WhoopsiDaysi

Hey Dimples, Good for you! Don't limit yourself or think you need to "settle". This virus is just a bump in the road. If you had diabetes or some other health condition, would you think you deserved less in a relationship? Of course not. This is so minor in the big picture, but it's a great test to see whether someone is worthy of us. Never lose your vision of who you are and what you deserve. It is so easy to use herpes as an excuse or a crutch, but really, it's a test. It can be the best thing that ever happened to you, it all depends on your attitude and what you decide. I am glad I was able to inspire you. It has been freeing to just put it out there and see what happens. I was actually surprised by how many positive reactions I received. Maybe it was my change in attitude?? :) My change in how I saw myself with herpes? I think there is definitely something to that. Lelani, I am SO happy for you and so happy we are able to share this journey together. I look forward to hearing how your new love progresses and you are such an inspiration to me and many others on here. You are such a beautiful, talented, loving and amazing person I am so happy that you were able to allow someone into your life who can see that and appreciates what an incredible gift you are. :) Please keep us posted on how things go. And yes, I'd love to be a bridesmaid. LOL :) Love you both. Have an awesome week and let us know how it goes dimples. :) Brenda xo

Thanks Atlantic. It's nice to have a good disclosure with someone who is available physically and emotionally, is local, can actually spend time with me (and wants to!) and whom I connect with and feel so comfortable with. And someone I don't have to save or rescue but someone who can actually give and take and I feel like we come to the table with something to offer each other. That is a very new, weird but wonderful concept for me. That was an issue pre-herpes and to see the healing and growth in other parts of my life from having herpes is amazing. Maybe God really does have a few things figured out. LOL

Just had to share because I have actually have another successful disclosure story to share! I was on eHarmony and after more than one failed disclosure, I decided to put it out there before we met. I just couldn't bear "The Look" one more time. So, on eHarmony you go through a series of questions that you choose from a list and share back and forth and the last set you can pick your own, so I asked if herpes was a dealbreaker. I figured what the heck, get it out there. If it is, well then, "moving on". So anyway, I was talking with one fellow, Ron, and I asked him that question. He answered he wasn't sure. Fair enough. Anyway, we never actually discussed it once we started actually emailing or talking but we have been on three dates and last night things were progressing in the direction of something wonderful sooooo I said before we continued, we needed to discuss something. I wasn't sure if he actually took in the comment about herpes as some people can miss things, but he didn't. I said I had herpes and asked how much he knew about it. He said a little bit as he had done some reading about it. I was impressed. He did do his due diligence and he was still sitting on my couch for a third date! I gave him a bit of the facts and explained that herpes 2 is a common virus and about 25% of the population has it but only 20% know. I told him where I had it and that I had never, to my knowledge, transmitted to anyone but it was a risk he needed to be aware of. I said the transmission rate was between 1 and 4% and that, like coldsores, it was passed on from skin to skin contact. I said I was on Valtrex and I am very careful and that during OBs we just need to get creative and have some fun, which he was all for! :) So, there ARE people who can see past a virus. :) Who knows where this will ultimately lead, if anywhere, but it is so nice to be seen as a person and not as a virus.

Lelani, Thank you SO much for sharing your weekend in such detail. I was SO hoping things would work out for you. You are such a beautiful soul and you so deserve to have the love of a deserving man. I am SO happy he could see past a few Hs to the beautiful, amazing, loving person that you are. I pray that this continues and grows into something long term and fulfilling. What a fantastic start! That kind of intimacy you shared with your new beau comes from the heart and soul. It sounds like a match made in heaven. Keep us posted!!! Like Atlantic, I have my own "moment of truth" this weekend. I am hoping it goes as well. Met last Saturday with zero expectations on my part. Talked for 3 1/2 hours. He asked me out on Monday and that went really well. He is coming over for supper tomorrow. I am actually cooking for him. I haven't cooked for a man in well over a year since my divorce and I am happy to do it. My heart is open and receptive (and the rest of me is scared to death!!!). Again, keep us posted. i wish you all the very very best!! Brenda xo

The most amazing thing when you share is that you realize it's not such a big deal and that people really will accept you. I am so glad to hear of your very positive experiences. :)

DrSuz, it would be great to meet you. We have such an amazing group of people here. Thanks to Adrial for attracting such a fantastic, loving, supportive group. We need to have another Opportunity weekend soon! If you haven't been, oh my God, you need to go. It is the MOST amazing experience. It has literally changed my life. The only down side is I met such wonderful people who I miss so much every single day.

Very clever! :)

I am so glad domh. :) I love that we can all be here for each other in this loving and accepting place. Thank you for contributing to this wonderful space we have and for showing us what real courage looks like! Lots of love, Brenda xox

Good luck Lelani. Like Adrial, I have goosebumps! If he is a smart man, he will look right past that virus and into your beautiful soul and realize what an amazing treasure you are. I am glad I could help with your affirmation. :) I have a story to share as well about online dating. Not sure where it will go just yet, but it proves that there are people out there who realize that it's just a skin condition and nothing more. Hopefully your New Guy will be one of them. I am on eHarmony and on there you start by sharing quetions that you choose from a list. You go back and forth a few times and then the last set of questions you can either choose from a list or make up your own. So, I met this guy who is an EMT and as one of my questions I asked him if herpes was a deal breaker. I figured after my last positive experience with someone with that training, I had a shot. I asked him and his answer was that it was only a deal breaker if someone didn't disclose. So, when we exchanged our first email I said I asked that beause I have herpes. He said it was no big deal! We have been exchanging emails all week and oh my God, he is so damn sweet. I am REALLY hoping I can meet him because I really really like this one. If not, well, I have another positive disclosure to override the negative ones, thus proving that herpes is not a big deal and that there are iintelligent people who can see past a virus and to the person standing before them. :) Please allow us hold a wonderful loving space for you and your beloved when you disclose. I look forward to hearing how fabulously it went!!! I am so so happy for you!! Brenda xooxo

Wow! I am so happy and so proud of you. Thank you so much for sharing with us! You are amazing! You have an amazing strength and I am really in awe of all you have conquered. You are going to come out of this experience stronger and even more amazing than you were before. Hugs and much love my dear!! Brenda xo

Hey Happy. :) Thank you so much for sharing your story. I am in awe of you already. Wow. After 4 days and look at how you have handled yourself with such courage and integrity. Give yourself some time to process and go through the grieving process - anger, denial, bargaining, etc. Getting herpes is a lot to process and it is life changing but really, in the big picture, more of an annoyance than anything else. Yeah, it's forever, but you've already proven what strong character and integrity you have and you will get through this with the grace and humor you are already displaying. Other people are and will continue to see that. It feels heavy at first, but it does get better and soon it won't be on your mind 24/7. Soon it will be one of things that is part of you. Like having blonde hair or brown eyes. It just is. Yeah, there may be some people who reject the herpes but people reject us for various reasons. I have found it's a great way to test someone's character and it filters out a lot of the people who wouldn't have been a good fit for you anyway. It's sort of like a built in pre-screening process. Keep on reaching out. We have a fabulous community here of loving and accepting people and we all love and support you on your journey. :) Thanks for joining our happy family. Brenda

Thanks so much Alyssa for sharing your experience. I was totally captivated by your story. You have such a beautiful heart and such a lovely way of expressing yourself. I, for one, am glad you joined our "Star Trek Convention". I am so much better for having met you and being able to share my journey and all the darker and insecure parts of myself without fear of judgment and in a place of total love and acceptance. I hope our paths cross again soon! Love you and miss you! xox

Thanks for your lovely description of the weekend. You captured the true essence of what I felt that weekend. It was amazing and, like you said, we were all there because of herpes but the weekend was about so much more than that. As you say, absolutely life changing and so many bonds of friendship were formed in 3 short days. I miss you all! You are such an incredibly brave and beautiful soul my dear. :) I am so glad I had a chance to share in your journey.

Absolutely time. Well said!!

The weekend was absolutely incredible Katie. The gift that everyeone gave of themselves was so amazing. It goes without saying Adrial is a treasure to this world. He created a space for all of us to come together and share, break open, be vulnerable and share such an incredible sense of belonging and community and love. I have never experienced anything like that before. I know I can tap into that love anytime I want now that I have experienced it though. I have had man challenges over the weekend and this experience has really allowed me to approach it with love and compassion for both of us while maintaining my own boundaries, which I would not have had the strength to do previously. The words of love and acceptance and being "enough" have been ringing in my ears and reminding my soul of my own worth. That is a gift for which I can never hope to repay. Love you all! Brenda xoxo

I really wish you could have been there as well Kristin. It was amazing. Life changing really. I got so much out of it and made some amazing friendships. And really healed on so many levels. Hopefully our paths will cross soon. :) Brenda

Awww. Thanks Adrial. Big Hugs to you as well. xo

:) Awesome. You rock my dear. I am so glad you are who you are and you share yourself with all of us. xo

There is always a reason for things happening and I am finding that the longer I live the more I see there is a "bigger picture". I have seen a lot of positives come from having herpes. I think it opens the door to greater vulnerability and authenticity, it creates a space for intimacy and truthfulness that I would never otherwise have, and it is a test of character and gives us a glimpse of the character of others. It make my heart swell to hear you say there may be a silver lining. There always is, we just have to look for it. The gifts in any situation may not come wrapped quite the way we had expected, but if we look for them, they are there. You are touching every person you meet in a positive way and showing them parts of themselves that maybe they didn't even know existed. What an amazing gift that is. :)

I am so sorry to hear what you are going through time, but it sounds like you are a strong person. If his ex is texting you, maybe there was other stuff going on in the background you were unaware of? At any rate, you don't need that drama, I am sure. You never know whether the drama was because of the disclosure of if he already had stuff going on and it was a coincidence. I don't know the situation. You can't base all future disclosures on this one experience. There are some amazing, loving and accepting people out there. Are you serious, your doctor told you not to disclose?? Wow. You sound like a person of integrity and disclosing is an opportunity to get to really know someone else and to build a bond of trust and respect. You can look in the mirror and be proud of yourself and know that you are a person who does the right thing, is honest and has integrity. Put your shoulders back my dear and give yourself credit. :) There needs to be more like you in this world! Brenda xo

I would love to come back to NC. :) You never know! If you come out this way, I have a spare room with your name on it! I haven't used whatsapp for a while but I can reload it on my phone.

Hey Rachael - It was such a pleasure to meet you and I also wish we lived closer. I am so jealous that Adrial gets to spend time with you. :) Lucky man!! I would love to be able to learn to skate with you and be the recipient of your child like enthusiasm and encouragement. Your smile and enthusiasm literally lights up the room. I am fully into technology - text, email, Facebook. :) Please let's keep in touch!

Rachel, you were such a bright light this past weekend. I loved getting to know you. You have such a beautiful innocence and gentleness about you which truly melts my heart. Thank you so much for sharing yourself and your beautiful light with us. Love you and miss you! Brenda xo

Adrial, everything you said feels so true for me as well, especially after attending the H Opportunity seminar this past weekend. I am so much more comfortable now with telling people I have herpes and the more times I do it and receive love and acceptance, both from myself (which is the key) and from others, the easier it is to just be okay with herpes being part of who I am. We are complex creatures and we are so much more than a simple virus. As you said Adrial, telling someone about having herpes is an opportunity to share with someone and create an even closer bond of trust and acceptance. Not everyone is going to be okay with me having herpes, and that's okay because, honestly, not everyone is okay with me being 5'9" and I can't change that either! :) What I learned this weekend is that if I learn to truly love and accept myself, all of me, and not use herpes as proof that I am not worthy of it, the more I will create a space for love and acceptance for both ourselves and others. I also learned this past weekend what a huge impact my energy has on other people. If I come to people feeling judged, less than, insecure, then people will feel that energy and react accordingly. However, when I have a positive, accepting, loving energy, it changes those around us. I have noticed that since I got home. For instance, my mother, as much as I love her, is not the most emotionally aware or maternal person you will ever meet. We were talking about the weekend and she made a comment about how you never know what an experience like that will mean and how it will change the course of my life. This coming from MY mother! Wow. Bobby, we are given the gift of the herpes virus for a reason. My experience has been at first it is a bit overwhelming to navigate the feelings and how to deal with other people and what it all means but I am also learning that when I embrace it, love it, and accept it, it can become a beautiful thing. It sounds odd, but that has been my experience. It doesn't mean it will always be easy and it doesn't mean I won't have moments of frustration and sadness with having herpes, but it does mean that even in those times I can allow it to be something that pushes me to look deeper into the pain and see what is there for me to learn and grow. And reaching out like you are to others is also so healing. Thank you so much Bobby for asking the questions so many of us also are struggling with. Much love to both of you. :) Brenda

A cheat sheet would be awesome. In the moment it's hard to get all the information out there. It's a lot to take in for the person receiving the news, so it would be good for them to have something to read once the shock wears off. I have suspected I had herpes for the last 9 years so I was pretty careful and nothing happened if anything felt "off". My husband and I were together for 5 years and I asked him to get tested when he left and he didn't have it. Thank you for the website Cedar. I will check it out. I have been curious about Tantric sex and maybe this is an opportunity to explore that. :)