HikingGirl

If you're concerned about a false positive, you could get a Western Blot test done (I also had a value below 3.5 and that's what I did). That way, you'd know for certain, and could either move forward with looking for ways to manage your symptoms, or find a new doctor and figure out what is going on. I'm sorry this has been so frustrating and painful for you.

Hi, @ash23. I'm no expert on transmission, especially since there are so many variables. I found it really helpful to read Terri Warren's book (available on Amazon in the Kindle version) to get it all straight. There are also several good sources of information on the web, including this site, but I found the book to be easily accessible and comprehensive yet still very readable for the average person. I can tell you that you can have HSV1 or HSV2 without any symptoms at all. I have HSV1 and have never had a cold sore in my life (I'm 43). I also have HSV2 (turns out I've had it over 20 years but just got the diagnosis a year ago) and while I now think I had some mild outbreaks I attributed to being a yeast infection, I never had a primary outbreak. Without knowing the definitive lab results of your previous partner, and without knowing if your boyfriend had a reliable test three months ago (IgG for HSV1 and HSV2), there may not be any way to know exactly how or from whom you contracted the virus. Developing an outbreak two days after receiving oral sex from your boyfriend is suspect though. Did his results come back yet? Knowing what exactly he has and which type will help to answer questions about transmission. From what I've read (and someone please correct me if I'm wrong), it doesn't necessarily take three months for antibodies to be found in your blood through testing. I believe it depends on the person. My understanding is that if you have HSV, testing will show a positive result for some people much earlier, then show a positive result for most people within four months. As your body develops more antibodies, the easier it is for the blood test to pick it up. The best way to answer some of your questions is to take a closer look at the lab results from your bf's test three months ago, and the one he just had. You're looking to see if he was indeed tested for HSV1 and HSV2 and by a reliable test (IgG blood test). IgM blood tests and swabs are notoriously unreliable.

Hi @tnicole. While I haven't had exactly what you describe, I will say that I am still learning about my body after getting the diagnosis a year ago. I'm paying close attention and still trying to figure out what's an outbreak an what isn't. What I have noticed is that my outbreaks tend to be very sensitive. Sometimes I just get redness in the fold of my inner labia. Once I had an actual bump. Both would sting if I sprayed it with water from the shower. I too would be curious to know if others experience visible outbreaks that don't have any pain or sensitivity associated with them.

Welcome, @Kyroptorin1. I'm 25 years out of high school, and I too wish I had received a better education about herpes back in sex-ed!! Until I met my (now ex-) husband, I always used condoms. I found out I had herpes one year after the divorce. Post-diagnosis, I was PISSED that I never knew condoms weren't going to protect me from herpes. My ex and I divorced after 16 years together and when I got my herpes diagnosis and told him, he tested negative! Okay, I'm still a little pissed. :-) A handful of encounters with condoms and I get herpes, but he shares my bed for 16 years without condoms or antivirals and he doesn't get herpes from me. Ugh!!!! There are people who will look past the herpes virus and love you for YOU. The success stories on this forum alone are abundant! There are also people who will not be accepting, but that is true whether or not you have the herpes virus. We all have dating deal breakers.....herpes is just one item in a very long list of possible deal breakers. Odds are strongly in your favor that the nerve pain will go away. Although I have some outbreaks now, I never did have a primary outbreak (at least that I remember--20+ years is a long time ago!). From what I've seen others describe, the first outbreak and the subsequent outbreaks in the next year will likely be more painful and frequent than several years from now as your body adjusts to having the virus. Chronic or frequent pain is going to test your resolve like few other things will, but it won't be forever!! You will feel normal again. And then you won't. Then you will. Then you won't. Then you will again. :-) Someday you'll realize you feel normal even though you have herpes. And then something else will come along and throw you off-balance. Enjoy the good times when you have them, because they won't last forever. Likewise, hang in there through the bad times, because those won't last forever either. Be kind to yourself. You've had a double-whammy of a breakup and a herpes diagnosis in a very short amount of time. Give yourself permission to grieve. We are here to listen if you need support. {hugs}

Hi @Dj5886, I think we can all relate to sometimes wishing we had never learned we have HSV. Especially (as was in my case) if we sought out testing when we weren't having any symptoms! No, you won't ever be the same, but I don't mean that in a negative way. I have grown more in the past year as a result of my diagnosis than I ever thought possible. Herpes be damned.....I would never give that up to go back to my pre-diagnosis dream. As optimist said, oral HSV1 is extremely common. And it seems--to me--to have much less stigma associated with it than genital herpes. Given the abundance of success stories on this forum alone, I would say without hesitation that your dating life is not over!!! :-) How another person reacts to you having HSV1 (or any number of things, STDs or otherwise), is not about you. It's about them. For me, I think the scariest part of my diagnosis was the loss of control. Not only can I not eliminate the risk of transmission, but I also can't control another person's perception of me with herpes. And that eventually translated to.....I can't control other people's perceptions of me, period!! I could just as easily be rejected for something totally unrelated.....I'm 5'11, I'm an atheist, I chose not to have children, I don't eat meat, I chose a profession that isn't glamorous and I have HSV1 and HSV2. Oh well! Their loss. The important thing is that I like myself. And for the first time in a long time, I am hopeful that I will one day be loved exactly as I am. I hope that for you too. {hugs}

Welcome, @HopefulHerpy. How I wished a year ago I knew there would be some kind of timeline to the living hell I was in post-diagnosis. I too have struggled with depression at several points in my life, and I spent the first six months post-diagnosis wanting to be dead. Fortunately, that was never a viable option because I refused to abandon my 14 year-old golden retriever. Grief overtook me--physically, mentally, and emotionally--for a long time. Allowing myself to grieve was, by far, the most painful thing I have ever done. But since the diagnosis came just a year after getting divorced, I already knew that it was absolutely necessary. And it's something our society really doesn't give us permission to do. Beyond grief is the very difficult work of healing. It requires tremendous courage to be kind to yourself, receive the love and concern others are offering, and to be open to learning from an intensely painful experience. If you're familiar with the work of Brene Brown, you may have heard this before, but I'll mention it anyway. **Everyone** experiences shame. Empathy is the antidote to shame. Something I learned just this past week (and hit me like a ton of bricks) is that you do not need to have had someone else's exact same experience to have empathy for them. All it takes is the ability to touch in yourself the same emotions another person is feeling. I immediately thought of that when you mentioned your husband. He sounds like a wonderful man. Healing and growth may have no timeline, but I wanted you to know that you are not alone and we are cheering you on. {{{hugs}}}

Hi, @H1234, an welcome. While I can't speak to dating because I haven't put myself out there yet (just now starting to actually consider it a possibility!), what you're feeling right now is very normal. While everyone's timeline for healing and acceptance will look different, a month post-diagnosis could mean a lot of feelings of uncertainty, sadness, shame, and isolation. Those are really tough emotions, and not easy for even the strongest among us to experience all at once! One of the MANY things herpes has taught me in the past year is that I was unknowingly depending upon others for validation of my worth. I'm working on changing that, and it's the primary reason I've put dating on the back burner for now. I've noticed a common theme on this forum from those who have been/are dating and it's this: calm and confident disclosures have higher rates of success, AND how another person reacts to a herpes disclosure is not only unpredictable, but it's a reflection of their own own perspectives and experiences and has nothing to do with us. {hugs}

@AmyDazedConfused It is both surprising and disappointing that many health care professionals are misinformed and poorly educated about herpes. When I was diagnosed a year ago, I started to read everything I could get my hands on. You have a powerful source of information and support in this community! It's easy for all of us to be intimidated by doctors because of their training and how highly regarded they are in most societies. It might help to remember that *you* are paying *them* for a service. If you went to McDonald's for a cheeseburger and they tried to tell you that you really want a chicken sandwich, you'd insist on a cheeseburger or go to a different restaurant. Insist on an IgG blood test, and when the results come back, insist on getting a copy of the lab report. And don't feel a bit bad about taking your business elsewhere if they they pooh-pooh your request, concerns or questions in any way!! {hugs}

Hi @Chel, yes it's normal, and yes, it could also be exacerbated by an antiviral. I've had HSV2 for about 20 years and have no memory of ever feeling what I call "the zingers." After my diagnosis a year ago and reading about prodrome symptoms, I immediately recognized having them. Shortly after the diagnosis, I started taking Valtrex, which gave me zingers every day, throughout the day--drove me nuts! After six months of that, I decided to stop since I wasn't seeing anyone. The tingling slowed WAY down to next to nothing. Now I'm trying acyclovir, which has been much better than the Valtrex for me, but I still have more zingers than if I were not on any medication at all. {hugs}

@lovelovelove, what about reaching out to Terrri Warren? She is a nurse practicitioner who is an expert on herpes and has done a lot of research. Although her clinic is closed you can go to Westover heights.com to interact with her either through a video consult or the web. Both options involve a fee, but it could be very much worth it to chat with someone with a clinical background and a lot of education on this subject. Good luck!

@countrygirl13 The stat that sticks out in my mind is this... from female to male, with antivirals but no condoms, the risk is about 2% per year assuming sex twice a week (I never really appreciated that number until I learned about the frequency it was based off of). So one time? Yes, it's possible, and has happened. It's just statistically unlikely.

@countrygirl13 Sorry if my post made you feel bad b/c I was kinda a jerk. I am struggling with being hsv+ and am still trying to accept this myself. Personally, I couldn't imagine not disclosing but I also realize stuff happens..... so again, I'm sorry. @stillstanding, I just wanted to acknowledge you for circling back to this post and making a follow-up comment. I am one year post-diagnosis, and because I'm heavily studying shame at the moment, I've just now been realizing that sometimes when I'm feeling shame, I have shamed others with my remarks. It was really kind of frightening to initially realize I was sometimes part of the problem and not the solution!! It takes a lot of awareness to realize this, and a lot of courage for any of us to admit when we're wrong. So I just wanted to acknowledge this about you. {hugs}

Hi, @lovelovelove, and welcome. I admit I am stumped as well. I just received my diagnosis a year ago (although I now know I've had HSV for over 20 years), so I'm definitely no expert, but I've done my share of reading. Two things from your post immediately came to mind, which I'll ask/mention because you're actively seeking feedback, but please keep in mind that I have a bit of a "slightly cynical because I'm recently divorced" perspective on relationships right now. The first thing that popped in my mind was, "Did you physically see your partner's previous test results?" It's really uncomfortable for me to ask a question that denotes such distrust, but If you're trying to solve a mystery, it just seems pertinent to ask. If you're concerned about false negatives from the previous tests (I really don't know the likelihood of three false negatives), your partner could seek out a Western Blot test for HSV2. The second thing that really jumped out at me was the timing. You guys went through a sex "drought" in the first half of 2016 for no apparent reason and your partner has an outbreak in June of 2016. Absolutely nothing about that statement proves he cheated on you. It's simply my observation. Keep in mind that an outbreak in the anus does not mean he contracted the virus there. The virus lives in the entire "boxer shorts" region and can enter the body in one part of that region and exit in another. I do want to add that I really respect that you're actively and rationally looking for other explanations without immediately jumping to the worst possible conclusion. I think that speaks very highly of you. I, too, am curious to hear what others may have to say.

Thank you, @whymegirl, for sharing your experience with us. You know what I loved about the post? Your resilience. After several years of positive experiences, you had a setback, realized what happened, and had the courage to open up the conversation again--this time, in your usual calm and confident way. Regardless of where the relationship goes, I just wanted to comment that I was really inspired by this show of resilience. :-)

Hi @newbie222 and welcome! I love @optimist 's suggestion of getting a blood test. The best way to answer questions about transmission is to know if/which strains of HSV you have. And then if you were to have another outbreak, either on your buttocks or your hand, to have it swabbed to see if you can figure out which strain is acting out in these parts of your body. Information is real power, and I think further testing would make it really clear about how to proceed telling your partner. Also, if you get ANY sense from your doctor that they either may not be well educated on the topic themselves, or if it's such a non-issue to them that they seem reluctant to spend time with you answering your questions, do not hesitate to see another doctor. The level of education about herpes among healthcare practitioners varies widely. {hugs!}

I sincerely hope that is not the case, but if you do test positive and your boyfriend is mad, I would encourage you to come back to this post and re-read this sentence about a million times: *I am not responsible for his reaction.* His reaction comes from a lifetime of his own experiences which go back a lot further than his relationship with you.

Have you priced out acyclovir and famvir? It's worth checking to see if they might have a cheaper cash price than valycyclovir.

Hi, @TJNJ....and welcome. No apologies needed for being a "downer." We've all been there. I asked for an STD panel about a year ago when I started seeing someone long-distance after my divorce. I was convinced I was "clean" and that it was just going to be a boring, routine thing. Like you, I was floored by the HSV2 diagnosis (plus HSV1). Since the long-distance fling and my ex-husband tested negative, it meant I'd had it for over 20 years and just had no idea. I have never felt so alone in my life. No one talks about it and I didn't know anyone who had it. I haven't re-entered the dating world yet....just doing some post-divorce healing for now, but I'm finally starting to feel like I'm not going to be alone and celibate forever. Not by a long shot. :-) I'm so encouraged by the others on this site and their success stories. I agree with optimist....I'd dig around a little more to see if you can find any evidence of the oral infection really being HSV2. It's possible it was totally unrelated and you're simply asymptomatic. Not everyone has a primary outbreak (I never did). If there is one thing I would want to leave with you, it's this: you are not alone. Not only are you not alone in having herpes since there's 50 million of us in the U.S., but you're not alone in feeling like you're unlovable. *Everyone* has imperfections which they feel shame about. HSV just happens to have a ridiculously undeserved stigma associated with it. {hugs}

I never had a primary outbreak, but in the past year, my outbreaks have been some redness in the fold of one part of my inner labia that stings and itches without the skin being broken. I think there is a lot of variation of what outbreaks look and feel like for different people. I know how hard it is to wait for results. My doctor's office asked me to come in to review my test results and I had to wait several days for the appointment. It was agony. One day at a time, my friend. Once you have some definitive answers, you'll be able to move forward. {hugs}

I personally think you've done your part. As the saying goes, you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink.

For what it's worth, I once had a healthcare provider tell me that tampons were really irritating to the vagina and made yeast infections more likely for me. I never could get the hang of a reusable cup to catch menstrual fluid, but before my ablation last year I used Instead Softcups. I loved those things!

P.S. I should add my recommendation is for external itching. The best advice I have for internal itching is sitting in a bathtub. Not practical all-day long, of course!

@help_account, When I was in my early 20's, I spent two full years sleeping my life away due to depression. I was probably sleeping 12-18 hours during the day, then I'd watch reruns on tv all night. What @hippyherpy said is absolutely true--you get tunnel vision and you miss out on seeing the big picture. The big picture is that there is a lot more going right in your world than you're able to see because of the depression. Antidepressant medication can be a big help for many people. I know it lifted me out of "the fog" enough where counseling could really help. When I got my own herpes diagnosis barely a year ago, I spent the next six months thinking about suicide on a very regular basis. The only reasons I'm still here are because I couldn't abandon my nearly 15 year-old golden retriever, and many of the items on the list @stillstanding gave. Especially exercise. Make it a goal to shower and walk around the block once every day for a week and you'll be amazed at the difference. Our minds and bodies are connected in so many ways. It's much, much easier to heal the mind when the body is also getting what it needs. The tiniest improvements will make a difference. Today, I feel like my life is just beginning. I want you to feel that way too. {hugs}

My favorite anti-itch remedy is a cotton square moistened with water and a couple of drops of tea tree oil. It's strong stuff, so it must be diluted and a drop or two works wonders. Please don't use it straight or a bunch of drops at once--those areas of your body are sensitive! I sincerely hope things calm down soon or the doctors can figure out what's going on. Meanwhile, take it from a yeast-infection veteran, tea tree oil is the bomb for any kind of itching.

Time definitely helped me. I spent months walking around feeling like I had herpes written on my forehead. The physical symptoms, when they're present, are a constant reminder of having herpes, so it's hard to not think about it when your body is healing. Terri Warren's book (available on Amazon), plus the information Adrial has here on the H Opp website has been wonderful. Reading facts and statistics was calming for me. Beyond that, I'd say the fact that your diagnosis is so new means that what you're feeling is very normal. I spent six months where herpes was the first thing I thought of in the morning, the last thing I thought of at night, and nearly every minute in between. {hugs}