Valtrex Daily + Condoms = Do I Really Need to Disclose?

[hippyherpy]

Well then, this is a tricky thing because even if you discuss it with them and even if they say yes, you could be introducing them to a lifetime of medical issues.

 

So let's say we are going to disclose- how much disclosure is ethical then?

 

Should you tell them all the stats like we've talked about on this thread? Do you just let them know that you have it? I didn't know the details of this thing before I got it. I thought you could only transmit if there were sores present...

 

 

"Yes the risk is very low if you takes meds and condoms, but if you get it, you got it for life, and it can have severe health complications even if you use meds etc."

 

Isn't that essentially feeding the stigma?

 

Also, there are types of complications that come from different things that aren't related to herpes at all.

 

[2Legit2Quit]

Not sure where you read that, because I've had this over a yr and researched it, even at the virology level and nowhere has it ever been said, you don't disclose gshv 1. If you've seen that, then please provide the resources for me to review.

 

You say that that you haven't decided on disclosing, yet all's you've done is go to the extreme to argue against disclosing. I've never seen so much energy in all the forums I've been on, to argue why they shouldn't have to disclose and you putting the blame on people who fear how herpes can wreck havoc on some of us, was shocking and that's not even the word I want to use, but I agreed to follow the community guidelines, so I have to be careful w what I say .

 

There was a guy on here several months ago who slept w a girl w ghsv 1 and he knew she had it and he used a condom and he still got it. He got it on his scrotum.

 

Your behavior has been very combative and blaming others for everything and how we all should refrain from sex,except for you that is. I have a best friend that has an autoimmune disease that was diagnosed a few yrs ago, but she got herpes like 10 or more yrs ago and the virus causes no issue w her. Nobody can predict how ones body will react, so for you to point blame at those of us who have autoimmune disease's and especially the ones who didn't know they had any yet when they got H, was disrespectful and rude.

 

HSV 1 and 2 only share 50% of their DNA and HSV 2 is more aggressive than HSV 1.

 

And then there you go again, on the same arguments. You continue to project the view you have on herpes, now that it changes you sex life, onto other's and it not being that bad. That isn't up to you to decide if they feel it is bad! Nobody cares what you think of it! You are not god, you don't have that right to decide how bad it is going to be for another. You arent here to listen, learn and understand; you are here to be combative, justify your deplorable behavior and put the blame on others on why they have no business in having sex, if they fear how herpes will react to them. You do realize there are different strains of each simplex and some are drug resistant and some are more aggressive than others right? There's no telling what strain you have! There's no telling how ones immune system will react! Our immune syatems are as unique as our thumbprints and is the reason why there is no telling how one will react to H. There are people who don't have autoimmune issues, that still can't manage herpes. Outside of my intital oral herpes OB that was only inside my mouth, I never get cold sores and never have! I might get a red dot in the corner of my mouth and that's it! You'd think since my body handled that so well, that it'd handled HSV 2 well, but it didn't! So for you to carelessly say and very ignorantly the things you do, is nothing short of wreckless!

 

You say:Well then, this is a tricky thing because even if you discuss it with them and even if they say yes, you could be introducing them to a lifetime of medical issues.

 

But guess what!? She still disclosed and when I disclosed I said that all though I'm the exception, not the rule, it's still possible for it to be like this for you and he still accepted it. I gave him the choice.

 

Stop finding every way to argue this, it is making you look souless and in a very bad light. Your arguments on how YOU deem it a bigger issue w stigma, rather than the actual virus is null and void! You don't get to decide that for a person. Whether it true or not, you are making yourself sound like a selfish, womanizing narcissist. Maybe you should do some serious self reflection.

 

You yourself have already provided studies about asymptomatic shedding and the majority, if not all of those who got it, got it from someone during asymptomatic shedding, yet you're still trying to justify it. You really should go back and read this entire thread to see how you sound. I had to read it to my mother last night and I'll have to refrain from sharing her words but they weren't pleasant .. Appalled would be an understatement.

 

Actually yes we do share the stats. There are disclosure pamphlets and a handout w the stats on there. If this isn't as bad as you think it is, then you should have no reason or problem w disclosing. I mean after all, you're pretty skilled at dismissing the stigma of the virus, why not apply that same passion in your personal life?

 

What are these other complications you speak of outside of herpes that you keep bringing up, which actually isn't even relevant if it doesn't relate to herpes?

 

You still haven't addressed my questions about taking home drunk girls for a third time for a hookup and I have a pretty good idea why you're not answering that.

[WCSDancer2010]

I never said I've decided on not disclosing. That's why I started this thread. I'm on the fence about it.

 

Well you seem to be doing your damndest to find any and every reason not to disclose....

 

I didn't know that HSV 1 has to be disclosed if it's genital.

 

Again, this is OUR policy here.... I'm sure others have other opinions on that. But we consider that with something as intimate as sex, where someone is putting their TRUST in you, that they deserve CHOICE.

 

My other point is- if herpes is as potentially bad as some in this thread are saying it can be (and nobody here has provided any stats on the frequency of how much it becomes so terrible), then why would you even let your partner take that risk at all? Sure it's their choice, but maybe they don't know how it will affect them down the line if they get it.

 

There are no studies/stats .... and I know we mostly get the people who are suffering and not so many who are asymptomatic ... but I've seen enough to know that for the FEW who have rough time, it's not a lot of fun. BUT ... and this is the point that you are not getting.... if someone gets Herpes KNOWING that they put themselves at risk, then they accept it a LOT better. Just as people jump out of airplanes all the time with a MINUTE risk of parachute failure ... but the few who get hurt in the process generally accept that risk was part of the deal... and BTW, anyone who takes people up for those jumps... they DISCLOSE those risks in a consent form. So - what's the difference???

 

The reason I'm asking that, is because I think this discussion comes down to this: how bad is herpes?

 

Depends on who you ask - and it's not for YOU to CHOOSE for them whether it's "bad" or not...

 

If it's not so bad, then the stigma is bs.

The stigma IS BS..... AAAAAAAAANNNNNNNDDDDD ..... YOU don't know how someone will react if they get it from you. But I can promise you one thing ... it's likely to be a LOT worse if they find out you didn't disclose to them ... both for you (they *could* take you to court in many states) and for them (the feeling of delusion, of betrayal, lack of trust, etc is HUGE in those who are infected by someone who chooses to not disclose)

 

In the above example concerning the suicidal girl- is she contemplating suicide because of false stigma, or because of the actual condition that she's dealing with?

 

Does it really matter? But usually it's the stigma talking .... but AGAIN, and I won't say this any more .... IT'S NOT UP TO YOU TO MAKE THAT CHOICE FOR HER CONCERNING THE RISK.

 

SMH

 

 

[hippyherpy]

Not sure where you read that, because I've had this over a yr and researched it, even at the virology level and nowhere has it ever been said, you don't disclose gshv 1. If you've seen that, then please provide the resources for me to review.

 

You say that that you haven't decided on disclosing, yet all's you've done is go to the extreme to argue against disclosing. I've never seen so much energy in all the forums I've been on, to argue why they shouldn't have to disclose and you putting the blame on people who fear how herpes can wreck havoc on some of us, was shocking and that's not even the word I want to use, but I agreed to follow the community guidelines, so I have to be careful w what I say .

 

There was a guy on here several months ago who slept w a girl w ghsv 1 and he knew she had it and he used a condom and he still got it. He got it on his scrotum.

 

Your behavior has been very combative and blaming others for everything and how we all should refrain from sex,except for you that is. I have a best friend that has an autoimmune disease that was diagnosed a few yrs ago, but she got herpes like 10 or more yrs ago and the virus causes no issue w her. Nobody can predict how ones body will react, so for you to point blame at those of us who have autoimmune disease's and especially the ones who didn't know they had any yet when they got H, was disrespectful and rude.

 

HSV 1 and 2 only share 50% of their DNA and HSV 2 is more aggressive than HSV 1.

 

And then there you go again, on the same arguments. You continue to project the view you have on herpes, now that it changes you sex life, onto other's and it not being that bad. That isn't up to you to decide if they feel it is bad! Nobody cares what you think of it! You are not god, you don't have that right to decide how bad it is going to be for another. You arent here to listen, learn and understand; you are here to be combative, justify your deplorable behavior and put the blame on others on why they have no business in having sex, if they fear how herpes will react to them. You do realize there are different strains of each simplex and some are drug resistant and some are more aggressive than others right? There's no telling what strain you have! There's no telling how ones immune system will react! Our immune syatems are as unique as our thumbprints and is the reason why there is no telling how one will react to H. There are people who don't have autoimmune issues, that still can't manage herpes. Outside of my intital oral herpes OB that was only inside my mouth, I never get cold sores and never have! I might get a red dot in the corner of my mouth and that's it! You'd think since my body handled that so well, that it'd handled HSV 2 well, but it didn't! So for you to carelessly say and very ignorantly the things you do, is nothing short of wreckless!

 

You say:Well then, this is a tricky thing because even if you discuss it with them and even if they say yes, you could be introducing them to a lifetime of medical issues.

 

But guess what!? She still disclosed and when I disclosed I said that all though I'm the exception, not the rule, it's still possible for it to be like this for you and he still accepted it. I gave him the choice.

 

Stop finding every way to argue this, it is making you look souless and in a very bad light. Your arguments on how YOU deem it a bigger issue w stigma, rather than the actual virus is null and void! You don't get to decide that for a person. Whether it true or not, you are making yourself sound like a selfish, womanizing narcissist. Maybe you should do some serious self reflection.

 

You yourself have already provided studies about asymptomatic shedding and the majority, if not all of those who got it, got it from someone during asymptomatic shedding, yet you're still trying to justify it. You really should go back and read this entire thread to see how you sound. I had to read it to my mother last night and I'll have to refrain from sharing her words but they weren't pleasant .. Appalled would be an understatement.

 

Actually yes we do share the stats. There are disclosure pamphlets and a handout w the stats on there. If this isn't as bad as you think it is, then you should have no reason or problem w disclosing. I mean after all, you're pretty skilled at dismissing the stigma of the virus, why not apply that same passion in your personal life?

 

What are these other complications you speak of outside of herpes that you keep bringing up, which actually isn't even relevant if it doesn't relate to herpes?

 

You still haven't addressed my questions about taking home drunk girls for a third time for a hookup and I have a pretty good idea why you're not answering that.

 

You are putting words in my mouth.

 

I never said people with herpes shouldn't have sex.

 

I asked questions about the ethics of having sex with herpes, regardless of disclosure.

 

I'm still trying to figure things out with this.

 

People go out and party. They drink. There's nothing wrong with having sex with someone who is intoxicated. It happens all the time. Maybe it isn't your lifestyle, but don't hate on other people if that's what they want to do.

[hippyherpy]

I never said I've decided on not disclosing. That's why I started this thread. I'm on the fence about it.

 

Well you seem to be doing your damndest to find any and every reason not to disclose....

 

I didn't know that HSV 1 has to be disclosed if it's genital.

 

Again, this is OUR policy here.... I'm sure others have other opinions on that. But we consider that with something as intimate as sex, where someone is putting their TRUST in you, that they deserve CHOICE.

 

My other point is- if herpes is as potentially bad as some in this thread are saying it can be (and nobody here has provided any stats on the frequency of how much it becomes so terrible), then why would you even let your partner take that risk at all? Sure it's their choice, but maybe they don't know how it will affect them down the line if they get it.

 

There are no studies/stats .... and I know we mostly get the people who are suffering and not so many who are asymptomatic ... but I've seen enough to know that for the FEW who have rough time, it's not a lot of fun. BUT ... and this is the point that you are not getting.... if someone gets Herpes KNOWING that they put themselves at risk, then they accept it a LOT better. Just as people jump out of airplanes all the time with a MINUTE risk of parachute failure ... but the few who get hurt in the process generally accept that risk was part of the deal... and BTW, anyone who takes people up for those jumps... they DISCLOSE those risks in a consent form. So - what's the difference???

 

The reason I'm asking that, is because I think this discussion comes down to this: how bad is herpes?

 

Depends on who you ask - and it's not for YOU to CHOOSE for them whether it's "bad" or not...

 

If it's not so bad, then the stigma is bs.

The stigma IS BS..... AAAAAAAAANNNNNNNDDDDD ..... YOU don't know how someone will react if they get it from you. But I can promise you one thing ... it's likely to be a LOT worse if they find out you didn't disclose to them ... both for you (they *could* take you to court in many states) and for them (the feeling of delusion, of betrayal, lack of trust, etc is HUGE in those who are infected by someone who chooses to not disclose)

 

In the above example concerning the suicidal girl- is she contemplating suicide because of false stigma, or because of the actual condition that she's dealing with?

 

Does it really matter? But usually it's the stigma talking .... but AGAIN, and I won't say this any more .... IT'S NOT UP TO YOU TO MAKE THAT CHOICE FOR HER CONCERNING THE RISK.

 

SMH

 

 

When people go out and have casual sex, they are assuming risks. There's a risk of getting HSV 1 just from kissing a stranger. That's one of the reasons why people use condoms in the first place. They don't know what the other person has.

 

If they care so much about whether the person they are about to have sex with has herpes, then they should be held responsible to ask if it's up to us to disclose.

 

If I've reduced their chance of getting it to 1/40, that's not nothing. Can you really say that is being reckless?

 

The risk statistics of getting herpes are already out there for everyone to see. Anyone who is having casual sex is taking the same risk of getting herpes with someone who doesn't know their status as someone who does and is taking all the precautions, yet people who know they have herpes are the ones getting blamed. In fact, I read somewhere that they are actually less likely to get it from someone who knows that they have it for the reason that the person is being so cautious.

 

Someone might haven chosen not to disclose with me. I take full responsibility for getting it. It was my choice to have sex with whoever it was. I think the airplane/parachute analogy isn't apt here because you can die if your parachute doesn't open, but you aren't going to die from herpes. Also, anyone who goes up in an airplane knows that it is risky- that's probably part of why they do it in the first place. I'm not saying that getting the thrill of the "danger" of getting an STD is why people have sex, but who doesn't know that there is a chance that that a parachute might not open up?

 

Again- I'm playing devil's advocate with a lot of this and haven't decided yet on how I'm going to move forward. That's why I'm posting here. I want to understand more about this virus and it's stigma and how much it will have an effect on my life.

 

 

[chikitta13]

I would argue that full responsibility for getting hsv includes your behavior moving forward. And not just reducing risk through condoms and meds, but providing partners with a fully informed choice.

[2Legit2Quit]

Nobody is putting words in your mouth, we are going off completely what you say on here. You're the only person who has twisted every single person's words on here. If we ALL are seeing the same thing in you and reading the same thing, it can't be that All 8 of us are wrong and you're the only one right. On every single post you've made, you have deflected all responsibility and blamed everyone else. In all honesty,

 

You absolutely did say w the examples we were all giving you, that if there is a risk for people to have a bad reaction to herpes, then maybe we should be refraining from sex even w those we disclosed to w what we were saying.

.again, you have continued to deflect the question I have asked regarding how the person you take home from a bar or party, should be responsible for asking. I asked do you expect soneone to have a sound mind who may wake up in the morning, not even recalling the night before, to really be in the right state of mind to ask you before sex, if you have herpes?

 

You really have to knock it off w the stop hating conversation. It comes off sounding very immature and I now have to suspect, you are 26 or younger. I party just like most people do. And as what's shown to be a consistent personality trait of yours, you've deflected and turned my question around again. I never made a comment about feeling it is bad that people drink and party, but because you don't want to answer this question, because you know it will make your argument crumble to pieces, you continue to skirt around answeing the question.

 

Has it ever crossed your mind since not a single person agrees w your thinking, that maybe you're wrong! What have you learned from all of this, because to date, all's you've done is deflection, put blame on other's and be disrespectful. What kind of person knowingly puts someone else in harms way, all in the name of getting their rocks off knowing what you have and not disclosing? Do you really feel that shines a positive light on you?

 

 

The difference being, is someone may not know their status and unknowingly infect another. That is night and day in situations here. You know you have it and you have the responsibility to disclose.

 

Once again you are using arguments that don't apply to your situation. People who get on planes are making the choice, knowing the risk of possible death. W that said, you can now inform them w the same argumenta you've given on here, their risks. Stop saying the information is out there for them to look into. We and including doctors are given the wrong information to people and this argument you keep giving, is you once again, just trying to put the blame on everyone else for sleeping w you. I highly recommend you seek therapy, as I find the errors of your ways frightening, knowing you walk among us.

 

We've given you everything you can to learn from us, you just refuse to learn from it, because it's not what you want to hear. Stop trying to manipulate our words and our arguments and quite frankly, us in general. You are wasting our time, when we have people who are genuinely in need of assistance and want to learn and understand, none of which you are trying to do. You are looking for a get out of jail free card and I'm sorry, this is the wrong site to come to get one, because we don't hand those out here. You may have better luck in a frat support group for that. We've told you all you need to know. Go back and read the entire thread 10xs.

 

Stop repeating your same erroneous argument w us. Myself and every single person has responded to them and because you aren't getting the answer you want to hear, you continue shoving your ignorance down our throats, in an effort to brow beat us and hope we cave and provide an answer that will absolve you of total responsibility. I have never seen such a post in my life. We are never going to agree w your argument, despite how much you twist and turn our words around or make plays on words w the same repetitive arguments you have. Time to take accountability. Time to act like an adult. Time to mature. End of story.

[hippyherpy]

Nobody is shoving anything down your throat here ;)

 

Also, operative word was "maybe".. nobody is asking you to respond either. I'm trying to figure stuff out, and you are freaking out.

 

I'm sure there are people on here who don't disclose or haven't disclosed.

 

I don't know what you are getting at with regards to your bit about drinking and herpes- if you are insinuating that I'm having sex against people's consent, then maybe you are the one who needs to go to the therapist and stop being so hypersensitive.

 

 

[2Legit2Quit]

I don't think anyone has anything left to say to you.... You are a lost cause.

[WCSDancer2010]

If I've reduced their chance of getting it to 1/40, that's not nothing. Can you really say that is being reckless?

Never said it was reckless. I said you are removing THEIR CHOICE if you do not disclose. Look up the word INTEGRITY ... then ask yourself if you want to live your life from a place of integrity, or a place of half truths and deceit and lies. If you choose the latter, well, it's on your conscience and your soul to live with that. Just remember when you get betrayed/lied to/deceived, if you cry "unfair", remember you are throwing stones in a glass house.

 

The risk statistics of getting herpes are already out there for everyone to see.

 

They may be out there, but there are several issues with that.

 

1) MOST people don't know the stats. MOST people *believe* that if someone has "something" they can see or smell it. I had a loooong conversation with a guy I was dating post disclosure having to convince him that his belief that he could "tell" if someone had an STD was waaaaay off base.

 

2) Sex Ed in schools is a JOKE. In the general public it's even worse. So many believe condoms protect them from everything and oral sex is "safe". Those of us who know better *should* have the integrity to make sure that our partners are properly informed. And BTW, I personally believe (and I think it's safe to say of the Mods on here would agree with me) that while we may or may not disclose about HSV1 orally when we kiss, if we are going to have oral sex, we will disclose before that too (I know *I* do even if I'm on anti-virals..and I would encourage anyone with H1 Oral to do so because again, *I* know better).

 

3) Many just plain either want to avoid the awkwardness of disclosure or they just really want to TRUST that the person they are opening themselves up to will be up front if they have anything. One thing that will certainly feed into the stigma is when someone finds out that their partner didn't disclose, because then it shows that THEY (the carrier) is too ashamed to disclose ...

 

I agree that BOTH parties *should* open up the STD conversation. Both *should* call for a condom. But most of us here didn't and now we have to live with the consequence. I'd like to think that we who have it will live by the motto When You Know Better, You Do Better ... ie, we KNOW we have it, we KNOW the risks (small as they may be). We KNOW that most people are terribly misinformed.

 

. I think the airplane/parachute analogy isn't apt here because you can die if your parachute doesn't open, but you aren't going to die from herpes. Also, anyone who goes up in an airplane knows that it is risky- that's probably part of why they do it in the first place. I'm not saying that getting the thrill of the "danger" of getting an STD is why people have sex, but who doesn't know that there is a chance that that a parachute might not open up?

 

Ok - hows this one? I teach Swing Dancing. Every day, I am amazed how few people get hurt when you think of the speed and complexity of many of the moves we do, and often there are people trying moves that they really truly are not ready to do. We all *should* know the risks, but when I go to a competitive weekend, I have to sign a waiver that says I know what my risks are. Sure, I may not *die* from a poorly executed move, but I might have a long term injury.

 

but who doesn't know that there is a chance that that a parachute might not open up?

 

Actually, you make the perfect point here: yes, anyone jumping out of the airplane really *should* know that there's a risk. Unfortunately, many who are out there having sex DON'T know all the risks and realities of their actions ;)

 

I suggest that you really look at WHY you are so afraid to disclose. Because I think you are REALLY scared of rejection. Now, if you want to discuss that, I'm happy to go there... the subject is one I am VERY familiar with...

 

I already said I was going to step out of *this* conversation once. I am not going to comment any more because I'm saying the same thing over and over and you just can't seem to understand the incredibly SIMPLE principle underlying all my answers: that is the issue of INTEGRITY. And no, I won't explain that any more ... you either will choose to live from that place or you will choose to live from a place of half-truths, omissions, and deceit. Again, it's whether you can live with yourself or not with your choices...

 

Good luck to you in your search for your truth ...

 

Peace Out

 

 

[hippyherpy]

Do you have to say "I have herpes" are there other ways to disclose it?

 

"I have the virus that causes cold sores" or something like that?

[2Legit2Quit]

Have you watched any of the disclosure videoes yet?

[mr_hopp]

We're all here to support you in living your life in integrity and having the life you want, but we can't do it for you. Do some homework, read the links we've shared, watch the videos. Start by downloading the e-book & handouts I created here: https://www.herpesopportunity.com/lp/ebook ... All these answers are in there — and a whole lot more awesomeness. I'm glad you're curious about all this and want to know the answers. This is where your new life can start to emerge. A life you can be proud of and inspired by.

 

And I'll tell you what, the true answers you're looking for probably won't be found in the facts or what other people do or even what we think about any of this. They're deeper than all that. The true answers lie in how you feel when you disclose or don't disclose. And how you live your life in general. It's ultimately up to you to ask and to answer yourself. And we're here to bounce stuff off of and share our experience at any time. All we can do is share our own experience and what we have learned. Morality and integrity isn't some objective thing (although we try to make it be sometimes); we get our cues from how we feel about the way we conduct ourselves and what impact it has on others and how we feel about that. It's an infinite feedback loop (if we pay attention). So imagine the kind of person you want to be, start to live it out and see what it feels like to be that person. Iterate.

 

And that, my friend, is life. 🙂

 

Here's a cool quote I just found. It's definitely what I do my best to practice every day, as much as possible. I offer it up if it seems of value to you.

 

“If this is your personality then your personality creates your personal reality. It’s that simple. And your personality is made up of how you think, how you act, and how you feel. So the present personality who is reading this page has created the present reality called your life; and that also means that if you want to create a new personal reality—a new life—then you have to begin to examine or think about the thoughts you’ve been thinking and change them. You must become conscious of the unconscious behaviors you’ve been choosing to demonstrate that have led to the same experiences, and then you must make new choices, take new actions, and create new experiences.”

 

—Dr. Joe Dispenza

[2Legit2Quit]

That's an amazing quote @adrial ! I love it!

[WCSDancer2010]

Ah... HOW to disclose! THAT I will help with :)

 

Start here:

 

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/2749/casual-hook-ups-one-night-stands-with-the-h

 

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/70/herpes-disclosure-and-casual-sex general discussion

 

http://supporttruthanddialog.com/when-should-i-disclose/

http://supporttruthanddialog.com/disclosure-its-not-just-about-herpes/

 

http://www.match.com/magazine/article/4010/I-Have-a-Secret-How-to-Reveal-It-To-Your-Date/

 

Short answer is that if you are GENUINE and VULNERABLE (even before casual sex), and let the person know that you are telling them something because you respect them and their right to choice, then explain that you have H, that you are on antivirals and use condoms and the risk for them is under 1% ... and if they have questions, have something to give to them, or show them (like our handouts). Let them know that most people are not tested and they will pretty much always be at risk when dating/having ONS's....

 

As you have said, if someone is actively pursuing casual sex, most will/*should* have a good idea about the risk ... if you approach it right anyone who is REALISTIC will understand that this is something that comes with the game and will appreciate your honesty and respect for them. And THAT can be a REAL turn-on :)

 

When to have the H talk Adrial

 

 

[hippyherpy]

^ If the risk is less than 1% then there's really no harm in disclosing and really no worry about getting people infected.

 

Less than 1% is also the quote I got from the infectious disease specialist.

 

I'm looking for silver lining with regards to herpes disclosure and being a guy doing casual sex..

 

 

So far it seems to be this:

 

- Building more comfort/security with the person, despite the virus, because it is an honest thing to share.

 

- Also, not trying to rush things can create more healthy sexual tension. If you are a guy and moving and escalating fast, then sometimes not giving it all away makes the girl more interested. So the woman has to pass some tests to get to hear the disclosure.

 

- Having herpes alleviates any dread you might have had about getting herpes. Now that you've got it, you don't have to be afraid of getting it (if you were before). For most people it's not that bad.

 

- The finding out you have herpes time period- when you get the tests etc. can often be a seemingly large life event that makes all the other stuff you were "worried" about seem petty. Don't sweat the small stuff and remember that life is short etc. Then you read up and find out that herpes isn't such and isolated big deal.. a lot of people have it and it's essentially cold sores on your dick (for most people). It's important for people to be in touch with the bigger perspective in life so that they don't get mired down in banalities.

 

[ihaveittoo]

I know I am late to this party so here is 48 year old male who has had herpes since he was 20 perspective. ...

 

Since the only sure fire way to eliminate the risk of transmission is abstinence, and that is obviously not an option for you, the best you can do is reduce the risk. In order for that to have the best chance of working your partner needs to be in on the act. I realized fairly early on that I could not just start having sex with someone without telling them I was hsv positive. It sucks but thats life. Since you are fully aware that you are postive it is up to you to disclose before things go to far. The numbers you quote seem pretty miniscule but shit does happen.

 

Really stop and consider what others have said throughout this thread, especially Adrial and WCSDancer2010. Your not going to find better advice or guidance on this subject any where else.

[WCSDancer2010]

Ahhh Grasshopper, you CAN learn!

 

And yes about the sexual tension ... AND connection. Even casual sex is best when you have that connection and trust...

 

Well done :)

[NothingGoodGetsAway]

Oops I posted to your other thread a potential disclosure discussion.

 

But I have to say, bravo for working all of this out BEFORE you went out and had sex without disclosing. I have seen enough threads with people positively devastated after having (even protected) sex without disclosing, especially when they really like the other person.

 

That's another thing to consider! I know you want to go the casual route, and that's totally cool - but what if you find a person you want to have repeat casual sex with? Or maybe even someone (down the line) that turns into something more? The bond of trust that you forged at the beginning will not only make a better first sexual connection, but is also a good foundation should anything happen in the future.

 

We are all here for you, if you should want any more advice.

 

Bravo sir!!

[Elise1977]

Honestly, the reason to disclose is because otherwise you're a dick. I'm sorry, that's just the way it is. Now, maybe you don't care about being a dick. Maybe you even get off on it, who knows. When I was younger, I knew plenty of young men that really didn't give a shit about anyone or anything as long as they were having a good time.

 

There doesn't need to be a comparison to any other disease or situation, there doesn't need to be some big ethical debate about why HSV1 and not HSV2, or about whose responsibility it is. You disclose because it's the right thing to do, not because of what others are or aren't doing. You have a lifelong communicable disease that you know you can pass on to someone. You disclose. End of story. The world will not end if you don't get to screw a million different girls a year. It just won't.

 

That said, people do the wrong thing all the time, and it makes them dicks, too. If you have no problem knowing that you're being that selfish for something as banal as banging random girls at bars, then by all means, but I imagine it will weigh on you someday, and very likely bite you in the ass when one of those random girls is the *one* and you've already screwed yourself over by not disclosing when you should have.

[2Legit2Quit]

@adrial @wcsdancer2010 , for male to female is 4%, 1% is female to male.. Think you just mixed to two up... :-)

 

@hippyherpy , he accidentally gave you the statistics for female to make transmission. It is 4% w condoms and meds for male to female transmission.

 

@elise1977 well said!

 

I love that you are finally coming around hippyherpy! Nothing is better than seeing someone grow from this! You were seriously scaring me there for awhile. Lol

[hippyherpy]

@adrial @wcsdancer2010 , for male to female is 4%, 1% is female to male.. Think you just mixed to two up... :-)

 

@hippyherpy , he accidentally gave you the statistics for female to make transmission. It is 4% w condoms and meds for male to female transmission.

 

@elise1977 well said!

 

I love that you are finally coming around hippyherpy! Nothing is better than seeing someone grow from this! You were seriously scaring me there for awhile. Lol

 

I have an audio recording of him saying 1% at two different parts in the conversation. I asked him about it saying I heard it was 2.5% with condoms and meds. He said 1% or less. He's the expert who is certified. That's what I'm going with.

 

[2Legit2Quit]

You heard him say that for females. On the statistical spread sheet created by his numbers which are on this site, for download, it actually is 2.5%, transmission rate for male to female on meda and using condoms. Please go check your download ls, as it's in there. The 1% is for female to male transmission and the expert was referring to 1% of oral herpes is HSV 2. @adria and @wcadancer2010 mixed it up, because we're usually giving stats to females, not males. Again, the statistics on the spread sheet are from the expert in the video.

[2Legit2Quit]

I mixed up 4%, sorry... It is 2.5% male to female on meds and using condoms.

[hippyherpy]

No, I asked him within the context of my infection and my partners, heterosexual male to female.