Ishmael

So many people have this condition. Why isn't there a kind of latex, um... diaper contraption that helps to more fully cover the genitals? Obviously you can't cover everything, so there would still be a risk, but wouldn't people feel a lot safer if there was something that more adequately created a barrier between the vulva and scrotum/inner thigh? Honestly I doubt this would catch on with the general public, but for discordant couples (where one has it and one does not) this could be really, really useful.

If they are actively discussing your diagnosis behind your back, then frankly none of them should be in the healthcare industry.

No.

I'm going to take a shot in the dark and guess that you were recently diagnosed, no? Listen, whatever else you do, you need to disclose to people before you have sex with them. It sounds like you're acknowledging that and saying that, since you can't bring yourself to disclose, you will simply never date again. If that is how you feel, there are options. For instance, try a dating website. There you can meet lots of people in your area who also have herpes and so there's no real need to be bent out of shape about the condition. Another thing to do is take a step back and educate yourself about herpes. Once you start to understand how common it is, and how little it's actually going to impact your life in terms of the symptoms of the disease itself, you might start to also realize that your earlier position about out of hand rejecting anyone with herpes was based on ignorance and stigma. As you grow in your understanding, you might find that you want a partner who can love you regardless of your HSV+ status. It has happened for millions of people, and it can happen for you. It sounds, however, like it might require some growth on your part and an acknowledgement that your earlier stance was, in some ways, shallow. For the record, your feelings right now are absolutely normal. The thought that your love life is basically over is something that, again, millions of people who get a positive diagnosis have been through. And yet here they are in the world, on this website, in every country around the globe, living happy, fulfilling lives with people that love them. There are also many people that allow themselves to be crushed by this diagnosis and wallow in despair and depression. I'm not going to lie: going down the negative route is a genuine option. So today, let yourself despair. And tomorrow, and the day after that. But sooner or later you're going to have to ask yourself what path you're going to take in the long run: that of rebuilding self-confidence and finding a truer love than you ever thought possible, or that of wallowing in self-pity and loneliness for the rest of your life. You might not feel it right now, but you are strong enough to take the path that will make you stronger, and years from now, looking back on how you felt then, you'll see how naive you were to think that you couldn't find love.

Look, ultimately this is none of my business, but you should be with someone who is into you enough and mature enough to be okay with it. The fact is, there will always be some risk, and if he can't handle that, find a man who can. You're worth it. Also, to be Frank, once you spell that out for him, I bet he wakes the fuck up.

Hi Andrea! Yes you can still transmit herpes while wearing a condom and taking meds, even while you don't have an outbreak. Here's the deal. A couple where the female is HSV+ and the male is HSV- have a 5% (or so) chance of exchanging the virus over a 1 year period of "regular sex". What is regular sex? It's not really clear, but the average couple has sex roughly between once a week and once a month (your mileage may vary, particularly if you're in a new relationship). This is without using condoms and without using antivirals BUT making sure not to have sex during an OB (outbreak). You can still transmit herpes when you don't have an outbreak though, which is where that 5% comes from. If you use condoms every time you have sex, you can cut that 5% in half. If you use antivirals on a daily basis, you can cut that in half again. That gets you down to about 1% a year chance of transmitting during "regular sex". If you go here: https://herpesopportunity.com/free-ebook-signup.html?sc=welcomepage You can get a handout that charts out the numbers for you and your partner. He should get a blood test as well, an IGG not an IGM. Also, sidenote, it's not even remotely weird that you are having your first outbreak despite the fact that you've both been monogomous since January. It could have happened five years from now as well. Or 10. Or 20. That happens.

Hey completely lost, just so you know, literally hundreds of millions of people have gone through what you are going now. Hundreds. Of. Millions. And guess what? It's devastating for everyone at first, but please believe me when I say that in the long run, it gets better. Give yourself a year and see where you are then. What's the worst that can happen in one year? In the meantime, post in the someone to talk to thread and I bet you'll find someone who you can talk to that doesn't live in your town and that you don't need to worry about in terms of disclosure. Just posting here means that people will have your back. Also, when you have a moment, please post here again and let us know how you're doing.

I'm sorry no one has responded to this. First of, I'm sorry, but your boyfriend is a bit of a dick. Instead of flipping out, maybe he should get educated. There is absolutely no reason to believe that you cheated in this instance and what the doctor told you is absolutely true.

Not a herpes symptom.

Oral cold sores are very, very common. It is also very likely that the person who gave it to did not know about it. Honestly, I WISH I had HSV-1 on my mouth, lol. I don't want to downplay your feelings though. I understand that it is a tough diagnosis. What I would say. however, is that you will feel way differently about it in a year's time. In fact, why don't you try this: in one year from now, come back to this forum and post in this thread again. Tell us about how you feel at that time, versus how you felt about it when you were first diagnosed. It might mean a lot to someone who is in the position you are in now.

Hi Annon, Sorry no one addressed this. You can go for many years in a relationship without passing HSV. If he is actually negative then it's likely you got it before dating him, maybe even when you were a kid, and have been asymptomatic until now.

Good for you! It looks like you're crushing it. Also, know that the first year is usually the worst for symptoms and that things will likely only get better moving forward.

Hi Mystihorse, sorry to hear about your condition. Regarding the timeline of a herpes outbreak, it can really vary from person to person. Typically, the unruptured sores will stay there for a couple days, then when they open it can take a week or so before they crust over and heal, but again your mileage may vary. All told, four weeks from start to finish is pretty typical for a first outbreal.As for your boyfriend, how long have you been dating? If this is your first outbreak, and you haven't had sex with other people in a few weeks or months, it's highly likely (although not at all certain) that you got it from him. If he has never noticed symptoms, he might be asymptomatic. For dealing with some of the symptoms, check this out: https://www.wikihow.com/Treat-Herpes Antivirals do reduce the pain because they reduce the length of the outbreak. If you take them regularly, they should also reduce the frequency of your outbreaks. Some good news: For most people, the first outbreak is the worst one. Also, over the course of the first year, people tend to have the most outbreaks, and then their bodies get more used to the virus and over time the outbreaks get less frequent and their duration shortens.

Hey, I hope this helps with your question. https://www.wikihow.com/Treat-Herpes I assume you are American since you say you can't afford a doctor (I dont understand America!), but if your outbreaks are going to be this bad you'll want to get your hand on some antiviral medications and creams and that will, unfortunately, mean a trip to a doc to get a prescription. Sorry to hear about your pain.

Hi jr049. The common rule of thumb is that if you are using antivirals DAILY and using condoms and completely abstaining from sex during outbreaks, the chance of an HSV + woman infecting a HSV- man is less than 1% over the course of an entire year. This is what multiple articles I have read have suggested, but I have yet to actually see the research. I'm trying to find it, and if I do i will let you know.

In a lot of herpes information outlets, including articles written about herpes online in places like the Huff Post and Washing post, I keep seeing this statistic that, over a year of sexual intercourse, a HSV+ male has 10% chance to infect a HSV- female. I see this so frequently that it seems to be taken as a matter of fact, yet I never see the actual study or source cited, ever. When I try to find anything conclusive on Google scholar, I can't find it. Does anyone know what this is from and where I can access it? Also, can anyone link to studies on transmission rates per sexual act using different methods (like, transmission rates when using antivirals and condoms versus not)? Thanks.