WCSDancer2010

LOL.... you are right about the Lysine... And thanks for the nickname... :blush:

Patience, Grasshopper, Patience Yes..... :)

I have no idea about Olive Leaf but I use Ammonium Alum on the sores and it does seem to help them to dry up faster. Ill be interested to know how the Olive Leaf works for you.... didn't know about that one :)

Love all of this. Thank you for sharing your experience ... this is a post that I can see will be a great one to point to people and say "THIS is what we mean by the "Opportunity"... Peace

Adrial is right - the stress you have been under won't be helping. I'd suggest you start taking supplements that help your immune system - I really like http://www.newchapter.com/mushrooms and Airborne - those two things help me kick off almost everything that comes my way.... first sign of a tickle or whatever I start on them and I'm ok usually with in 3-5 days, with minimum symptoms. I rarely get sick now, but as a kid (with the HSV1) I got ill at least 2 times/year with horrid temperatures that were never diagnosed but I am sure were Herpes. A few times in my life I went through spells where I got everything and had more outbreaks...usually during really stressful times. Hope this helps you :)

SBH: First - (((HUGS))) and as E said - BREATHE! Trust that things WILL work out in the long run :) It is entirely possible that you carried it all this time and only just had your first outbreak - but given the timing after your encounter, I would guess he has been unwittingly carrying it. "He still claims it can't be from him since he's never had symptoms and none of his partners have ever had symptoms" He's in denial/doesn't have correct info. Send him these links and tell him he needs to get up-to-date on his STD knowledge ... and to get himself tested as a precaution either way :) Handouts: http://bit.ly/h-opp-diagnosis-handout http://bit.ly/h-opp-disclosure-handout Disclosure e-book: http://eepurl.com/b4IPP If he hasn't walked away yet, then that tells you something...that he honors and likes (or loves) you enough to not run at the first difficulty. H+ can act as a great sorting tool for partners... you learn quickly who the ones are who will judge or run at the first (H) Opportunity... as it were.. ;) Peace..... and... BREATHE!!!

Judith - the problem is he also told her none of his other partners got it ... when in reality, unless they have all been tested, he doesn't know. He needs to be properly educated around this - for HIM, it's no biggie but he doesn't understand the impact it may have on others who may contract it from him. :(

Hi DBT: You said: "Will I get married, have kids. I wouldn't want someone with herpes, who would want me? (Again, this is not to be offensive, just feelings I am working through, so please understand)." Yes you will. Read the success stories on here... many, MANY people fall in love with a H- person who loves them WITH what is in reality a nuisance skin condition. It CAN happen...... Anyone who has not had H+ will not be able to relate. They just can't. I find it funny that the people I talk to in "regular" conversations are rarely judgmental about it...somehow when it happens to "us" it becomes a whole 'nuther thing. I think it is fair to say to those who tell you to "get over it" that you just need space to adjust to it. Tell them what YOU need for them to feel supported. That said, they are all right - with time comes acceptance and understanding. You WILL be loved and you WILL learn to live with it. Just be patient with yourself. Perhaps your (H) Opportunity will be to start to be able to tell people what YOUR needs are when they are trying to "help" in ways that are not working for you. ((HUGS)) and Love...

Does he know you tested positive? If so, I think the "talk" is a moot point - he knows you have it... all you need to do now is give him the handouts and talk to him about what you are learning here - get him to join if he has questions of his own that you don't feel comfortable in answering. I would talk sooner rather than later... just to see where he is at. I would guess, if he hasn't run for the hills yet, he is at least willing to stay until you figure out his status. This is the time to get him educated and informed. Then he will know what to ask the Dr when he goes in himself too. Regarding the Valtrex, I'd ask your Dr about that. They may increase the dose for awhile. Or they may tell you to go off it and see if your immune system is working better on it's own. I'm sure it's hard being in this place of not knowing for sure what his status is. Just believe that the H+ status will actually help you learn more about whether he is the kind of man you want in your life...who will stick with you even when things get rough :) (((HUGS)))

Most people assume it is included. :( One thing I hope people will start to do is to tell their friends (when the opportune times come up for such a discussion) that you just learned H (and Chlamydia or HPV for that matter) is not included in STD tests - it doesn't mean that anyone needs to disclose that they have it - just get the information out there to people. Maybe we can help start an information revolution around STD testing ... one conversation at a time :) So glad to help you CRB ... keep us posted about your journey!

Amazing how an oral sex thread can wax so poetic, huh?) LOVE IT! :D

"...................So it protects us from hurt AND love simultaneously. " OUCH ... so true... I have to put that one in my own memory bank. I sorta knew it but putting it into one sentence really hits home ... Thanks Adrial!

"And it really is only me feeling that I am undesirable." BINGO! You BF OBVIOUSLY desires you ... he may well be dealing with his own fears of being undesirable to you too... and he probably feels guilty that you got it (AND had the symptoms) while he just unwittingly carried it..... (this is the problem with the current system in that we are not tested for H when we go for STD tests.... something I am dedicated to changing...or at least educating people that they need to ASK for it). The outbreaks may happen again (there is no rhyme/reason about why some never have another outbreak and some have them on a regular basis...BUT, they usually do subside over time). You may get Flu this winter too - but that doesn't stop you going out every day...ya know? (((HUGS)))

:) Life comes with risks - you just have to pick and choose which ones to take....and do what you can to make sure you don't become part of the statistics at the same time. ;)

"And this is all still fairly new and maybe I just am holding onto old fears "one day he's going to wake up and realize he can do better" is what I think and then well be sitting on the couch and he'll look over and ask "so you're sure you're not bored of me" if he's not reading my mind then we have to be sharing the same brain some times I swear." I think you are BOTH "holding onto the old fears" ;) The older we are and the more relationships we go through (especially when we are not finding HEALTHY relationships) the more fears we have to deal with.... I am sure you are right..... this one sounds like this one is a keeper. Time to let him know, eh? ;)

Orngpeel ... Beautifully put! Thank you so much for sharing your "cleansing" experience. We are all perfect exactly as we are... we just have to find a way to believe it!

First - what a beautiful story! I am loving hearing all these great success stories (for me, success is getting past "the talk" ... after that, it's a "normal" relationship with the normal ups/downs, and issues that may or may not work in the long run :) I do get your connection... however, I wonder if you held back because of the fear of rejection ... it certainly seemed like that was the perfect time ... so the connection *I* see is the fear of rejection ... you have got used to the disclosure talk but the "L" word hasn't had as much practice, as it were... I would bet he is just as scared to say the "L" word .. knowing you want to go slow... I could be wrong here, but I bet if it slipped out, he'd be a very happy man :) Keep us posted! Those of us who are in the dating hamster wheel need to hear these great stories!!!! Peace!

Hi December..... welcome! The fact of the matter is that the virus can remain dormant for YEARS after you first acquire it. I just had a person tell me she had an outbreak after 32 years of marriage...and her hubby is H-. Many people carry the virus and NEVER have an outbreak. That's the problem with this disease - it hides and people are blissfully ignorant they have it until they either have an outbreak or pass it on. Others get exposed once and immediately have an outbreak. There is no rhyme or reason about why it happens that way - it just does... Sooo - it *could* be that you have had this awhile and just finally had an outbreak. Or it *could* be that your partner's test is a false-negative ... that happens too. I don't know what the typical turn around time is though .... He may want to get re-tested in a few months.... just so you both know. Have you read the E-book/diagnosis handouts? That may answer a few questions for you too... Handouts: http://bit.ly/h-opp-diagnosis-handout http://bit.ly/h-opp-disclosure-handout Disclosure e-book: http://eepurl.com/b4IPP Hope that helps a bit.... Feel free to ask/comment as much as you need.... we're here to help you navigate the Herpes journey.... (((HUGS)))

What a beautiful story!!!! I think much of the time *we* are the ones to blame for the stigma. The more we hide in our "closets", the more we hang our heads in shame, the more we are afraid to talk about this, the bigger the stigma becomes all around. It doesn't mean you have to come screaming out of the Herpes Closet like I did, but I think if you can find people you can trust to talk to, you find that really, it's not nearly as big a deal for most people.... if anything, they will realize that it can happen to ANYBODY. You go girl! Get your fierce self out there.... (((HUGS))) and (((LOVE)))

You've got me crying too - sooo, sooo great to hear another story of a successful talk! I'm so moved by your post. Thank you :)

Sab123 - I can tell you I've had this most of my life,,, you CAN have a very active, NORMAL sex life. If you had pain when you tried to have sex you probably just tried too early. One trick is to use lots of lube so you don't irritate the area ... and if you shave, you may want to move to trimming so you don't irritate the area with the razor. And one of the biggies... reduce your stress as much as possible. So lets find a positive way to work with this. Ask your BF if you can just do lots of foreplay ... anything to get you relaxed and in the mood. Just take your time. Perhaps bring a small toy into the mix... something that you can "test the waters" with to see if it's still causing pain. Move at YOUR pace. And if it doesn't work, use that time to explore other ways to pleasure each other. H+ can be a blessing to your sex life because you will spend more time cuddling and being intimate in other ways ... who knows what wonderful new things you might learn about each other in the bedroom that you might not ever learn if you were not forced to take regular intercourse out of the mix??? ;) ((HUGS)) - Keep us posted ... we are here for you!

My thoughts are that as you were with her 5 years, I'd want to make certain what my status is, for possible future partnerships. You may or may not be told which one you have and where but if you are "clean", that would be great - if you are not, then you may want to think about when/how you disclose that to any future partners. And if you are H+, then you would want to get straight to your GUM if you have anything that looks suspicious to clarify which one you have.. It's your call - these are just my thoughts about what *I* would do.... I know I would not want to unwittingly pass this on. Even though it really is a "skin condition", the emotional stuff isn't something I would want to "pass on". ;)

:) Thanks Sicarox One person, one message, one step at a time...we can remove the stigma of Herpes ..

I'm working with Adrial to try to gather stories of people who have met and fallen in love (and hopefully married/have long term partnership) with Herpes. I am especially interested in getting stories where one is H+ and one is H- ... When people are first diagnosed, it's easy to think your love life is over ... anyone who has lived with this awhile or been on the boards for awhile will know there are plenty who (perhaps after several rejections after the talk) find that person who accepts them AND their Herpes. We think it would be a great idea to compile another E-book or handout or whatever with some of the stories. I'm gathering the info for Adrial so you can either post it here or PM it to me if you want to stay totally anonymous. I'm excited about this and can't wait to hear all the success stories that I KNOW are out there! :) :) :)

I would say slim BUT it only takes one mistake to get pregnant too ... ya know? And it only took one hook-up for me to get Herpes when I was 17. For now, try not to worry. BUT, let this be a lesson for you on several levels - the drinking (yeah, I get it, you are young and partying is part of the deal.... but learn your limits or have a buddy who will tell you when you need to stop) obviously made you lose your ability to make smart decisions. I assume you didn't use a condom either... (although you can contract herpes with condoms too, it reduces the risk). NOT a good idea my friend.... he could be carrying HPV or Chlamydia too and not know it. ESPECIALLY if he hooks up that easily. And like it or not, you *should* have a conversation before you are intimate with ANY guy you meet about STD's. Yeah - it may put a damper on things and some may choose to walk away, but this is YOUR life and YOUR health and YOU need to look after it... those hook-ups won't be there while you are dealing with ANY STD.... I would call your Dr or go to the school clinic and ask how long you should wait to get tested and get a FULL STD screen ... (make sure you ask for Herpes, Chlamydia and HPV as they are not normally included in the screens... they only usually do Syphilis, Gonorrhea, and HIV). And in the future, practice SMART Sex ... yes, it's a bore to use condoms and the guys don't like it, but too bad. This is YOUR body and YOUR health. I hope for your sake this is just a "life lesson" - Herpes isn't a death sentence but it IS a nuisance and it WILL complicate your love life if you get it. And send your friend here and tell him he needs to be educated. Sounds like he's either ignorant or in denial. Either way, he needs to understand what he is potentially doing to other people..... Let us know how it goes.... (((HUGS)) and positive thoughts for you :)