outbreaks occur on the genitals. One thing you may want to try is the FC2 Female Condom. That covers the labia and provides a little more protection. It also feels better for the guys as there's more room to move around inside and it doesn't feel like you have a rubber band strapping your tallywhacker. The woman who I acquired Capt. Blister Prick from with those 4% odds (fubar!) gets her outbreaks on her thigh. Doesn't matter if it's penis/vagina, or leg to leg, mouth to thigh, whatever, if it finds an opening in the skin, it gets in from wherever it's being shed from.