Cupid can kiss my...

[HerryTheHerp]

Well, it's Sunday night and the tears have finally stopped flowing. Kind of. There's still a big open wound, but I'm going to write about it because even if you think YOU had a bad Valentine's Day, let me tell you it can get a lot worse. In fact, whatever I've done to piss the li'l sh!# off, he's getting me back in spades and he's not even bothering to lube the arrows up anymore. If there is such a thing as past lives and karma, I did something serious in each of the last 20.

 

And, no "Ahh, Herry you poor guy's." That's not the purpose of this. The purpose is to let you all know that Cupid has pegged me as Public Enemies #1-10, so y'all still have a chance at love 'cause apparently I'm bearing the brunt of his chubby li'l temper tantrums these days. Just read this as if you were watching Ben Stiller in "Something about Mary" 'cause it's about that tragic.

 

So, where to begin. Well, I'd met a woman at a friend's party about a month ago. A really nice, insanely beautiful woman with similar career backgrounds and interests. We hit it off and the conversations and laughter flowed. It felt good. We had emailed back and forth and she suggested we meet up for Valentine's dinner. I was a little nervous, but why not, right? I can't tell you all how excited I got. Hopeless romantic 36-year old and I've never had a date on Valentine's. In fact, I'd been stood up quite a few times. But, this time I was giddy. Literally smiling from ear to ear.

 

Well, we had a really good dinner. We talked about a lot of things. We had a little wine. There was a lot of laughter and quite a bit of flirting. Then, she very suggestively suggested we head back to her place, and guys, let me tell you, she was a solid 10. So, being the fine upstanding gentleman I am, I told her the score. My first in person disclosure. Confident, comfortable, relaxed with all the relevant details. That's when the bottom fell out faster than Britney Spears' getting out of a low slung car. I've gotten the nice guy, good man, tender heart before; but this time I knew why. She didn't even stay for dessert.

 

Strike 1.

 

So, I went for a walk through the mall right next to the restaurant. Not the brightest idea with couples milling about holding hands, snuggling, and kissing. Stopped by the drug store to get some aspirin for a growing headache. Not a good idea. Valentine's, couples, drug store, you put it together what they were buying. It was like salt in an ever opening wound. Seriously, everyone in front, and everyone behind me in line. Now, I'm not going to lie and claim that in the recess of my mind I didn't say "I hope you all still get herpes the same way I did." Apparently, Cupid considered that thought a taunt and decided to keep the hits coming.

 

So, I decide, let's just go home, put a movie on, get some sleep.

 

Open my Facebook first. Again, in the world of bright ideas, I'm not thinking clearly so I'm going to give myself a mulligan here. Read the posts of all my happily coupled friends, pictures of flowers, stories of romantic dates, yada yada. Then, out of nowhere that little red flag pops up "You've got a message." Could it be a friend wishing me a Happy Valentine's? Let's look, because maybe the ship is gonna right itself before it sinks...but let me tell you, that red flag is red for a reason...

 

It's my HS sweetheart. Yes, the same woman I almost married. The same woman who cheated on me leading to a very nasty breakup (our 3rd out of 4 over a period of 4 years), a 1/2 hearted attempt at reconciliation, and 17 years of not speaking to each other. What does she want? Well, aside from the fact that I'm advising her and some other teachers on a FB page she just happens to be on (world's too small...), she wants to say hi, tell me about her wonderful husband, their two beautiful daughters, and her happy life. Hopes I'm doing well, found love, yada yada. Keep in mind I have had a solid 17 years of dating experiences that would make Chernobyl seem like a minor mishap and it took me years to get over the hurt she caused. Trust me, lots of therapy sessions undone in a single evening as I honestly could have died happy without ever talking to her again.

 

Yippee Frickin' Skippee. At this point, I honestly prayed a Russian satellite would just crash through my ceiling and end the misery, but alas, I'm clearly not that lucky. I would have settled for an asteroid, but nope. Nada.

 

Strike 2.

 

So, at this point, about 10pm, bottle of vodka in hand, I'm not thinking clearly at all. I call the woman who'd given this li'l virus to me to say hi. Of course she doesn't answer. She does however email me almost immediately telling me not to call her, and that she's having a wonderful evening with her boyfriend and that she'll write me next week... I've heard that before from her and have been trying to be friends. I honestly just wanted someone to talk to and I came within a keystroke of emailing her boyfriend a letter I wrote him. One push of "enter" to revenge (and trust me, it's an epic "outing" letter), but revenge is a very dark road and I just barely stopped myself at the last second. He'll find out she's cheated on him soon enough.

 

Strike 3.

 

You're out right? No, at this point Cupid decides to pitch a few more blows my way just to let me know he really hates me.

 

Thin walls, loud neighbors, and Viagra, anyone? Why not? Keep 'em coming you li'l prick. Seriously, not even headphones drowned it out.

 

Stumble to the liquor store, more vodka and I'm out of OJ. Thank God for 24 hour liquor stores.

 

Dust off and head back to the dugout? Sure, why not. Email the woman I had dinner with. A polite I had a good time, completely understood her concerns, and thanks for the evening, write if you'd ever like to go do something as friends. Read it a dozen times because I'm tipsy and want to make sure grammar, spelling, language are all appropriate and gentlemanly.

 

She messages me back within minutes...don't write me again, you're disgusting, why would you think I'd ever...

 

Could I feel any lower? Oh, Cupid had one more fastball to throw right at my heart.

 

My roommate came home and didn't even say a word about the chocolates I'd bought her for Valentine's and left on the table for her. She'd been having terrible dating, school, and career luck lately, so I bought her some with a card that simply said "Thanks for being a good roommate, glad we're friends." A simple thank-you would have meant so much to me in that moment, but alas, why should I expect any semblance of humanity at this point?

 

So, the moral of the story is y'all are pretty safe right now. Cupid's had his Wheaties and decided who he wants to punch around for a while. I wish I could make this stuff up, but trust me folks, when it comes to love and romance, whatever you did in your past lives and the karma you're carrying around, ya ain't got nothing on me so y'all gonna be just fine. Apparently, Cupid's holding me responsible for everything from the plague to Spandex.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Ral515]

Aw I'm sorry Herry.. My best friend (who knows about me having the H) just had to drag me out the house on Valentine's Day because she knows the funk I've been in. Horrible mistake. I felt worst then if I would have just stayed home. I really wasn't into see all the cute happy go lucky couples after the last two weeks.

 

Hope this week gets better for you.

[victoriaxxx]

Herry my friend, that lady was wrong. I know it hurts and I know it stungs, but she doesn't what she is missing. She doesn't know that she could have taken the chances and been with an amazing person. && that is her loss not yours. (:

 

I am here for you any time !

[Bebe]

Ay, Herry. I'm sorry man. I wore my shades all day so couples wouldn't see me glaring at them. The boy cheated, left to Afghanistan, and I just felt my first sore in the (not so) love below. I spent valentines day at the gyno getting looked at and getting a pregnancy test. Cupid hates me too. Anyway, I'm sending a ton of hugs from NYC!! You seem like such a great (and super funny) guy, and I'm sorry someone would react that way. She showed her ass with that reaction...how rude. Smh. You deserve way better, and you will find it.

[fitgirl]

Herry, the only disgusting one in this situation is her. a solid 10 you say? I think you meant a solid 0 . I find it unbelievable that someone could be so shallow and ignorant but as I always say, you can't fix stupid. you really took a beating but maybe you just had get all of those shitty things out of your system in short order. you are a funny and compassionate guy who will eventually find your match, these experiences are just tests along the way. you will pick up your bootstraps tomorrow and move on with your head held high and your humor sharp, the world has so much more to offer. I feel sorry for people who can't pull their head out of their ass long enough to know that human connectedness is only achieved by those who love the whole person, not just their parts. keep being brave and keep trying, your soul mate awaits you out there somewhere.

[thisisgoingtobeokay (previ]

Agree with fit girl on this one. Sounds like a -500 to me. What a bitch. There is one way to go about it and another and she chose to be an inconsiderate bitch. That was absolutely unecessary. I am so sorry you had a shitty valentines weekend. People suck sometimes. You will find someone. Have hope. You are way too damn funny for a woman to not like you. The other stuff was of circumstance. I truly believe that. It just so happened that all that shit came at once. Try to keep your chin up. I'm sorry this happened to you because you are just such an inspiration to so many of us.

[victoriaxxx]

Thank you. You guys said it exactly how I wanted to put it.. but I didn't say it that way.

[WCSDancer2010]

Sounds like you had a real winner there.... NOT! :(

 

Guess we women are not the only ones who meet someone who is not into YOU ... but just want to get INTO (bed) with you... yeah, you might have had a fun romp but really, would you want THAT in your life...

 

Hell, look at the bright side... you sure do have a LOT of material for your writing in all this.... you are a walking Soap Opera my friend :(

 

Speaking of which...why do you continue to try to have a friendship with a lying, cheating female??? You and I have to have a serious talk my friend. Forum Mom needs to get a can of Whoop Ass out on you and teach your "Picker" to do a better job....

 

Seriously tho, sorry you had a crappy day.... love you my friend...

 

(((HUGS)))

[Ashley]

@Herry... That girl is mean. I say good riddance.

 

You mentioned you weren't looking for a "poor guy" comment but it sounds like you need a pick-me-up. The following is a list of qualities you possess that would make any girl swoon:

 

1) You are hands down the wittiest person on this forum.

2) You are a phenomenal storyteller, wonderful narrative and flow.

3) You possess impeccable spelling and grammar know how (I'm afraid you're judging mine right now).

4) You are a great researcher, a wealth of factual information (ok...maybe only the nerdy girls will swoon at this).

5) You have a kind heart.

 

-Written by someone who doesn't even know you but knows the above to be true.

[beachluvr]

Herry

 

Some people are just LOW. Sorry she treated you that way and hurt your feelings. How would she feel if the shoe were on the other foot? People don't look at it that way. You are the "light" of this forum. Your posts have made me smile, laugh, and your humor and the knowledge of everyone on here is what made me join. Don't let these people bring you down...you have all of US! We will always be your Valentine!!

 

 

[HerryTheHerp]

Thanks everyone. It's taken me a few days to recoup and be able to thank you all for what you wrote to me. You made me smile and brought the good kind of tears to my eyes, and that meant the world to me during what was arguably one of the hardest weekends of my life.

 

@Ral515, I'm discovering that the more I surround myself with other couples and people, the more I want what they have. There's a threshold you can cross; it's high and I'm still climbing it, but when you see the peak, this fire starts to burn inside. Mine's still smoldering, but I've got a big pile of wood ready to throw on it.

 

@Victoriaxxx, thanks. Really. Pierced my heart with what you wrote in a good way. You don't need to use a lot of words for me to hear exactly what you're trying to say.

 

@Bebe, I won't wish anything serious on him, but I hope Cupid gave him blisters on his feet as well as his Taliban whacker...Hope you have a great year and I'm glad to know you.

 

@Fitgirl, yeah, her personality took her down a few notches, and I know that. It's a natural biological handicap that causes me to say things like "Boobs!" then look for everything else. Trust me, the parts were all in the right spot, just didn't realize how tarnished her heart was. Stupid candlelight. In fact, it was stupid candlights that got me here to begin with. puff!

 

@thisisgoingtobeok, you don't know just how strong you are. The day you discover that, there's nothing in the world that's gonna stop ya. We all see it. We're just waiting for you to discover it. The day you do is going to be the best day of your life.

 

@Dancer, I know she just wanted to get into me. I won't lie and say I didn't want that. I've never been very "lucky" so that's why I tried to be friends with the witch. When you don't have very many romantic memories, you tend to latch on to the ones you had and hope there's more there than there really is. Don't worry, I haven't written her since, and won't ever again. The past is the past now. Love you, too.

 

@Ashley, I'd never judge you on anything. This whole thing's taught me that judging others is just a waste of time and a way of finding fault instead of beauty. Thanks for the compliments because they put some air back under my wings.

 

@beachluvr, the most beautiful Valentine I ever had. Thanks for writing what you did. I help because I hurt, and if I can use that hurt to help, then that hurt isn't wasted. And, I don't know if it makes a difference, but she was wearing heels, so I'm assuming it would hurt like a son of a gun if it were on the other foot.

 

Thanks for being my friends. I stood at that dark abyss of despair this weekend and y'all pulled me back from it.

 

 

[Bebe]

Thanks @herry! Lol! I'm glad to know you too. (P.S. Totes not preggers! Woooh! Hahaha) I should take my own advice when I tell you things will get better. Also, that woman (or lack thereof) will regret causing pain to someone as nice as you. People can be so shallow and cruel. Smh. I hope you find a great gal, and have a great year too.

[thisisgoingtobeokay (previ]

Always positive Herry. We all love ya!

[fitgirl]

Herry, for a guy who is new to this herpes game, You are well on your way my friend. It's been 17 years of my 40 year old life that I have had this pleasure..... you are light years ahead of most in your process. keep up the positive attitude and humor just don't use it to always mask the pain. FEEL the pain, metabolize it then make fun of it. That is what will be your ace in the hole (sorta speak ;))

I like that you posted the down moments, they exist for all of us....the testament to our future is how we turn them around

[whatsallthehubbub]

I gotta say herry... if i ever have to get a outing letter of any kind.. i would want you to write it.. sure whatever news you have would be shit.. but i would marvel at the epicness of such a well written letter. Seriously you just made the most horrible day in the history of man kind sound liketthe adventures of huck finn.. i salute you sir.. 07 well played.... well played. :)