very difficult as i am sure everyone here is aware

[FatalSorrow]

well my results came back, i AM infected with HSV-1 apparently. I am not sure how to take that as in some ways it is worse. a KISS from me is now tainted, not just sex. However for ME it is better comfort wise with less or DIFFERENT pain. With all the thing that have come from this making my life different i am pretty certain that i would be very vulnerable to suicide thoughts if it was even WORSE for me pain wise. However I do miss the idea of the enjoyment of kissing a woman when SHE wants to...... I will have to stop HER....... which of course will lead to the inevitable explanation. Not sure exactly how that is going to come down at this point yet.

Another question i have for you guys is, i wake up EVERY NIGHT around 2 and again at 4ish...... Is there reason for this?? the pain is not worse, pretty constant there. Perhaps what wakes me up?? I have to take vitamins, and a sleep aid to get myself to sleep again. Tonight i was smart enough to lay OUT my my first needed vitamins and sleep aid BEFORE i went to sleep so i didn't have to suffer getting it ready AFTER i woke up in the dark. I have already taken it but thought to come here and do some talking during this can't sleep time. I must say it is very difficult to feel THIS dirty and not be able to FIX it or feel better..... feel CLEANER. I am a mechanic for a living and i have developed pain in my fingers where the virus i am sure has infected cuts,, i know that once infected a part of my body will not heal and make the pain go away permanently. Hence why my need to get CLEAN, FEEL clean from this at times. Not possible to feel clean or GET AWAY from this incurable PAINFUL nasty dirty feeling...... Does anyone know why i wake up at this time every night?? Other than sleep aid's is there ANYTHING i can do to STOP that.....??

[hippyherpy]

What you are experiencing is super rare.

 

Don't let HSV1 stop you from kissing people. The majority of people alive have cold sores. Seriously. You are blowing it out of proportion. Separate your own experience from what the reality is for pretty much everyone else. It's important to stick with the facts and not get overrun by emotion.

[lostandconfused99]

@hippyherpy with such a painful first experience of an oral ob, would it be a good idea to go on some sort of medicine to help him? I’ve never had an ob, just diagnosed with GHSV1, so it’s hard for me to give advice on any of that.

[hippyherpy]

Yes def get some medicine. Why not?

[Ruiner]

I have also started waking up in the middle of the night.

 

I don't know why either but I think it just stems from the initial mental shock of the virus.

[FatalSorrow]

i hope that goes away Ruiner as it just prolongs my suffering. I have had an outbreak on my tongue for almost 2 months straight now. I am using Lysine and Monolaurin which seems to keep it at bay but does NOT make it go away. If i miss treatment the sore comes back angry that I had used them in the first place. Takes MORE of both Lysine and Monolaurin to calm it down again. My mom died on monday adding to my level of distress, feel like i have woken up at 3 IN a nightmare that i can't escape..... I have a difficult time focusing on my work. The ironic thing is i have an extremely high tolerance for pain as i was in a racing motorcycle accident and broke my neck 8 ribs left color bone left arm and my entire left leg is Titanium now. I spent 4 MONTHS in Stanford hospital. My X wife said she did not want to have me get addicted to the pain killer push button IV system i was on. So i STOPPED using the pain killer at ALL. The nurse asked me days later was my pain killer machine working i told her yes but i don't want to get addicted. She said, well are you not in pain?? I said yes and continued to NOT use it. It isn't really the pain although extremely annoying its just the CONSTANT reminder of my mistake and realization that i am DIRTY now....... very difficult to feel good about myself.....

[Ruiner]

Damn that's hardcore (the motorcycle accident), props for enduring the pain without painkillers.

 

If it makes you feel better I also feel like shit about myself. I walk around the house trying to fight mirrors, I can't stand what I look like.

 

This has helped me recently.

 

Metallica - Harvester of Sorrow

 

May the force be with you.

[HikingGirl]

@FatalSorrow Are you open to trying antivirals?

[Guy84]

Hi Fatal, if you need someone to chat with...feel free to message me. I'm also having a tough time...although I have hsv--2 which society has deemed its the bad version of herpes. But, I totally understand your shock and how people will perceive you when a breakout occurs. All I can tell you is that my cousin has cold sores and I never thought anything from it. He had breakouts during our teenage years. However, if i told people I technically had gential herpes...people would sing a different tune. But yes, having hsv1 (or hsv2))...the anxiety of ....is it okay to kiss your family on the cheek or if someone asked if they can try your drink or food....you feel scared and what not. ..

[FatalSorrow]

very much so Guy84, i am TERRIFIED that someone ANYONE will get this from me. I am actually very pleased that my dating scene is not filled with girls..... I had cut back some BEFORE this mess happened..... now i am PLEASED that there is nobody to worry about or be forced to explain this to. My mom never got married and died alone on monday. Her brother is gay and is afraid of anyone in the family knowing he is gay, so HE is single unmarried and lonely i am sure as well. I go to my moms funeral in New Mexico tomorrow, meeting with him in Arizona first then flying the rest of the way in the same plane. Will be distracting of MY problems thinking of my mom and talking with her brother for a time. However i will have to bring medication with me and take it fairly often to keep the ob from getting out of hand again. I really wish this ob would go away, it is very frustrating to have a sore white blotch on my tongue and try to discuss work on a customers car and not feel like it is like a bowling ball hanging from my tongue in their eyes....

[hippyherpy]

With all due respect, FatalSorrow represents a smidgen of people who get intense symptoms.

 

He doesn't seem to understand what "giving" herpes to most people means.

 

Unless he is a shill for the pharmaceutical industry, and is trying to drum up hysteria.

 

Most people get zero symptoms. herpes isn't a big big deal

[Bluessinger]

@FatalSorrow I'm sorry you're going through the emotional issues you're dealing with. You're definitely not alone. It's been about two years for me, and I still feel dirty and like I did something wrong a lot of the time. I think the psychological issues are more severe for women sometimes, but I'm sure that's just how I'm feeling at the moment. I guess the point that I'm trying to make is that there WILL be a time when you don't feel this horrible every day. There will be days you don't even think about it, eventually. And there will be plenty of women out there who will be happy to be with you and won't give a shit about it. My initial ob with GHSV-II happened when my husband and I were separated and I got it from someone else I had slept with. I also felt like I was in a nightmare I couldn't escape from, like it was just some kind of bad dream. But even now, I think I've learned a lot from having this disease. It's made me stronger in a lot of ways. I think you'll come out of this stronger too.

[FatalSorrow]

I sure struggle to even hope for this to calm down some. I HATE that my day can be going smoothly and fine EXCEPT i have to even now after ALL THIS TIME keep taking this stupid Valtrex. I could CARE LESS about the stupid chemicals i am taking and am in NO WAY promoting ANYTHING. I am here because i am TERRIFIED of telling ANYONE about this and that leaves me absolutely alone in this horribly uncomfortable box i am in which is my OWN body........ not sure how much longer i can take this........

[fonda]

Are you serious? Are you really getting so worked up over oral herpes??? I wish I had oral herpes instead of genital!!! What I would do to be in your position right now! Don't you know that more than half the people in the world have oral herpes? You are now a member of 70 percent of the world population. Stop blowing it up like you have some special life threatening disease. There is no stigma with oral herpes and you dont have to worry about disclosing it to anyone before sex unless you are having a outbreak with oral herpes.

[lostandconfused99]

@fonda I think that it’s rather rude and harsh of you to tell @FatalSorrow that he’s over reacting because of oral herpes. If it’s as bad of an OB and as painful as he’s saying it is, then I can completely understand where he’s coming from. Although I don’t know from experience of having any type of OB, oral or genital, I still am so lost and conflicted about having HSV1. I still don’t know if it’s oral or Genital, because without a lesion to swab you can’t tell. However, I do know I have been a mess since being diagnosed. It’s all I think about! First thing in the morning. Every shower. Every restroom break. Every step I take, I wonder, do people know? Can they tell? I know it’s crazy talk, but being taught the stigma Herpes carries, it literally runs through my mind, nonstop!

 

@FatalSorrow I truly hope you are feeling better and that the pain and lesions have lessened, or better yet, gone away completely. Thinking of you!

[PresentMoment]

FatalSorrow - is it possible you have Geographic Tongue?? That can be causing the long term conditions you have been describing. I know you have the HSV-1, but it seems like that lasted a long time for H. Google it - maybe that is your primary condition. Good luck!!

[NaturalYam]

did your tongue get better?