RegularGuy

Herpes won't kill you unless you have some sort of seriously complicated medical conditions. It would be a good idea to talk to a doctor you trust about the virus, your concerns about it, and how it effects you. Herpes is extremely misunderstood by the vast majority of people, myself included until my diagnosis 7 months ago. You will probably find out there are some misconceptions you weren't aware of.

Personally, I would recommend avoiding touching affected areas and sores directly. It increases the chances for spreading the virus. There are other methods to get releif from out breaks or prevent them, such as suppression medicine like valacyclovir, diet, and suppliments. If you haven't already, it might be helpful to talk to your doctor about the subject. The usual caveat: I'm not a doctor and have near zero medical knowledge. Always ask your doctor / pharmacist and follow their advice.

@Raven862 Lots of people struggle with choosing when to tackle hard conversations. It's a necessary skill to learn, though. It makes a really big difference. Putting yourself in the other person's shoes helps, imagine your partner has something tobtalk to you about that will require tons of strength, respect, and compassion. You would need ample amounts of comfort in surroundings and circumstances to be able to provide those things well. If it is your partner who has difficulty approaching topics at a good time, show some compassion, but remind them that you really want to talk about it, just at a better time. Say, after dinner or after breakfast. If they put you off for long, or you put them off for long. Say days without explanation or weeks when there was some ample freetime in there, address the importance of communication. The tough stuff is equally important as the fun stuff. Say what needs to be said. Hear what needs to be heard. Then let the conversation turn to more positive things as soon as you feel ready. Communication is a talent all it's own. I could offer some advice on that, but that would be a lengthy subject on its own.

If they swabbed the sores directly with a q-tip looking cotton swab and it came up negative there are only two possibilities: 1. The test was performed wrong somehow 2. It's not Herpes. The best thing to do is to first nail down a proper diagnosis so that you can get proper treatment. If the sorws have healed, it may take some time to get a positive result from a blood sample. You dotor should understand that a negative result means more work should be done, it is not a final answer to say, "I guess you're fine, even though you are in pain and showing symptoms of an STD" If you have to get a different doctor who is actually inclined to find answers for you, do it.

You aren't a fraud. Finding yourself feeling these very negative emotions toward youself is a really tough deal. Take a look at all og the good things you have to offer someone. Those are a big deal! A long as you disclose before getting intimate, you will be doing a good thing by meeting people and searching for a relationship. You aren't wasting anyone's time, you are worth while to the right person! Seems like you may habe forgotten that. It might be a good idea to try to do things that reasure you that you are valuable, desireable and good!

Not to deminish the situation you are in, but the bottom line I get is that you haven't been intimate with him and your relationship isn't a committed one. While I could be wrong on those points. If you have not been intimate and there have been no agreements to be exclusive, you really don't have to wait at all. If you get tired of being in emotional limbo, just step out of it. It might take some courage, but it is that easy. I never recommend handing someone an ultimatum, but it is fair to tell them how you feel, why you feel it and what you are doing about it. "I feel like you have put me on the sideline after I disclosed. I think I can understand you might have some things to think about, and it doesn't make you a bad person." Some people take a long time to make decisions about things. Some people ignore problems and hope they go away. Some people get put on the spot and can't get their head together for a while. Still others have a hard time letting someone down, and just don't know what to say. You seem to really like this person, so give him as much or as little time as you think is right. Just remember that your time is valuable just as much as his or anyone else's.

Sorry to read that you are having such persistent symptoms! Do you take a suppression medicine like valacyclovir? I know it comes with a potential laundry list of side-effects, but sometimes it's a balancing act of deciding which option provides a better quality of life. Also, since you have already disclosed, it would be reasonable to ask to abstain for a while longer while you heal. I realize that you are probably not thrilled about abstaining either, but it should be something you discuss if the outbreak is a thing to either of you. I hope you get some relief! I have read some other people's comments about suppliments that seem to help keep the virus in check. L-lysine if I'm not mistaken. It might be worth combining a few different methods of treatment. I personally don't recommend touching the sores directly for personal belief that there is no need to risk spreading, but there are some posts about oils and stuff too. I tend to perfer to think that diet, medicine and trying to reduce stress is what helps most. That said, I'm not a doctor and have near zero medical knowledge. Ask your doctor / pharmacist and follow their recommendations.

7 months, apparently. I'm not sure how accurate my count is anymore. And that's a good thing. Want to know what is a bigger deal than herpes for me right now? It might put the whole virus into perspective. 1. Moving. It's stressful. 2. I have to work a couple of extra shifts when I'd really rather chill and work on my book some more. Got some ideas for revisions, so no that's a thing. 3. Just saw a trailer for a movie that has similar components to my book. Now the anxiety monkey that rides my back all day is trying to convince me that there is no more room in the market for my story. Actively trying to defeat point 2 without negating the stress? Clever, Mr. Anxiety Monkey. Clever. Yeah, seriously that's all a bigger deal to me these days than Herpes. That's progress! I'm really glad that I got the help I needed to pull myself together and keep living as hard as I can! All this may sound like bragging, but I do have a good point to make: You can get to feel like yourself again. You can enjoy the things that you have always enjoyed. You can go back to worrying about "nornal" stuff. Talk to someone about what's getting to you. Just knowing someone read / heard what you have to say can be really helpful. Take it easy on yourself when you need some slack. Perfection isn't a thing that actually exists, it's a goal to shoot for sometimes. If you are struggling to like yourself, now is probably not the time to try to be perfect. Be hard on yourself when you need to be. That contradicts the last point, but it's true. If you have to drag your self kicking and screaming towards your recovery / self acceptance, do it. Be good to other people. They won't always be super grateful, but a small amount of feeling like you did a good thing can help pull you out of a slump. Be good to yourself. Do things that make your life go the way you want it to. That might be as simple as remembering to run the dishwasher at the end of the day, or as complex as hounding yourself to chase achievement at work / school / hobbies. If you know what you need, what will help give you that x-factor to help you wake up in a positive mood in the morning, do it. Be proud that you can do it. That all sounds like the usual rigamarole, but there is no secret to it. There is no trick, magic spell, or voodoo to it. Life is about that slow, incremental progress. It might not feel like you gain a lot of ground every day.But when I look back 7 months, I am fortunate to get to feel like I have done good things and made lots of progress toward feeling that elusive contentment with how things are, and where they are going.

Congratulations on having the courage and the compassion to disclose! You really have a lot to be proud of in not perpetuating the kind of things you personally went through and for seeing that you get to choose how you go about things. That kind of honesty, courage and compassion makes for a solid foundation to try to build things up from. I hope things work out!

Your feelings of resentment are totally within the realm of a natural chain of thoughts and emotions that accompany this kind of situation. I struggled with feelings of resentment toward my girlfriend. It was easy to be angry and suspicious of her while I was busy being angry at everything and everyone else. I knew she didn't deserve it, and I didn't act on it. But it was there. We talked about everything. She handled me firing really tough questions at her well. I told her I felt terrible and didn't think I'd be interested in sex at all for a while. I also told her I wouldn't feel that way forever, that it was something I was going to figure out and fix in my own head. She did her best to be patient and understanding. She is a really great person. Things did get better, both in my own head and in our relationship. They got better because we worked on it as a team and talked about what needed to be talked about. Just as important, we stopped talking about the hard stuff when it didn't need to be anymore. We treated it like it was stuff that needed to be addressed briefly while we worked on getting back to discussing and doing positive things together. Also, we both did our best to bring up difficult stuff at a reasonable time. 2am on a work night is not a good time to start a difficult topic. It wouldn't be reasonable to expect patience and understanding then. However, meeting at my place for dinner and sitting down to talk about how I like doing that kind of thing, but need to admit that I'm feeling really low, or kknd of resentful at no fault but my own worked well enough. The difference being: 1. It's in person. 2. The other person has an easy out if they aren't prepared to have a hard conversation. Their car is right there, they can head home without feeling too guilty. 3. We were planning on dedicating some time to talking anyway. 4. It was private, comfortable, and somewhat familiar. 5. I approached it in a way that it was her choice if she thought it was a good time to talk about tough stuff, and I would understand if she weren't prepared enough at that time. Sometimes, one of us would need to talk about things seemingly out of nowhere. But it was always with the understanding that it takes both of us to work through the others needs and to be conscious of each others feelings. You probably wil be able to feel "the same" about him, yourself, and your relationship. But it will take some time. It will be interrupted by tough stuff sometimes. It's okay to talk about it, necessary even.

I'm not sure about the legality of transmitting STDs and the like. Not something I ever worried about. For me personally, I never doubted whether I would disclose, nor considered how I would do so. For one, I'm already in a great relationship and I kept her up to date as things happened. For another, if I were to find myself single and dating, I would disclose during my usual STD / genetic disorder / personality / psychological disorder talk before getting physical. At any rate, Cold sores aren't a big deal unless you personally make it so. Most people get them and most people aren't afraid of them. For that reason, disclosure can be simple. "Have you ever had an STD?" "Well, it wouldn't be right to hide it. I've gotten cold sores since X and I realize that it is the same virus that causes genital herpes. I do what I can to prevent transmission, including X, Y and Z. I care about your right to consenr and your health, so I want you to be aware that there is some risk. Even if it's just a small percentage of risk, it matters to me." You will inevitably meet someone who freaks out, but they at very least won't waste your time pretending you are the one and only.

You seem to be talking to a person who happens to be both selfish and an impulsive liar. Selfish in that he turned your disclosure, an act of compassion and respect, into an opportunity to berate you. Impulsive liar in that he claimed to demand that every one of his partners show him test results. However physically possible that is, it's more than likely a lie. Given the context of berating you before making that statement, the purpose seems to have been to accuse you of having been reckless with your health. The purpose of these qualities he is demonstrating appears to be based in fear. He wants to separate himself from you to convince himself that he could not contract an STD. A rediculous series of dehuminization and unrealistic rationalization is common to people who fear a risk or an outcome. "That can't happen to me because I'm too smart, careful and talented.." "It happened to you because you are not smart, careful, or talented." These types of people feel very real fear when presented with a realistic risk, and they create an imaginary set of guidelines in their head that rule out that risk so that they can feel reassured. They are people who believe "that can't happen to me." They don't understand that things happen. Even if not used in such a negative way as you experienced, it is childish behavior. Best to release that guy back into the wild and fish up a different one.

Glad to have you in the community. Oral type 1 herpes is super common, especially if it's the occasional sore on your lip. While it is contagious, and can be accidentally spread, there are things you can do to prevent that stuff from happening. I'm going to get tje anxiety inducing part out of the way first so that I can move on to the reassuring stuff. First, herpes is contagious. Amy direct contact with the virus results in infection. Next, you can transmit the virus even if you don't have a sore. This is rare, but it happens. It's called "shedding". It can spread to your fingers, eyes, ears, bose, throat, genitals and anus. Direct skin to skin contact is the most likely form of transmission. Sex, kissing, etc. Washing your hands regularly with regular soap and warm water effectively kills rhe virus, and it doesn't live more than a few minutes outside a host. So sharing drinks is a risk, but shaking hands is not. Condoms protect pretty well against transmitting or contracting STDs, but they are not 100%, there is still risk. You can prevent transmission and suppress out breaks with medication like valacyclovir. But disclosure is still the best way to handle your diagnosis, even though you will find most peoole aren't afraid of "cold sores". It is still important to disclose. Some people don't disclose. That means just because you have a condition, doesn't mean the other person is "clean". Even if they promuse. The only way to be aure is to see their test results, and that is a perfectly fair request. You may be surprised to learn that it is possible to have an out break without visible symptoms or sores. So, if you suspect the person you are with might be at risk, say so. It's perfectly okay to abstain if you don't want to get intimate at the moment. It's not rejection, it is the biggest display of kindness and affection. You should not be insulted or shamed for avoiding sex, ever. Finally, you don't have much to really worry about. Handling the diagnosis is actually easy. It is the self-image that can be hard. If you struggle with symptoms, or are concerned about your partners health, take suppression medicine and use condoms. Wash your hands regularly, and avoid touching affected areas. If you and your partner agree that it's not necessary to take steps to avoid transmission, understand that they are capable of making their own decisions, and should not lash out at you if the risk is known, accepted and stuff happens.

I know your anger. I know your irrational rage. I know that loss of identity. I know what it is like to resent someone who has only ever been good to me. But I also know that talking about it helps. I talked to people here about things and it helped. I talked to my girlfriend about it, fires some really blunt questions at her too. It helped. I decided that herpes is a thing that happened. There is no malicious intentions to rise up against any more than if I had been involved in a traffic accident where no one could have prevented it. I vowed that I would not feel anger or respentment for long. That I would give myself permission to seek out comfort and contentment. I told my girlfriend it would take time and some effort to get there and asked her to ne patient with me. She was perfect about it. She was strong for me. In turn, I chose to be strong by demonstrating that I would not be angry or sad forever. That I was working to feel like myself again. It's been just six months, but I know already that I was right. I do feel like myself, but only after fighting against mountains of inner termoil amid anger and sadness that hurt every part of me. You will feel like yourself again. You will regain your ability to feel comforted and content. But you'll have to work to get there. Fortunately, the actual tasks aren't hard. Just the internal stuff is hard. Tell your husband what you need to tell him. He will understand the best he can. Try to find reasons to appreciate yourself, your husband and your relationship, like it seems you are already doing. Avoid stewing in thoughs of anger and sadness, think the thought and let it evaporate. Don't list the things you hate, list the things you appreciate, the things you are grateful for. Don't take action on those feelings of fear, anger and sadness. Instead take action on that list of things you are grateful for. Demonstrate your gratitude toward yourself, your husband, the people close to you. What you are feeling is real. It is profound. And you can influence it. Seek peace in your own mind. Seek your sense of self. Do the things that make you feel proud and accomplished, whatever they are. Make a plan to do something special for yourself soon. Whatever you may have been putting off, now is the perfect time to do it. Feel that small measure of self-approval grow when you donthe things that make you feel pride and accomplishment. Feel that excitement for the future build as you make plans to do that special thing for yourself. Tell your husband that you won't be angry or sad for very long. Just as long as it takes to feel those feelings out. And when you can, let him be there with you, helping to calm the termiol that you feel.

It's really good that you decided to take the time to work on yourself in ways that helped you to feel both accomplished and constructive. That's a really important part of re-accepting yourself when the diagnosis has disrupted your sense of self. Dating is a hard game for anyone. Like a lot of people, I struggled with lots of loneliness and rejection before I was diagnosed. For all my hard work in the gym, and trying to be a better man, I faced blunt disapproval often. I didn't want to be guilty of wasting anyone's time. I wanted to find someone I genuinely clicked with, who I could try to build a great relationship with. I waited for a long time. I dated a lot of people who weren't genuine, or who tried to waste my time despite not being interested in something serious. I felt like I had little to offer anyone, and that my few flaws were so deeply rooted in my being that I would never find the love and respect I need. Sound like a relatable story? If it does, that would be because most people feel this way when faced with the difficulties of dating. It is difficult to meet the right person at the right time. But, it's reassuring to know that there are a lot of great people out there. You just have to find one of those great people who both think the timing is right, and that you are great, too. That can be hard to find, but it's not impossible. It's commendable that you value other people's time. You already know that kping secrets and avoiding hard conversations certainly won't cultivate a meaningful relationship. You should keep your timing more natural to you. If your instincts tell you to learn more about a person before you would cobsider intimacy, listen. If your instincts tell you sooner is better than later to get physical, go ahead and disclose. Confidence, empathy, and being ready to answer questions helps. But I always recommend that if the pressure is high, and you find hope really riding on one person's response. It might be a good idea to try talking to several people, or having a couple of dates to work on before getting overly invested in one thing working out. I'm not saying sleep with a bunch of people in rapid succession. But there is nothing wrong with juggling a couple of text convos or going on a few first dates before choosing who to break off and who to disclose to. Personally, I found that when I felt the lowest and just wanted to go on a bunch of first dates to see who might actually honestly like a guy like me, I felt a lot of the pressure to be perfect fade. I also felt the investment in any one person fade to an appropriate level. Rather than putting one individual after another on a pedestal. It especially made rejection easier to abaorb and bounce back from. Because at least some other person still thought I was worth their time. It's not easy to do, but you have to treat dating as much like an evaluation of yourself as it is of others. You evaluate you independence from others' opinions about your worth. You test your ability to gauge another person's character. You guage your own preferences and needs. It's better a question to ask, am I putting in too much hope with one person. Than to ask, am I right for this person. It's better to ask, what do I need. Than to ask, what do they expect.

You definitely did the right thing for yourself by trying to talk about your situation. What you're going through is not petty or unimportant. But you deserve to feel excitment for the future, and comfort within your own head. There are a few compounding factors which contribute to your struggle. Identify them, and decide to take action to change things. But also seek acceptance and love for yourself. I know very well the struggle to accept one's self, flaws included. For some people, acceptance and contentment come easier. For others, they need to hammer away at the rough edges they find in themself in order to earn their own love and respect. Most people fall between those categories. Choosing to take on the life-long endeavor to accept yourself, earn your own respect, and to love yourself is generally not a simple thing. But, it leads to discovering not just how to earn someone else's love and respect, flaws included... It also leads to learning how to respect and love others. most importantly, it leads to learning that you do indeed deserve the love and respect of someone you care deeply for! Herpes hasn't ruined some valuable part of you. It hasn't changed much, in fact. You can be a good person. You can do good things. You can earn your own admiration, and you can earn the admiration of others, too. I would recommend that you take a look at the things you hope for, the things you fear, and the things that make you feel excitment for the future. These are the most important things to you and you can affect them. In turn, they will affect you. Start by choosing to do something to reward youself. Something you don't count on anyone else for. Maybe something that you have held back from because you were seeking a better time, or saving for a special occasion. Make a plan to do that thing soon. Look forward to it. Be excited to do it. You will start to feel like there must be other things to look forward to, and to be excited about. There certainly are plenty of those things! While you are in the process of generating excitement for the near future, commit to earning your own admiration so that you can feel good about continuing to feel excitment for the future. Personally, I recommitted myself to going to the gym. Weightlifting is an important honby to me, nearly religious. I'll never set a world record, and I'll never be as strong as I want to be. But it makes me feel like myself. It helps me to reapect myself. It gathers my chi, my life force. You have at least one hobby or one facet of your routine that can do the same for you. You can use it as your personal gauge to evaluate your worth to yourself. Not by comparison to anyone else, but strictly internally. Do that. Give yourself permission to feel proud of yourself for what you accomplish! You'll see that you are very much worthy of admiration, especially your own. When you know that you have reason to look forward to a positive future, and that you are worthy of your own respect, challenge yourself to hope for better. Strive for goals that you can put a reasonable deadline on. Encourage yourself to try hard, and risk failure, knowing that even failure places you well within your realm of respect and admiration. Then, endeavor to learn what kind of person deserves your love and respect. Chances are, that person is smart, strong, capable and desireable, just like you. Give no ground on that pursuit. Commit yourself to refusing to settle for a person who simply "accepts your condition". Settle only for a person who ignites your admiration, and who readily recognizes how valuable you are. Do you stack up with that person? You might not think so now, but I assure you that you deserve no less. I know it without any doubt, because I know that you are deserving of your own respect and admiration. Because you are worthy of having contentment inside your own head. Because you are capable of kindness, integrity, compassion, and passion. And there is nothing that a person who is also worthy of your respect and admiration could desire more. If you choose to aknowlede your fears, your hopes, and your perspective about the future. If you choose to engage those things with tenacity and integrity. If you really test yourself and evaluate your performance based on your own internal criteria. You find out that you are capable, intelligent, desirable, and worthy. Maybe you haven't already seen it. Maybe you forgot. Maybe you've been struggling for so long that you never got a chance to see it. It's hard to infer from a the few paragraphs you've written. But I know you can give yourself permission to find out. You deserve the chance. As many chances as you need. Being so young, your criteria will probably change, and your self-image will probably change, too. That's why this is an endeavor, a pursuit. Because it will probably never end. I'm 30, and I find I need to earn my own respect every day. I take pride in it now. I enjoy proving to myself that I am worthy of my own admiration. In the struggle to do so, I inadvertently earn the admiration of the people closest to me. And that feeds a powerful fire in me, to keep struggling toward the things most important to me. It makes my day to day a challenge and an adventure. Not all the time, but I like to think of it that way. It's a lot more exciting than just bushing my teeth, going to work, and calling my mom sometimes. But some days, that's all it takes.

Congratulations for your disclosure! That took a lot of courage and compassion! It's really great to read all of this and see that you cared so much for their time and for their right to consent before becoming intimate. I really hope things work out!

Few jobs require an STD test at all. Even fewer test for herpes. Worse, most clinics and doctors won't test for herpes even if you ask for "everything". There is a mountain of misinformation about herpes. This is why disclosure and answering questions accurately matters. Because MOST people don't know what it is, how it is transmitted, or how to tell if they have it. On the flip side, nobody is "definitely STD free" until you see the lab results. Harsh reality, I know. I live it, too.

That is an impossibly complex question. It's much more important what you feel about yourself, your future, and what you will do with thise valuable things. I recommend that nobody dwell on how and why, because it tends to lead to more anger, more guilt, and more shame. Something that none of us in this community need more of.

Welcome to the community! I also wws diagnosed while in a relationship, and we stuck together. It takes a lot of communication and willingness to change perspective for you to have remained strong for each other! Congratulations! It seems like you have a lot of resilience to be able to see your worth. But like many of us, you struggle to fully accept yourself and to appreciate yourself. And that's okay. Because it isn't going to stay that way. There are a lot of factors that contribute tova person having the ability to accept and appreciate themself. Outlook to the future, desirability, value, and imapct on others are major contributers to how we asses our own worth as a human being. Those are things you can influence on an internal level by doing external things, but a bigger factor is giving yourself permission to feel like a good person. That can be hard to do. So, I'd recommend that you keep setting goals for yourself and working toward achieveing them incrementally. This is the best way to feel like your life is leading somewhere, and it helps to force yourself to accept things as they are, but also strive for small improvements. This is different for everyone, but I personally set some goals I would hit anyway: like keeping my job, and saying something nice to my girlfriend every day. There are plenty of normal things you can give yourself some credit for, and learn to like yourself enough. Until then, as my brother says, "inflict yourself upon society". Be who you are in public, and unashamedly. Every good person deserves that.

Hi! I know things may be harder than you made it seem. If you really are handling things as clinically as it sounds in your post, you should be proud of your level of resilience! It's a really good thing that you went to doctors with questions and sought advice from them. From the medical journals I have read, and advice I have gotten from my doctor, preventing spreading and transmission isn't impossible. Generally, washing your hands normally with regular soap and warm water is enough to keep the virus under control and to protect other people. You don't have to get crazy with chemicals, herpes is weak outside a host and dies in a matter of minutes. So treating it like a plague, or the flu is overboard. For relationships and sex, it's reasonable to get on a daily suppression medicine like valacyclovir and insist on using condoms. Combining that with abstaining during an outbreak reduces chances of transmission dramatically, but it some risk remains and anyone you intend to get intimate with deserves to consent fully, knowing there is risk. That said, there are many people who understand that herpes is common, and that it does not stop anyone from being a good person. Disclosure shows courage and compassion to a very rare degree! You should be proud that you have disclosed in the past, and continue to do so. If you haven't already, you will see that herpes really isn't that big of a thing, even in relationships. As a person who dealt with a lot of loneliness and rejection before my diagnosis, I can tell you that herpes is not the biggest obstacle most peope who are diagnosed face in dating. But if it is, you must have a ton of great things to offer the right person! Not to deflect the difficulties anyone faces, becausw they are there and they are real. But, finding a way to accept yourself and find pride in the good things you have to offer is a much bigger challenge than living with herpes inherently is. It's a good thing that you are conscious of your responsibility to protect others from transmission, protect yourself from spreading the virus, and to promote a good quality of life for yourself in managing symptoms. Those will end up being easy things. From my own experience, the hard things were feeling content with myself, proud of my good qualities, and comfortable with my own body. If you don't have any problems with those things, then you are doing pretty well with handling your situation.

Definitely get a new doctor if you aren't happy with the one you have! Also, just be sure to wash your hands with soap and warm water as normal and things should be fine. Data suggests that regular hand washing effectively kills the herpes virus, and it doesn't live outside a host for long at all. A matter of minutes, I think. The stress and the fear of the diagnosis compounded by caring for a young child seems to be building up a bit. If you find yourself really struggling with those thoughts, consider posting in the "herpes buddies" thread and see if there is anyone else who has raised a child while dealing with this kind of situation. Data shows it is entirely possible not to transmit.

Now, I can't speak to every situation. but I will point out that generally when you are beyond the stage of being fooled by mistaking physcal attraction for love, you probably know what you are looking for. For a couple who has learned many lessons, I would assume that you both are at a stage where you value honesty in both presentation of your wants as well as who you are at your core. So, what does herpes even matter? Probably very little. However, I understand your anxiety. It's a big deal to be faced with needing to be respectful of the other person's right to consent, but also to fear they will pack up and run. Coming here and discussing your situation with this community already demonstrates a great deal of courage and kindness. Follow through and disclose to this person. You obviously have invested a lot of effort and care to bring your relationship to this point. Don't throw it away by keeping this a secret, only to have guilt ruin a potentially wonderful thing. I can assure you that if you don't disclose, you will not be able to enjoy all of the good things that relationship could provide. It sounds like you've been doing all the right things so far, keep doing right and you will be afforded the chance for something really great!

@why I'm sorry to find out that you are feeling so low right now. I can see that you have endured a lot of hard times, despite bwing so young. It's really unfair that bad things happen to good people. But I want you to know that what you're dealing with is somethingany of us here have some familiarity with. You may even find that there are a lot of people who have experienced very similar circumstances to where you find yourself. I don't imagine that offers any comfort, but there are many people who have endured so much and then found themselves living very fulfilled lives, regardless of the hardships. If it helps, I considered shooting mysef no more than six months ago. Not because I felt like I was a bad person, but because I couldn't imagine myself ever doing the things I used to enjoy, and because I thought I would never be able to achieve any of the goals I had been working toward. Fortunately, I decided to really test myself by taking on way more responsibility at work than I thought I could handle, while simultaneously going to college, and writing a book. Just to see how miserably I might fail at all those things. But I found out I was wrong. I didn't fail. I didn't do amy worse or any better than I would have done. So, I decided to give myself a chance to have some relief from my own negative self-image I had adopted after my diagnosis. That was really difficult (still is sometimes). But I kept pushing myself to make bigger steps toward doing what I want to do and being who I want myself to be. I'm not really sure how good I am at achiving the long term stuff, but the goals I set so far for 2017 and 2018 are coming together. Relationship included. If you test yourself, you will find the same is true for you. You are still slart, capable, valuable and desireable. Fate, circumstances and bad luck can't change those things about you. Only your decisions and your choices influence those things. I know I come off as overly enthusiastic often, and it can seem like I don't have anything big to worry about. A major contributer to that is the fact that I decided to put the past behind me and have become keenly aware of my actions and their impact on others, as well as my own mortality. The bad stuff that happened doesn't excuse me from a responsibility to be a good person. It also doesn't make me any less of a good person, either. The bad stuff that happened didn't have a good reason for happening either. It's just things that happened. I'm still a good person. I can do good things. Just like you are still a good person, too.

@FunnyGirl Thanks for the kind feedback! I hope we get to hear back from @why and learn that they have gone on to grab their life and their perspective with both hands, steering it into something really great!