WCSDancer2010

Yellar: Tell you what - keep getting informed - absorb the info and the statistics (Adrial's Car statistic is one of my favorites too.... so you have twice the chance of dying in your car that you have of getting HSV1 from her....). Talk with your GF. If she really, really knows when she is about to get an outbreak she can greatly reduce the risk that you will get it. Maybe you can work out some kind of way to make that work - and don't do oral if you have nicked yourself shaving... that is the kind of thing I am sure helps transfer the virus in this kind of situation. Any open wound will greatly increase your risk of transferring herpes... I have to say if I was already in a committed relationship and the guy suddenly stopped doing oral on me because of this, it would put a kink in things ... I mean, I would understand, but what a disappointment to lose something that is that enjoyable :( Peace :)

@Adrial: Just putting in what *I* was told years back (and wondering if your info is newer) but I was under the impression that if you already had HSV1 orally that you had the antibodies to it in you so it was a lot harder to get it genitally because your body would try to fight it off... which makes "sense" but I don't know if there is more recent studies on this... Trwl; I lived in the UK for 8 years and as I remember, they take these things a LOT more lightly there. You may want to ask for a Blood test - it's not 100% accurate and if you were very recently infected it may not show up but at least you can say you did everything you can to make sure you are H-free. One thing I learned with the National Health system - sometimes you have to be pro-active and insist on a test or a second opinion. I had to fight like hell to change doctors for my second child because the first insisted I have a Cesarean because of my Herpes and I learned after I could have had her normally. Managed to have my second vaginally but it took a bit of butting heads with the GP to get her to request the change. ((HUGS)) - they sure are putting you on a roller coaster ride. But I applaud your Dr for at least not shrugging the whole thing off and at least *trying* to help get a diagnosis for what many would have shrugged off as "dry skin". Better to be safe than sorry :)

"He feels its made us closer" THAT is what H+ can do FOR us - force us to develop deeper relationships than we would otherwise. And that is a blessing that non H+ folks don't always get :)

:) Thanks! Hows about an STD adviser/counselor for schools?? Lord knows they need better education in the High Schools and even more, in Colleges :p

(((HUGS))) Remember, even people without Herpes have to deal with rejection. H+ just did you a favor and showed you this guys true colors. Be thankful. It sounds like you were already to a point where some kind of connection was established. It's not like you were in the first few weeks and he had no real attachment to you yet. So if he walked that easily, I'd question if he would be there during other difficult times. There are some really good studies on Rejection that might help you understand your pain. (See below). Rejection causes a real PHYSICAL response - interestingly, you will remember (and actually FEEL) the pain of past rejections better than you will remember and "feel" the pain of things like childbirth or major surgery years after the events. http://www.policymic.com/articles/56291/the-science-behind-why-rejection-hurts-so-damn-much There are also really great articles online about dealing with rejection/moving on. Some people create a "ceremony" where they celebrate moving on (you can burn his photo as part of that if it helps...LOL!), some take on a new hobby, others get right back in the dating scene (NOT recommended but pretty normal). You have to find your path. "I just want my heart to heal and I don't ever want this to happen again. This has been one of the most painful experiences in my whole life." Hate to say it but every time we start a new relationship, we risk rejection and the subsequent pain that goes with that. For me, it got easier after my first real crushing break-up ... because I knew I survived that and so anything else would be a cake walk (well, it's not been THAT easy, but it HAS been easier!) ... Be gentle with yourself. Take long bubble baths (put on UPLIFTING music - not love songs!), get together with friends, volunteer at an animal shelter. Just be good to you and keep busy. I promise it WILL get better :) Peace!

First Adrial - I LOVE reading your replies. They always make me smile :) Simplyme: The way I am trying to see this is that if a guy likes me enough, he will want to at least get informed. If he runs as soon as I tell him I have H+, I question whether he would be there when things got really rough. So far, I have to say that H+ has done a good job of showing me a man's true colors. How they react tells you how open they are to listening and dealing with difficult situations. It also tells you how "into" you he really is.... if he REALLY likes you, he will at least agree to get educated before he decides what he wants to do. And if he stays, you can slow things down and use that time to get to know each other better ;) I would print out the "disclosure" handout and ask to talk to him in a safe but non-romantic setting. Explain your feelings for him and that he caught you off guard. Explain your status and see where he takes it. You may want to ask him if he actually KNOWS he has been tested for anything other than HIV, Syphilis and Gonorrhea...because MOST of the time, when you ask for STD tests, that is ALL they do unless you specifically ask for the others. He could well be in the 80% group that doesn't know he has it..... :/ (((HUGS))) and love. Breathe and take it one day at a time. And trust that the H+ will tell you what you need to know about HIM ... Peace

First - (((HUGS))) and love. First, you are right - you can't help anyone until you yourself are healed...or at least accepting of the situation. The first thing I also thought was (as mentioned above), are you sure YOU gave it to him? If he likes casual sex and you have been apart a year, it's VERY likely he got it elsewhere. Not everyone reveals (or in fact actually knows) their status. Many *think* they have been tested but have not. I'd ask him to go back and make sure he was actually tested (check Dr/lab reports) for H+ in the past, as well as after you broke up/before he had sex elsewhere. If he has had other partners and not been tested, there is no knowing if it was you that gave it to him. And send him here. He's a big boy. We'll take care of him for you. You take care of YOU for now :) Peace

First - I am so happy you found someone who is accepting of you and H+. Gives me hope I will too! So *MY* experience is most guys (understandably) will want to do ANYTHING to get beyond the condom issue...and the older they get, the less they like them (lets just say they put a real damper on things and older guys don't need a damper... ;) ). So as soon as they feel "safe" they will push to stop using condoms, esp in the heat of the moment. Have you shown him the disclosure handout? I would make sure he has it so you know he has the facts... http://bit.ly/h-opp-disclosure-handout I personally would sit down and have one more talk with him when you are not in the heat of the moment. Has he had ALL the STD tests? You disclosed YOUR status...do you know his? Because there is a high chance he already has it but may not know because he may *think* he's been tested when in actuality he may well have only been tested for HIV, Syphilis, and Gonorrhea. I'd make sure to clarify that with him before you have unprotected sex, for both your sakes. Tell him he needs to specifically ask for all the tests (including Chlamydia - but there isn't a test for HPV in men yet :( ) That way, if he comes up H+, he can't "blame" you. Even with disclosure, you need to protect yourself from other STD risks ... even more so now... who wants to have TWO STD's to worry about, eh? One is plenty! (((HUGS)))

Peachy - Not really bad ass - just sick and tired of the BS associated with H+. Sick and tired of hearing about people who are suicidal because of the stigma that society has put on us. Sick and tired of Doctors who just don't get the full psychological impact of H+ on their clients. And for myself, sick and tired of having a potential BF/partner walk away yet again when I disclose to them that I am H+ because they are so horridly misinformed about what it actually is. So now I am "Out". I just got rid of the need for "the talk". Love me as I am or don't bother getting my hopes up. Sorta pre-sorting the men from the boys...LOL ... Thank you though - I'm glad that my letter is helping others too ... it just confirms that I did the right thing in coming out :)

(((HUGS))) You are among friends here.... come and talk as much as you need. We are here for you! And I have a daughter names Jessica too :) If you have a trusted friend, talk to them. You can print out copies of the diagnosis/disclosure papers that Adrial has made available here to show them. http://bit.ly/h-opp-diagnosis-handout http://bit.ly/h-opp-disclosure-handout And make sure you you download the Herpes e-book too http://eepurl.com/b4IPP You are young - you can create this experience to be anything you want it to be. So make it a positive one..... but if you need to cry, beat a pillow, or whatever, do that too. It's all part of the process of acceptance of "what is". Just know that this too shall pass and that you are NOT alone! Peace :)

Majidordan; Again, the dating pool of Genital H+ does limit your options and there are many MANY success stories of people who met and married H- partners (Adrial and I are talking about creating a booklet with these success stories). Look at it this way - if your son finds a H- girl who loves him in spite of the herpes, doesn't that say a whole lot about her? If someone runs at the idea of very-low-risk-chance of transmission SKIN condition imagine what they will do if you develop a serious illness later on? See my note to Smile right above yours. Herpes can be seen as a blessing in that we sort the Wheat from the Chaff (and the riff raff) early on. I've been learning that lately and although it hurts a little to be rejected early on, it hurts a LOT more to learn the person you fell in love with was tainted with your rose-hormone colored glasses. If you look for the blessings when life throws you these lessons, you can learn and grow. This is just another life lesson for you AND your son. And thank you for being there for him. I know it is scary for you too but believe me, it's a nuisance skin condition that gets a bad rap ... its not Cancer. THAT is what you need to understand and believe so you can help him accept being H+ too. (((HUGS)))

Not for me .... you might have a yeast infection as well though .... Sounds like a trip to your Dr is in order.... just to make sure...

Smile: "I guess I was just freaking out about handling crushes that seem to bombard my teenage mind. " Keep reminding yourself of that - most are just "crushes". See H+ as a blessing. You will be forced to slow your out-of-control hormones down and get your head back in the game before you do things that you might regret later. You will get to know each crush better before you allow them into your vulnerable place. The good ones will give you time to get there ... the jerks will walk away. Consider yourself lucky. Too many girls fall for the players and the jerks thanks to those hormones and end up as single mothers. ;)

Majidordan - For some, only dating H+ people is the way they want to go. For ME, I refuse to limit my options to just that group. Why? Because even tho 80% of people have Herpes, only 16% are the Genital version. And many of them don't know they have it. So that would limit my choices greatly. I for one am learning that H is just helping me to sort the riff-raff from a genuine MAN who will love me and my "nuisance skin condition". I just had another "heartbreak" from a man who walked away when he learned of my condition, but wanted to be "friends". However, as soon as I "came out" publicly, he completely cut me off. That told me everything I will ever need to know about him. His loss, not mine. :p Smile: Follow the path that works for you. Each heartache will make you stronger and wiser. In the end, you will find a man who loves YOU.... promise. PS: Except for the one jerk, all my REAL friends are supporting my "coming out". Not one negative post out of 1000+ friends. The shadow that looks like a Lion is often just a housecat with a bright light behind it. :)

smileitsherpes: I've had it since I was 17. Back then, no one really understood it/cared about it. It was an inconvenient skin condition. It saddens me that things have come to a point where people are so devastated by herpes (including me now ... I have been through more struggles around this in my past 5 years than all the other years put together). DO KNOW there will be someone who will love you no matter what. First, get properly educated about your condition. Ask all the questions you need here and read all the gread downloads/literature that Adrial has provided. When you talk to your parents, print out the disclosure download and give it to them. Send them here if they have questions. "How long will it take for me to find someone i'm totally comfortable sharing every aspect of my life with. I haven't found someone like that and its already been 18 years 11 months and 11 days. What do I do now." This made me smile... you are sooooo young. It may be awhile before you find that person ... stop worrying about finding "him" ... find YOU first. That may take awhile ... you are just starting to spread your wings. Enjoy your college years... enjoy the friends you make and the experiences you have along the way. Don't rush to find "him". There's plenty of time. He'll find you. Probably soon after you find YOU :) (((HUGS))) and Peace :)

The thing is, when we get it on our genitals/lips, it doesn't move around those dermatomes - so I'm pretty sure you will just need to stay aware of the area that you had the outbreak .. let me know what you learn... useful for me to know too :)

*heart* AWESOME!

WOW Lexis ... what a story! I am moved and humbled. And so happy for you. So happy you found your man. Thank you for sharing :)

I found sunshine, and chocolate and nuts (especially together!) used to cause outbreaks for me. More recently, even that doesn't seem to set me off. The nuts seem to be an argenine thing...it seems to feed or aggravate the virus...those were *my* triggers for many years.... now I seem to be in nearly total remission and I rarely get minor outbreaks. Personally I would work on the stress - learning to control it without the meds... because the anxiety is your body telling you to change something...the herpes will just act as a further reminder. I've removed nearly all the stresses in my life - I may not have a lot of money, but I don't have the stress either... and my body is much better for it.... (((HUGS)))

Just get real. Its all you can do. Tell her something like "I feel like a total heel for letting the alcohol get the better of me but there is something I need to tell you". Then let her know how much she means to you, and about your condition. Have the print out from here ready — http://bit.ly/h-opp-disclosure-handout — and understand the statistics of M-F transmission. You can go on suppressive therapy .... use condoms (at least until you both know this is for the long term) and practice "safe sex" ... You are a human ... you made a mistake. Get educated and then clean up the mess ... that is what Integrity is all about. If she is meant for you, she will stay. She may freak out... that is her right and understandable. Let her process it in her own way. Send her here if she needs questions asked. Whatever she needs, give it to her. If it's space, so be it. You are in the middle of learning a life lesson.... learn from it and accept what it gives you. (((HUGS)))

Ammonium Alum also helps to dry the blisters more quickly - you can either make a soak with it and apply with a washcloth or put it on neat (stings like a MoFo at first but shortens the outbreak dramatically by drying it up) It's the same stuff that is in the deodorant crystals and foot deodorant - known as an antibacterial and antifungal - and I suspect antiviral in that it upsets something in the balance of all 3

Tina - that is my hope - I know there are many people in LTR's dealing with this. The thing will be to find them. Workin on it!

(((HUGS)))) BREATHE!!!! I am so sorry your doctor is no use. This is your lesson #1 - Get a new doctor! This is a great place to get your questions answered..... It WILL get better. Promise!

Many people don't have ANY symptoms at all - so unless your BF has been tested you will not know if you got it from him or the ex. But really, does that really matter now? Getting him tested would only let you know how much precautions you need to take - none if you both have it, anti-virals/etc if he doesn't have it.

I wouldn't want to wear a thong during an outbreak (OWWEEEEEE!) but I don't see why you can't wear it between outbreaks, unless you notice a pattern where you get rubbed by the thong and it triggers an outbreak. Regarding shaving - I think I saw that it is believed shaving can make it easier to pass on as the hair can act as a cushion (as it were) so you don't git as much direct skin to skin contact. Don't know how much it changes the statistics though.