HSV2 for 28 years, F

[hippyherpy]

I think you shouldn't let your kids get to you like that. They are kids and will say anything to troll or piss people off. That's what they do. They test boundaries. They need to disciplined and learn not to disrespect their mother like that.

 

You know better than them the facts about the STDs.

 

All STDs are overly stigmatized, including HIV to some extent now considering that people can pretty much manage HIV and it isn't a definite death sentence.

 

Everything other STD is way blown out of proportion. But fuck the stigma. Stick with facts. You aren't alone. We got your back here with reality. The majority of people don't know anything about these STDs.

[Bambina3]

It wasn't my kids, but their friend that said that to me, disrespectful punk no longer allowed at my house....but yes, same concept

They are all in the early 20s and uneducated

Your right, fuck the stigma and stick with the facts

 

If I could thank your post, I would have ;)

[Bambina3]

I keep posting just in this thread because it's easier on me, and I need to vent now and share

[Bambina3]

Until today, I have not informed any of my former partners or affairs that I am positive for both hsv1 and 2.

I have lived a life I am not proud of, for the past 8 years or so, with multiple affairs, married men. Sadly, I am the woman, most of you dislike because of infidelity, but there are 2 sides of the story, and although it is morally incorrect, it takes 2 to tango.

I live in a small area and frequently see 2 of my last affairs, 1 currently trying to start it up again.

I did, what I thought was right, and even though I didn't show my face, and hid behind a fake number, I disclosed.

I downloaded a fake app, fake phone number and texted one today. Admitted I was ashamed of my past behavior, and felt morally obligated to disclose to him I was positive for both types of hsv.

I said I was a blast from his past, and said things to clue him in, that only someone he was intimate with would know. He asked how long ago, a week, a month, 2 months. Was ignorant to the disease and said he was blood tested when sick and came out good so he was clean...I informed him about the specific test needed for diagnosis.

I ended the texting by saying I was truly sorry, and to please seek testing. I don't know who gave it to who, but at the very least, he's been exposed.

 

He has yet to contact me. What does that whole convo mean to me??

He lied, I was not his only affair in 20 years.

I was in a cheating arena, and trust me, if they/we cheat once, it usually doesn't stop there, not if you are unhappy.

 

I regret my past decisions, and slowly trying to make right my wrong, but it is difficult on many levels.....and I'm not 100 percent convinced this will curb my behavior, which is even more disturbing, but not a convo for here.

[Katidid]

@Bambinia3 I think you are more normal than you might think. Many, many people walk in your shoes, but don't come out for whatever reason. You sound like a good person in many ways so don't beat yourself up. I understand what you are trying to do and admire you 100% .....you do have a heart otherwise you wouldn't be trying to right the wrongs. We all have skeletons lurking within us. You have really helped a lot of people on this site so maybe a blessing in disguise!...?

[Bambina3]

Thank you @Katidid

Even the strong have weak moments

[Bambina3]

Well, I put my big girl panties on and disclosed to my husband...I have to admit, my timing was very bad, it was during our anniversary dinner (ouch)....but...I am very impromptu in every area of my life so why should this be different....it has taken me 1 year 8 months to get to this moment....I started with disclosing hsv1, the no big deal cold sore, then went to factual, I have 2 strains of hsv, one strain was genital

He said really?

Yep.

He seemed unconcerned, told me it was no big deal...his boss has cold sores all the time etc etc....I reminded him of his previous comments about never being with someone that has it, he didn't remember saying that. Not sure he really gets it.

Bottom line, he had no questions, said it didn't phase him....

[Katidid]

No time like the present!!! Now you can take that off your plate :)

[HikingGirl]

Just goes to show how most of what we worry about never happens! How do you feel now that the cat is out of the bag?

[hippyherpy]

Good for you Bambina

[optimist]

@Bambina2 Congratulations on disclosing to your husband, Bambina. I know you've been agonizing over it for a long time. I'm glad to hear the conversation went well.

[Bambina3]

Thank you everyone!

 

It felt liberating, I just freed myself from these h shackles I've been wearing for a long time.

 

[hippyherpy]

Honesty cleanses the soul

[Bambina3]

Well, I made another huge step yesterday and went for the mouth swab hiv test. It came back negative thank God. Once I was diagnosed with h2 then h1, I read so much on how it can increase your chances of contracting other diseases particularly hiv. I have been beyond scared, and it has consumed many of my thoughts.

It's easy for people to say "just go get tested" when you are already dealing with an unexpected std diagnosis. One that may be simple for some, but lifelong.

Just glad my big girl panties are on and I'm slowly tackling my fears

[HikingGirl]

Such good news about the negative test results! Kudos to you for facing your fears. We'be all been there.

[hippyherpy]

Here's the thing- if herpes increases the chance of getting HIV, and so many people get cold sores, it would stand to reason that there would be massive numbers of people contracting HIV by giving oral sex. Right?

 

I could be wrong, but I think HIV is only something to really be worried about if you are in a high risk population for it regardless of whether or not you have herpes.

 

Does that make sense?

[Bambina3]

@hippyherpy .....It does make sense, but trust me i did a lot of research on this whole subject

For the HSV2 side of things, here are articles that explain the increased risks

http://www.webmd.com/genital-herpes/guide/risk-hiv

And https://www.nih.gov/news-events/nih-research-matters/why-genital-herpes-boosts-risk-hiv-infection

 

However, saliva actually contains an enzyme that inhibits HIV, therefore, the risk of transmission is low for oral sex transmission with hsv1

 

(I'm sure by now you've read all this)

 

@hikinggirl Thank you!!!!

[hippyherpy]

If someone hasn't had a break out in over a year, are those cells going to still be there to make it easier for HIV?

 

Also if you are worried about getting HIV, you'd avoid having sex with high risk populations regardless of whether or not you had herpes.

[Bambina3]

@hippyherpy

I do not know the answer to that question, I'm only going by what I read.

 

I was always worried about contracting any std, and the end result was I was a long time carrier and didn't know it.

I don't agree that there is such a thing as a high risk population for any std, including hiv, hsv, or hpv etc. From working in the medical profession for most of my adult life I have seen it all, you cannot stereotype any of it.

[hippyherpy]

If that's the case then why has the gay, needle users, and people of color populations been hit harder by AIDS than people not in those groups?

[Bambina3]

I agree, they are hit harder, but it shouldn't be a consideration or thought factor before having sex with someone....Many people are in the closet about things, live 2 different lives, lies, deceit, etc.

[hippyherpy]

Point is that if it was a significant problem we would see that reflected in the statistics, for xample, if there was a massive amount of heterosexual white people with HIV. But that's not the case regardless of people lying or leading double lives etc.

[Bambina3]

I haven’t been on here for a long time, I tragically lost my husband...I’ve become reclusive, and reflecting on my past behaviors. Although you don’t have to engage in high risk behavior to get hsv1 or 2...I know that.

 

But with all my stress, and crying almost daily for the past 2 months, I thought for sure I would have a breakout...notta, nothing, nothing I’m aware of.

So I’m stumped, no rhyme, no reason, it just comes whoever the hell it feels like,..10 days later or 30 years later, who knows.

 

Peace to all xo