Atlantic

Congratulations Kath! And Lelani, awesome to hear how everything's still going well with your new guy! Yayyyy!!

Rock on, Readergurl. Thank you for your sincere expression here, and by the way I think we'd get along great. With all these cool women on this forum, I love this site more every time I visit.

Lifechange, I can empathize. I received my gift while in a long term relationship, although I got mine by assuming the risk of being with an H infected partner. It was a very long relationship, and now I am back out there again as a 30something trying to date with this. It's like a delayed reaction that I am now having, to actually dealing with the dating consequences now. I have been dating for a few months but have not gotten to the point where I needed to disclose. But now I am involved in a pretty intense long distance communication with someone I have connected with online, and disclosure may be around the corner with this one. It's certainly an accomplishment that you have been able to disclose 4 times. I am trying to remain mindful of the fact that H is essentially going to become the magic filter - if a man can see past it, then he's in it for the long haul without a doubt.

Lifechange, I think you're smart to move on and forget this guy. To me, this guy seems "off" to mention that other woman in the first phone call. Although normally I don't think it's advantageous to disclose so soon, he opened Pandora's box for you and at least you did not waste any more time in getting to know him and then probably experiencing a rejection. It seems like he was predisposed to reject H, and seems drama-oriented to me. Hold your head up and move on with confidence. As for me, I'll be disclosing soon, I think. Not sure where my situation is headed because it's long distance, and could possibly become more long distance depending on my possible relocation. But I really like this man, and am starting to feel comfortable with him and I also want to test myself with this disclosure.

H can sometimes be a filter for us, because if something as small as that causes them to run, what else would have shaken them? I want someone whose strength of character, and ability to be caring and understanding is at least as good as mine. H sometimes helps me identify them. Thank you, CBK. I needed that this morning. Way to start off my day (I have a feeling my disclosure is around the corner).

Your situation sounds similar to mine. I wondered how long you have been communicating with this man, and how serious things seemed, before the talk occurred? Was there a reason why you had not met in person (long distance)? I am curious as to your state of affairs, and level of connection, with this guy. It seems to me that many people have the talk too soon, before the person knows enough about you to visualize you as a whole individual rather than a stigmatized skin condition on your lady parts. I am also in communication with a man I have met online via Eharmony, long distance ( adjacent state), and things are pretty intense (phone calls, exchanging videos and pics, nonstop texting) to the point where we're going to be Skyping soon, probably this week. We have a great deal in common and I had not felt myself connecting with anyone online like this before. If we still connect after Skype, I know the discussion will have to happen shortly because it's likely a visit will be forthcoming. I am meditating on and carefully planning the words I'll use (gosh, to the point I was rehearsing the talk in my head as I walked the aisles at Target). I think it is especially hard when you have not met the person. Certainly, if we were in the same town, I'd be disclosing in person. I can commiserate with you and empathize. I know this sucks, and if this man does not follow up, please know that someone else will be able to accept all of you. In the words of a Coldplay lyric... if you never try, then you'll never know...

Welcome, Hannah. I am so sorry that you are going through this, but you are in the right place for support. I cannot say that this is an easy situation to be in, but keeping perspective is essential. There are so many of us normal, loving, kind, interesting human beings who share this boat together. Reading the threads on this forum has helped me immensely. Hugs for you and please check back in soon with an update.

I am pleased with the number of happy disclosure stories lately! And WD, you have had a few of them. This is great. That was an interesting approach with the "open ended question" on Eharmony, and maybe I shall keep that in my pocket if I return to EH again in the future. Right now, I discontinued EH and am communicating and dating a few matches that I had gotten to Open Communication with. I am communicating with a guy who is long-distance to me . If we end up planning to meet, I am going to have to have the disclosure in advance. This is inspiring, so thanks again WD! :) :) :)

This is excellent news and super inspiring to me. Lelani, I am so glad for this outcome for you. I really hope it continues, and you are able to achieve your desired outcome with the relationship. What a sweet story. This is especially timely for me, because interestingly, things have been heating up with an online dating match who lives 8 hours away from me (sound familiar, LOL). This guy and I have been talking, texted throughout the past week, and there is a definite connection and a lot in common. I am encouraged to actually try with this one, despite all the challenges of distance and H. :)

Someone said "rejection is just God's protection" (I think I read that on another site). Very appropo.

Time4, I would not call it a "fail." It seemed to me that there was a lot of other drama going on with this particular guy. I think that often, we internalize the H and consider it to be the cause of the rejection, but in reality, the person probably would not have been "in it for the long run" regardless of the presence of H. I have yet to disclose to anyone, but now that I have been dating again, it is inevitable. There is a lot to learn from this site.

That is inspiring. Good luck to you two.

Your story is heartfelt and inspiring. Thanks for sharing. It has been kind of a down day for me. It is helpful and touching for me to connect with others here.

That sounds awful :( I hope that you are feeling better. My first outbreak was hellacious, and I still get the urinary issue from time to time but NOWHERE near as bad as the first time. Now (1.5 years in) I mostly get prodrome (tinglies, minor pain, itchies). Time does make a difference. Be well.

Yes, the woman in Oregon, a well-publicized case, sued a man (a dentist) she met on Eharmony who had sex with her without disclosing. The jury awarded her $900,000. Of course, in that situation, the jury may have been influenced strongly by the giver's career and presumed medical knowledge. I have not researched it throughly, but I would certainly inquire with an attorney because it sounds to me as though there may be some liability there.

Excellent advice. I have not disclosed yet but it may be happening relatively soon. I appreciate the benefit of your experience.

Sassy, I agree that a lot of the guys on PS are skeevy. But, the same can be said for Match.com. Each of the sites has their issues. MPWH is a good site, and seems to attract more educated people in my (albeit limited) experience. However, the selection locally is very limited. Eharmony has been a hit and miss experience, for me and the friends who have tried it...but overall positive. A lot of guys sign up, and you're "matched" with them, but then they never respond (likely because they signed up during a free trial and did not continue their account). But ultimately, EH is the site with the most people who are interested in serious relationships, not just hook-ups. And a man who is looking for a serious LTR/marriage is, IMHO, more likely to take a holistic view and be accepting of my condition. My advice is to try at least one H site and one non-H mainstream site...

Thanks Adrial. To clarify, I am on a mainstream dating site (Eharmony) as well. My thought is to increase the odds of finding someone. I am in my mid-30s and would like a family, so I have to be somewhat motivated and proactive here. I figure I will try both mainstream and H dating sites, and see how it goes with both. I have a second date from EH today, so disclosure may be around the corner if this one goes well....

Yes, it is likely that a weakened immune system (due to a cold or strep throat) will provoke an OB. Keep on taking your Valcyc. I am concerned about what you said about being bedridden, as that seems extreme. Have you seen a doctor recently? Lastly, there is no link between infertility and herpes.

"Does anybody here have any idea if the ongoing burning sensation could be related to the HSV-2?" Yes, this is totally common and expected. I have been diagnosed for 1.5 years and rarely have an actual lesion (sore) but frequently experience pain, tingling, urination difficulty and burning. These are typical in women.

Positive Singles (PS) and MPWH (Meeting People With Herpes). Just google the names and you'll find them. I have not been on them too long, but have met a couple of people. My take so far is that PS has more volume ( a lot more men that are local to me), but MPWH has a greater number of professional and educated individuals. I am a paid member of MPWH, and an unpaid member of PS.

That's great. Did you meet her on a "positive" site? Have a good time. :)

I still have not told a girlfriend. It is sad, but I don't have a girlfriend I feel I can confide in. I do not want to be judged or pitied. This site has meant a lot.

"When it's put into perspective against the other issues people bring with them, this condition seems less significant." CBK and WD, you both make good points on this. "H" is a small carryon compared to some of the oversized baggage that some people are bringing into a relationship including children, ex drama, psychiatric issues, addictions and financial issues such as foreclosures and bankruptcies especially now. That said, somehow none of those issues bears the unpleasant stigma associated with H (at least for most people). I have found that I often tend to "idealize" my date or love interest, overblowing my situation while thinking that their life is virtually problem free. It is important to keep it in perspective that everyone brings their own issues to the table. I keep telling myself that the right person will accept this as part of my overall wonderful package!

:-) Hi WD. Location, location, location... Sigh. And I was being facetious about the additional dogs. I have two curled up next to me right now. I am fully stocked. Just my self-deprecating humor about the dreaded "crazy cat/dog lady" stereotype. I have a second date this weekend with a civilian, still too early for me to disclose, and I don't know if the chemistry is going to warrant it anyhow. I have never had to disclose because I am just now dating again after being gifted in a LTR that ended months ago.