WCSDancer2010

Everyone's triggers are different AND change over time. Stress is def, #1 - after that it seems to be a crap shoot from person to person and also over time things change...

Chocolate and nuts both are high in arginine which the virus seems to like. I had a spell about 8 years back when Trail mix set me off - usually when I was already stressed. I could often have the chocolate OR the nuts but not both together. Nowadays, very little set me off. Thank heavens. I love my chocolate and I love cashews and pistachios and eat a lot of peanut butter :)

Paracetamol = Acetaminophen in the USA :D

Wow - you guys all blow me away. I had a pretty decent childhood - not perfect, but I didn't come with instructions either... having been a parent, I have total respect for my parents...and parents in general. It amazes me away though how many people come through horridly dysfunctional childhoods ... and come through as you all have..... cracked, but not broken. I'm speechless (or wordless in this case).... and it's not often I'm at a loss for word. I hope this image comes through - its about Kintsukuroi...."To repair with gold"; the art of repairing pottery with gold or silver lacquer and understanding that the piece is more beautiful for having been broken. The Herpes Opportunity is all about becoming better through "having been broken". Bless you all. Thank you for sharing. We will ALL be better for this experience... (((HUGS))) to you all http://www.pinterest.com/pin/125467539591330793/

Sab and BC - (((HUGS))) to you both. I hear and feel your frustration....but I promise you it WILL get better. For you both, I again suggest you go back to the Dr. Just in case. If you are opening up a blister then you may still be shedding....ie, you may pass it on to your partner. So it's best to find out what is really going on. Use this time to find other ways to be intimate... which is not a bad thing in the long run! If you are on antivirals then the Dr may up your dose...if you, perhaps you need to go on them. And keep reading the Success Stories. Know that we have all been there and we are here to help you through your Herpes Journey .... Peace...

Love it!

Joeyaka: First, a big (((HUG))) ... so sorry you went through this ... but look at it as a lesson about loving yourself. One thing Herpes can do is make us slow down the progression of a relationship so we don't have sex as early... I personally find once I get sexual my I get more "attached" and don't always see the red flags. Given that he wouldn't go to the Dr with you but he also didn't want to have sex, I'd say those were signs that he was stuck... and if someone doesn't want to get un-stuck, we can't do anything about it. Regarding what your Dr told you, you CAN pass the virus on when you don't have a blister/outbreak. Hate to say it but many Dr's are horridly behind on the latest Herpes research. Read on here how many people got herpes from someone who had NO IDEA that they had it. You are also not 100% safe with a condom. The standard risk of Female-to-male transmission is 4%. If you take antivirals (were you offered them?) the risk goes down to 2%. Add a condom and it's 1%. Yeah - it's nearly 100% but there is still a small risk ... and to be honest, most guys don't want to use a condom for the rest of their life (and guys over 50 often often can't use them for very long.... :p ) Your Dr WAS right about learning to be content and reducing stress though..... :) You should read the excellent handouts that Adrial has made... lots of excellent info there...and for the nest partner, print out the disclosure handout before "the talk"... and perhaps you could print some out and take it to your Dr to hand out when someone is diagnosed ;) Handouts: http://bit.ly/h-opp-diagnosis-handout http://bit.ly/h-opp-disclosure-handout Disclosure e-book: http://eepurl.com/b4IPP Your ex may well believe he is disease free ... he could be carrying it (and spreading it) and not be getting any outbreaks.... and if he has not asked specifically for the Herpes test he may not have been tested (and may believe he has been tested). It's a common problem that I am dedicated to having changed...we need for Herpes to be automatically added to the standard STD tests (which only usually cover Syphilis, Gonorrhea, and HIV) Use this time to find ways to love yourself more.... I took 3 years off dating and it was the best thing I have ever done for myself.... find something you are passionate about and apply yourself to it ... or find a Meet-up group (Meet-up.com) with similar interests and just get out with folks and have fun. And BREATHE! Believe that you really WILL find the right guy. Sound like you were settling with this guy for fear of being alone. Believe me, being alone isn't half as bad as being with someone who doesn't love you.

I'd still go to the Dr. As mentioned elsewhere, you may have some other yeast/whatever infection going on. Better to be safe than sorry, AND hopefully get it to go away and get back to normal :)

Sab - see the reply to your other post... :) http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/1820/please-help-someone-light-bleeding-way-after-herpes-outbreak-healed#Item_3 (((HUGS)))

CC - No - you don't have to abstain completely - just be very careful to abstain if you have any suspicion that you are having Prodrome (pre-breakout) symptoms ... and I'd use a condom for EVERY encounter. Which really, you *should* if you are not in a committed LTR .. :) It's very likely that this *could* have been in you for quite some time. I just learned of 2 women who carried the virus for 27 and 32 years before their first outbreak. HSV is a sneaky little bastard :( But also be careful to be "careful, not paranoid". It's easy to think that every itch, pimple, and ingrown hair is an outbreak. It's also very likely you have an ingrown hair/heat rash/whatever. So hard to tell without the test results. Regarding the sores, use an Anti-bacterial gel and keep them from getting the hard crust...... and you may want to ask the Dr to give you acyclovir just in case while you are awaiting the results. If it clears right up with that, you may have your answer. (((HUGS))) again. For the moment, try to do things to keep busy and stop worrying every moment about this. There is nothing you can do until Monday. Get out, go for a walk or go to a movie or whatever so you can occupy your mind with other things. I'll be crossing my fingers for you that this is just a "Life Lesson"... but if not, do know that you will be just fine, whatever happens :)

Sab: I can feel your frustration and pain (emotional and physical) ... (((HUGS))) . Just trust that this is a speed bump that you WILL get through, even though right now it feels like it will NEVER get better.... ( I hear that all the time in my Massage office when people have thrown their backs out ... they are certain that they will never, EVER live without pain again... it's a normal process.... :) ) First... I would get to a doctor since you are having pain and bleeding. We can't diagnose here and bleeding is something that needs to be checked on. Just to be sure something else isn't going on. If you are given the all clear, I would say to drop back your expectations around sex just for awhile. Find other ways to pleasure each other and use this time to get to know each other in different, deeper ways physically. It sounds like you may be so uptight (literally and figuratively) around the expectation of pain that you may well be tightening up (there is a medical term for it that I can't remember at the moment) which could cause the issues you are having. And use LOTS of lube until things get back to normal. If the issue continues after you get the all clear and you've tried the slow route, you may need counseling... something else may be causing you to involuntarily tighten up (which could cause the pain and bleeding) that needs to be addressed .... I'm just throwing that out there because most people won't think of that as a possibility. But first, get re-checked and see if you are having an internal outbreak that you can't see.... and try to Breathe and believe that this WILL get resolved. When we are in the midst of things, they often appear MUCH worse and we can't imagine things will EVER get better. But they usually do. Try to believe that now.... Keep us posted.... (((HUGS)))

"I could see the iphones of the future having a swab connector (much like the Square doohickey) " Uh - NO Adrial. My phone isn't going anywhere near my nether regions.... even on vibrate... I don't know whether to laugh hysterically at the thought or get grossed out... LOL :D

CC: First - welcome and (((HUGS))).... and BREATHE! Until the test comes back (and you are quite right to change doctors and demand a blood test..tho it could come back negative if you only just got it.) you don't know what you have. If you got it from Oral sex and you are +, it is likely HSV1 ... which has a much lower risk of transmission. There is also a VERY good chance you got this quite awhile ago and you only just had your first outbreak. In the last week I have heard of two people who had their first outbreak after 27 and 32 YEARS ... yeah - this H bug is a sneaky little bastard :/ The first line of business is to get the tests. If you are negative but still "positive" its H, go back in about 4 months for another test. One thought tho. Did the guy have a beard/long stubble? Because oral with that can often cause irritation and lead to an infected follicle.... just a thought ..... and that is the thing. Right now, what is "truth" is you got a nasty irritation after a drunken hook-up. That is all you know. So stay with that until the testing comes back. You may well have just had a nasty scare (READ: Life lesson!). (((HUGS))) again. Let us know how things turn out and keep reading here. You will soon realize that whatever your diagnosis, life WILL go on and you WILL be ok :) PEACE

mdellam: Sister... sounds like you have a winner there.... many of us on here would kill to find that man. :) To answer your question... I don't know of any test to see if you are shedding...but if you look at the stats on the Handout you can see how often you are likely shedding depending on which one you have (I don't think you disclosed that anywhere on here). As far as I know we are almost always shedding ... it's just that most of the time it's a minuscule amount. Just like you are in contact pretty much every day with *someone* who is at one end or the other of a cold (which affects how many people get the cold from them... which is also factored by the strength of *their* immune system). So all it comes down to is doing the H+ equivilent of washing your hands and coughing into your elbow.... take the anti-virals and don't have sex if you have *any* tingling, burning, itching, whatever down there (which opens you guys up to exploring OTHER ways to pleasure each other.... BONUS!!! :D ) If you are really concerned, use a condom (somehow I don't think *he* will be THAT concerned ... LOL ) . In fact, it would be a great thing if some drug company came up with a cheap test that could give you an idea about your risk on any one day.... hmmm - AAAAAAAdriaaaallll! Guess what's going on our list???? LOL Regarding HPV.... read this for the facts: http://www.cdc.gov/std/HPV/STDFact-HPV.htm - nearly everyone gets HPV at some time in their life. Depending on what you read, there are 40-100 varieties of HPV - a small handful causes genital warts, another small handful *may* turn to cancer (takes at least 5 years). MOST will disappear within about 2 years. Despite what the drug companies have done to put the fear of God into people around HPV, most of the time its a temporary nuisance. And BTW, they can't test men for HPV... so he could be an unwitting carrier anyway ... the attitude seems to be don't worry about it until you get it, and then monitor it to make sure it isn't one of the 4 +/- strains that cause cancer ... So glad things seem to be working out for you. Keep us posted..... We need to keep getting these success stories for the newly diagnosed to give them hope! Never mind that *I* love a good love story :) Peace!

First Roxy.... BREATHE!!! and again... BREATHE! There... Better... :) It seems that this sneaky HSV thing is MUCH sneakier than people realize - I have a friend who just disclosed to me after I "came out" to everyone that she went 32+ years before her first outbreak. I was also only the second person she had told in the 2 years since she was diagnosed. So my first thoughts are - you have been together for 10 years and you may or may not have shared HSV2 with her (as per your retesting). Seems she has not given you HSV1 in all that time. If you have not passed it to her and visa versa without any meds, I think you guys have been very lucky but it just shows the fickleness of this disease. Then add the stats I already posted on your other thread about HPV. Pretty much EVERYONE gets to have the disease at *some* point in your life. The vast majority do NOTHING and disappear. Only a few turn into cancer, and that takes about 5 years to be dangerous and is VERY treatable when caught early on. You both just need to be very vigilant about your Pap smears. So what it comes down to is you both have at least one variety of a what is really a nuisance skin condition. One that you share with a large majority of the population. One that won't go away (at least, not in the forseeable future until a cure is found). One that is harmless except for the pain of the outbreaks (which usually lessen over time.. I hardly ever get beyond the Prodrome stage and more and I had some horrid breakouts when I first got it). I'm a little confused about your status (is she currently an ex or a past ex that you got back together with... I assumed the latter from your post). Not that it really matters as far as who got what when...because you will likely never know. "For all these years I have been having sex with women. As far as I know, none of them had herpes." And there's the rub.... they probably don't know either because unless they have been tested (and don't make me go there... I'm on a mission to get H+ testing as part of EVERY STD test when people go in for their test...our lovely CDC currently recommends against H+ testing unless it's to diagnose...SMH) THEY DON'T KNOW EITHER.... along with a HUGE percentage of the population.... so if you go back into the dating world, you will be back at square one. The way I look at it ... *I* am SAFER than the majority of the people out there, because I KNOW I have it and I can take precautions to keep from passing it on. So perhaps you and your partner need to sit down, have a long talk, and come up with a plan to do your best to protect each other from trading off your HSV strains. BTW, does she know WHERE she has HSV1? Likely it's oral but it very well *could* be genital, in which case kissing isn't an issue. And you are more likely to pass HSV2 to her than she is to pass HSV1 to you... (see the transmission rates on the handout). As a thought... I'm guessing your best bet to protect her is to not share ... er... toys. I don't know everything about F2F sex but I assume your genitals don't get a lot of solid contact which is how we tend to get it from each other...and may explain why you likely have not passed it to your past partners. Bottom line.... BREATHE! Get educated. Talk to your partner. And keep reading here. Over time you may come to realize that with both HPV and Herpes, you are actually in "very good company". You certainly are NOT alone. Hope this helps... (((HUGS)))

" With my semester finals coming up, my father's cancer coming back, ...." Sounds like you are under a lot of stress .. and Herpes LOVES stress! So there is every chance you have had this for awhile (either caught from your BF or since before him...if he tests + for the same one as you, you will never know where you got it). Many people harbor the virus for YEARS before they have an outbreak. "I think I need to stop, take a breather, and take everything step by step, as difficult as this is" YESSSSSS! BREATHE! Keep reading here (especially the success stories!) and realize you are NOT alone (in fact, you are in the majority!) and you are NOT dirty. Just unlucky perhaps ...BUT, as Adrial is so FAB-U-LOUS *said in my best RuPaul voice* at pointing out, this can be one of the greatest opportunities for you to learn about and accept YOU...and it will sort out the REAL people in your life. (((HUGS)))

Hey Roxy - First, I hope you will take what Adrial said to heart about kissing your partner - 80% of people have Herpes and 80% of them don't know they have it. Your partner at least knows she has it now...she could take anti-virals (as you can) which will significantly reduce her chances of transmitting it to you. The HSV1 virus normally sheds a lot less than the HSV2 ... so if anything, you are more of a threat to her :/ Regarding the HPV - nearly everyone gets HPV at some time in their life. Depending on what you read, there are 40-100 varieties of HPV - a small handful causes genital warts, another small handful *may* turn to cancer (takes at least 5 years). MOST will disappear within about 2 years. This info may help: http://www.cdc.gov/std/HPV/STDFact-HPV.htm And Adrial is right - the numbers are the same for F2F transmission as it would be for M2F transmission. If you use toys, make sure to really clean them well and don't interchange them between you ;) It would be awesome if you could take those handouts to your Dr ... if you really want to help to get the info out to people you could take some to any OBGYN in the area/planned parenthood, etc. Hope this helps a bit. (((HUGS)))

Paige said: " I couldn't stand losing him, he is my everything! " Does your BF complete or complement you? It sounds like you are relying in him for your self-worth, especially since your diagnosis. That is a heavy burden to put on anyone ... no-one can "complete" you. You are perfect and whole exactly how you are, Herpes and all. If he says he accepts the Herpes and plans to stay, then believe him! You don't know what the future holds but right here, right now, he is supporting and complementing you. That is a beautiful gift! Use this time to learn to love yourself as much as he loves you! That is the greatest gift that you can give him! We should all be so lucky to have someone like that at our side when we are diagnosed! (((HUGS)))

Sicarox said: "...it'd be awesome if everyone with the virus immediately made it public knowledge. We'd never feel alone. Maybe it wouldn't even be that big of a deal." I've got a goal of eventually having an advertising campaign where this may actually happen.... Stage one was my own "Coming Out". I personally believe if everyone who knows they have Herpes came out, AND spread the word about the 80% who are undiagnosed, we could change the stigma in very little time. But I realize that not everyone can deal with that (I personally feel if someone walks away after they find out that they better move fast so the door doesn't hit them in the arse...LOL ) HIV has less of a bad rap (or at least better press) than Herpes. With each person that you reveal your status to, you chip away at the ignorance and mis-information. Keep lots of the Disclosure handouts available ... who knows what conversation you will have some day that will change a person's outlook on Herpes. I would love to see young people like yourself working with your campus clinics to spread STD awareness..... it doesn't mean that you have to reveal your status - just make it about raising awareness... you can start by taking copies of the Diagnosis and Disclosure handouts to the clinic and ask them to hand them out to EVERY student who goes in there..... and ask them to include Herpes testing when folks go in for STD tests.... if you want to take that on, PM me if you need support :) You sound like you will be fine. Yes - there is an adjustment period, but you seem pretty level headed. Breathe and trust that you will come to understand that being Positive can be a really Positive experience IF you choose that point of view!

Gawd I love reading your posts Adrial ... *Feeling inspired!*

First, W2D - Welcome! You are among friends here and we will do what we can to help you navigate your H+ journey. The best answer I can give you is to read this thread that came through a few days ago. See how it lands with you and then come back with your questions. It sounds like you are in a VERY similar situation :) http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/1797/people-might-surprise-you/p1 (((HUGS)))

I have to admit I am not sure whether to disclose "early" or "later" myself. Too early and the other person has nothing invested in you....they may like you a LOT but they have not gotten to know YOU and its easier to walk away. I am starting to lean towards trying to prolong things until it feels like the other person really wants to take things to a deeper level. My problem is trying to find that balance between holding the guy off (most guys I have dated would get sexual within 3-5 dates if you give them half a chance) without having them feel that I am "playing" them or using them for entertainment and dinner (which happens esp on online dating sites.... ). I don't have an answer to that one.... guess I'll just have to keep trying until I get it right...LOL ;)

#1 - BREATHE! I can feel your anxiety and we will do what we can here to help you to learn more about your H+ diagnosis and what it all means :) Just answered this on your other thread over here.... http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/1809/need-detective-help-cant-figure-his-out#Item_3 And BREATHE again...... (((HUGS)))

First - welcome Roxy! And (((HUGS)))....you are in a great, safe place to navigate your Herpes journey. I just "Came Out" publicly about my status because I keep hearing stories like yours and it frustrates me about the lack of good, accurate information around being H+. As Joyus said, you can carry the H virus for YEARS and be totally asymptomatic. And most people believe they have been tested for H when in fact it is rarely included in the standard STD tests unless you specifically ask for it. I recently talked to a woman who was married for 32 yrs before she had her first outbreak (caused by a bout of extreme stress) and her hubby is STILL H- ! She never knew she had it and has not had an outbreak since. So who knows how far back each of you got the H virus. I got the HSV1 at 3 yrs ...likely from an Auntie or whatever giving me a kiss with an active "cold sore". I hit the jackpot when I had my first sexual encounter at 17 and got HSV2 (thanks to the fact that it wasn't discussed back then). If I didn't have HSV2 I could be out there passing HSV1 around because most people don't know that "cold sores" CAN be passed by kissing and/or oral sex :( Regarding sex life, I am sure Adrial will post the links to the relevant conversations that have been had on here about this exact subject. The Handouts and E-book are a great place to start to gain an understanding of the likelihood of you each transmitting to each other, and what you can do to reduce the risks. Handouts: http://bit.ly/h-opp-diagnosis-handout http://bit.ly/h-opp-disclosure-handout Disclosure e-book: http://eepurl.com/b4IPP I would suggest you talk to your OBGYN/GP about Acyclovir, which can help you to reduce how much you shed the virus. Keeping your immune system healthy and reducing stress is HUGE. Knowing what your Prodrome (pre-breakout) symptoms are can help you to avoid intimate contact in that area while you are most likely to spread it to your partner. And come on here as much as you need to (and get your partner to come on too) so you can get the support and answers you need. Just remember that in reality, H is just really a frickin annoying skin condition... it's not cancer! You are now in the 80% club (having left the 80/80 club!)... 80% of the population has H and 80% of them don't know it! So just know that you are NOT alone, and that life DOES go on after a H+ diagnosis... More ((HUGS)) ... hope that helps a bit :)

Patience isn't my strong suit so I hear ya.... you would have thought with having H my whole life I would have got the message by now.... :p And if you don't have baggage, you haven't moved very far, ya know? Can't wait to hear that you jumped :) One of my alltime favorite quotes When we walk to the edge of all the light we have and take a step into the darkness of the unknown, we must believe that one of two things will happen. There will be something solid for us to stand on or we will be taught to fly