Cedar1122

Hi lfo, Please don't feel stupid. I was also shocked when I found out I had herpes. I had been checked not longer before for the routine things, and I really thought that anything would come up when they do that. You would think they'd test for the most prevalent STD's. I had no idea that basically 20% of the population has herpes and it was a huge thing that I should've been looking out for. I hear you on feeling scared and alone. That's exactly how I felt. I want you to really get that you are not alone. After being on this website and talking with numerous other people who have herpes, it seems like Everyone's initial reaction is feeling scared and alone. We all think that no one will understand, when in fact, there are millions of people who understand and can sympathize <3 I certainly can, and I'm sending you a big hug right now. When it comes to affecting your life- the mental trauma is much worse than the physical trauma. It's been 10 months now, and I've come to a different place in my mind with my relationship to herpes. I don't let it absolutely ruin me anymore. It doesn't need to. It literally is a skin condition that has a stigma to it. The 1st outbreak is definitely painful, and it gets much, much better after that. My OB's last only a couple days and they are minorly painful. I can wipe after going to the bathroom with no issue at all when I have an OB. During my 1st OB- I really wondered how I was ever going to live! It really does get so much better and easier. It's been 10 months and I seriously love my life. I wondered if I ever would again. After relating with people, and opening up to others, and myself- herpes doesn't effect me in such a negative, scary way. I understand the concern about being stressed. I work as a nurse and it gets super stressful. Still though, my OB's aren't so bad. More than anything, they are triggered by having sex. Especially dry sex. You can certainly still have an adventurous sex life with your man; and I recommend using lube so there's not so much friction. Friction can be a cause of OB's. Sending you lots of love and support. Thanks for coming here to ask questions. It's the best thing you can do. To learn about it and be aware. I commend you for reaching out. Love, Katie

Life change, I'm sorry to hear about that. I just wanted to send some love and support. Atlantic is right.. if you never try, then you'll never know. I've had the disclosure talks a couple times, and I know I made it way harder than it needed to be. I was freaked out; therefore the other person was freaked out. I've got some work to do there. I don't know exactly how your conversation went, but I want to make sure you don't make it mean anything if indeed that book is closed. I understand the frustration and am not trying to disclose it, but like Atlantic said.. there is someone out there who will be accepting of all of you. Lots of love, Katie

Hi YoungOne, I want to join in with brighteyes and coffeepal and wrap my arms around you; giving you the biggest hug in the world. I just want to hold you and explain to you that everything is okay. You are still a nice beautiful girl, with so much to offer to the world, other people, and yourself. Please let your heart be open and see yourself as the beautiful being that you are. I know exactly what it's like to shut down bc of Herpes. It was the 1st time in my life that I was angry at God. As I processed everything; I realized that God never stopped loving me. I got herpes, and I had to stop making it mean all these things. I made up a million stories that I got herpes bc I'm a bad person, or bc I deserved to suffer in some way. Now, after having herpes for 10 months, I've realized that I got herpes because I got herpes. There's no meaning behind it. It just happened. And in the past 10 months, I've found a love for myself that I've never known before. I hated myself at 1st and thought that I was unlovable to the world. It's just not true though. You are still so lovable. As a matter of fact, I love you dearly. It breaks my heart to think of you suffering. I was talking to my friends the other day, and we started to have really authentic conversation about hardships in our lives. It's really amazing to hear what others go through in life; scared to talk about it with others bc we're all so afraid of judgement. My friend said "You know, I heard that if everybody was open and honest about their difficulties in life, it wouldn't be so hard for everyone to deal with them. We all live in fear of others, when all that everybody wants is to be loved. Also, I heard that if everybody took their hardships and openly threw them into the street, when it came time to clean up; everyone would want to take back their own hardship. After seeing what others are going through, we realize our own difficulties aren't so bad." Big love to you. You will absolutely feel the same. You are the same. Love, Katie

Hannah, My heart goes out to you. That's a lot of information to process, and I really acknowledge you for coming here to talk about it. It absolutely could have happened the other way around, and who knows.. maybe it did? There's a possibility that he had HPV without knowing it and gave it to you. It's crazy that it's estimated 80% of people in America have HPV. And about the herpes- when I had my 1st outbreak, it was really painful for weeks. I'm glad that your pain is going away. My practitioner took 1 look and knew exactly what it was. I examined myself a couple times and saw nooo red bumps or blisters. I was SHOCKED when she told me it was herpes. Also- when she took the culture, it was the most painful thing I've ever experienced. I'm wondering what that experience was like for you. Please keep us posted. I will say a prayer for a clean bill of health for you. Even if it does come back positive though, it's really not the end of the world. I've had it for 10 months now and I'm living my life, doing all of the things I would normally do. It took some time to process it, but once I did, it's become a very minor thing in my life. Sending lots of love, -Katie

Hey Coffeepal, Yes. Adrial is totally right. And from a female perspective; I can relate to the feeling of having pain on the skin, but not seeing any bumps. I feel like I'm about to have an OB, but then it goes away before I see any bumps/blisters. Hope this helps :) -Katie

Beautiful. Thank you :)

Brighteyes!! I'm loving the new name!! and that the darkness is starting to lift and the attitude towards Herpes is starting to shift. It's so nice to see this happening for you. I remember reading your 1st post and wanting to console you. When it comes to shaving, I still shave if I have an outbreak, but I shave around my outbreak. I wait until that's healed; or I just go over it VERY lightly. I at least get to feel a bit groomed until the outbreak goes away. I just try to be careful with it :) Much love back at ya! -Katie

"I'm in a way happy i contracted it....I've grown up and its part of my story. I learned to be ok and that its not a big deal and when an ob starts take my medicine and control my stress level." It was so nice to read those words. It is absolutely a part of our story. At first; it's easy to see it as a nightmare when we're not sure what's going to happen. When time goes on though and our story unfolds, we see that herpes is something that we can look at and see the opportunity of growth and love. I'm so happy that you're happy. Thanks for the post! -Katie

Froggygurl, Like Adrial said, it's so nice to have you asking questions on the other side of things. You are right about the risk being higher when your partner has symptoms, and I just came across information a couple weeks ago that asymptomatic shedding cannot be predicted but is known to occur on at least 5% of days during the year. I really like that you acknowledge that it must have been difficult for him to share that information with him. You're kind heart gives me warmth. much love, -Katie

Hi, I just wanted to drop in and tell you that I have experienced so many of those emotions and had those moments of feeling like life was over. What a terrible feeling. It saddens me to think of how upset and defeated you are feeling. I want to give you a hug and tell you what a beautiful person you are. I understand that you were scared to disclose having herpes to the guy in the marines. I'm asking you to please let others in though, and give them the opportunity of knowing you. Herpes does not define you. It truly doesn't. And the stories we make up in our heads are frequently way worse than the reactions/acceptance people would have in real life. I want to resonate all the words in Adrial's heartfelt response. "Once you truly realize on a deep level who you are, that will begin to shift how you relate to others and will allow them to see you on a deeper level, too. I have so much trust in your own process and that time will take care of itself. No matter how long it takes, you are on the path." yes, yes, yes. You are on the path. Please continue your path with an open heart. The world needs it. Lots of love, *hug* -Katie

Hi Jojo, Welcome to the forum! Disclosing to somebody can be really scary at 1st, and I've experienced that with knowledge, and self-confidence, disclosing to somebody seems much easier. I have gone the route of being terrified to tell someone; leaving that person terrified and me feeling awful. After realizing that I can actually be calm, cool, and collected about it, I actually feel silly at the thought of acting so nervous and terrified. I like that you said "I'm prepared to handle a rational adult discussion." As long as you present it as a rational discussion, the other person will be much more likely to meet you there. Also though; like you said; what 2 people consider rational may vary greatly." The cool thing is that no matter how to other person reacts; you can continue to have a rational conversation no matter what. You can continue to handle that conversation how ever you want no matter what the other person's reaction is. I think that questions to be prepared for is How does it spread? How often do you get outbreaks? How likely is it that I'll contract it? How did you get it? Also, have you looked at the disclosure e-book yet? http://eepurl.com/b4IPP Be well! -Katie

Bella, I'm happy to hear that everything is going so right! Congrats on the job promotion and I love that you and Greg are reconnecting. You wrote "'Ive learned to love my body and appreciate my life and not take things for granted and live life because it is short and isn't meant to be lived depressed or hopeless." You're so right. We have the control to live our lives how every we want. Happy and thankful is such a healthier and more productive way than depressed/hopeless. Everyone deserves to feel this way. <3

Hey, Yes. I agree with WhoopsiDaysi :) People are generally kind hearted and understanding. It is our fears of what they may think that causes are biggest problems and heartache. It's worth it to be honest and vulnerable; and let others decide how they feel about the situation. You're so right about being open honest- I think that shows a level of trust on your part that's very respectable. Thanks for sharing. -Katie

Hey, sorry to hear about all the confusion. I actually never even got my blood taken, but I know I have HSV2. I know this from the culture that was taken; and the fact that the clinician took 1 look at me and said : "This looks like a herpes outbreak." I'm no expert- but I believe you're right that there's no antibodies at 1st. It makes sense that the body is developing the antibodies right now; and might not show up in blood work yet. I would wait until the cultures come back to be fairly certain if you're negative. And then talk to the Dr's about the possibility of needed to re-test your blood. I hope this helps. It's tough being in that waiting period. I know what that's like. Big hugs. xxxx-Katie

Hey Crissy! definietly good vibes here. And I'm feeling yours. I'm also from NE. Florida is so different; holy moly. I bet you love it! I'm happy that you've come here to reengergize. I understand that you have a wall up; and I'm asking that you let it down. As much as you would love to be in the arms of someone again; there's someone who would love to have you in their arms again. Please don't let anything stop you from something you would love to have, and that another would love to share with you. Lots of love! -Katie

Hey guys, yes. I agree. Usually when I feel a stabbing pain, I start taking my anti-virals and that helps to beat the OB. much love, Katie

Joanne, I'm so sorry to hear about what you're going through. I wish there was something I could do to help! Thanks for the information. I'm wanting to use anti-virals more now that I know all this. I hope you've been able to catch up on some sleep! Let me know how it all goes! -Katie

Joanne, Oh wow. I'm sorry to hear all of this! Have you tried an antihistamine like benadryl? It would help you sleep at night too. It sounds so simple compared to everything you've tried; but I work as a nurse and it usually solves the problem. I also understand that this is a different kind of itching and it very well may not work- but I wanted to offer it. Also, sarna anti-itch lotion has a really great reputation with my patients. Good Luck!! -Katie

Hey, I just replied to your other post, but I hadn't seen this one yet. I feel even more connected to you now. Thanks so much for sharing all of that. I am so happy for you that you have Rich as such a great support. He sounds like an angel. I would've loved to have someone like him through my 1st OB. My 1st experience of an OB was very much like yours; It was extremely painful. I thought it was a terrible UTI, and I was so wrong. The clinician looked down there and said "it looks like a herpes outbreak." My mind started to race. I was in shock; and my mind immediately started thinking about a guy who I was being intimate with at the time- and thinking that I probably gave herpes to him too. As my mind went crazy, the clinician swabbed me and I've literally never experienced that much pain. It took my breathe away. This goes down as the worst/most shocking day of my life. I was SO fearful of the unknown; much like you. It's been 9 months now, and I never expected that my life would actually be this awesome. I had the same questions that you did.. "My sex life, my career, my emotions, my privates. How could I ever be normal? If I have an outbreak, will it feel like this every time?" Your sex life will go back to normal with your boyfriend. As I said in my last post; use lubricant. It will help. Of course there are times where you will have an OB and you'll probably want to hold off on having sex during the OB; but there are other ways you can connect with Rich; sexually and non-sexually. When it comes to your career; judging from my experience; you're going to be just fine. I work as a nurse, and I feel like I'm stressed out 90% of the time at work. When I had my first OB I thought "There's no freaking way I can do this.. I'm always stressed out.. I'm always going to get OB's.. It's always going to be so painful." Thankfully I was very wrong. After my 1st OB was over, My next one was waayyyy more mellow. I could actually speedwalk through the halls of work again without dying every step. It was such a drastic difference actually. It's a discomfort more than anything. Not a throbbing, unbearable, stabbing pain anymore. As for your emotions; It's a lot to go through at 1st. There are so many unknowns. It's all ended up being MUCH easier than I made it out to be at first. I really thought that my life would never be the same. It's been a while now and I still have the same job, the same loving family, and the same supportive friends. Herpes does not get in the way of my life. I still do everything that I was doing before. Never let a bad week make you feel like you have a bad life. You will certainly still be able to train for your fitness competitions. I know it seems impossible right now as you go through your 1st outbreak, but trust me.. Herpes will NOT get in the way of your fitness. Just give the 1st OB some time to heal, and you can ease right back into the swing of things with your training. You asked what if my OB's are frequent? Can i deal with this much stress on a regular basis?" Well- we don't know how frequent your OB's will be, so who knows much you'll have to deal with this. The only reason why I'm saying this is bc I feared the same thing that you are. I was so nervous about the OB's and what I'd have to go through every time. It turns out thought that my OB's are much less frequent than I thought they'd be, and the emotional stress isn't even there anymore. It's just a thing. That's there. And I know will go away in a few days-a week. It's not NEARLY as painful as the 1st OB. I can't stress that enough. I promise you that Herpes will not take over your life. It's so scary at 1st, and I've come to realize with time that it's just really not a big deal. I know what it's like to think that my life was over; and thankfully I was so wrong. It sounds like there is so much love and beauty in your life. You have a supportive boyfriend who loves you, and mom who you can open up to about difficult situations, you are strong and fit, and you have a good head on your shoulders. Please don't worry so much and let herpes take over your mind. It's so easy to look at is as such an evil thing; but it really isn't. Sure; it's something that none of us want; but it's not the vicious, devilish virus that I made it out to be. Like Adrial says, it's a skin condition in a sensitive area. I posted in a blog this week that I realized life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you respond to it. You are in a new situation that's difficult to process at first, and I'm so proud of the way you are handling it. I am glad that you're reaching out to people who can relate and that you're asking questions. I know that you feel alone and I want to reassure you that you aren't. My heart is pouring love out to you right now. You sound just like me when I had my 1st outbreak (minus the whole fitness model thing-- I WISH!! ;) ) It breaks my heart to think of what you're going through. I promise it gets better. "Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that. " Martin Luther King, Jr. I hope that you have found some light to help you through this. and I hope that you are feeling some more love during a 4 days that I know you've hated. Love, Katie

Hey KMelody, The first outbreak is definitely the worst. The outbreaks get MUCH less painful and less frequent as time goes on. I can totally relate.. the first OB was one of the worst pains I've ever experienced. I would never wish that upon anyone. I got the flu like symptoms and the whole 9 yards.. all I wanted to do was lay in my bed and sleep. I remember dragging myself to work and wearing the loosest pairs of pants I could find. I was also nervous about having sex again. My 1st outbreak lasted about 2.5 weeks. I was nervous to have sex again; but it's proved to not be such a big deal. I remember learning from my clinician that OB's can be triggered by dry, rough sex. I would definitely play it safe and use lube if I were you. I also learned from someone else to take a pill of Acyclovir after having sex, and the next day. He told me he's seen a lot less outbreaks since doing that. As for myself, sex is my #1 trigger for outbreaks, but I certainly don't get OB's every time after having sex. It's ALWAYS when there's not enough lubricant. Herpes certainly won't ruin your amazing sex life. You still can have a lot of freedom with your boyfriend and enjoy your sex life together. I hope this helped. Hug* Hope that pain gets better quickly. Advil helps.. and warm baths! -Katie

:) always.

Hi Catfish, I have no experience with LarreaRX or Vorix. But I didn't want that to stop me from sending some love to you. The first outbreak can be really rough, and just keep in mind that it's get way less painful after the initial outbreak. Good vibes right back at you! -Katie

Hi nmo, I totally agree with Judith. It sounds like it may be Herpes, and it's even mroe suspicious that the clinician diagnosed it based on visual evidence. My clinician told me right away "This looks like a herpes outbreak. We'll get you tested to see if it's HSV1 or HSV2." The 1st outbreak is the worst, and my pain lasted 32.5 weeks. You said that you're pain dissapated after a couple of days? According to the CDC, The first herpes outbreak usually lasts 2-3 weeks and the pain can last 1-6 weeks. I would definitely get your blood checked again. Certainly wouldn't hurt. I found an article online that was posted in the NY times. Here's an excerpt. "Like all tests, the type-specific tests are not perfect. It takes about three to six weeks for individuals to develop detectable antibodies for herpes simplex. Virtually everyone will have detectable antibodies by 16 weeks. Get tested again if you have a recent exposure that falls within the window period. This also means that a first-time recognized outbreak may represent a new infection and may be occurring during a period in which your body has not yet developed a detectable antibody response. Again, the recommendation would be to get a repeat serologic test in four to eight weeks." So yes. check your blood again to be sure. And no matter what the outcome is- just know that everything is okay. Herpes is often so much more psychologically distressing than physically distressing because of our fears of what other people will think. I've had it for almost a year now and my life is totally awesome. All of my friends still love me. I make new connections with people all the time. I can do anything I want with my life. There's different conversations in the bedroom now; and it's all totally doable, manageable, and can even be an opportunity to have more "real" conversations, creating pathways for honesty, respect, and love. Good luck with everything! Sending love. -Katie

Hey everyday, It brings a smile to my face that your girlfriend and you are moved in together and talking about your future together :) I also unknowingly gave some herpes.. it's been 9 months now and I've come a long way; it's been a hell of journey though. In the end, it turned into a huge lesson of self love and forgiveness for myself. We all do things that end up with unintentional results sometimes, and need to meet ourselves with the compassion and forgiveness that we give so easily to others. I just wrote about pregnancy and herpes in one of my blogs last week that's on this site. Here's the pregnancy facts that I found: Facts: 20-25% of pregnant women have herpes. According to the Baby Center, if you contracted herpes before your third trimester of pregnancy, the risk of your baby contracting it is less than 1 percent, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. That’s because you begin to develop antibodies to herpes soon after you’re first infected, and they’re passed onto your baby through the placenta. In six to 12 weeks, your baby will have some immunity as a result of these antibodies, which offer some protection if you’re unknowingly shedding virus. Also, if you wanted to further reduce any risk of spreading the virus, there is the option of having a C-section. Newborn herpes is relatively rare (about 1,500 newborns are affected each year). Well wishes!! -Katie

Unhappy Camper, Thank you for sharing your story! The fact that you've already told those who you needed to about this speaks volumes about you. You clearly operate with a lot of integrity, and I can see how they would gain respect for you for being so honest. It's only day 4 and you've already done all these things.. kudos to you. I can relate to herpes being devastating at first. I also had that feeling of being at the lowest point in my life. I want to send you a sympathetic hug in that moment. With time, and learning about what herpes actually is; it got soo much better. My relationship with herpes has changed vastly. From having herpes; I've come to experience self-love, compassion and forgiveness for myself in a way I've never experienced. When I was first diagnosed- I couldn't imagine seeing myself where I am right now. There's a lot of support, and once you learn more about herpes and how it actually affects your body, you'll realize that what it actually IS is a manageable skin condition and you can focus less on the crazy stories of social stigma that is all we know when we're first diagnosed. Again, thanks for your post. I really enjoyed your humor! Sending love! -Katie