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Herpes Giver's Thread

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This a general thread for people to talk about their experience passing herpes on to someone else.


You can discuss what it was like, how you handled it, how they handled, what happened next etc.


If people are sexually active or have or had multiple partners, it can sometimes be hard to tell who passed it on to who. Even if you think you did it, there is often a possibility that they could have received it from someone else. Also, you might not be able to tell when you passed it on as well as if you did or didn't.

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That's the concern with hsv, you cannot pin point much of anything.


I am 99.9 percent positive I passed it to my spouse...and to date, I haven't handled it. No discussion, no disclosure...notta...he went to the dr before my official diagnosis and was told it was just a rash, looking back, I think hsv. I just figure he mentions the rash again, I'll advise testing for hsv.


In my situation, like it or not, I've been advised even by my own dr not to disclose at this time, it would bring up accusations of infidelity, another issue I don't want to deal with.

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I found out I had herpes when my partner became symptomatic - to that point, I had no symptoms. We are not exclusive, and I briefly dates someone else. I have never been symptomatic. From what I have read (that you can have herpes and not have symptoms, and that herpes can lie dormant for years then flare up), I am not even 100% positive that I gave it to him and not vice-versa, but that is water under the bridge. The only symptoms I have had, which surfaced 2 years after the diagnosis, is "burning mouth syndrome", which has resulted in a drastic reduction in my sense of taste. There is a single case study out there (http://www.livescience.com/50455-burning-mouth-syndrome-herpes.html) that links this to herpes. I have just started anti-viral drugs, and am praying they work. I miss tasting food! I am grateful not to have had the typical herpes symptoms.

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I gave H to my now ex-hubby in the first year or so of our marriage. I had had numerous rashes, "infections", massive swelling after sex, etc and Dr's kept telling me I had a BV or fungal infection. This was 30 yrs ago so not a lot of info for the public back then... my ex got it bad - swollen lymph glands and bad OB's...but we just kinda accepted it and moved on. I don't think he blamed me. We were married nearly 20 yrs and it never came up in discussion and was not the reason for the end of the marriage. We are still friends and he knows I now Advocate for people with the virus and he tells me he hardly ever has symptoms now.



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I confronted the person who I thought gave it to me and he confessed that he knew he had it but didn't see a reason to disclose because it's "common" and the symptoms aren't anything serious. And he's gone on to give it to someone else. How does a person do that?

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@bluebetty - I'm sorry that happened to you, and IMO he should have disclosed to you, but be aware that most infected people do not have the ability to disclose because they are unaware of their status, and many medical professionals recommend just using condoms and avoiding sex during outbreaks.

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Sure, but he knew he had it, who gave it to him and everything. His motto is, "first time condom, second time condom maybe, third time- condom? NO!" He said this in front of a group and laughed. Even with a condom you can get it, so I don't think any sex is safe.

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Sex isn't safe unless you both go to the clinic for STD testing beforehand (with prior abstinence for the recommended time, 3 months I believe it is), and get tested for everything, which doesn't usually happen. Some people aren't trustworthy (like in your case), and some people don't even know they have an STD to begin with, as they have no signs or symptoms.


And honestly, you take a risk with any viral, bacterial, fungal infection just by being in contact with other people and in some instances objects. STDs aren't any different than any other thing that is contagious, it's just the stigma associated with the area in which those things are transmitted.

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  • 8 months later...

I think there's a chance I may have given it to my SO sometime in the last 6 months. :( I had symptoms after our last "session" a few weeks ago and found out I have hsv1 and hsv2. I still haven't said anything. (He lives in another state). I'm not ready for his reaction. He will blame me, say I have been cheating and will most definitely be VERY angry. I'm at a loss for what to do.

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  • 9 months later...

Gave it to the girl i was sleeping with, i never had an outbreak before in my life and we both outbreaked at the same exact 13 days later after we started fuckin around...i know i gave it to her because the iGg said i was positive with 1.84, she never got an iGg and to tell you the truth i dont care, i met her on tinder and she was fuckin around with other dudes before me...so we both were on risky buissness...i dont feel anything now except love and hope towards myself, no remorse...lifes a risk.

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I gave it to my exboyfriend. I disclosed before we had sex and he was okay with it. I was new to herpes and less educated so when we started having sex we never used protection. I never knew he had any symptoms until I had an outbreak which I hadn’t had our entire relationship and I cried to him about it. He shrugged it off and told me he had found a blister months ago and just never mentioned it. We rarely talked about it and broke up because of different reasons. He’s dated girls since and I have no idea if he discloses but he always loved me and never blamed me for anything. He was a good guy just not the one. I look back and feel some guilt over it but as someone said above, there are many risks in life.

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