WCSDancer2010

(((HUGS))) Just pass it forward. Together we can turn this around from being a stigma to exactly what it is, a royal PITA (or nether regions!) and nothing more :)

:) :) :)

I've lived with HSV1 my whole life and HSV 2 since 17 ... most of the time it's a nuisance for me... it's only when I am trying to get to know someone who is a potential "mate" that it becomes an issue for me. Just keep asking questions and getting informed. IMO, the more transparent we can all be around this (and everyone's comfort with how transparent they are comfortable with is different) the less stigma will be associated with it. One of my goals is to make this conversation totally acceptable in public ... we are all adults and we need to start acting and talking like adults when it comes to Sex and STD's. And when you are ready, help someone else who is going through this. It kills me how devastating it is when people are first diagnosed. I hope one day the "normal" reaction will go from "OMG my life is OVER!" to "Ok Doc, what does this mean and how can I manage it?". Wouldn't THAT be a great thing????

My *understanding* is that outbreaks usually occur pretty close to the site where you first got it (Adrial, am I right here???). Actually, one of the top Dr's in the country on Herpes issues is at the http://www.westoverheights.com/ - you may want to contact them ... (or do you have someone you can contact Adrial?) . It is a good question and one which I would love to know the answer to. Concerning gloves tho, we still use arms and elbows...so I am not sure that gloves would help anyway.... however, if you had a client with BAD acne (I've had one whose whole back was broken out), psoriasis, etc, I might want to wear gloves just in case and refrain from using arms and elbows...

Perhaps this is a great time for you to talk to those people - to make sure they are properly informed about the risks they are taking. You may find that it is healing to talk to others, because you will find that some have it, but may not understand the ramifications of their behaviors on others (ie, they are not bothered by it if they have it but they don't know how devastating it can be for someone when they get diagnosed). Others may have no clue (VERY likely) that their STD testing likely doesn't include Herpes. Others will not know that HSV 1 (Oral) can be transferred to the genitals. Etc Etc. Everything happens for a reason. All you have to do now is figure out YOUR reason :) (((HUGS)))

@ Adrial " And not telling potential partners will only help to grow said stigma; " B I N G O ! There are many layers to the "Closet" we are all living in with Herpes. While you may not choose to "come out" in the way I did (to my whole FB population of friends... all 1000+ of them!), I really feel we have to at least be open with anyone we are getting intimate with, because to lie only adds to the negativity that is thrown at us by the ignorant when they find out the truth. And I can't really blame them. Certainly, If I had known that the guy who gave me Herpes had it, I likely would have slowed things waaay down (and learned he was a total JERK before I got intimate with him...but I was 17 and flattered that he was "attracted" to me .. SMH... :P ) The stance I give now is that if they are concerned, then this is just a good reason for us to slow things down, really get to KNOW each other better so when we do get physical, we know it is for the right reasons. Funny thing is, I've now had 2 short-term partners who let their hormones get the better of them, who got physical and then decided that they just couldn't get over worrying about catching it. But at least they cannot say that we "herpes carriers" are a lying, conniving group of degenerates.... they WERE informed...they CHOSE to walk away.... In the end, for ME, it's all about Integrity. To start a relationship with a LIE is just asking for trouble. When I have been on dating sites, I state specifically that if anything is untrue in the other person's profile (age being the usual one) I ask that they come clean when they first contact me, because if they lie to me about a small thing like that, I wonder what else they will lie about. For me, I HAVE to tell them once we get beyond the first few dates... I guess technically I *should* tell them before we kiss (because I hit the jackpot and got both... ugh..) but given that 80% of the population has Oral herpes, I just make sure I am not having any symptoms before I go on the date.... that is definitely a more difficult call to be sure ... but for ME, the genital one is devastating enough when you are first diagnosed and I don't want to put anyone through that if I can avoid it...

1) Wait for the result and try to BREATHE in the meantime. This may all just be an ingrown hair ... esp given that you were swabbed only a day or so before. 2) You should probably both get blood tested for Herpes just as a precaution so you both KNOW your status. 3) Yes, anti-virals DO work - they cut the chance of you spreading it to him from 4% down to 2%. To put that into perspective... you have a 2% risk of dying in a car accident this year. But for now... BREATHE... and let us know how things turn out.. (((HUGS)))

You go forward...wherever that leads you. You didn't know you had the genital version (and even if you were blood tested, it would have come out as the one on your mouth and you wouldn't have thought anything of having it "down there".) It is possible you actually gave it to yourself down there and never got symptoms because your immune system is already kicking it down. Adrial - have you seen this article? Is there any merit to this? Someone sent this to me when I "came out" on FB... http://www.livescience.com/41090-oral-hpv-self-inoculation.html P&L: It is also ENTIRELY possible that *thinks* he was tested for HSV and actually wasn't. Most of the time, if you go and ask for STD tests, they only test for Syphilis, Gonnorea, and AIDS. They give you a paper here in NY with your "clean" AIDS status immediately, and tell you they will call if there is a problem with the others. Most people think the "others" include ALL the STD tests and don't know they have to ask SPECIFICALLY for each one. Insurance companies often don't want to pay for all them unless they are coded as "diagnostic" tests (ie, not for proactive measures to stop the spread of STD's). You see, insurance companies don't care if you give it to someone else... they just want to save money on a test that likely WILL come back negative for the majority of STD's... and as Herpes is not life threatening, they don't care anyway. They don't understand/care about the psychological ramifications for the newly diagnosed. :( I would direct him to this group - tell him that he can ask all the questions he wants and he can get all the info he needs to help him understand the situation. After that, it is out of your hands. (((HUGS)))

Hmmm - I'm a massage therapist too - hadn't thought of that as a possible way to get it ... good to know. So your outbreak is on your hands? If not, then you should be ok without gloves.

You've got ME crying..... because I've had that talk too many times and I have usually seemed to get the guy who runs for the hills. It gives me hope that there really ARE great men out there who will look beyond a condition that is really just an occasional nuisance. You go girl! Keep us posted!

BOTH types? Hmmm - that is weird. My understanding is that HSV 1 is the only one responsible for lesions outside of the mouth/genitals. It is labeled Herpes Gladatorium in those areas ... often passed by wrestlers because of the very close skin to skin contact aggravated by minor scrapes on the mat that can open up the skin and allow the virus in. http://www.webmd.com/skin-problems-and-treatments/news/20000110/herpes-gladiatorum-is-common-among-wrestlers To my *knowledge* (Adriel will have some info I am sure), the virus stays in the area where you contracted it. So the main thing is to watch for outbreaks and cover the area when you have one.

Not at all - I tend to be an "all or nothing" kind of person...LOL I'm fine with however anyone "comes out". A lawn sign can get just as much of a response as a billboard ;)

Todays update on FB: Day 5 and I am soooo glad I came out of the closet. Its been a roller coaster ride of emotions.........Anger and pain because of the rejection I've received from so many mis-informed men when dating, relief that I no longer have to whisper behind a closed door if I discuss it, joy when I am contacted by someone who is finding some solace and strength in my stance, and sadness that a recent experience brought me to this place......... But in the end, the message I received on a Herpes forum from a woman who was so shamed, she didn't have the nerve to put a photo up on her profile (and she's among people who are going what she herself is going through!) really made my morning. She put one foot out of the closet today and put her photo up.... and recently she reveled her status to two close friends who were 100% supportive. She got up the nerve after reading my "coming out" post and a post from another H person. Wow. Just. Wow. "A closet is just a hard conversation that needs to be had. At some point we all live in a closet..... a closet is no place for a person to live.....We are so concerned about the reaction of the other person..... if you are going to be real with someone, you have to be ready for real in return.... " Ash Beckham Shit's gettin real here folks ... and it's all good shit.....

“Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it.”

I'm an Athiest, but I am often impressed by Joel Olsteen's words...... "When you’re in tough times and it looks like you’re never going to break out, you’ve got to say, “I won’t be staying here long. This may be where I am, but it is not who I am. I am blessed.”

If you DO go back several years you can just tell them you are being cautious for their sake...that your tests have been negative but that they are known for not always being accurate and you just want to make sure they are actually getting tested themselves anyway (explain that most "tests" don't include Herpes). Make it about THEM and THEIR health and well-being. I get you are concerned about the embarrassment, but that is only because of the stigma put on us by an ignorant society. 30 years ago Herpes was just a nuisance skin issue...thanks to a drug company, we are now hiding what people used to just consider "another one of those things" that you live with. I got mine about 35 years ago and didn't think twice about it when I was diagnosed 2 years into my marriage (our blood tests back then didn't include Herpes either and I thought I was just getting a heat rash) when my now-ex-hubby came out with it. The only thing then was that I felt bad for him as he had a much worse reaction to it at the time. He never "blamed" me for it. It was just something that happened out of BOTH of our ignorance. More recently, I've come to feel like a leper, and I finally got mad enough at where society/the drug companies has taken this subject that I came fully out to EVERYONE. Have to say, I'm only getting positive feedback (beyond one person who was dumbfounded...but that is HIS ignorance ... he'll get over it...LOL). It's your choice.... but IMO every time we address this with the "uninformed", we reduce the ignorance and the stigma a little bit more. And for ME, that is a pretty powerful thing :) Peace...

Truth. AND, the ignorance around HSV-1 - and the fact that half the new Genital cases are from that, is HUGE. That is something I intend to address....

So proud of you Hope! Whether you come screaming out of the closet like I did, you you come out one step at a time, it doesn't matter. Every step is a victory both for yourself and your self love, and for all the others who suffer thanks to the stigma caused by misinformation and ignorance. You go girl!

http://www.familyotc.com/Ammonium-Alum-Powder-6-oz-by-Humco-p/cd3687035.htm Again, it is advertised as a deodorant, but it's basically antibacterial/anti fungal and I *suspect* anti-viral in that it likely disrupts something and helps kill it off. All I can say is, it works for me... :)

One of the best things I have ever used is Ammonium Alum powder - there are several kinds of Alum powder so make sure you get this one. The only brand I could find in powder form states it's for foot odor, but I know it's the same as what they use in the natural deodorants. My mother learned about this when I was a small child. I used to have outbreaks from the time I was about 3 at least twice a year. My whole chin would be covered and I'd get a high fever and pass out for a day. One time we were camping when it happened ... my mother typically used Campho-phenique on the sores with limited success. As we were camping, she did not have the CP with us - she went into a local Pharmacy and asked for it but they didn't have it. She showed them the sores and the Pharmacist told her to use the Ammonium Alum. It helped to clear it up much faster than anything else she used on me. She would dissolve a small amount in some water and bathe the sores with it. That did seem to help - but I found once I got the HSV-2 in the genitals (yeah, I hit the jackpot!) that the warm, moist area just exacerbated the issue and it didn't have the same effect. So I started putting in on neat on the sores. (Warning, it hurts like a Mo-Fo!!!) Bingo! Yes, painful at the time but the length of the breakout would be greatly reduced. This was before the time of anti-virals so this was a really big thing for me when my outbreaks could last for WEEKS... ugh.... Now, as soon as I feel it coming up, I pop an anti-viral and dab the alum on the area. I can usually cut an outbreak down to 3 days and noone ever knows unless I tell them because it barely gets beyond a small pimple sized scab. And it lasts FOREVER. Ammonium Alum doesn't "go off". You use so little that a bottle can last decades. Keep a little in a snack sized baggie or small jar for emergencies. Hope that helps :)

I'd love to help - Tho I think it might be useful if you could contact those who have disappeared to ask if they are still in the relationship and their experiences. Perhaps send out an email to them, ask for an update. As you said, once people are successful they often disappear. I'd be happy to organize them into something that might help people.... I'm personally looking for info on people who are in relationships of a minimum of 2-3 years - the longer the better IMO. Anything to show that with precautions and healthy practices, there is a good chance you won't pass it on... and even if you do, the relationship ultimately trumps the issue of the Herpes virus. I figure I am LESS of a risk because I KNOW I have Herpes - unlike so many who believe they have been tested and thus are operating within that belief that they are "clean" when in fact they are not. Anything that I can find to help put all this into perspective is great.....

I've had 2 - three year relationships where I didn't pass it on too. It would be a really useful tool to have an e-booklet with real life stories of people in this kind of relationship to be able to show someone who you are dating but may need reassurance that with proper precautions, they have a minimal likelihood of getting the virus...

I had a c-section with the first because the Dr scared me into it ... afterwards I learned I didn't need it. I had a V-Bac (vaginal birth after Cesarean) for my second birth...I was living in the UK then and had to fight to change doctors but in the end, the second Dr basically told me that I should have been allowed to deliver normally with my first pregnancy. The protocol as I understand it now is to put you on anti-virals for the last month before you deliver - that should keep you from having an outbreak when you are delivering. I had my c-section 26 years ago. Technology is better now. While I would always say try for a normal delivery, if anything came up and you really DO need to have one for the safety of the baby, you just do what you have to do and get through it. It's not a load of fun but having the baby helps you to forget the discomfort pretty quickly :)

Is there any place I can find stories of couples who have had this where one partner was H+ and one H-??? I'd like some info/stats on how they coped with it, how/if the other person got it, etc. I'm going to be talking on a Podcast in Dec and I think it would be good to have some good "Positive" info on the reality of dating a H+ person when you are H- .

"The annoying thing that I'd like to see change is for them to specifically say that they aren't testing for herpes (even if you request to be tested for "everything"). So many people receive an "all clear" from their STD tests, but the test doesn't include herpes unless you specifically ask for it. There are a lot of people out there who think they are totally clear, when behind the scenes they are unwittingly carriers of HSV. " @adrial - EXACTLY!!!!!! Personally, if I went to a Dr and asked for "everything", was given the "all clear", then learned I had passed it on, I would be meeting them in court (and I am NOT a litigious person at all, but this would be a time that I would say was a fair call given that I had asked for it). Perhaps a few of those kind of court cases would help to change the protocols :/ What is crazy is that your odds of getting Syphilis and Gonorrhea are far lower than your risk of getting Herpes yet they test for THAT. WTF is up with that??? So you run a bunch of cheap tests that will usually come out negative anyway, but you don't test for something that is a much higher risk. Makes no sense to me :(