Bambina3

Glad to read ;)

If you like him, go toy shopping ;) I had a tiny one too once lol but He was great at oral and toy usage

@2Legit2Quit yes I just mentioned it in my thread as well, I never thought of until I read this question

It is mind blogging, all of it...I just stated in another post I was with a man that used his hand vigorously inside me, and rubbed his arm on me, About a week later that hand and and arm was all broke out...quite a while before it all disappeared...now that I know my status I half wonder if I transmitted him the virus, sigh... (yep, married).... I'm appaulled at the way the medical community handles us and our virus, just saying

I was with a man that only used his hands on me and rubbing his arm, after he had a very bad break out there...lasted for weeks, sores...now that I reflect on it, I half wonder if I didn't transmit hsv2 to him ? (Just thinking out loud)

@Anna01 thank you for the positive reinforcements...I'm not always strong enough to walk away But I think h is helping me with that... @2Legit2Quit it is a stigma for sure, and I'm sorry about how it has effected your health...I am learning it effects people in different ways, which is why testing and disclosure is so important...I've said everything I need to (disclosure)but point blank say "it's herpes!!"...I'm sure my husband and affair got it...I insisted they get tested for h, not sure they will @WCSDancer2010 sure as shit I'm printing that out and bringing it to her!!!. Thank you!! Ever since my formal diagnosis in August, I have asked (3) different doctors (obgyn, pcp and this clinic Doctor) all refuse me the test! It might not of been important to them, but it was to ME!!! I wanted to confirm right away if I had antibodies built up in case of the small chance it was a new infection...I'm beyond pissed it was blown off to a 30 year infection (rounding off years now)...PISSED!! I even said amuse me and order it anyway...the response was consistent (and Drs are not in same town, one is in a city)....you are positive, positive is positive, those numbers will only tell you the same...positive!! Dam it that's not why I wanted it, for my own mind I wanted it at the time of my outbreak...Now it's too late... They don't care, they treat herpes like its no big deal, and don't have to face the STIGMA we do, the heartbreak, the emotional roller coaster! Why freaking disclose if they don't want to test? ( I already know the answer) but the whole situation is very disturbing....again, I wanted that test for MY mind, none of them ordered it.

i have to say...during my initial ob many years ago....it did say on my chart that had vaginal and peri anal ulcers, some red, with pus in the center...i am hsv2 positive.

@2Legit2Quit yes i have asked for a prescription for Ativan, and received it, thanks, im taking it at bedtime because i am finding it hard to sleep with my mind racing. @WCSDancer2010 some can pass judgement on me and thats ok, when im wrong ill openly accept it without looking to be combative...however....i will only take it for so long before i think i dont deserve it anymore and then bam..out comes my combative side. However, bottom line people should judge, condem, or critize...we all have skeletons in our closet. Thank you for offering to stop it if it starts. Soooooo several things happened this weekend I had my appointment for the clinic...VERY suprised at what happened.... 1. She would not give me blood work test...She ended up "counseling" me right out of it...(did a good job too)....saying..."why, its been approx 8 weeks since your breakout...you already know your postive...that test will confirm you are positive, and the numbers will have no bearing on whether or not youve had it a long time...positive is postive...thats it! She reviwed my old records (next opinion please)....FIrst reaction "this tells me nothing" and she said i was not formely diagnosed with Herpes back then, and she couldnt remember if there was a herpes test back then.....But said if someone presented with the clinical symptons i did, that yes....she would most definitely say that was my primary HSV2 breakout. She also thinks i have had it all these years. She took over the managment of my disease...and gave me a script for 6 refills of Valtrex. She also examined me and saw no sign of an OB. She has worked for this facility for 35 years, dealing with female prevention testing (including pregnancy) and STDs only.. She said she is aware of the stats for HSV2 however....they rarely see it....( i knew that based on my facility too)....she said they do not test for it unless they see someone in a breakout or they aggressively insist for the test...She said if someone gets the test, and its positive, then what? It is more of an emotional torment....She said shes never been tested but shes sure she would test postive for at least HSV1....The medical community does not promote testing for HSV1 or 2.....that is very clear to me now. Its a shame too. Not sure how they can have accurate statistcs without testing, but who am i... Then....this weekend i went out with a co worker....we went to a club and were drinking...another coworker (i am very flirty which i am trying to tame down).... and i were getting very cozy (he has a significant other)....we ended up out back having a make out session...He wanted my cell....wanted to carry it further...I didnt want to be rude so took his number instead....but left...never did anything...ripped up the number...NOT going there! I have enough issues...i dont need to add to my "mess". So that was my weekend...I hope everyone had a good one! Hugs!!

@2Legit2Quit well, everything you have said above is spot on... My upbringing was harder than norm, back as a child they viewed physical punishment as the ok way,(in our neighborhood) when I was 16, it wasn't ok anymore...I was removed from my home....graduated high school, put myself thru college, raised my children as a single parent from the time my youngest was 5 until my youngest was 16, the whole time holding down a full time job. I never lived with a man until marriage. There is nothing that EVER came easy to me. Nothing was ever handed to me, everything I own I worked for. I did become close with my parents in the later years. My children all grew up well, college educated professionals. I had them young. We are very close, and the only true unconditional love I know, is for them. So yes, like you, I am an A typical female...life's circumstances has molded me... I have patience, at times little tolerance.....some people only see the sweet side of me, because they've done nothing to provoke me, at times I can snap as well and be very direct...my best friend told me I am never indirect, just direct and a water downed direct ;) As far as men, well, now you see my history, not sure I ever recovered...not sure I ever will... Btw...I also had surgery and lost an ovary, to a huge cyst. I have my apt later, sigh....I will ask her to look, I think I have symptoms of an ob but not sure, I am also experiencing hormonal changes so I can't tell....I am in my 40s. Hugs to you too !!!!

@WCSDancer2010 and @Anna01 thank you for the video(great video) and words of inspiration and support. sooooooo....one of the things that was said above that struck was...... "Sure, perhaps you could look at some of your actions and ask yourself if you might have done/could do better. It is never a bad thing to look at how you are living your life and see where you can improve it. But shame never helps the situation. " Yes...i am definitely in shame mode...and yes...i am looking at how i am living my life...when i orignally started this thread i stated i had (2) affairs..well...they are the affairs that i count...They are the men that i actually loved, i have actually had several affairs thru this marriage...I was never a cheater...it actually goes against every moral standard i have...i did not cheat in my last marriage...but it ended very badly..several pfa's later....and i was a woman scorned...i never recovered...i was with my ex during my HPV diagnosis and i never cheated...after our split...he went around telling everyone he could i had an STD.. When it was mentioned to me, i shrugged it off and wouldnt confirm nor deny. I told my current husb. about my diag without using the "h" word...I did it as lightly as i could without using that word... Anyway...all of my affairs were married men....all were married for many years....Some i connected with thru fb....i would see their wives post about their soulmate husband...how they love him...pictures of them together.....how good he is to me, about their wedding anniversary trips...meanwhile...the night before he was with me, or the night before he was professing his love to me....sick! I didnt care about their feelings, they didnt know...i was selfish and self destructive. Now....who knows how many of them i have unintentionally infected.....and now all of a sudden i do care about their feelings and hope they are ok. I led 2 different lives...i have grown children that respect me... I have failed in many ways. Searching for love i suppose..who knows...i know nothing anymore. Im not in a good spot...i have my clinic apt coming up...i have a session with my friend coming up...i have alot to absorb and deal with. Not sure why i just spilled..i feel like i have a blog here. Thanks again!

@wcsdancer2010 Not so sure he didn't care...or he refrained from contact to absorb....I tried to analyze it and gave up....I still haven't responded to that, not sure how I'm feeling now. I can tell you, tonite I was getting ready to go out with the girls, I am definitely traumatized by the emotional stigma surrounding this disease.... As I put on my lipstick, I was looking in the mirror at myself and felt dangerous...seriously dangerous...here I am infected with a lifelong chronic no cure std...and I don't fit what others have unfortunately stereo typed us as carriers....I'm a professional, beautiful, and respectful to others....(although direct and stern at times lol)...but no one around me would suspect I was a carrier and would sleep with me without question...that's scary. Just sharing a thought

Thank you @wcsdancer2010 for info, I also received private messages with some helpful info ;) So I was messaged by affair for meet, I haven't responded yet..I have to admit it completely took me off guard (I'm thinking for encounter not just to talk, it was a message not out of the ordinary) I have to admit all these years I've only known 2 people diagnosed with hsv2, thst actually know they have it of course, I have seen very little testing for it, so for me to come here and read I'm not alone is nice.

Well i was going to comment but dancer said it all...i know from being in the medical field everything she is saying is correct...the problem i face with HSV2 is that even though we say it is "common"....we dont see it that much as the other stds, probably because it can lay dormant for a very long time on so many people and not cause any symptons...HSV2 is rarely discussed liked the other stds, which is disturbing because it is an incurable chronic lifelong std. Unless they see visible signs on exams, or the test is specifically asked for, they do not screen.

Im also new and filled with lots of questions but i do know in the end....we will be fine, happy and love! Sending hugs!!

Well...this is my first input here..... First...i dont think his age matters....I have dealt with men of all ages from the 20s to their 60s, it really is irrevelant...I personally dont care about his lifestyle....its his choice, and if the women know that he is in multiple sexual relationships at the same time....who cares, they are consenting adults. As far as the initial question of texting....granted, it is a way of not confronting the issue...but i dont see it as a bad thing....he is disclosing..i think that is the main point. What happens after that, again, their business. I dont think there is a right or wrong way to disclose....as long as you disclose...There are careless people out there that will not even do that. I did disclose to one via facebook chat..

Yes I will find an excuse to be there...thanks for input So I've been searching the net to find a live herpes expert to talk to, I have so many questions...some will be answered on my apt next week, but I'd like to talk to someone...any suggestions? Cdc helpful but seems like they read from script with their answers, and there is a herpes hotline but they want to charge $20 for 20 minutes (not sure if it's legit)

Bullshit (I looked at the times) Wonder we have stingma issues urgh

Well, this afternoon put a bummer on my plans... I am set next week to go to a clinic for more education, management and an order for the blood work for h typing and antibodies (I've never had an h1 outbreak but who knows) My in law wants to ride over with me, (I told her I had a doctors apt) now we have a social function in that area... There is noooooo way I am telling another person if I don't have to, and I don't have to!!!! Not sure how I'm going to talk my way out of being there, I tried very hard to drive seperate and it didn't work, I will not reschedule, this appointment has taken me weeks to get Urrgghhhhhh

@JJJ2015 it really does soothe me...I'm new to this, so I am hoping it will continue to help, and it feels great on the skin... I was fortunate that I went decades and it was hiding on me until recent. I prefer the organic natural approach.

Rejection sucks but....he obviously just wanted sex...he should of felt honored that you trusted him with this information and it showed your true wonderful character as a person to disclose...you deserve better, and will find better!! Hugs!!

Thanks ;) I feel lighter but depends on the day, I still have down time

My initial outbreak was bad, I suppose bad enough I remembered it even though I wasn't diagnosed until decades later....I have been taking my baths with drops of tea tree oil in it, plus using pure organic soap now with goats milk..(they have other organic soaps out there, a little pricey but it lasts a long time)...

I would not be so quick to disclose unless you have built a lot of trust and you are ready to move forward sexually...it sounds like a new relationship, I would hold off sexual activity until you confirm whether or not you even have hsv2.....ask doctor for repeat blood test.

Oooooooo wanted to share My adult son has hsv1...(he's always cracked jokes about it)once in a blue moon we see the mouth cold sore, jokingly in the car he went to put cream on it and said "hey mom, we can share herpes!!" I responded "we already have that in common".....he just looked at me and chuckled...I'm sure it flew over his head but inside me I smiled, first time I've actually smiled and used the h word in the same sentence.

Thank you for the input, I'm not disclosing the affair, not sure I ever will but who knows, one day at a time.