lelani

I am so glad you have finally been able to say them...I just want to give you a hug. I think maybe you have't been able to let it out like this before...well you have come to the right place...even just to be able to say it 'out loud'. There is nothing to hide on here, we all have the same condition, we all understand and have all felt the same way to whatever level. There is no judgement and I hope through signing up you may feel better knowing there are so many others who live with this. So much of the sadness in our lives is caused by fear and it is fear that causes our negative thoughts, our depression and exhaustion. It's not easy letting it go but we all get to the point where we don't want to live with it anymore, and then there is a choice. Sounds like its your crunch time when you want to give it up...and I have learned that you can choose - choose to live without fear and find out the ways to do it. It's a process and takes some effort but its worth it. The biggest fear you can give up this very minute is of loving your child...forget about the sheets or any other inanimate objects transferring it (Herpes can't be transferred that way) don't hold back touching and loving them - a virus like this that has given you no symptoms is no reason to deprive you and your child of that joy. I was with a man for 28 years who had HSV1 and neither myself or our three children contracted it...so snuggle up with your child and love them as much as you can, love is bigger than Herpes and you both deserve to enjoy it. Bittersweet, it's time to create some different stories that will bring you joy instead of fear and depression...after all, it's only our thoughts that create our 'reality'. You can say anything you like on here and know we understand, we all have herpes (I have HPV too) and are learning to live with it. There is no shame in having this..how you feel changes when you start believing it. You really need to learn to believe this for both you and your child...do you want them growing up with the same 'reality' as you? You can change it for them and in doing that change everything for yourself. You deserve it. :-) xx

Maybe medication might be a good idea if it has been that long...if you have tried everything else your body might need some help. Why not try it and see...?

Yep was just like that for me with constant ob's for about 6 months, then just stopped and nothing much since. Just had one, no blisters but feeling decidedly different down there and the skin looking a bit irritated. Lasted two to three days and that was it.

I'm so glad you are feeling better Notsurprised...the Hopp has a way of doing that :-). I was like you and went to the doctor for pimples that were no where near my vagina (navel and tailbone!) and she was shocked when it the test came back positive HSV2. I am sure I got it from a lover who had it (for 25 years and no symptoms) 18 months ago and in that case it was 6 months before it showed...and I almost had surgery for a huge enlarged gland on my neck too during that time with no other symptoms. Its a crazy virus that has no pattern you can bank on. I'm with Hopp on the medication thing...why take it if you don't need to? I choose not too, I have found natural remedies good in helping an outbreak and will only take medication if I am with someone not +. I'm 51 and sadly still love sex and wish I could have more, well any at the moment would be nice lol...I struggle with that as I too don't want casual sex, just a risk i am not prepared to take. My outbreaks have settled and were never awful, just uncomfortable and I can feel a bit run down like with a cold. So your OB could be a small as a pin, a slight tingle or nothing apparent at all, once you test positive its just a matter of being aware of your body and living healthy in every respect. I just had another ob in the last 48hrs, mild as with a tiny bit of irritation for two days and now its gone - if I didn't have H I would never have noticed. It was good to hear your story...can relate to it, thanks.

I wish I could come :( If I didn't live near the bottom of the world I would be there!

Hey Canadian Guy...I just look at it this way - if it is bothering you constantly that you are not telling and you feel like your integrity is being compromised...which I figure is why you are having to get it off your chest, you need to do something about it. You have two choices...live with the lie and feel constantly like crap or be honest and deal with the consequences. And never take a relationship or someones love for granted...this may shake up your life in ways you can't imagine if you continue to be dishonest and keep secrets - life has a way of kicking you in the ass if you don't do what you think is the right thing. So you don't need to accuse anyone, even yourself...you don't really know where you got it from (you could have had it a long time before any symptoms), your wife believes she has it but she won't get tested, your BFF got naked with you when she also promised no sex...everyone has to take responsibility for their choices, not just you. Good luck :-)

Hey I had the same thing...a small patch of 'heat rash' next to my tummy button and another on my tail bone. They wouldn't go away for a week and so went to the doctor, by that time I had the same tiny spots on my genital area. You couldn't have known 100% so don't beat youyrself up about it, you went to the doctor and did the right thing. There are other sites but I have found this the most positive and its new and smaller, just seems more personal.

Mc41...I had to do the exact same thing and he was great about it...we stopped sex and stayed friends and he got blood tested three months later and was negative. We are still friends but decided (not because of Herpes) to stay at just that. Just be honest and do it as soon as possible as Hopp says...integrity is everything and this is your challenge to show it. Good luck, it will all be fine. x

S Villiager...you are gorgeous and your words are so true. I love them too! It's great having positive stuff reflected back, we need to do this for each other and I so appreciate it. It's nice to hear about others who, like me, didn't see it as a deal breaker and worth the risk. xx

Oh Sen..it will quiet down. It's so early for you and when I think back to the same time for me I was an emotional wreck. I had OB's for about 5 months constantly and thought my life was over in terms of feeling well and normal again. Now I do...OB's just stopped one day, like my body had it finally sussed and knew what to do with it. I like to think of the virus sleeping and if I treat myself right it won't wake up too often, if ever I hope. Hang in there and get as healthy as you can be. Its tough changing your thinking but every day find things to be grateful for, change your negative thoughts into positive ones (even if it feels wierd and isn't working - keep doing it!). Life isn't over and H will be a part of it, as big as you make it. I still have sad times but not so bad and they pass...just like any other issue in my life that makes it more challenging. Yeah let me know how it goes. :-)

Hey College guy...glad you feel better, thought you would as its always good to have a rant and sort out how you are feeling. There are shallow people everywhere and the older you get (I'm more than twice your age lol) the more you don't care and choose to be around good people instead, I ditch anyone (nicely) who isn't good for me! I have been pretty open about it with my family and friends, it makes it easier and I feel like I am helping educate people about it. And as for H stopping you from being free....so could an injury, other illnesses, birth defects, and even all sorts of negative thoughts. Yeah it is unfair and sex has to be expressed differently and more selectively, I don't know whether we get to totally accepting that...not sure I will but I am learning to live with it and mostly not be so sad about it. I was with my ex husband for 28 years and he had HSV1 - I never got it and because of ignorance about it had no restrictions on sex! With the right person it won't matter and you will work around it fine :-)

You rock too...I have been thinking the same about being open. I have told all my family and close friends, my kids too (all adults and that was the hardest!). Everyone has been great...It has helped when i have felt down and can explain why. I am also very well known and wonder if it would be helpful to come out with it...then I think there are some things in my life I would like to be private with as my life has been so public over the years. My thought is to start a support group in my city as there isn't one...next step! You go for it, there are always good things that come out of bravery and caring about others. Nothing amazing ever happened without feeling nervous lol! I think it would be so worth it if it feels important too you. You are inspiring me to get off my ass and start a group!! x

You are so welcome...I get the same off here too and realise we are all more than this virus - hard to think that with constant OB's. I so know how you feel as I had constant ones for about 5 months..thought it would never end. I started 80% raw diet, cut out sugar and bread and one day suddenly they stopped...haven't had another for a few months now. So it does get better... takes a bit of work with diet, thoughts and general lifestyle. I think you are right and should tell your giver....without blame and with good intention. He may not do anything about it but you have done the right thing in giving him the opportunity to check if he has it or not. If he gets defensive you just answer that you are doing it because you care about him and thought it was just the right thing to do to tell him. He can't argue with that because it shows your integrity, if he does he's an idiot and don't take it personally! As for suppressives...hard one to decided if you have a partner who doesn't have H. It really is a personal decision and one you have to make with them. Hey thanks for replying...great to hear from you and I am glad your partner is supportive. xx

Hi Sen....maybe contact your local STI clinic and ask them. I think it needs to be someone who knows what its like - you can't talk the talk til you've walked the walk... finding a counsellor for anything is trial and error I think. Good luck..and in the meantime fire away with anything on here. I have found it better than counselling - we are all going through it and you can say what you like!

Hey College guy..firstly there is nothing pathetic about any of this and ranting is pretty good when you need it. And no you aren't a freak...I love hot sex too without restrictions and feel the same way about having this. Everything you say I have felt or thought and yes it is hard to deal with...I have gone through easier times and hard times with it over the last year. Just when I feel like I am dealing with it...suddenly I feel like I am not. I have no shortage of men interested...but I keep them at arms length (I have learned often its not a bad thing either) But I love sex, and I miss it so much. I've had a relationship with someone with Herpes (chance meeting and I thought he was the one) but he ended up going back to his ex!!! The guy who gave it to me I love (he disclosed and it was just bad luck I got it)...but he lives hours away and I know he's not my life partner. The first time having the talk is hard and I have had it several times...not actually been rejected but I have rejected someone because I couldn't cope the possibility of them getting it. It really is about being honest and this keeps you real and forces you to choose whether to behave with character or not...and that's a good thing. And there are women out there who will not see Herpes as a deal breaker...I am one of them and yes i would do it again if I thought he was worth it. You are worth it...so am I and we just have to remember that. A big hug...I do know how you feel. xx

HI Emily...Isn't it awful when you feel like this...and you have only just been diagnosed so it's entirely normal to feel like it. It's hard to feel 'normal' when your body is telling you you aren't and its harder when you have a partner who doesn't have it...I can understand why you don't want to discuss OB's with him, I told mine that I am just not open for business and we made a joke of it. He knew he was in for some good massages when I said that and he learned how to give them too - was really nice and we looked forward to it. In fact one night he said he love it that we had times like that as there was no pressure and he felt really relaxed...so maybe create an alternative you both love to share? And you are so not dirty or gross...that's just something we tell ourselves. We aren't that if we have chickenpox..it's just a virus like any other. In the first year you may get a few ob's - I had it constant for about 5 months...then it just went away and no sign of it since, although I am still on H alert if I get an itch! I am just coming out of a tough time...the lack of acceptance comes in waves and I think we learn to deal with it and realise life goes on and we have to make the most of it. I practice affirmations, and meditate...eat super healthy and do things I love with people I love. H usually stays in the background. And I just found that when it pushes to the front that there are gorgeous people on here to give me perspective again. You are beautiful...you just are and H doesn't negate that, just makes you find other ways to find it and share it.... xx

Hi SV...I had my first outbreak on my navel and tailbone...then it moved to my vjj. So it can crop up where you least expect it, I got it tested even though my doctor told me it wouldn't be Herpes and didn't think it needed testing...she was as shocked as me! And because of that I know the feeling of noticing every bump and itch, anywhere from my knees to my tummy button. It does get better and it is easier if you aren't in a relationship because there is no one else to consider. I had an almost constant outbreak for about 5 months and felt awful. I already had a healthy diet but got really committed. I took every supplement and spent a fortune...now I eat about 80% raw food, make kefir and drink it every day (a Homemade yogurt drink that is way better than yohgurt). I take powdered barley grass every day and use pure organic coconut oil in diet and as an all over body moisturizer. That diet plan seems to be better for me than all the pills I was taking! I don't take suppressives... mainly because I don't have much trust in the pharmaceutical industry and I worry about my liver too. If I get an OB again I have an amazing herbal ointment made in NZ...I have even used it before sex...smooth it on and its like this lovely silky barrier. It's made with Manuka, Melissa, tea tree and peppermint oils. If you are making radical changes like quitting smoking and your lifestyle your body will react from getting rid of toxins (especially with quitting smoking). Don't worry about your hair too much, I think it will settle down...give your head a massage once a week with the coconut oil, wrap it in a warm towel for 15 minutes and wash it out with baking soda - 1 tablespoon in half a cup of warm water and massage through your hair...rinse with a cup of 50/50 cider vinegar and water. I teach how to use natural remedies so if you need any more info just message me :-)

You have all answered my posts and so beautifully, and I love what you have written here - if you were closer would invite you to all my cafe and make you one of my delicious cakes and a great organic coffee (or herb tea ;-) ). I'll send you hugs from afar instead!

Hey guys thanks sooooo much for your beautiful words and love...sagely advice and just listening (well....reading!) B I rode it out, N I did what it took to get my self esteem strong again, I i let myself feel it and had a good cry and then C I got pretty and went dancing. I want to hug you all!! I went out and danced the next two nights, very sexy and with a lot of guys (who all know I am not interested but dance with me sexy anyway bless them!). I even got asked by the dance school if I would become a dance instructor...seems pouring myself into dance because of Herpes has positive spinoffs lol. I am smiling again..still a bit sad but I know that if this is all I have to be sad about I am pretty lucky. I knew that, just need to get a bit of grief out I think. I meditate every day and have my mantras too...my gratitude list - times like this you need to really be disciplined and i wasn't - got lost in my sadness, glad to be on my way out of it again. I just needed some understanding from people who know...I have gorgeous friends who I can talk to and know about my Herpes ...its just that they don't "know". So thank you, I send you love back a thousand fold! xxxxx

Hey you are welcome, I know what its like and its great to be able to help each other - maybe you can comment on my new one - am needing a pep talk!

Isn't it weird how you can move along and all is going well, you think you have dealt with stuff and then bang...back to square one or at the least a step back. I don't even know how I have stepped back from feeling really ok about H and not thinking about it much to feeling alone and wondering if I will ever have someone special now I have had no symptoms for three months now...both the HSV2 and HPV have gone to sleep...so I should be feeling great and I was until the last week or so. Maybe it's because I had a short and lovely visit with an ex...or because I am wanting to date again and meet someone again ... or the fact I have been to three weddings in the last month (and got all the beautiful intimate moments as photographer!)...or maybe it was meeting a guy who I like and my first thought being "when do I tell him?". Probably was the lot! Disclosing is never easy and i thought I had it sussed but right now it just seems too hard...like I don't want to have to do it and its easier to just not date. I feel ok telling about one STI but its like I have to say 'but wait, there's more'...am a bit over the two for one deal. And I know all the statistics, the information and from experience know I can disclose pretty well...but right now I just don't want to have to go through the dating and telling thing. I am always the strong sensible one doing pretty well dealing with the H's but last night I finally crumbled and talked to a friend about it - he just said 'You've got Herpes not Ebola"..while I totally agree, it didn't help with the way I am feeling lol. So a pep talk please...I know I will move on from these feelings like I have before, just don't have anyone I know who has this that I can share with and know they understand. Thanks :-)

Hi DI...go for it if it doesn't hurt or feel uncomfortable. You will learn by trial an error and if it aggravates it lay off the fun until the OB is over. I think each OB is different. And if you aren't getting it off with someone else what is there to do but help yourself?! :-)

You're not rambling...so know where you are coming from. I am 52 and am told all the time I look 40 ish and hot...so no problem there..and I am definitely still in my prime lol - very fit, slim and lots of energy! As for the blow off from the guy...so know that one too!!!! My short relationship with the H+ guy got to the point of him wanting to take me overseas for a holiday and wanting to marry me...introduced me to his friends and family and told them i was extra special and he wouldn't be letting go of me...then the ex returned pledging her undying love and wished she had never broken up with him. And his friends all say she is nothing compared to me and can't understand him...oh well he definitely wasn't the one! I went for 5 and a half years without sex, without even looking at a guy. Took me that long to get over the 25 year marriage and feel like I had found who i was. I only started dating about 18 months ago and met two guys before H who were really special - one gave me H, told me and I took the risk. We are still friends...was my choice and bad luck. We ended it because of circumstances...he had kids and I didnt want to mother any more teenagers and would have had to move cities. I did have a short slutty time I call it my quirky alone slut phase (read the book 'quirky alone' great for feeling good about being single by choice, or by default!). But I learned that I want someone special too...everything is better and more meaningful. Now I am nearly 8 years single (with 18 months of short interludes lol) and am over being alone. I have heaps of friends and a great social life...would just be nice to have someone to share it with now. So I will wait...am not dating as I'm goin through a phase of not wanting to have to tell, just seems hard, but it will pass again. And like you I don't want to ask a guy out..especially not now! So I dance..and dance and dance. The guys love dancing with me coz I dance very hot, without making it wierd! And then I say thankyou and walk off the dancefloor! I think I would go mental if I didn't have that! Have loved your replies...

There are good men out there...but you need time to heal from this one. Take the time now to love your baby and yourself. I understand your anger and hurt - I got H from someone I loved and HPV from another I loved...what are the odds?!! Yeah give up on men for a while...this is a time for you to spend on yourself, find out who you are, what is important to you and what makes you happy. Let go of that anger, it colours everything grey and black in your life...there is sunshine once you let it go - yes even with H there is sun and happiness if you choose to cultivate it. A big hug and I send you healing and love...I do know how you feel.x

I want to give you the biggest hug and tell you it is all going to be ok..this too shall pass. Sadly the H, H and H won't (I have been through the same as you although I only have HSV2 and high risk HPV - had abnormal pap smears for 12 years). Got both from men I loved and was faithful to. I also went through a job crisis during outbreaks and also my husband finally asking for a divorce (by text would you believe!) and wanting me to drop his name because he had been told I was on a dating site ( I looking for a dance partner to learn with...was hardly wanting to date anyone then). There is always other stuff to deal with on top of herpes it seems. I have dated and had a short relationship (with someone herpes positive), so all is not lost in terms of finding someone special...and herpes has a way of sifting out the crappy men. I am never short of men who want to be with me so a lot of people think I am really lucky (if only they knew!) but I have fun, enjoy friendships and don't get into dramas..and herpes helps me keep a healthy distance and be friends without getting intimate. I would like to have someone special again and am learning to be patient about that...I go through phases of feeling sad about it, but they pass. Life can be sexy with herpes and without a significant man - you have to learn how to be sexy within yourself and treat yourself sexy. I learned to dance latin style ceroc - I love it and it get to be close and 'dirty' (LOL) with lots of men, with no hassles about herpes. I dress sexy, flirt and treat myself. So make 2012 sexy for you and you don't need a man to do that...do it for yourself and give yourself time to heal from this latest man. Make 2012 all about you :-) xx