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hippyherpy

Valtrex Daily + Condoms = Do I Really Need to Disclose?

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I prefer casual sex and I'm pretty sure "the talk" isn't going to fly with some girl I just picked up from a bar who wants to have sex with me. That said, the following article says that a study was done and the results showed that combining daily Valtrex with condoms resulted in a transmission rate of .04%

 

I think this is pretty significant to the disclosure discussion. What this means is that there is probably a greater chance that the girl who's out looking to hook up that night will get herpes from some other guy she might have met at the bar who wasn't aware that he had it (1 out 4 people in my area have it, so that's probably something like 1/8 males, and 80% of them don't know they have it so they wouldn't be on Valtrex) than from someone who is taking Valtrex every day, using condoms for vaginal sex, and avoiding sex during breakouts.

 

Can we really say that it would be reckless not to disclose with a .04 transmission possibility?

 

Wouldn't I actually be doing her a favor by taking her "off the market" that night from potential partners who don't know they have it? Isn't she taking some responsibility from the get go by hooking up with "random" guys. Let's be honest, girls do that a lot these days in our current Tinder/hook-up culture.

 

A few other questions: what about raw sex or blow jobs? Are they totally out of the question or does Valtrex allow them to be in the equation?

 

Also, is it really necessary to see an Infectious Disease specialist after you get diagnosed?

 

I think there is way too much stigma surrounding genital herpes. It's straight up nonsense that oral heroes people don't "have to" disclose but genital HSV people do. There is so much stigma that I'm not sure that disclosure is always the best way to think about moving forward with ones sex life because trying to explain all of this is probably not going to make sense on a one night stand.. consider that so many people are misinformed about the risks of getting it and how "bad" it is (it's not HIV but it gets treated in our culture as a social death sentence regardless). If you are taking the best precautions than why not just go about doing your thing? You aren't hooking up during breakouts. You are taking the daily supressive therapy and using condoms. The people who are out there who are living the hook up lifestyle are probably going to get it sooner or later anyway- I know because I'm one of them.

 

 

 

Here is the article I mentioned:

 

http://www.herpes.org/protecting-uninfected-partners/

 

The 2004 publication of the results of a major scientific study on genital herpes has given new hope to couples in which one partner has herpes and the other does not. In January, 2004, in the New England Journal of Medicine, the results of a multicenter, randomized, clinical trial was published. This landmark study has offered new hope to these “discordant” couples, in which person has genital herpes and the other does not.

 

 

It is known that partners infected with genital herpes can transmit the infection to an uninfected partner BOTH when symptoms are present (such as redness and blisters) as well as when no symptoms are present (called “asymptomatic shedding”; see the paper on Asymptomatic Shedding at www.herpes.org ). Researchers have shown that viral shedding of herpes virus occurs very often from the genitals of the infected partner even when the infected partner has no symptoms: In some cases over 80% of the time. This means that an infected partner can transmit herpes to the uninfected partner even when no symptoms are present.

 

Wald et al, as well as other authors, have previously described on many occasions that the use of an antiviral compound such as Valtrex or acyclovir promptly decreased the incidence of viral shedding, reducing the shedding by over 80% in many cases. This profound reduction of viral particles was so significant that it made sense to do a research study to see if, indeed, that fewer uninfected partners became infected when the infected partner took antiviral medication regularly.

 

This important study enrolled 1484 discordant couples (again, “discordant” means that one partner had genital herpes and the other did not). The study ran for eight months. With half of the couples the infected partner took Valtrex, and in the other half the infected partner took placebo. The results were vitally important to discordant couples.

 

The research team found that infections developed in the uninfected partner in only 4 of the 743 couples in which the infected partner took Valtrex, whereas 16 of 741 uninfected partners developed the infection when placebo was taken. This was a reduction in risk to the uninfected partners of about 50%, when the statistics were examined. Viral shedding was reduced by about 70% when Valtrex was taken.

 

Close examination of the data indicates another important point. When partners wore condoms during intimate contact WHILE the infected partner took Valtrex every day, then only a single uninfected partner developed genital herpes. This, I think, is a very important take home point.

 

Discordant couples should discuss whether the infected partner should take antiviral therapy. These results give scientific proof that a discordant couple that approaches intimate contact with care can protect the uninfected partner to a very high degree. As the data prove, the results suggest that the chance of the uninfected partner becoming infected is reduced from 8 incidences per 220 couples that nearly always wore condoms but NO Valtrex (about a 4% chance overall) to 1 incidence in 223 couples that nearly always wore condoms and Valtrex WAS taken daily (about a 0.4% chance).

 

So, if the infected partner takes DAILY Valtrex AND the couple “nearly always” uses condoms, as well as avoiding intimate contact if any symptoms are present, the risk of contracting genital herpes during an eight month period goes from about four chances in a hundred all the way down to 4 chances in a thousand. This is a 90% risk reduction from NOT using medication and NOT using condoms.

 

By the way, Valtrex is the drug that was studied in this case. Would other antivirals work, such as Famvir or generic acyclovir? We do know that viral shedding is also reduced for acyclovir. However, the pharmacokinetics of Valtrex show that it generates a four hundred percent higher level of acyclovir in the bloodstream than does generic acyclovir (Valtrex turns INTO acyclovir once it is absorbed). Thus, it is possible that Valtrex is a superior drug and might have greater protection. This study did not look at the other drugs, and chances are that such a study might not be undertaken, given the enormous cost of conducting this research.

 

Finally, REMEMBER!! This study only looked at people who took the medication every single day during the study. There is NO PROOF that taking a pill right before intercourse – or for a few days before intimate contact – offers ANY protection to the uninfected partner at this time. Perhaps such a study will be done one day, but for now, to offer the best chance to the uninfected partner, then the infected partner must take the medication every day.

 

As with all medical information, persons with herpes infections and their partners should make ALL medical decisions together with an informed and caring physician so that the right care is given.

 

CONCLUSION: This important work sends a very clear message. As Corey et al pointed out in a recent edition of Herpes magazine, “the International Herpes Management Forum (IHMF) now recommends that physicians offer suppressive valaciclovir therapy to immunocompetent individuals concerned about transmitting genital herpes to a heterosexual partner, and advises safer sex behaviour, including the use of condoms, to prevent genital herpes transmission.”2

 

References

 

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Herpes has been with us for longer than the human race can remember. It's not deadly. I have a hunch that all the hysteria surrounding herpes was drummed up by pharmaceutical companies trying to make profit selling drugs for herpes. Why would we want to play into their frame by continuing to make a big deal out of this thing via "disclosure" talks? Just so that they can keep their pockets lined with ridiculously high profit margins?

 

Do we really want want to feed the hype machine?

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Hey hippyherpy. (Great name, by the way). ;)

 

Welcome! Regardless of how low the % is — our handouts http://eepurl.com/b4IPP are based on the popular numbers — from 1-10% depending on medication and barrier methods. And the fact remains, no one gets 1% of herpes. People either get it or they don't. There's always a chance.

 

Your point has been discussed at length on these forums before. Here's a blog I wrote about this double standard you're pointing to: https://herpeslife.com/disclosing-cold-sores-oral-herpes-hsv-1-to-potential-partners-before-kissing/

 

There is a preference that we have as a community here. That preference is for transparency and openness. Especially when it comes to the kind of intimacy that sex involves (even if it's only sex for one night). And you might be surprised that disclosing might actually make the sex that much hotter! (I know, it kind of blew my mind a bit, too.) Integrity, vulnerability and consideration of another human being is just super hot. ;) And finding this out and practicing it in my life is what had me so inspired to share it and create this whole Herpes Opportunity thing in the first place.

 

So the question becomes: Which feeds the hype and stigma more? Shamelessly talking about sex and the risks (and awesomeness) involved or not talking about anything and jumping straight into bed? I've seen so many examples of having the talk actually brings people CLOSER together because of the shared humanity that it brings (and yes, even one night stands). You might want to check out the e-book here: http://eepurl.com/b4IPP and Lifestyle Guide #3 that's all about how to have the talk that leads to super hot and connected sex. https://herpesopportunity.com/guides.php


Free e-book & handouts: https://www.herpesopportunity.com/lp/ebook 
The Opportunity Lifestyle Guides: https://www.herpesopportunity.com/lp/lifestyle-guides
Book a one-on-one coaching session: https://www.herpesopportunity.com/lp/herpes-coaching

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TOUGH LOVE ALERT

 

 

@hippyherpy one, I will start off saying, based on what you said on your post, would it really even make a difference to your conscious if we told you it is wrong to do so, because I have a sneaking suspicion you will be deceitful despite what we tell you?

 

In part of the article you shared the following: Researchers have shown that viral shedding of herpes virus occurs very often from the genitals of the infected partner even when the infected partner has no symptoms: In some cases over 80% of the time. This means that an infected partner can transmit herpes to the uninfected partner even when no symptoms are present.

 

^^^^ W information like that, why would you think it is OK to not disclose? The risk is still there and while you feel it's not a big deal, for some it is. First off, the devastation it creates mentally for people is the biggest problem. I watch people come on forums devastated, become severely depressed and some talk of suicide. How selfish is that of you, to decide for someone else whether it is a big deal or not, because getting your rocks off is more important? Secondly, for some people such as myself, this virus has wrecked havoc on their health. I have multiple autoimmune diseases, which not only made my primary OB horrific, it caused such severe neuropathy on my buttock, back of thighs, w electrical shooting pain to all 22 location's of my sores that I could see, but in my vagina, feet and rectum. I felt like a burn victim and had to go to the ER and be out on anticonvulsants for four months, which had horrific side effects. To this day, over a yr later, I have constant obs, despite taking meds daily, can no longer sit on hard surfaces, as I always have tenderness on my tailbone, back of thighs and buttock. At my one yr mark, I had 8 back to back obs for two months straight. If someone has cancer, gets cancer and goes through treatment that suppresses their immune system, it will wreck havoc. People w diabetes will have a harder time w it and anyone w autoimmune disease for that matter. So are you going to ask for a run down of their medical history first, to know that it shouldn't be much trouble for them, if they get it?

 

I got this from someone who lied to my face about having it and I find it highly inappropriate for you to treat others health so wrecklessly, as if you are God, to pick and choose that for another.there are plenty on here who have caught herpes, despite using protection and the number for reducing shedding by that study is pretty exaggerated, it is not that high and other studies will contest that number. This hits home w me, because it was somebody w your same mentality, that has changed my health significantlysignificantly for life. If I even stop taking the meds, I develop severe chronic fatigue. One hr or more of physical activity will deplete me to the point I'm barely functioning, feel sick and will sleep for 15hrs and still need two more days to recover. You don't know if you are going to infect someone who has this type of reaction, not to mention, most seem to have a conscious and believe in disclosure and now you've made their life harder and have to deal w the fear of rejection. It is not OK to play God? Just remember, KARMA....for me, those low transmission numbers don't apply to me, because I seem to be active the majority of a month and I cannot reassure a partner of low transmission.. That's not fair to do that to someone else .

 

Lastly I will add, it is illegal to knowingly have sex w soneone and not disclose and they can take legal action if they catch it. Not only can they sue you for damages, but cost of medical treatment for the rest of their life for it AND it is public information, so it will be in the paper and people will know your name and face. This is just my honest opinion, as I'm the face of someone who chose to lie to me.. I could be the girl you infect.

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Also, in regards to bow many people of of x have it, your numbers are wrong. You say you're basically doing a girl a favor taking her home and saving her from others, but it is 1 in 4 women who have it, it is 1 in 8 men... So, you're not saving her if that's what you think and mentalities such as this, are why HSV is at epidemic proportions.

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Also, I never have slept around. I went two yrs no sex and had sex once and got this. The assumption that being promiscuous us why you get it, is way off. There are more people I see that aren't promiscuous who get it, than are.

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If someone asked me I wouldn't lie about. How many people out there have your condition? How many people out there with your condition would sleep around like one night stand knowing they had your condition and what could happen?

 

I'd have no problem talking about it if they want to bring it up, but why should it be up to me to bring it up?

 

Also compare .04 % transmission to 5-10% of viral shedding for that 1/8 people ( works out to possible 1.25% ) who don't know they have it- it's less of a chance. So, yes if this is the case, they have less of a chance of getting than with some random dude. People are rolling the dice when they go home with a stranger, and they might be rolling the dice even in a monogamous relationship.

 

You missed the point of the article. It said, yes, in some cases 80% of the time viral shedding can occur, but with Valtrex- it reduces the shedding by 80%.. it didn't say that viral shedding will still be there 80% of the time with Valtrex- that the Valtrex works to supress it.

 

I was shocked when I found out I had it, but the truth is I should have gotten it a long time ago. I didn't get the risks before.

 

For me, it's been a few blisters that went away. I take a pill everyday, and I don't have any problems. Some one like yourself, in the situation that you are in, I can understand why you'd be mad if you knew about what you had and the person lied to you anyway. That is a true betrayal.

 

However, that's very different from a situation in which the infected partner is doing the opposite of the reckless thing and taking all the measures to drop transmission rate down .04% which probably lower than the rate you'd expect from sharing a towel or whatever.

 

 

Not to belittle your situation, but the legality of herpes is very screwed up. How you can prove that a particular person gave it to you, especially if you are sleeping around a lot? Someone with herpes can be taken to court for this and then think they are guilty even when they might not be.

 

Check out this article:

http://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2011/aug/19/jail-herpes-sexually-transmitted-infection

 

".. given the widespread incidence of herpes infection in the general population (70% have facial herpes (cold sores) and 10% genital herpes according to the Herpes Viruses Association) and that people may pass on the virus through "asymptomatic shedding", millions of people have been rendered potential criminals, including, presumably, those who pass on cold sores through kissing (how is "sexually transmitted" to be defined?). Third, given that herpes may be dormant for a long time, people may assume that it is a current partner who has transmitted it when in fact it was a previous one (the science is insufficient to establish that this is not the case), and people may ill-advisedly plead guilty when confronted with an allegation."

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@hippyherpy

Well I first I want to say "Yay for the advancements in medicine". That is extremely exciting for us and potential partners in the future. The lower the risk of transmission the better right? :)

 

As far as not disclosing, in my personal opinion, I would like to guide you away from that way of thinking. The truth is....like Adrial said...you perpetuate the stigma. Secrecy, betrayal, hiding things like this makes herpes seem worse than we know it is. You have a very open perspective on the matter. Which I do as well. I KNOW it is not a huge health risk for MOST. Unfortunately it is major for some people like @2Legit2Quit.

 

Because there is a possibility of transmission (no matter how small) we have a responsibility to others and ourselves, to give potential partners a choice. You would be quite shocked at how many people are still interested in casual sex with you. I wouldn't say don't disclose because of the minimal risk but DO disclose because of it. Spread the word. Let people know the statistics.

 

You control yourself. All I can do is hope to guide you in the right direction. I for one think it is extremely important to let someone know prior to sex. It shows you hold no shame in this. Why should you? So my vote is to be open. Be honest. Own your condition. You think that not disclosing is beating the stigma but it is not. It continues the cycle of people associating negative feelings with the infection. Also, are you sure you want people to look at you that way? Do you really want to be known as the guy who knew he had herpes, didn't say anything but gave it to a girl? I am on the receiving end of that guy and let me tell you.....I don't care for him very much.

 

I hope this helps.

-Anna

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Adriel, you make a good point. How can someone disclose on a one night stand?

 

In my experience so far, the minute someone hears "herpes" they are out the door.

 

It happened to me recently. There's a lot of advice out there for women saying things like "herpes is great because it helps me screen out the guys who aren't into me" etc.

 

There is very little advice for guys who want to have casual sex.

 

Combine super low transmission rate of .04% with the fact that it is a shared responsibility- it takes two people to have sex. If one person doesn't ask, why should I have to bring it up?

 

Here's another example to illustrate my point.

Let's say you are a straight man (read: not gay at all and the thought of having sex with another man makes induces nausea) and you meet a girl who seems super attractive. You allow her to give you oral sex, then later you find out that she was really a man dressed as woman. Like Herpes, what's done is done, and you can't erase that memory. Like most cases of herpes, the actual physical problems that would come after the fellatio incident are negligible (or in the case of herpes, very manageable considering that anyone, even people with no money can get health insurance and get a Valtrex prescription now). It can even be argued that the psychological distress that someone who goes through that experience could be similar to the stress caused by the false stigma of herpes.

 

The question is- is the man dressed like a woman really at fault? He/she was just doing his/her thing. The guy on the receiving end of the oral sex didn't ask if it was a man or a woman, so I think it's his responsibility to deal with the consequences and how he feels about the situation.

 

That's how I think about my herpes infection.. it's not life threatening and I had it coming. I don't blame the person who gave it to me.

 

----

 

Also, on the topic of disclosure..

For famous people who are known to have it, like Derek Jeter.. does he have to have "the talk" with new girls? It's public knowledge that he has it, so doesn't that count as disclosure.

 

Which makes me think- if there was an online database where people who have herpes could list their names for all the public to see.. would they still have to have "the talk"- since it would be out there in the public, wouldn't it be up to the person that was considering having sex with them to look it up?

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Like you, Adriel- you're name is out there. You have a website that tells the world "I have herpes" Why should you have to have "the talk" If some girl is interested in having sex with you, she can you look you up online. A lot of girls do that kind of snooping/stalking when they are considering a man for a relationship beyond a one night stand anyway.

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Anna, if I believed I had a significant risk of passing on herpes, I wouldn't have sex with people without disclosing. But that is not the case with a .04% risk of transmission. Also, I know that the power of the stigma because I believed it too before I got herpes.

 

It's not a secret or betrayal if the other person doesn't ask.

 

If they ask, then we can have the talk and I can tell them ".04%" and how billions of dollars have probably been spent trying to keep a false stigma alive so that big pharma can make a lot more money.

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When I disclosed to my now-girlfriend, she looked at me with a coy smile and said "Yeah, I already know that you have herpes; I googled you. I just wanted to see how you'd disclose to me." It was super cute, hilarious and a beautiful moment. And it opened up an amazing conversation that was vulnerable, funny and deeply connecting. And why did I disclose? Because I care about the health and happiness of whoever I'm going to be intimate with. Because I want to treat others how I want to be treated. Because integrity is super important to me. And heck, it's just the decent thing to do.

 

Ask any good woman out there what the sexiest thing is in a man ...

 

One word: INTEGRITY.

 

Try it out. All it takes is practice; and it's a fucking awesome feeling to live life in such deep integrity. And the *side effect* of living life like this is that it happens to be very attractive.

 

To answer all your questions about how to do it, again, check out the links I gave above. It's a powerful perspective shift that can actually make the fact that you have herpes a good thing. It tends to force all these good qualities that you might have been suppressing to the forefront. You might think of it as your — ahem — opportunity. ;)

 

Here's what it comes down to: If sex is just for getting off and there's no need or desire for any human connection, then why not just masturbate or get a blow-up doll?


Free e-book & handouts: https://www.herpesopportunity.com/lp/ebook 
The Opportunity Lifestyle Guides: https://www.herpesopportunity.com/lp/lifestyle-guides
Book a one-on-one coaching session: https://www.herpesopportunity.com/lp/herpes-coaching

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At least you've come here to try and justify it, it shows there's still an element of indecision.

 

Here's what bothers me.. my giver had a one-nighter with a guy. A few months on, I dated her with honest intentions and looking for a relationship - we had the std talk, she had tested clear recently and we used condoms, but I caught it anyway - within a couple of weeks. I didn't have it coming like you say you did, but transmission seems to be much easier shortly after infection. Your crowd aren't likely to wait a year before having the next one night stand are they? If you give it to one girl tomorrow, either she won't know and start her own family tree of + partners, or she'll face the same awkward dilemna and it's up to her to change instead.

 

Honestly, I've had the same thoughts myself.. only with hypothetical ONS. But for me I'd rather be responsible, give my conscience an easy time, and impress serious prospects with some integrity. In my experience, all the girls who have heard "herpes" have all still been interested. (only 3, and I didn't just meet them on a night out, but still..)

 

Btw, if you're from the UK I doubt we even have to discuss about legal implications.

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I do want human connection- masturbation isn't the same. You can experience strong connections from casual sex. Also, I'm not looking for a girlfriend. That's a cool story though about her googling you. Girls love to snoop haha

 

.04% is so small that I don't consider that a threat to their health- and if they are like the majority of people who don't have a condition like 2legit, then it's really not a "threat" to their health.

 

That's thing- we keep framing herpes as being a threat to health or as dangerous, but it's generally not. It's cold sores on your genitals. Little kids give HSV to each other all the time. There are so many other things that can cause complications on the level of what 2legit is dealing with, yet they don't have the same stigma as herpes.

 

If it was so dangerous, then they'd put us all in quarantine. They don't even do that for HIV patients. Off topic, but as life threatening as HIV is, it too can be managed to the point where I know of someone who has HIV who gets his levels checked and it often doesn't even show up in the test results because his medicine has knocked it out so much.

 

 

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There's a whole thread on hsv and casual sex. It's worth taking a look at. Generally speaking, the risk is minimal but it's still there. Just some food for thought, what happens if you do transmit the virus. Are you comfortable with that? And comfortable with saying to that person yeah I knew, but telling people was preventing me from getting laid? Idk but really it is about integrity. And that's your decision.

 

For the record, I disclosed in a casual sex situation, and my partner wasn't particularly concerned. As long as protection was used.

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At least you've come here to try and justify it, it shows there's still an element of indecision.

 

Here's what bothers me.. my giver had a one-nighter with a guy. A few months on, I dated her with honest intentions and looking for a relationship - we had the std talk, she had tested clear recently and we used condoms, but I caught it anyway - within a couple of weeks. I didn't have it coming like you say you did, but transmission seems to be much easier shortly after infection. Your crowd aren't likely to wait a year before having the next one night stand are they? If you give it to one girl tomorrow, either she won't know and start her own family tree of + partners, or she'll face the same awkward dilemna and it's up to her to change instead.

 

Honestly, I've had the same thoughts myself.. only with hypothetical ONS. But for me I'd rather be responsible, give my conscience an easy time, and impress serious prospects with some integrity. In my experience, all the girls who have heard "herpes" have all still been interested. (only 3, and I didn't just meet them on a night out, but still..)

 

Btw, if you're from the UK I doubt we even have to discuss about legal implications.

 

Again, if I thought I was putting someone at a serious risk of getting dangerous disease, I wouldn't be having sex with them in the first place.

 

I'm here because I'm new to this and want to get the real on what herpes is and what it means to have it. I'm betting we are going to see a huge rise in the number of people who have it in the near future. You can thank YOLO and hook-up culture for that.

 

What's up with the UK and legal implications? I read that one article about the guy who went to jail for fourteen months. That's a damn shame and I completely disagree with that verdict. I posted the article earlier in this thread. All it is doing is feeding the wallets of the pharmaceutical companies who not only make money off of herpes medicine, but all the anti-depressants and anti-anxiety medication that someone might decide to go on after finding out they got it thanks to the relatively recent (early 1980s) push to stigmatize the virus.

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I'm heading out the door to work, so I can't give a full response (YET!) but I'm going to give you a bunch of links that will show you that your idea that no one will want to have sex with you if you disclose is waaay off base ... I think your problem is the fear of rejection, so you need to find a "reason" to avoid that possibility. WE have a lot of people who have discussed this on here and have told their "Success Stories" about their Casual Sex hookups :)

 

And a quick reply to this:

 

 

Again, if I thought I was putting someone at a serious risk of getting dangerous disease, I wouldn't be having sex with them in the first place.

 

It's not that H is a dangerous disease, but not everyone accepts it like you have. You stand a really good chance of eventually passing this to *someone* if you are regular casual sex partaker ... and the EMOTIONAL damage that could be inflicted (thanks to the stupid stigma) usually FAR more painful than the OB's .. AND... not everyone has it as easy as you have... not everyone responds to the meds like you have. Some have had symptoms for over a year WITH the meds. IF they chose to have sex and they get it, it just plain doesn't have as much emotional pain associated with it... yes, they may beat themselves up for their choice, but BETRAYAL is a far bigger emotional trigger :)

 

Gotta Go - work calls

 

 

http://www.womenshealthmag.com/sex-and-relationships/dating-with-herpes Ella

 

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/70/herpes-disclosure-and-casual-sex general discussion

 

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/6484/another-great-interview-with-ella-dawson-includes-great-info-on-how-she-deals-with-casual-sex

 

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/2056/semi-success-i-dont-know-just-read-it thiisgoingtobeok (Casual Sex Successful Disclosure)

 

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/3271/first-disclosure-was-a-success-i-can-breathe-now- Rogue1313 (casual friend)

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/3368/my-one-night-wonder Casual sex Willow

 

 

 

 

 

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@hippyherpy The reality is that you are putting someone at risk. Risk is risk. No matter how small the percent of transmission is, the risk of giving this to another individual is there. You can make an excuse all you want...the risk is small, I used a condom, she didn't ask so I didn't tell. It isn't about the other person and whether or not they were responsible. It is about you. It is about the type of person you want to be. This isn't a bacteria. It is a virus and it sticks with you for life. So no matter how small it is in your mind, it is still kind of a big deal to a lot of people. So much to the point that we should give people a choice. If a girl doesn't ask you straight out, that doesn't mean you shouldn't tell her. You should tell her for her well being and for your own. Conscience is a powerful thing and you need to be careful with it. Don't do things that might weigh on you later.

 

Also like Adrial said integrity is extremely attractive....extremely! My ex made a huge mistake when he didn't disclose to me. He underestimated my depth. If he would've been honest I wouldn't have dumped him over it. In my experience with disclosure I have told a few guys. One I am dating now and two are friends of mine. When I told them, I was extremely confident, I was honest and I held no shame. They both like me more now. They wonder why we never dated and they find me MORE attractive because of how I am handling this. My honesty lets them know they can trust me. Honesty is a beautiful thing. Honesty doesn't require a question. Someone I plan to be intimate with doesn't need to ask me if I have an STI because I will tell them. I will tell them without shame because there is nothing to be ashamed of. I feel THAT is how we can break the stigma.

 

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I'm heading out the door to work, so I can't give a full response (YET!) but I'm going to give you a bunch of links that will show you that your idea that no one will want to have sex with you if you disclose is waaay off base ... I think your problem is the fear of rejection, so you need to find a "reason" to avoid that possibility. WE have a lot of people who have discussed this on here and have told their "Success Stories" about their Casual Sex hookups :)

 

And a quick reply to this:

 

 

Again, if I thought I was putting someone at a serious risk of getting dangerous disease, I wouldn't be having sex with them in the first place.

 

It's not that H is a dangerous disease, but not everyone accepts it like you have. You stand a really good chance of eventually passing this to *someone* if you are regular casual sex partaker ... and the EMOTIONAL damage that could be inflicted (thanks to the stupid stigma) usually FAR more painful than the OB's .. AND... not everyone has it as easy as you have... not everyone responds to the meds like you have. Some have had symptoms for over a year WITH the meds. IF they chose to have sex and they get it, it just plain doesn't have as much emotional pain associated with it... yes, they may beat themselves up for their choice, but BETRAYAL is a far bigger emotional trigger :)

 

Gotta Go - work calls

 

 

http://www.womenshealthmag.com/sex-and-relationships/dating-with-herpes Ella

 

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/70/herpes-disclosure-and-casual-sex general discussion

 

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/6484/another-great-interview-with-ella-dawson-includes-great-info-on-how-she-deals-with-casual-sex

 

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/2056/semi-success-i-dont-know-just-read-it thiisgoingtobeok (Casual Sex Successful Disclosure)

 

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/3271/first-disclosure-was-a-success-i-can-breathe-now- Rogue1313 (casual friend)

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/3368/my-one-night-wonder Casual sex Willow

 

 

 

 

 

I hear what you are saying, but again: .4%

 

Think about that.

 

1/223

 

 

That's incredibly low odds.

 

And, what are the odds that if they do get it, that's it's going to be terrible or unmanageable? If the odds were high, then we'd see kids getting quarantined if they had cold sores- it would be treated like the plague.

 

 

Here's a question for you guys who think this is such a bad disease:

 

Why would you sleep with anyone at all, even if they consented, if you believed this was such a terrible disease? Especially if "not everyone responds to it" as well as I have. Who knows- they might consent to it, and then, if it's really so terrible, end up with some terrible complications do to herpes that they weren't aware was possible.. but wait a second, if that were the case then they'd put herpes up there with HIV legally. They haven't done that though.

 

This is the problem with framing herpes as a terrible thing.

 

In some ways, the hysteria around herpes reminds me of the hysteria surrounding marijuanna in the 1950s especially when we consider the fact that people who have oral herpes- almost the exact same thing and actually with more potential for complications, don't have to disclose. Something doesn't make sense.

 

 

 

 

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It's not that I wouldn't disclose if asked, but I don't yet see the need to bring it up if the other person doesn't ask about it.

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Well, first off, I was in the process of being tested for autoimmune disease's, I hadn't even made it to the rheumatologist, but was waiting, so I had no idea that my symptoms were autoimmune related, but had a suspicion. Many people walk around w autoimmune diseases and unaware of them and NOBODY knows that it was going to wreck havoc on someone w autoimmune diseases. Herpes is still a poorly misunderstood virus and we are just now learning that other herpes viruses we get as kids, are the cause and/or linked to other autoimmune diseases, including some cancers.

 

Had I wanted to, I could prove the person who gave it to me. You see, w new infections, you will come up negative in blood which I did, but positive in swab... I have evidence to prove he gave it to me and lied, for me, everything I was going through at the moment wasn't worth the mental energy to take legal action. Sometimes that is not worth getting retribution, at least for me it wasn't.

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You don't know if he was doing what he could to not transmit it as I didn't share that part w you. Law doesn't care that you're taking preventive measures as you are, they care you did not discle and passing it knowingly, as you are taking the persons right to choose away. Any articles you find on it, I have already read BTW. :-)

 

May I ask how old you are?

 

Why not give the STD dating sites a shot? My buddy only goes there to meet girls and if he just wants casual sex and you'd be surprised how many are actually game for casual sex. Now you both know what you're dealing w and can feel safer about not catching something else, because these people are likely more aware now of their body now and willing to be more careful, after the lesson of Herp.

 

@adrial this thread and the comments about that married man who was part of a swingers group, got it ans then gave it to his wife, who was not aware of his group activity and she got pregnant around the same time. I feel that thread would be a very informative one for @hippyherpy to read, especially because I believe that guy was trying to break down the statistics and numbers and you had to explain how it doesn't work that way.

 

Hippyherpy, Actually yes, the man/woman is at fault and that is why some have had charges dismissed after they beat up the trans person or even killed them (at least on a lesser charge) such as a crime of passion or what not. Yes, they have even been addressing this issue when it comes to it and should there be legal recourse. That person is absolutely responsible for lying and not disclosing. There are plenty of people out there available who will accept that person's situation. Nothing good comes from lies

 

Actually, they are finding out more and more, that people have been misdiagnosed and mental disorders they have, are a result of an autoimmune disease, such as thyroid disease. Bipolar disorder and depression has been identified as this as well, so that shows you right there, more people have autoimmune issues or would eventually develop them, than we ever thought before. We are just now learning these things and we can't make wreckless assumption about people's health status. I don't feel that you should be assuming these wild assumptions about how serious H is, in regards to health, because yes for most it isn't a huge deal, but how do you know you're not going to infect that one person that it causes meningitis and other major complications and possibly get sick and die. You're playing Russian roulette. You're playing God...

 

Also, we have some recent conversations going on here w people who are out on their profilesprofiles and Dancer is another one. They all will tell you, that it has made them get even more responses and still be game for sex, even being they are negative. Now doing that, you put the ball in their court, to take the risk of contracting it. Since 1 in 4 women have it, you're likely to have some pretty good prospects numbers wise.

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When I look at 1/223, one thing stands out to me...the number 1. That is 1 person. I would rather give that one person a choice vs keeping this info to myself and they come to me a couple weeks later, crying and sobbing because they are having their first OB. Just saying.

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Can anybody guide me to the research behind the 0.4% figure? I've seen the figures but have a hard time believing them.

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