fitgirl

@bookworm88 don't freak out too much :) a lot of people get their OB's in generally the same spot all the time. I happen to get them on my vagina, anus and tailbone but each person is different. As time goes on, you will learn your body and figure out how it is handling the virus. You should wait until the cuts fully heal and you don't feel or see any signs of the OB. They clear up at different rates for different people but usually a minimum of 7 days to be sure. I noticed on another post that you said you tested positive but you didn't say if it was ghsv 1 or 2? It sounds like 1 but can you clarify that for me? Did your husband get tested? I am trying to clarify which herpes you have and whether your hubby gave it to you from oral sex? Had he had cold sores before? As for the ob's, some get very few OB's a year, some get none and some get them all the time! It's too early to know how your body will manage but the better you take care of yourself (theoretically) the less likely the OB's will be frequent. Yes, the swollen glands can be due to your body fighting the new infection. Those other symptoms should subside as your body adjusts. Herpes can live in the nerves for years and never come out. Your husband could have had it for years but are you sure you got it from him? Maybe you already had it and it just appeared now. Sorry if you have clarified these questions on another thread, I can't quite get to them all! :)

@Hopeful89 first of all...... anyone who has had sex with more than 3 people has HPV :) the hpv that causes warts is not the one that leads to cancer and the warts can be treated so check that std off your list of worries :). Entering into the single life with herpes can be scary at first, I have been there too after a long term relationship ended. The bottom line is you cannot stay with a man who is making you feel that way and you certainly cannot stay because you have herpes and you fear the realities of dating with herpes, you deserve more than that. The more you learn about the virus and read all the success stories from so many of us here on this forum, you will realize that even though it comes with some challenges, herpes is actually a blessing in disguise, it helps you focus on what matters to you and what type of relationship you really want. Focus on yourself first and take time to love yourself, herpes and all. You can have a happy and fulfilling life beyond the virus, it doesn't define you nor should it hold you back. The are many people out there who don't buy into the stigma and you will find one as long as you respect yourself and value yourself. The red flags on your BF are telling you to RUN! Don't worry about what comes next, just do the right thing for you.

@bookworm88 genital herpes can appear on your genitals, anus, butt, tailbone.....the nerve network that the virus lives in is connected so anywhere along that network, the virus can travel down the nerve and surface. Sex can trigger OB's due to friction so that may be what you are experiencing.

@kiwiguy Thanks.... I knew it was one of the male veterans who had been on the meds long term :)

@Tinkerbell78 Yes, it is possible to have them all at once! Thrush is yeast and if your baby has yeast, she got it from you via breastfeeding. Not to worry, it's pretty common! Get some probiotics for you and your daughter and take plenty of it for a week, then maintain it indefinitely especially while breastfeeding. It might help to pump for a bit so you can clear up your nipples (the yeast is in your breastmilk but it can represent on your nipples also). If you clear your body of the yeast, you will ultimately clear the baby but you both need the probiotics. The antibiotics that treat the UTI causes yeast infections so that's likely why you have discharge and the baby has thrush. The nipples can experience ALL of those symptoms regardless of yeast! Trust me, my son nursed every 1.5hrs and my nipples were wrecked! Pumping can help them heal so you can continue and resume breastfeeding which of course is the BEST thing for baby :). Get some probiotic and start it immediately and the symptoms should all clear up.

One of the herpes vets on here has been on it for many years, I just forget who! :) maybe they will see this thread and chime in :)

@parbla42 well..... I have heard from a lot of others on this forum that their doctors have said the same thing BUT my doctor has indicated that herpes meds are some of the safest and long term proven medications available. The liver risk is relatively low unless there is a pre-existing liver condition. Realistically, there a lot of things we do to ourselves that are way harder on the liver than valtrex! (alcohol for example). The dilemma here is that it's her right to take it or not and it's your right to want to be protected and the reason you feel like you are less protected without it is because you ARE. You need to have a chat with her and let her know if this is a deal breaker for you and if it is, that is totally understandable. 9 months on the drug is nothing!!!!! There are people who have been on it for decades with no negative effects. I believe @ihaveittoo is an example??? As a woman with herpes and partner without it, I am absolutely taking the drug to protect him. I feel like it is a no brainer for me. Some couples use the meds until the H- is comfortable with the long term nature of the relationship and comfortable with the risk. She doesn't have to be on it for life but that will be up to BOTH of you to decide. Let her know how you feel, its ok to be honest

Everything in life is about perception. Perception is reality. If you think and believe the worst, you will perpetuate it. You can choose a different reality for yourself. Totally your choice.

@2Legit2Quit certainly my reaction could in part be due to my education on the matter but I have to say, I don't think that is really at the core of it. I often watch programs like this one with my 8yr old son who is fascinated by such facts and I look at it from the scientific point of view. I actually found the brain herpes to me interesting and they did make it clear that it was EXTREMELY rare. They also parlayed brain herpes into other interesting facts about brain injury and what we have learned about the brain. I know that when a topic hits close to home, we can feel offended or get defensive but I truly believe this video was intended for knowledge and I didn't think it was in poor taste. In fact, you could look at it from the opposite angle...... the title and content of the show attracts young, inquiring minds and it educated them that herpes is ultimately in all of us in one form or another so by default, it makes it just another virus that lives within us! That's just my take on it :)

Hmmmmm I don't seem to share the same reaction to this video as the rest of you! If not for the name of the show, I didn't find any of the info or presentation of it to be offensive. Maybe it's just me but I actually felt like it referenced all herpes as equal and pointed out that most people have it, even making reference to a friend with shingles. The location of the shingles reference being on the butt added a bit of humor and pointed out how herpes works in the body. To me, it came across as a set of facts that may be deemed as "gross" but aren't there a lot of scientific things that relate to our bodies a little gross? Hemorrhoids, zits, warts..... (btw, I have had all of these:). I didn't take issue with the video!

@whitedaisies I have been with both H- and H+ partners and in the early years I had a relationship with an H- partner and I was not on suppressive medication. That relationship lasted 4 years and even with my frequent OB's, he did not contract herpes from me. I abstained when I felt an OB come on and yes, there were many times an OB followed intercourse almost immediately. I panicked a lot when that happened but now that I know better, I no longer worry so much. I am taking antivirals now and am with an H- partner who does not care if he gets herpes from me. I am taking the meds because I care! And after all those years of regular OB's the drugs really are working for me. Hopefully over time they will help you too. As far as dating gshv1 men.....well.... in a perfect world, you would meet your herpes positive soul mate and live happily ever after BUT.....its already hard enough to find the love of your life so limiting the pool to H+ men might leave you feeling much worse than you do now :). The solution is not to date H+ only, its to eventually get to a place where your mind and your body handle the virus better and you move on with a normal life. You will get there.... step one is to stop stressing about the things you cannot control and focus on the things you can.

@2Legit2Quit you didn't have symptoms before you had sex so you wouldn't be lying. It might help if you chat with him about OB's in general..... that you can have them after sex but that doesn't mean you were contagious while having sex. That way, if you announce after sex that you have an OB, he doesn't automatically jump to "I have herpes now!".

@jeremygarcia07 As dancer said, with those results, you didn't get it from who you think you did. Likely, the bareback sex caused friction that caused the OB of herpes you already had. And when you say "you trusted her" you are implying that she had herpes and knew it and gave it to you BUT if the results are accurate, the reality is..... YOU had herpes and may have given it to HER. Be very careful not to make assumptions when it comes to herpes. Most people who have it, don't know they have it and it seems like you may have been one of them. That doesn't make you untrustworthy or dirty or any negative connotation that seems to follow the stigma of herpes, it makes you human. If you have conclusive results that show higher values, you have had herpes for a while.... long before you had sex with this woman. Have you talked to her about this? I would suggest you do! She needs to know that she is either unknowingly carrying herpes or has been exposed to it and should be tested in the next 4 to 6 months. As for the "cure" for herpes. There isn't one. None of us would be here on this forum if there was! The best you can do is find the best way to manage herpes and go on with your life. One day there may be a cure but for now, don't hold your breath, just accept it and take care of yourself and your symptoms :)

@whitedaisies I am sure this feels like a life sentence and I know you are sick of hearing this but it will eventually get better. It may never be great, but it will be better :). I had OB's every 3 months for 15yrs and I learned to go with the flow over time and time is all you can count on right now. The meds may not be working for you now but the longer you have the virus, you may find out that the meds will work better...again, in TIME. As for the warts (if that's what they are) that's JUST HPV. And the strain of HPV that causes warts is not the one that leads to cervical cancer. Very treatable! Anyone who has had more than 3 sexual partners has some form of HPV and much like herpes, most don't even know it! You may choose to disclose that but I have to say, it would be redundant in my opinion :) Hang in there!

@2Legit2Quit @wanderingdot I have also had many times when an OB came on soon after sex and worried that I had passed it to my partner. The friction often causes and OB and yes, they come on pretty fast sometimes! It doesn't mean you have transmitted. I have been in this situation quite a few times and never passed herpes on so relax, don't worry about something you cannot control now. As for the question about mentioning it or not..... I have done it both ways and in general learned that I unnecessarily worried myself AND my partner! Your partner already knows there is risk and has chosen to take it. I would suggest there is no point in sounding the alarm bells. If he does have it, cross that bridge when you get to it. There is a MUCH bigger chance he doesn't :)

@ihaveittoo1975 it's still really early in your diagnosis (my long term regular OB's are an exception). In time I am sure yours will subside and get less frequent, just be patient. The meds may take a while to help you so see how that goes for another few months. In the meantime, I agree not to deprive yourself, just be good to yourself :). I still enjoy wine and chocolate etc since it made no difference to my OB's one way or another if I abstained! And of course the less stress, the better. As a fitness professional, I am a firm believer (with experience) that working out is more likely to reduce OB's if it helps you reduce stress and unless there is a lot of friction in the activities you are doing, the exercise shouldn't be a trigger. My advice on exercise is that you NEED to do it, it makes you feel better and it's good for the mind, body and soul so how can that not be a good thing?? I am not in the school of thought that believes vigorous training causes OB's unless we are talking EXTREME. If you are pumping weights or cross training and pushing your fitness level in a balanced way, eating right and sleeping, OB's won't increase.... if they stay the same, well then you haven't lost or gained anything other than being in better shape :)

@ihaveittoo1975 Are you taking suppressive meds? How long have you had herpes? I am asking because I had OB's every 3 months or so for 15yrs (and I live an very healthy lifestyle). I didn't want to take the medication because I have always tried to avoid them but when I entered into a discordant relationship I started taking them and man!!!! I don't get OB's anymore (it's been a year now since my last one). The quality of life that comes from being free of the frequent OB's as well as keeping my partner safe has been a life changer. Eventually you may want to try it yourself if you haven't already :) And you are right..... it could be so much worse, for all of us actually!

@ruhroh Well.... I am no doctor but it looks like there is at least a chance that is herpes. Of course it's possible it is something else entirely but based on your pic, I would get it tested just to rule herpes out. A picture or visual exam cannot be conclusive but a swab test can!!!!! There are tests for herpes and if you have a sore (like you do/did) the doc should have and could have swabbed it! There are also blood tests to determine if you have it but depending on where you live, they may not offer those. Canada and I believe the UK do not generally do blood testing for herpes (unless you ask or demand it) . You need to get a new doctor and the next time you get an OB, have it swabbed and tested. If you are in the US, you can go to planned parenthood and request the blood test. If you are newly infected, the blood test can take 4 to 6 months for it to show conclusively on the results.

@Adrial This post reminds me of an analogy I always use when I, or others are going through a tough time or a period of uncertainty. I look at challenges in life like a river.... I am on one side of the river that is full of rocks and boulders. As I stand on one side of the river, I look to the other side (where I want to be) and I look at all the stepping stones in front of me to figure out which steps I am going to take to get there. What I realize, is that once I take ONE step my perspective changes. The path I laid out from the river bank now has a new perspective and I can see other better ways to get to the other side. With each step I gain clarity and confidence. I see clearer the things I could not see from land and I make more informed and enlightened decisions as I move FORWARD. With each stepping stone I get closer to my destination. Sometimes that destination is not what I thought it would be and I reached it in a way I could never have imagined if I had stayed on the other side of the river. If I had never been brave enough to take that first step, I would never have realized that the other side of the river could be so glorious. So the moral of the story is..... when you think that there is no where to go, no one to turn to and no hope, take that first step. Then another and then another. Look around and take stock of your surroundings. You will realize that you have many options and numerous ways to make your way through the tough spots and get across a river you never imagined you could cross. We will be waiting for you on the other side :)

I actually find this very interesting..... I have heard so often lately how the current generation of late teens and "twenty-somethings" self describe themselves as the "hook-up" generation and this baffles me..... as a 42 years old woman, I can tell you I have had my share of casual sex in my youth so I am not throwing stones by any means but what I don't understand is how and why in this day and age a generation would not be more cautious when we now have so much more information about STI's than ever before. I understand the liberal position and I very much understand the women's liberation position on this topic but to me, it feels like the young people are missing the point and throwing caution to the wind at times. The social media phenomenon has its down side for sure. People are already less connected on a human level as a result of texting, emails, smart phones, online dating etc and it seems that is translating to the same approach to personal relationships. People choosing to hook up instead of entering into meaningful relationships. I know it sounds like a "back in my day" speech but I always wanted to connect with the men I had sex with, have a personal and emotional relationship that may not have been marriage material but had a human connection that went beyond the genitals. I am not judging the casual sex at all, merely saddened by the trend of so many young smart people to enter into sexual activity with their eyes closed when technology has provided us with information that should have their eyes wide open. For us old timers who didn't have the luxury of the Internet, I can only hope that the younger generations will be more careful and mindful with their bodies and their hearts as they experience life in a technological age.

@Beowy I know some doctors prescribe really high doses for OB's but my infectious disease doctor has said that they discovered people taking 500mg a day for suppressive therapy had equal amount of OB's and severity as people taking higher doses so he discouraged taking more than is required or effective. The timing on the OB can be tricky, sometimes you miss the window of opportunity and the OB comes out in full force! The meds sometimes help the OB heal faster and sometimes don't (in my experience). Also.... you are quite new to the virus so your OB's should get better over time. For me, I was one of the unlucky ones, I have had herpes for more than 15years and would get OB's every three months no matter what I did! Then when I got into a H- I started suppressive therapy and OMG..... I have had one small OB (lasted 2 days) in over a year and a half! For me that was life changing. I take 500mg a day and it works like a charm :). You might want to try suppressive therapy to minimize the OB's and further protect your partner. And if you are taking that much of the drug already, 500mg a day would be easier on your body too!

@Beowy I have OB's on my tailbone also and they are quite painful. Yes, the symptoms are exactly the same as sciatic/piriformus pain so it's hard to know the difference at times. As for your OB, you likely didn't get the meds started fast enough to stop the OB. Taking the meds to help clear it up can help at this point but the high dose won't make it happen faster. I have been advised that taking 500mg three times a day for episodes may or may not reduce healing time but taking MORE than that will not make a huge difference. Meaning..... if 1500-2000 per day isn't helping then 3200 won't do you much good. I would still take the lower dose until it clears (if I was you). As for the OB area..... that is the spot the virus has come out but the virus lives in the nerves and can travel down other nerves in the anal/vaginal area. I would suggest you avoid sexual contact of any kind while you are having an OB because you may be shedding in other areas where there is no lesion. It sounds like you have a good relationship and one that could easily find other ways of fulfillment when you have an OB. Intimacy can mean a lot of different things and you can have fun in ways that don't put your partner at risk :)

@Mirabella7 I have had the same experience more than once and I did NOT pass herpes on to my partner. Some people will never catch it and others need a lot more exposure than shedding. There is always a chance of course but there is also a really good chance you didn't pass it on. There is nothing you can do about it now and it sounds like he is accepting of the possibility so you should relax and realize it's all out of your hands and you haven't done anything wrong ;)

Unless there are existing liver function issues, there is a very minimal effect on the liver. The drug has an excellent track record as far as meds go. I also take it daily (500mg) and it has changed my OB's from every three months to once a year or less. I started taking them due to having an H- partner but I have to say....... I would stay on them for the benfits.

@Judith sorry if this was clarified on another thread but I was curious..... you have HSV1 both orally and genitally? How did you determine that? Did you get a swab on your genital OB?