abbyroad78

Hello everyone, I recently joined a herpes dating site, just to see if there was a difference in the way I felt about having herpes and maybe avoiding the "talk" all together. I thought it might let me be "me" without all the worry. I joined a site called HSV Singles. My experience was not good. I discovered very few people are willing to post pictures. As other positive sites I have been on, for example, Positive Singles, which not only caters to people with herpes, but also HIV and other diseases, there were not many people from my area, in my age group, and unmarried. This is the third time I have attempted finding someone to date online with herpes... I have also joined Match, just FYI. With these sites, I found people are sad or depressed about their diagnosis and are so willing to have a negative attitude about it, I can't stand it. I want to tell them to join a support group, not a dating site... The odds of finding someone on a non-herpes dating site are much greater than finding someone on a herpes site. Simply because of the number of people to choose from. For example, I am from Arkansas and did a search for men within an 200 mile radius, there were only a couple of dozen profiles. I also want to warn people about certain herpes sites, some can be trusted, others can't. Many of the sites have "sister" sites, that are not for people with herpes. Some of the sites are scamming people out of money, such is the case with HSV Singles. There was a discrepancy about my billing, so I decided to inquire. There was not an option of calling a number, I had to click on "Live Chat". I was asked what site I was inquiring about. I was asked for my first and last name, address, credit card numbers, and username. My account was "closed" in the middle of downloading a picture of myself. When I tried to ask why my account was cancelled and please give me a number to call, I was given 5 different 800 numbers I could call. The representatives do not use their real names, and I was told to wait up to 48 hours to find out why my account was cancelled. I had to call twice and have had three live chat conversations all with the same outcome, no help at all. It was not until I told them I would call my attorney, that they finally took my picture off the site. Bottom line, please be careful about which dating site you may choose to use, if any.

effemmell, I was diagnosed almost 8 years ago. I was engaged at the time of the diagnosis. I remember specifically asking him if he had any STD's or thought maybe he did... I was very open about discussing sexual history because of STD's and did not want one. However, I was not asking because I would have left him. I was asking because I wanted to be in an honest relationship with this man. He said "No, I think I would know"... I said, "Ok, well I have been recently tested and am clean, so I would like you to be tested also..." I never made him take a test.... I had unprotected sex with him and contracted herpes. I remember the night I told him I tested positive for herpes, his exact words were, "I am so sorry, did I do this to you?" My heart dropped.... With this being said, no one deserves herpes, no one wants to get herpes, but the diagnosis is so minimal to what it could have been. It is not cancer or HIV. It is not losing a limb or losing your sight... yes, it is life altering, but can be a good thing. Yes, it hurts to tell someone, and yes, it will hurt IF you are rejected. However, if you don't accept this fact of life for yourself, you will never be happy. If you don't take a risk in being honest with people and still be PROUD of who you are as person, then your life will be lonely. Give someone the chance to make a decision about whether or not they want to be with YOU, not your herpes. Please take the time to do more research. Read the success stories. Be open to other people, and they will be open to you. Love you, abbyroad78

Hello effemmell, First of all, Happy Birthday. Second, don't kill yourself. Five years is a long time to deal with HSV, but people have done it longer. I know women with herpes that have beautiful families, are educated, honest, and happy in their lives. No, it is not right to have unprotected sex with someone once you know you have this disease, that is what happened to so many people on and off this site. Not only to stop the spread of HSV, but also other STD's and unplanned pregnancy as well. I have disclosed my HSV information only to people that I plan on becoming intimate with and some family and friends. Anyone who will label you a "slut", is not your friend and you don't need them in your life. Regardless of your HSV status. Also, a thought, if you had an outbreak after you had unprotected sex, the man you had sex with may have herpes also. The thing is, you are afraid of being judged, but you judge yourself. How would you know who else maybe suffering on the inside as well, if you don't open up and be truthful. I am not telling you how to live your life, but when you stop judging yourself, others will see that in you. Your friends and family will still love you and the man that loves you to begin with, will still love you after.

Hi Jess1981 and brighteyes, I am glad I found this site as well. I have had HSV for almost 7 years, I didn't think I would make it this far, but life goes on. I have just now been able to have conversation about it on this Forum. Before, I would just research information online in secret, after everyone went to sleep for fear of someone finding out. Most of my friends know, my mother, my sister... I have also told several potential dates, most of which accepted it. Of course, I haven't found the one I will marry, but not because of h. I have recently joined two dating sites. One for HSV and HPV, and another that is non-h. I typed in keywords for the non-h site such as "herpes" or "hsv", and only a few members actually put this on their profile. However, with that being said, that means that their are men and women on these sites with herpes and are not disclosing online. I have considered disclosing online, for several reasons, 1. it makes the "talk" for the first time a little easier, 2. It would defiantly ward off men who only want sex, and 3. it may bring a new outlook on herpes and change some of the stigmas attached to it. As far as the h-site, again, very few people are willing to admit they have herpes, so the dating pool is still shallow, at least in my neck of the woods. Lol. Wish me luck!!

Congratulations on such a brave step. I might try that approach. I am so tired of the disclosure talk and the pervs! Lol!! I think that is awesome!

Hi NSgreenville, pardon me for asking, but how did your disclosure turn out with the new date?

Hi Evergreen, thank you so much for sharing your story and I am deeply sorry for the loss of your husband. I wish I had some really great advice about whether or not the man you mentioned is interested... you could possibly ask him if he would want to go out for a drink. It sounds like he is willing to be your friend. The more you talk to him and spend time with him, the more you will find out how he feels about certain issues. I have had the same thoughts about not wanting to lead anyone one, however, you deserve for someone to want to get to know you for you. ( I also realize this is a almost a month overdue... I am new to the site. ) I have also struggled with when to tell someone. It really depends on what you want out of a relationship and who it is you are telling. Red flags to look for on who not to tell, would be a basic insensitivity towards people and crude remarks made at other peoples expense... you can find these things out about a person over a couple of dinners... I hope I am not out of line. Good Luck to you!!

Thank you for all the great information!!

Hi Everyone! What a great idea! I am new to the site and love it! It has really helped me deal with some feelings about HSV2 that have recently re-surfaced. I would love to have a buddy to e-mail or chat with!

Thank you so much for your response and for the kindness of your words!! I think I will try again!!

Hello Everyone, I am new to the site and have found it very helpful. I have never joined an online group like this before and am a little nervous about having a "voice" in this sub-culture of HSV-2 diagnosed people. I was diagnosed in 2006 and have spent countless hours of research online and talking to my doctors. I just recently started dating again after a break-up, it took about six months for me to get back out in the dating world. I met someone, and a couple of weeks into it, I told him about my diagnosis. The only physical contact we were having was an occasional kiss and a hug towards the end of one of our dates. Of course, telling someone about herpes is difficult, but I wanted to be honest with him from an early point. He said he was shocked, but we could work through it. I haven't heard from him since. It is quite embarrassing. Even after all these years, the rejection is still painful. We had known each other from grade school, but had met again online on a dating site. I am curious to know if it is considered okay to date on sites other than STD sites? Is it ethical?