RegularGuy

You can get a blood test for herpes, but I just learned that the UK medical community is hesitant to draw blood for it for some stupid reason. There are a LOT of things that can cause red blotches. First thing that comes to mind is just raw or tenderness from friction. Seeing as you are a young dude, take it easy on the whacking off for a while, haha! If it didn't present itself as telltale blisters (you can google images, but they look like tiny pimples and have clear fluid in them) or tiny cuts, chances are it isn't herpes. Having had a few scares myself before being diagnosed with HSV, I can assure you that there are a million things you can do to your junk that look and feel concerning. If you're really worried about it, ask for a blood test for each possible STD and review the results with a doctor (personally, I did this annually or semiannually for years, monogamous relationship or otherwise).

The UK doesn't blood test for HSV? That's surprising. Yet more disappointment with the way the medical community handles the virus. Not knowing can be more taxing on your mind than having a definitive answer. I'm sorry you're in this position. Maybe the best thing to do is see if there is some way to get a blood sample shipped yo a lab that will run the test, or visit a clinic across the pond that will dobthe test for you. I'm not sure how feasible those options are, but that's all I can think of. Outside of that, insisting on using condoms would probably be fair.

Great to hear that! I know you will be awaiting your appointment with plenty of anticipation, and probably a lot of curiosity about how things will go. In the meantime, keep practicing building up your self-image. An honset fact about myself that might be honest to the point of awkward: When I'm going through tough times, I literally look at myself in the mirror and say, "I'm awesome". Usually I will do it when things aren't going great, but I'm doing my best to overcome. It feels really silly at first, but the goal is to hear myself say it, see the things in both my personality and my body that I like, and keep focused on what I have to be grateful for. Something like "I'm awesome!" And "I'm awesome because I'm dependable and I'm always there for my family." Is usually what I would say to myself. It has quickly become the first step Ibtake when I realize I'm feeling down and struggling to feel good about myself. There have been many years of struggle that I practiced steering my thoughts toward self appreciation and encouraging myself to see that I'm putting in a really respectible effort in everything, despite circumstances not working out the way I had wanted. Your method of steering your train of thought and gaining the resilience and self appreiation you need might be totally different, but the "I'm awesomes" as I call it has really helped me. While you wait for your appointment, maybe it would help to try some things like what I do, or other methods of gaining self appreciation. If you already have a few things that work, keep doing that, too.

You handled that situation really well! Giving him a chance to think about things is great. There's no rulebook out there when it pertains to relationships, as long as things are legal and consenting, do what feels right. If it isn't a thing and he doesn't bring up a conversation about it, that's his own decision. If he ends up talking to you a lot about it, that's fine. Either way, how things move forward is a simple matter of what each of you are comfortable with and what you expect for the future. You got this situation in a good state because you gave him the opportunity to decide for himself. Keep being honest and frank with him and you'll have nothing to beat yourself up about.

I'm really glad that you are determined to disclose. That's are really big deal! Glad you value your interests' right to consent and their well-being! You should be proud! As far as when and how: Maybe in text is your style. There's nothing wrong with that. In fact, it probably gives the other person privacy and time to process through their knee-jerk reactions before they respond (which I imagine is hard to do in person). But disclosing in person may have a few advantages, It initiates a very frank dialogue, that may lead to some good connecting. It allows the other person to see your face and hear your tone of voice when disclosing, which could help them to see that you are more concerned about their right to consent and well-being than you are about your own comfort. The fact is that different people will react differently. It's hard to predict with anyone, but especially someone you've only known for a couple of dates. Personally, I think that right about the time you would have had the old STD/personality disorder talk is a good time to disclose (I am one of those who always had this conversation anyway, figure it would be how I would do it, if in the position of dating someone new). Rather than stress about how to disclose, focus on the fact that you are not hurting the other person or yourself by disclosing. In fact, you are helping yourself and them and you should be very proud to do it! Just don't build it up too much for yourself or for them. You've decided you will disclose, let it be at that. It doesn't have to be super smooth, because it isn't going to be thrilling anyway. And make sure you ask them in turn if there is anything they should disclose to you, because herpes isn't the only thing out there.

Stop whatever it is you are doing and get serious about fixing your state of mind! Whatever you've tried to help recover your sense of normalcy and self-image have not worked, and you need to start doing a better job of reaching out for support! You came here for a sympathetic ear, and that's a good start. But it isn't enough for you, personally. First, you need to give yourself a fair chance at regaining your self respect. You are valuable, desireable, capable and good. You need to give yourself a chance to see it as plainly as everyone else you know does! Next, really think about if one on one therapy might be a good option for you. If you feel like you can't deal on your own, therapy and counseling is probably a good choice. Finally, this isn't the last we are going to hear from you, unless you spontaneously start feeling normal again before you have a chance to reply to this thread you made! And if you wouldn't mind just doing a little exercise with me: Tell me about your current state of mind. What are you afraid of? What hurts when you think about it? Equally important: Tell me about what you're proud of. Tell me about your kids and your marriage. Tell me about the things you look forward to, or if that isn't so easy, about the things you used to look forward to. List out the things you like about yourself and the things you hope to, or had hoped to accomplish one day. We are all in your corner, cheering you on. You can be as specific or as vague as you want to be. Trust that you aren't the only person who struggled with things and that there is at least someone here who has felt what you're feeling. If you want, shoot me a private message. I can tell you about my own struggle that had me considering some extreme things. We can talk about how it feels, what kind of thoughts and fears are laying deep under the sadness and anger. We can talk about how to give yourself a chance to regain your pride, happiness and hope for the future. It's not gone. You're just going through some really difficult things and your feeling some very real emotions. But it's not permanent at all, not if you can do the things you need to do to get yourself through the tough times.

You already know you definitely have to tell him. Consent isn't a one time thing. It's every time, all the time. Equally important, he deserves to know he might have contacted the virus already. It's not hard to say what you have to say to disclose, and failing to do it is malicious and manipulative. Worse, you'd feel terrible about withholding something so important. Keep your concience clear, maintain your self respect and dignity. Make a phone call and say the words. As soon as he picks up, or the voice mail beeps (as was my case in making the calls) just start saying "I just found out I have herpes..." Etc, etc. You'll start feeling better about it instantly, and know you did right for yourself and for them.

Glad you reached out! While you might not ever be super stoked about it, things get easier. There are some things you can do to help yourself feel more normal faster: 1. Seriously compare how well you do things that matter to you to how well you used to do them. You'll see that nothing fundamental has changed about you. 2. Seek opportunities to be good to people you care about. It will help you to feel appreciated and valuable. 3. Keep doing things you've always done, and follow through with your goals. There is no reason for herpes to completely derail your dreams. 4. Think about the things you like about yourself often. Remind yourself that you are smart, capable and desireable! 5. Make a plan to do something fun just as soon as your outbreak heals. It might take a while for the symptoms to clear, depending upon a lot of factors, but you will feel better soon. So, make plans to go somewhere and do something fun. Look forward to it and remember that there will be a million new, exciting things to enjoy in the future. Things I would advise against from personal experience and from reading other members' posts here: 1. Don't dwell on thoughts of anger, shame, sadness. If you have to think about it, go ahead and think it out, then be done with it and on to something more positive. Tjis gets easier with some practice. 2. Don't hold out hope for a cure. Trust me, you won't need to track research articles, if a cure is created, you'll find out in the news right away. Holding off on plans because you think there will be a cure is simply letting life pass you by. 3. Don't let fear or anxiety make decisions for you. Plans and goals should be made based on real world experience and rational contemplating. While fear is a powerful motivator, it is a terrible decision making tool. Also, if you haven't already, talk to a doctor about getting a suppression medicine like valacyclovir. It will help control symptoms, prevent outbreaks, and prevent transmission / spreading. If you don't know about the risk of spreading the virus on yourself or transmitting to another person, also talk to a doctor about that.

I don't know anything about creatine's effect on herpes. But this is one "home remedy" that I would actually consider safe enough to recommend trying. I do happen to know a thing or two about creatine for exercise: 1. It increases bloodflow throughout the body by allowing neutrients to exchange from tissue into red blood cells and out of red blood cells into tissue. 2. Creatine Hydrocloride is absorbed more readily and used more fully than creatine monohydrate. 3. Creatine is proven to help remove lactic acid from muscles, allowing them to work harder and recover faster. 4. You can tell it's working when you urinate A TON after exercise. That's how your body gets rid of lactic acid. 5. A healthy adult can generally take up to 3 grams of creatine Hydrocloride per 100lbs of body weight without risking puffing up muscle cells with excess water. (Personally I take 1 gram per 100lbs of body weight and it works well for me). 6. Creatine is most commonly found in Salmon, but it is present in other animal meat in lesser amounts. However, you'd still have to eat pounds and pounds of salmon a day for it to have any noticable effect. 7. Proper dosage of ceatine hasn't been linked to any adverse health effects in otherwise healthy people, but it is worth talking to your doctor anytime you change diet or want to try a suppliment. 8. I've taken creatine Hydrocloride (in powder form, mixed with water) for about 10 years and insist that any healthy person who is into strength training should try it. So, rather than touching affected areas to apply oils or ointments, or take drastic measures with diet, creatine might be a better alternative. If combined with a regular exercise plan, the lessened muscle soreness alone is worth it (not to mention faster strength gains and better workouts).

It is possible that he didn't know. There are plenty of people who go undiagnosed and whos symptoms are very mild or non-existent entirely. It would be fair to ask him to get a blood test, just so you can get a dialogue started about how things effect you, how you feel about each other, and where you want things to go in the future.

Maybe you are putting too much faith in one person. I'm not saying that the fact that you are aeeking something meaningful and fulfilling is wrong at all, in fact I support it 100%. But by only talking to one guy at a time and not texting / dating a few people, you are subjecting yourself to what I believe is over-investing and setting yourself up for disappointment. I did this to myself for a long time. The symptoms are pretty clear: 1. You worry about what they meant by their last text and stress about how you should respond or what time is reasonable to follow up / reply again. 2. The thought of things not moving forward stress you out, even though you've only gone on a handful of dates or less. 3. You find yourself patiently waiting for them to make contact, confirm plans, and see you. Maybe what you need is what I needed. To talk to a few people at the same time to avoid over-investing in any one person. That way you stress less and handle rejection easier. I'm not saying you should sleep around with a bunch of people or at all (however, doing so is not morally wrong as long as there is no expressed or implied expectation for monagamy). But if found that setting up a date with two different people within a couple of weeks and taking time to talk / text with different interests was helpful as I dealt with rejection and disapointment. When I found someone who was as interested in me as I was them, took the time to see me as often as I wanted to see them, and fit my image of a good match, I let it be what it was and things worked out. Maybe that would help you filter out people who are hesitant, flakey or insincere. Remember that you aren't the only person out there with hangups, flaws and things that require disclosure. Remember that you deserve respect, admiration and affection. If you don't know why, or can't describe why you deserve those things, maybe you haven't quite finished relearning to appreciate yourself and see your time and energy as very valuable commodities.

Chances are this uncertainty about what is the best way to handle things will continue for a little while until you both talk about it and "feel things out". My girlfriend and I went back to using condoms for a while, but mostly because of my own temporary issues with self-image after diagnosis. Once I straightened my thoughts out, sex went back to normal, spontaneous fun. Therr is nothing wrong with being a little cautious for a while as you each figure things out. You can totally ask him to take medication and use condoms and expect that he will either agree to it, or compromise and agree to abstain for a bit. You don't want shame, guilt or regret involved with sex at all. Nobody deserves that.

Prescription medication requires a prescription for good reason. Often due to side effects. So, yes valacyclovir and equivalent medications can cause side effects and it is best to talk to your doctor and pharmacist about it. Often with daily prescriptions, balancing quality of life is the biggest goal. To do that, you need to consider what is important to you. If your doctor decides you are healty enough to take medication, you have to decide if you are responsible and aware enough to keep an eye out for symptoms like liver problems, etc... You also have to decide if your symptoms of your diagnosis are bad enough to warrant supression and specifically for herpes, if reducing risk of transmission is important. There is no "one size fits all" in medicine, health, mental wellness, physical fitness, or any other facet of life. True, suppression medicine like valacyclovir and condoms are the only proven, approved and clinically tested ways to manage herpes and risk of transmission. So gather up your studies and your own personal needs and make your own decisions. Personally, I elected to take my daily supression medication for several months when I was first diagnosed to prevent speading the virus in myself, help my immune system defeat my first outbreak and get some peace of mind. After that, I saw my blood pressure continue to rise, despite a good diet and exercise and recognized that I was not anywhere in the realm of risking transmission, so I stopped taking the doses after consulting my doctor. But that's just me, and works just for me. You will likely do things a little different.

Good question. It's different for different people. Some people seem to have symptoms when they have skin to skin contact with someone else who has been effected in that area in the past, some don't. Certainly, if either of you is having an outbreak you should avoid coming in contact with sores because they can potentially spread to new areas and cause outbreaks. But more than likely, if neither of you are having symptoms, you should be fine to do whatever because you both have some immune resistance built up against the virus. The usual caveat: I'm not a doctor and have near zero medical knowledge. Always ask a doctor and follow their recommendations.

@Leo Glad to see you sticking around to help be a sympathetic ear / source of advice! @jackienorm Seems like there are a few possibilities: 1. You could be an asymptomatic carrier. 2. He has positive titre for herpes antibodies, meaning he has been infected for at least 4-6 weeks or longer. 3. He swabbed positive, but didn't contract from you. So these are all in the realm of possibility. However, the best way to handle things is to ask him the following: "Did you get a Qtip swab that tested for positive cultures" Yes would indicate only that he has an outbreak currently. "Did you test positive for antibodies though a blood test?" Yes would indicate you didn't transmit to him, he's had it for a while. No would indicate that his infection is recent, but doesn't necessarily mean you have herpes. "Have you ever tested positive for herpes before?" Yes would indicate that he has had herpes since before he slept with you. So it is possible that you in fact do have herpes, but the only way to know would be if you tested positive in either a swab culture or blood test. You can have yourself retested in about 4-6 weeks and explain to your doctor that someone you slept with had an outbreak and relay their answers to your previous questions to the doctor to help them form a diagnosis. A very low percentage of people are asymptomatic and test negative, but carry the virus. While it's rare, it does happen and the only way to diagnos it is for you to do a little bit of due diligence along side a doctor. For now, avoid the instinct to put you life on hold at all. Keep doing the things you were going to do anyway. Best advice is probably to abstain until you know for sure, but that's just one option. You could also disclose and use protection if you plan to get intimate with anyone else as another option. Either way, do what you know is right. Get these questions nailed down clinically. And keep being who you have always been!

Not to try to tell you that you aren't going through a profound struggle. But in essence, the two diagnosis are not very different. All of us here each share in some part of the feelings of shame, depression anger and lack of self-worth that you probably feel. The important thing is not to dwell on what could have been, but rather the good things that will be. And I'm not trying to sling some zen BS. This is real, important work you can do to help yourself. Herpes doesn't chamge much. In fact, my own experience dictates that herpes hasn't changed anything outside a temporary struggle to regain my self respect. I tested myself in a way that only I can test me. I challenged myself to see where I would fail, in relationship, common decency, work, college, and personal goals. I did just as well post diagnosis as I ever would have. And that should seem surprising, but it was pretty shocking to me at the time. I saw first hand that I am who I am and my diagnosis didn't change a thing. I'm still good at all the things I used to be good at. I'm still as good a person, as desirable and capable as ever. You are too. So, when you've had enough of curling up in a ball and greiving something that isn't even lost at all, begin by relearning how to appreciate yourself. Because you deserve your own appreiation and admiration.

Everything you all responded with is why to disclose. You can't possibly condemn another person to unwittingly going through all of this pain and loss of identity without losing your own dignity and self respect in the process. And, without disclosure, you would be intentionally taking away another person's right to consent. Play it up however you want, that's what we are talking about here. Getting consent, or not. Can you choose not to get consent? Physically, yes. Is it wrong to have sex with someone without consent each and every time? Yes. It is necessary every time. Is witholding the truth to avoid getting a 'no' answer when asking for consent still consent? No. You must give a sexual partner 100% of the information you know that could effect their health and well being. Not telling them something that would change their answer about consent is the same as forcing yourself on them physically. In both cases, you would be forcing them to do something they didn't want to do. So, don't misconstrue the issue. It's not 'not telling', it's avoiding getting consent to take advantage of another person and to cause them pain and misery. Call it like it is.

First, if it makes you nervous, remove the nipple piercing. You can always get that redone in the future. Second, you are not doomed to have the virus spread. I was hyper paranoid about spreading the virus myself (ghsv-1), so I didn't shave pubic hair for like months and washed my hands with soap and warm water frequently (as this effectively kills the virus). I didn't end up spreading at all or having subsequent out breaks. It might have been overkill, but it made me feel a little more in control. You can also take a daily suppression medicine like valacyclovir. It helps your immune system target the virus more accurately and also helps prevent transmission when used in combination with condoms. Just remind yourself that it won't be difficult for long. And you'll start feeling more normal soon. In the meantime, practice appreciating yourself and try to see the good things in you, personally and physically. The body image, self-image part was really hard for me personally. The trick is to try to keep doing the things you have always done that make you feel like yourself. For me, weightlifting, tanning and running were a big part of my self-image that I stopped for several months after my diagnosis. Looking back, I should have continued, just at less intensity. I had trouble looking at myself in the mirror for a while. Try to not let that happen to you, exercise and appreciate yourself! You'll find that most or all of your fears are unfounded. That things will be just fine. Keep being you and you will find that you haven't really changed in any way that matters.

It's a really good thing that you have the self-awareness to recognize when you are experiencing an obsessive state of mind. However frustrating and depressing it is to go through, recognizing there is an issue is a very important first step toward getting relief and peace of mind back. I think the trick is not to try to fool yourself. Generally, I avoid lying to myself just to feel better because it is essentially building a fragile house of cards around something that can really bring you down. I may likely be a very different kind of person, but here is my advice if it might help: Don't lie to yourself. The stark, bitter reality of circumstances are what they are. But also, don't be fooled by the instinctive part of your mind that speaks doom for every situation. You get to choose the actions that you take and which ones you don't. You get to decide how you meet each new day, and each new moment. Even simple things can be handled in a way that leaves you feeling positive about who you are and where you are going. And that is key. Try to think about where you want to be, how you want your life to go, and do what you can to get yourself there. And consider finding something exciting to treat yourself too. That savings that you stashed away for a rainy day is very appropriate for this situation. Maybe don't spend everything you have, but a little extra on going somewhere or doing something special might be the kick in the pants you need to feel excitement about something and come away with a new set of happy memories. It doesn't have to be a month in Singapore, either. Go to a concert with a close friend or relative and sing out loud while people glare at you (that's what I did, haha!) Or bring that friend to a wine tasting, art festival, arcade, anything exciting enough to pull you out of your own head for a while and let you lay down some of the burden you've been carrying. Then remember that feeling. Know that you'll get to feel that a million times in the future. There are so many good things waiting to happen for you just as soon as you decide to seek them out. It's a shame to leave yourself locked up inside your own negative thoughts. But you are handling things pretty well because you are aware of what's happening and you reached out for help. Just keep in mind that recovery won't be constant Improvement where each day is better than the last. It'll be a general trend toward normalcy. So make a plan to do a special thing with someone you like being around. Make that plan right away and do that thing soon!

When I look back on my biggest regrets and the most terrible things I struggled through, herpes actually doesn't rank very high on the list. Now, I don't suggest that anyone ever make an ordered list of things they feel bad about. Especially not when they're feeling down. But I woke up today remembering some really difficult things either because they still get to me in my dreams sometimes, or because it's just one of those days. I'm filled with reslove and strength, much in spite of the bad times I've had. Sometimes, when I have nothing else to hold onto for fuel to carry on, the memory of the bad times and the desire to be successful and happy in spite of them becomes that fuel. I remember the fist fights, hopless and painful. The accidents, the injustice, the times I had been a victim, when I had to take the lesser of two bad options, the foot-in-mouth, the utter selfishness and vanity that ruined things that could have been happy memories, the fuitility, and the pain, and the regret. I remember all of those things so clearly from the despiration and pain that came with them. I could relive each moment if I focused my mind on it. But looking back from here, herpes ranks a mild 5 out of 10 on the regret, pain and despair scale. There are a lot of things that lead to my contracting herpes that I don't regret, many of them lead to the same outcome. The fact is true that if I had stayed who I was, I wouldn't be who I am. And I like who I am much better than any other me I have ever been. Sure, sometimes I wish I could go back in time and do things differently, or better yet, be there for my younger self. I'd probably start in 1997. But things being what they were, and taking each day as a new one where I get to make a new set of choices was all I can ever do. And I have always been pretty good at that. I never did make the same mistake twice when it comes to life lessons. It's easy to look back with regret and nothing very valuable comes from it, unless you use it to change the kind of choices you make going forward. But once that decision to conduct yourself differently has been made, there is no reason to look back anymore. Because what is ahead of you and how you handle it will soon begin to define who you are. Good choices, ones that protect you from danger, protect your loved ones, help you achieve goals and make you feel good about yourself are all ahead of you. Rather than list out what makes you angry, sad, or regretful, Make a tally of the things you want to have happen in the future, big and small. Make a list of things you need to do to make those things happen. List what you have to change about your conduct and what you should keep doing. Dwelling on pain and feeling self pitty is just one small part of healing and becoming who you will be. Don't dwell for too long, it'll just drive you crazy or make you depressed.

It seems like you are suffering from some pretty serious depression. I noticed that you don't seem to hold yourself in high regard, or think there's much to look forward to in the future. These are big issues, and it's likely that they will become worse if you don't tackle them right away. First, recognize that much of your fears and shame are really not based on who you are or what you're worth, but rather a temporary state of mind. Second, you have to decide to both be brutally honest with yourself, but also decide to see the good, valuable things in yourself. Next, decide if therapy (either in a support group, or one-on-one) is a good option for you. You came here to talk, and that's a step in the right direction! Know that we are all in your corner, to listen and to share advice from personal experience. Having someone to talk to in person might also help a lot. But the really important thing is to see the good in yourself. You are worthy of respect and admiration, especially your own! Take action to prove that you are worthy of your own respect and admiration. Seek opportunities to do good for other people. It doesn't have to change the world, the people you do good for don't even have to be grateful. Simply holding a door for someone who needs a hand breeds a sense of self-appreciation that can help turn depression around. Do things that you have always enjoyed doing. Some hobby or interest that consistently makes you feel both comfortable with yourself and accomplished. For me, that can be as simple as doing dishes or as complex as working on writing a book. It will help you to see that nothing fundamental has changed about you, you're still capable of all the things you ever have been. And make a plan to treat yourself a little in some way that gets you excites to actually do that thing. Whether it's seeing a movie, going to a concert or finally going out to buy that putfit you might have been weighing out buying. Let yourself be excited about it, feel the anticipation, ans remember that you will get to do all kinds of exciting things in the future. There's literally nothing stopping you from living the way you want to, herpes is just weighing on your mind, adding irrational anxiety and fear. The truth is that it might change a couple of moments that would have otherwise been different, but it won't actually ruin anything. And if old dude left over -just- herpes, he did you a favor. Any rational person knows that it's hard to find a genuinely good person, and herpes doesn't effect anyone's worth, kindness or ability to be honest and caring. See those things in yourself and work on learning to appreciate and respect yourself again. I had a bit of a road to earning back my own self-respect, I had to really test myself. But it's worth it because I got to see that nothing about me changed over such a common diagnosis.

My girlfriend didn't know and I contracted. She had been tested for "everything", but most clinics skip herpes when you ask them to test for "everything" because... Well the medical community is as reckless with herpes as they could be sometimes. Misinformation and misdiagnosis and everything in between. I honestly was mad about it. I was suspicious and resentful too. But we talked about it. I asked her the hard questions, and she asked me hard questions too. We did our best to be patient and understanding. Eventually, we decided that breaking up over -just- herpes would be a damn shame. Then, when we needed to talk about it, we did so that we could move past feelings of anger and guilt. You might need to do the same with your guy. It isn't easy or fun, but it's worth it. Worth the effort. Because once the hard conversations are done, you get to move on toward a future that is easy and fun. You shouldn't have to hold on to anger or guilt. You shouldn't have to hold onto painful memories. You should be able to move forward with excitement for the future.

Really glad you decided to disclose up front! You gave him his right to consent and demonstrated a high degree of honesty and compassion. That not just commendable, it gives you the opportunity to come into an intimate situation without guilt or shame. No matter his final decision, you'll have the self-image and self respect necessary to find exactly what you're looking for with no regrets to eat away at your concience. But, like you said, there is a such thing as "too nice". A guy might not come off as a bad boy on first impressions. Personally, I believe that a truely daring dude doesn't flaunt it and only breaks out the agression and attitude in appropriate situations. However, nobody wants to date someone that folds under pressure or doesn't know how to cut loose and have fun. I used to throw out the following tests fron the opposite angle when I was dating: Throw a test at him like going downtown at night for a drink so that you'll have to walk a ways. If a shady character happens by, see if he bothers to try to put himself between you and said potential antagonist. Or plan a nighttime pool / beach visit on the legally gray side, see if he doesn't chicken out. An inner rebel should come out when circumstances call for it, not be announced constantly to the point of masking short-comings. My current girlfriend both picked up on queues that I was sheilding her from potentially threatening people / situations and also jumped at the chance to hit the beach at 2am on a Saturday for a short walk and some groping. Things like that helped me identify her as adventurous, but not reckless or nieve. Because that's what we really mean by "too nice", or "too rowdy". You don't want to date an alcoholic just as much as you don't want to date momma's boy... In general, anyway.

It's totally fine to have casual sex. But most importantly, you disclosed and got to enjoy guilt-free fun with someone. You really did handle that situation perfectly. Sure, in the future, you may miss out on a few opportunities. But realistically, so does everyone. I certainly haven't slept with all the people I made a pass at. For some reason, Taylor Swift keeps ignoring my advances, but that's been going on since before I was diagnosed. My point being: There is your proof that you can have your cake and eat it too. You can disclose in a casual scenario, as well as in a romantic one. Because there are a lot of people out there who understand two important points. 1. That there is risk, whether they are aware or not. 2. That it takes a kind, courageous person to disclose up front before putting them at risk. To most sane people, this thought process is readily apparent. And you found one of many people who think that way. Seriously well done! So, let the lesser men cut and run. They'd be doing you a favor because there are so many other people who are more concerned with hooking up with someone that makes them feel good about themself and the types of people they get intimate with. Guilt free, shame free sex is super important. Keep doing things like you did! It will continue to build up your self-image and also help you to figure out that really tough question of "what kind of relationship might I want and what kind of person fits that goal?"

Sounds like you and your doctor disagree about the importance of reducing risk for your partner. However, there are a lot of reasons they may be concerned about side effects, including other medical conditions. You can always go get a second opinion, but if there is good reason for them to be concerned about side effects for you specifically, then it might be sound decisions on their part to avoid a prescription. If your doctor simply doesn't believe in reducing risk of transmission, you might want to find a new doctor.