RegularGuy

I wouldn't be so quick to trust coconut oil, or any other oil to block viral shedding. There is no medical or scientific research to suggest that it might be effective, and the fact that a substance might act as an antimicrobial does not mean it kills the virus instantly, or even at all. Many might only interrupt the microbes' reproductive process. Remembering my doctor's advice, suppression medicine and condoms are the only medically proven method tonreduce risk of transmission, and there is still risk. Personally, I'm certain that coconut oil or any other plant product would not be an effective barrier. Otherwise, ancient greeks would have cured herpes thousands of years ago. That said, I am not a doctor and have near zero medical knowledge. always ask your doctor / pharmacist and follow their advice.

I haven't heard of gelatin causing problems, but it might just be something I haven't had trouble with.... I would say that if your pharmacist and doctor both agree that you'll be okay, trust their opinions in this case. Antibiotics are actually a pretty big deal. If you started a course, be sure to stick to the prescription and finish it completely and on time. If your doctor prescribes antibiotics, it is probably meant to save you serious medical problems in the near future.

Welcome to the community, sorry you joined the club! I was diagnosed with ghsv-1 about seven months ago. Try not to get too anxious or depressed about the future, because it's going to be fine. The biggest issue for me was learning to respect and appreciate myself again. I found it was helpful for me to keep doing the things I used to do and keep working toward goals I always had been chasing. It gave me the reassurance that I was still me, still capable of doing great things. It also helped me to seek opportunities to help other people. That made me feel like I was still worth other people's time. You won't feel awesome every day, and some days will be harder than others. But you will get to feel like yourself again. Sooner if you really identify what is getting you down and engage it head on. Don't let fear and doubt make decisions for you. Do things you enjoy, be good to other people. Be sure to disclose before getting physical with anyone. If you do that stuff, you'll be able to feel like yourself, regain your self respect, and enjoy dating again. Good luck! And if you find yourself struggling with negative thoughts, or you can't seem to steer your train of thought toward positive things, reach out. We will be here to listen and help you get things straight.

There is nothing wrong with taking things slow. I think the trend is due to a stronger need for physical intimacy for a lot of people. They are disclosing sooner to be responsible and kind to the other person before things get physical. In your case, there isn't a problem, as long as you aren't stringing anyone along and you disclose before having any sort of sexual contact. Personally, I am one who moved faster with dating. I realized in my twenties that I needed to be with someone who was both attracted to me and expected a similar pace in a relationship, sex included. As we know, dating someone whos libido is much more subtle is just as much a strain on a relationship as dating someone whos libido is much stronger. So, I would generally accept matters for what they are and expect that sex would be a vital component to a relationship after a few weeks of dating. That usually translates to the 3 - 4 date timeframe. Teo reasons: 1. The aforementioned libido dynamic. 2. I wasn't trying to waste my own time on a relationship that wasn't going to work out. Sex adds a different degree of emotional intimacy almost instantly, whether everyone likes to admit it or not. There is plenty of biology and science involved, but the short version is that it changes how you feel about the other person to make you yet more protective, more compassionate and generally start acting like a close romantic partner. Finding out how jealous, selfish or entitled another person can be generally happens after becoming very familiar and comfortable with them. A dynamic that only tends to start happening after sex. I think appropriately refered to as "to know" someone, in the biblical sense. It's not totally off the mark if you think about it. So, yeah. Sex is important. The timing is something agreed upon through the dynamic of the proverbial "game". But it must be a mutual thing, whether on the first date, or after a 5 year dating phase of abstinence followed by marriage. If it isn't consentual, it isn't okay. There is nothing wrong with a couple agreeing upon the timing, no matter what that timing is.

Totally wrong. Some strains of HPV are curable or can be defeated by the immune system. Misleading someone you sleep with or giving them false information is morally wrong. They have the right to consemt, just like everyone has the right to consemt. Pulling one over on someone who trusts you is niether clever, nor conquest. Your friend seems to suffer from a profound lack of dignity and kindness in suggesting you use sex to harm another person. Because the reality is that's exactly what the issue is about. Disclose every time, up front and clearly.

I actually was diagnosed while in a relationship. I did disclose everything as it happened to her, but we've been together since. So, I don't have any experience with disclosure in terms of dating someone new. But I did have a rule about having the STD talk before getting physical. It's a very case by case thing. Some people are more reserved and you naturally date for a couple weks before sex is even considered. Some people are more outgoing and sex is a more imminent desire. In the normal back and forth of the proverbial game is a point where you each feel out the other's level of attraction and desire. The chemicals start doing thier job pretty quick, and that's what leads to risky behavior. I'd recommend that when you see conversation turning more intimate, go ahead and pump the brakes. It won't ruin things, but having an STD talk is always very clinical and tends to throw in a rational tangent to all the excitement. The good thing about it is that gives you an opportunity to disclose to someone you already know is attracted. It also opens an opportunity to demonstrate that you value their right to consent, a major check mark for a lot of people. On the one hand, they may have a few questions but decide that condoms are protection enough. On the other, they may flip out. Chances are if they flip out, they are not planning on sticking around long anyway. Don't worry, the STD talk can be uncomfortable, but the exciting romantic stuff is already queued up. If they accept it, the short interruption on the attraction will probably be a small hiccup.

Right on dude. It sounds to me like you have a good mindset for recovery. It will involve some back and forth as far as your outlook and your mood, but it'll get easier. As you start dating, try talking to a few people at the same time. It helps to lessen the hit to ego when someone ghosts or rejects. I had to do that when I was dating and it helped a ton. I didn't sleep with a bunch of people, just talked and set up first dates. It especially helped stop me from wasting my time with indecisive flakes.

Bite the bullet and spend the money on seeing a doctor. There are a million things that could cause those kind of symptoms from staph to shingles or mersa. Doesn't sound like herpes to me, but I'm definitely not a doctor.

@iwillbeok I bounced back and forth on feeling normal for a while. Maybe two months or less. It's hard to pinpoint because I just kept working at doing regularGuy things so that I could feel like a regular guy until one day I noticed that I had felt good about myself for a while. Occasionally, I see someone I'm attracted to and I think about herpes, and that can be tough. But it doesn't get me down for more than a moment. To be honest, I'm back to neing more concerned with being able to run, climb, and lift weights when I'm 60 than what I'm going to say to myself about herpes while I'm 30.

That's a big question! It would be great to do something about the stigma for others. But personally, I don't have an issue with it. I would like for the misinformation to be dispelled, but nearly every condition and disorder is subject to rediculous levels of confusion in the general knowledge surrounding. It feels pretty daunting to consider taking on the taskbof fighting that battle.

Well, you already know you should tell her. She has a right to know if you intend to be intimate eventually. You made a small mistake in the grand scheme of things, and this one is really easy to take back. It may well result in some negative reactions, but to be honest, it wouldn't be completely unreasonable for a person to feel hurt in that situation. At very least, you have an opportunity to dovthe right thing. In doing so, you will be showing a level of honesty and courage that us actually pretty rare and that counts vfor something. Go ahead and get this off your conscience. Sooner is much better than later.

@Leo You shouldn't feel like you did anything wrong in reaching out. You needed to talk about things, and you did a good thing by talking. It's really great that you had a chance to celebrate health at one point. You will again, I know it. Of course, keeping in touch with your doctor and getting things figured out is a good way to calm the rollercoaster you are going through. It is definitely what I would choose, personally. In the meantime, calm yourself when you need to by remembering that it could be caused by something very benign, and stress can create health problems. But also find comfort in knowing that no matter the diagnosis, you will be the same great person you are. You have a powerful level of insight and I'm sure that it comes hand in hand with many other good qualities. Try to focus on putting those qualities to work for yourself and to do some good things. Try not to let fear and anxiety get you down. You seem like you are trying to do all the things you need to in order to keep your sanity and your life on track. Keep it up! There is nothing wrong with abstaining for a while as you work through some internal struggles. But don't let it become a way to punish yourself. Hurry up and get this nailed down so you can start regaining your sense of security and normalcy.

Tough deal, sorry to hear things didn't work. I might not be in the same position, but I have had a few breakups. It can really put a lot of doubt on a person because it tends to occupy your mind for a while. You might fall into that well of self doubt and it might even lead to feeling regret or remorse. Personally, I don't see herpes as a barrier to moving on and resuming dating but I understand a lot of people do. I can see why, havong to explain something about yourself that most people wouldn't be thrilled about. But that's not the only thing, if we are 100% honest with ourselves. We all have plenty of weirdness and shortcomings. There is a lot of pressure to seem perfect for the first few weeks or months in a new relationship. The problem with trying to fit yourself into that neat little box is that you end up supressing a lot of qualities that could provide insight and comfort that someone who is actually right for you would really appreciate. Fear of disagreeing on politics could cause you to avoid the topic entirely for months, only to find out discussing it allows the other person to see that you don't just blindly drink the kool-aid. You'd miss an opportunity to demonstrate that you are able to value the other person's beliefs, even when they are different from your own. As far as I'm concerned, that's a priority in an ideal match. Likewise, disclosure gives us the opportunity to demonstrate that we are honest, courageous, care about that person's health, and care about their right to consent. Super important stuff right there. The bottom line is that you will probably deal with rejection. Fearing it is kind of nieve, it's just a thing that happens. I dealt with tons of rejection before my diagnosis. It helped me to understand what it was I was looking for in a relationship. It's better to be straight forward with dating than to try to cram yourself into a neat little socially acceptable package. I know I was looking for someone who had the courage to let somebof their weirdness show right away, and I knew the right person for me would want the same. Because it's the weird stuff that makes being together feel natural, and it's the honesty to show it that makes deciding to date meaningful. Otherwise, your just wasting each other's time, trying to hide all the great stuff that someone who is good for you would appreciate. Herpes included. And that's not something to fear, it's something to search for.

I know what you mean about feeling a sense of mouring a loss. I felt that. I felt like the old me was dead and the new me was worth far less. I decided I would give myself a chance to prove my worth to myself. I already had big goals that were coming together at the time, so I used them to test myself, expecting failure. In work, college and my writing I saw myself pull through and achive exactly what I had been trying for. I didn't just complete tasks, I did things just as well as I always had done. It proved to me that I had not lost anything, and that my sense of loss was misplaced. Maybe you need something like that, or maybe you need something different. But that's what pulled me through, knowing that I was capable, powerful, and strong like I always had been.

Sounds like your having difficulty with a lot more than dating. It's totally fine to keep meeting people! As long as you disclose before getting physical, you will be doing a good thing by continuing to seek a relationship. However, your doubts may be rooted in a deminished sense of worth for yourself. You might benefit from seeking introspection and determining how to regain your confidence. If you need to take a break from dating to do that, it wouldn't do anything but good for you. Being diagnosed does inherently bring up some doubts about the future and some questions about how it will effect the things you uses to enjoy. The truth is that the real impact on doing things is minimal if any at all. But, the impact on your psyche is pretty huge. Most people experience a hiccup in being able to date and anxiety when nearing disclosure. Those are primarily centered around fear and a lack of positive self-image. Try to do things that make you feel fulfilled, lke your old self. In dating, remember that you are valuable and the other person's health and right to consent are important. If you struggle with those things realize that they are symptoms of internal struggle in response to your diagnosis and engage yourself in resolving that struggle directly.

Sorry to hear that you're experiencing such painful out breaks! Have you talked to your doctor about it? If you haven't, it might be a good idea to ask about suppression medicine like valacyclovir. If you're doing everything else, that's really great and you should definitely keep it up. The good news is that as time goes on the frequency and severity should reduce.

Well, first of all, definitely disclose. Failing to disclose before getting physical leads to a heaping pile of guilt and pain. More than just some anxiety and rejection can threaten. Next, before you seek a relationship or set out to date, it might be a good idea to do some introspection. It is common to suffer a loss of identity and feel like you have somehow become less valuable as a person when diagnosed. While neither of those things are true, and are certainly temporary feelings they can take a lot of work to iron out. I personally am the type that has to re-earn my own respect daily. I have to help other people, I have to make progress toward a goal, and I have to arrive at the end of the day with a feeling of accomplishment. Otherwise, I crush myself with negativity. Herpes can bring this kind of need down on people who have never really had a problem with self-image before. But the good news is that it is often temporary. For people like me, identifying things to make ourselves feel valuable migjt be a little more comfortable territory, but the way you do it is similar. When you can look at what makes you feel pride, what makes you feel accomplished, and what makes you feel positive about tje future, you will have identified what will help you to gain the confidence, honesty and courage you need to do things like disclosure. It might seem hard now, but if you look at how your actions impact your self-image, you'll see it's not too difficult. You've already been doing things that make you like yourself. Keep doing those things. Observe how you haven't gotten any better or worse at them. When you see that, you'll know that herpes isn't that big a deal. You'll be able to go about dating yhe same way you always had (maybe better, if you struggled to find self-respect in the past). You'll just find it easier to pick up on it when someone isn't vthat intovyou and plans tobwaste your time. When you disclose, only people who genuinely appreciate you will stick around. Personally, I often feel like I should have just told people I was dating in the past that I had ghsv-1 all along. I could have saved myaelf years of dating liars who were just being agreeable, haha!

There is at least one drug that showed it would kill a human by destroying their liver before they'd successfully cure Herpes, so be skeptical of any claims of new medicine on the horizon. It would be nice to be cured, but the reality of hold all of your hope for the future based on a cure is that you put off a lot of really good things you could be doing now. In order to try to live each day to the fullest (that's a goal, not an actual thing I do, haha!) I let the concern about a cure disappear. Instead, I focus on what I can personally do to make my life worth living. My honest belief is that there is a lot, more than I thought, and more that I haven't even seen yet. There are so many good things to enjoy, and so many good things I can do, none of which are effected by my diagnosis one bit. The little that is effected by herpes is only slightly so. I'd personally rather read about cures for cancer, new treatment for brain disprders and personality disorders, and new ways to get injured people back on their feet and doing things I take for granted. Bottom line: I wouldn't waste my time researching cures for herpes. Drug trials fail all the time. Things that look promising migjt get hopea up for a while, but often let us down in the end.

It's alright to see injustice that happens to us. It's alright to know somethings that happened didn't hapoen because we are evil or because we deserve it. That can make us question whether we did deserve some bad things that happened, and cause us to lose sight of how good we are. That happens when we hold on to anger and sadness for too long. You seem to be ready to remember how to love yourself, accept yourself. You've done it before and you probably will need to learn again eventually. It seems to be a constant endevor for me, personally. And that's okay. Kudos on the guitar lessons! I hope it becomes a fulfilling process!

The amount of time it will take you to find some peace varies for everyone. We all have different factors that contirbute to the difficulties. Remember that herpes isn't going to be the biggest thing you have going on for long. It will barely be a footnote soon. You have some work to do to get yourself there. Primarily, you probably need to regain your self-image and your sense of worth. Essentially, you have to earn your own respect all over again. It sounds tough, but there is a formula to it. You need excitement for the future, a feeling of being valuable, and to know that you have good things to offer others. To regain those things, start by making a plan to do something fun for yourself soon. It will give you something to look forward to. Give yourself permission to be excited about it. Seek opportunities to help people close to you. It doesn't have to be big stuff. Helping with dishes, or to listen when they need a sympathetic ear is enough to get a little gratitude and to remember that people still appreciate you for being around. And do things rhat make you feel accomplished and fulfilled. A hobby you have always enjoyed. Don't let that stuff fall to the wayside. When you feel like you need proof that nothing has changed about who you are, look back at those things and you will be assured that you are still you. Maybe just better at washing your hands, haha! You'll notice that your recovery happens in a shaky trend toward wellness. Some days will be harder than others, and feeling a little less awesome tomorrow than you did yesterday is not failure, it's part of the process.

Be wary of the "everything" pit fall. Most clinics and doctors skip the herpes test when you tell them you want to be tested for "everything". Be sure that you actually saw a negative result under Herpes Simplex Virus type 1 and 2.

I wouldn't recommend touching affected areas directly, even marks left after scabs heal. It increases chances of accidental spreading. Herpes doesn't leave permanent marks or scars, so you can trust that those marks will not be there long. Mine fully healed in 2 or 3, if I remember correctly. It just wasn't that big of a deal at the time, I had other issues I struggled with a lot more.

You are not a terrible person. Just from reading the few paragraphs you've written, I can tell that you are introspective, and you do care about other people. Bettwr, you have the capacity to understand the implications of your actions. Those are things you can be proud of! You can use them to do good things! You might have made some mistakes, but you don't need to use them to bash yourself. You did a really good thing in telling him. Keep doing good things, even when it's a little too late to change what already happened. You know you won't find yourself in this situation again. Next time, you will know that you'll just have to say the words to disclose. And there should definitely be a next time! Now might be a critical time to do what you need to do to build up your self-image. At very least you know you are valuable, desireable and want to do good. Those are not small things. Don't dwell on what you could have done, remember that you did the best you could when you determined that you made a mistake. Youa may already be doing all those things. If you are, great! If you find yourself struggling to steer your train of thought away from negative stuff, reach out to someone close to you or feel free to reach out to the community here. You showed a lot of courage in having that hard conversation with that person. I hope you know that you also have the courage and the resilience to see the good things in you, the good things you can do!

Well, you have a pretty tough situation to deal with, for sure. You already know that putting off disclosure would make things more difficult. Worse if you never mention it and he ends up contracting the virus. Given that, you also already know you should tell him. So, it seems like you are more asking how to do it. Truth is, there is never going to be a good time to say, "I made a big mistake and it might effect your health for the rest of your life." But that's what needs to be said. You'll have to accept that he might be angry. You'll have to understand that you would be angry if he put you in that situation. There is a chance that it might turn out okay. But you can't expect things to be all sunshine and roses. Tell him. Let him respond. If it turns into insults and shouting, you don't have to endure it. You can apologize and make yourself scarce. But chances are he will probably be surprised and have a lot of questions. You have the opportunity to offer to provide answers, assist with him getting tested (first to see if he wasn't already infected before you met him, and later to see if you did somehow transmit the virus). You can explain how the chances of transmission apply to your specific situation (whether you had an out break going on at the time, soon before or after. The fact that touching an affected area, then his own genitals or face is possibly a risk that went unhindered). You can accept responsibility for your mistake and offer to try to ease his worry and simplify his gathering of answers. You know he will have reasonable suspicions that you may have done this on purpose. You can point out you know he will suspect so, and offer assurance that you didn't mean for things to happen the way they did. It won't be easy. But it just might quiet those feelings of guilt. He may even understand that you didn't mean him harm. He may turn out to aleeady have been infected and not know it, or he may turn out to not have gotten infected at all. If the worst happened, you can offer to help with medical stuff like finding a doctor, costs and providing him with the support a newly diagnosed person needs. If he accepts that kind of help from you. Definitely don't try tobforce it on him. He is the one who has been hurt (possibly just his trust and feelings), so you have to give him freedom to deal with it his way, with or without your help. Whatever you do, tell him. He deserves to know. He needs to know. Don't let him suffer the shock and suprise of sudden symptoms and subsequent loss of identity like so many of us felt.

I was diagnosed with Genital HSV-1. I take valacyclovir daily.