mr_hopp

Hey Kaande05 and welcome! Have you downloaded the free e-book yet? It's a great introduction to all the work we're doing here and the positive community we're building. Here's the link to that: http://eepurl.com/b4IPP ... and I'll private message you about us talking. I like to connect one-on-one with all new members to this site. Looking forward to talking soon!

Yes, I totally agree, Crissy! It's amazing that what we focus on becomes bigger. We can always find aspects of our lives to focus on that will have us feeling either shitty or awesome. It all depends on where we are deciding to put our awareness. We have million pieces of stimuli hitting us at any moment: thoughts, facts, figures, visual, auditory, choices ... And we get to decide what we give attention to. That decision on what to pay attention to in anything is how we filter our experience of our own lives. AND in the same breath, I think comparison's a bitch. ;) So whether we compare up or we compare down, it's still making that comparison muscle stronger each time. How about we throw out comparing altogether (if you succeed in doing this, by the way, tell me how) and live our life as it IS instead of how it SHOULD or COULD be. I think that alone could erase most, if not all of our suffering. Then we can truly be thankful for what we have regardless of what anyone else has or doesn't have. That's my soapbox. (And yes, still figuring out how to do that myself.) ;)

Congratulations for being back on the horse! Ride it! (Okay, all you perverts, make your innuendo jokes here.) That's exciting! Enjoy it! And I'm glad you're starting to see the opportunity here. The opportunity is you. And what you focus on becomes bigger. And if you plan for the worst, you focus on the worst. What you focus on, the other person feels. If you feel shitty and annoyed and angry and self-pity, the person you're disclosing to will feel the same. Even with me just reading what you wrote about herpes, it sounds scary. It sounds heavy. It sounds like such a downer. It already sounds like you've determined that it's a dealbreaker (even amidst considering it as an actual opportunity). How about switching your focus from herpes to how excited you are about this relationship? If the person knows you and sees you for who you are and you're a good match, then no virus will hold that connection back. Period. So if it's meant to be, it's meant to be. Don't be attached to him saying yes, because either way you'll be okay. Focus on what excites you about going deeper into relationship and connection with this man. The herpes talk doesn't have to be so serious and heavy. It can be a connecting experience if you allow it to be. It's all about what you focus on and how you feel about yourself through the process. I'm proud of you for taking this step toward empowering yourself. I'm proud of you for seeing the opportunity instead of seeing a dead end. Because whether you believe one or the other, you're right either way. Self-fulfilling prophecies are powerful. Good luck SingBlueSilver! And HAPPY BIRTHDAY! I'm glad, too, that it sounds like you've shifted from a birthday meaning a chance to look back at all the things you don't have any more in a negative way to an actual celebration of you and what's possible from here on out. Here's to 39 being an awesome year for you. :) Big hug. Let us know how it goes! P.S. I'm assuming you've already read the ebook on positive herpes disclosure? If not, read it! http://eepurl.com/b4IPP

Hi (h) community! Before posting here, please read our community guidelines: http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/1010/please-read-herpes-opportunity-community-guidelines/p1 I'd like to open it up to our community to post to this thread to find your own (h) buddy! This is all about one-on-one live support, talking about something that for the most part isn't talked about. Simply talking about herpes with another person openly is healing and normalizing. Shame can only exist in the shadows, when it's not talked about. As much as typing out your feelings helps, I'm excited to get this community connecting on a more personal (live) level. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - STEP 1: Post what you would like in a buddy in this thread. SUGGESTIONS: Post here whether you'd like to have a buddy that's ... - male/female - in your area (if so, where do you live?) - need support or would like to give support - any other qualities you're looking for in a buddy - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - STEP 2: Private message whoever is a good match for you. You can scan this (h) buddies thread and private message anyone who you're drawn to buddying with to either talk on the phone or Skype. Simple. 🙂 NOTE: PLEASE do not use this thread to market to people or otherwise spam them. And if anyone gets any message like that, please let me know ASAP so I can toss that offender from the boards. 😉 By the way, check out the video I put together about the H Opportunity weekend. Gets me choked up every time I watch it. 🙂

I'll send you a private message to get this worked out. This book is exactly what you need to read, so we'll make sure you can! :)

(First off, awesome that you're really into "this guy"! My heart just goes a-pitter-patter when you mention him.) Have you downloaded and read the free "Positive Guide to Herpes Disclosure" ebook that's plastered all over the site? :) Here's the link: http://eepurl.com/b4IPP That e-book is a great place to start. And private message me if you'd like to talk about any of this stuff with me directly. I try to make myself as available as possible to anyone who needs it. That includes you. ;)

Hey Cinder! I'm so glad you posted this. Always great to hear success stories. So many people focus on what they DON'T want to happen and the negative possibilities, that it's always a great balance to hear stories like this (especially the welcome surprise that he has it too!). Proof that awesomeness awaits if we allow it to ... ;) I wish you two the very best. And hey, I'd love to be invited to the wedding. Maybe you can skype me in. :)

lol, cool. It sounds like he did a good job of cheering you up then. And it does sound like "the happies" would be what it would sound like phonetically if Lelani or another aussie said the word herpes. :) I can imagine the disclosure now: "Honey, I see this going somewhere, and I want to tell you something that's important for you to know ... Every now and then, I get episodes of the happies." *blank stare* ;)

Did this person happen to have an accent? ;) I love it!

Lelani/Janice, So today, the day of your birth, I'd love to celebrate who you are. You have been an integral part of this online family. And even though we have never met (being halfway around the world from each other) or ever even talked live, I feel close to you. You have shared your heart, your honesty, your story, your vulnerability, your strength, your compassion, your humor, your accent (New Zealand, yes!), your time, your support, your love. When I got overwhelmed at one point answering people's posts and dropped off the map, you stepped in to make sure this forum kept running strong. It shows me your dedication to love and support. It shows me how big your capacity to help others is. It shows me your leadership from the heart. And that inspires me. I can only imagine how the rest of your life looks, with your kids, friends and family. All I see is this small sliver in the herpes support site, and I imagine that huge heart of yours touches so much in so many parts of your life. So today, I take this opportunity to celebrate you, Lelani, you, Janice. Much, much love. For all the love you've given and continue to give. For me and all the people who have been touched by that heart, thank you. Happy birthday.

Nice! I'm so happy to hear that you're feeling so much better! See how letting shame out into the light with people you trust can be so healing? (I definitely am still riding high after outing my actual name on this forum.) And as far as not being sure whether you've fully accepted it yet or not ... hey, it's probably somewhere in between (if I had to guess). It's one of those interesting things for me personally: Even years later, I feel that for the most part I've accepted it, but sometimes all it takes is some corny herpes reference in a movie or a snide remark and all the sudden a wave of shame comes over me. Surprising. And that's an opportunity to see a part of myself that I get to love more. I know, I know. Sounds corny, but it's so true. As a good friend of mine put it, shame is breadcrumbs that lead to more opportunities to accept myself and ultimately more wholeness. A beautiful process of self-growth that leads to more capacity to love and be loved. I don't think the point of all of this is to actually be "over herpes." I think the point of this is to become more and more accepting of myself, in all of my perfections and imperfections and everything in between. It's not so much about focusing on herpes being smaller and smaller in my life; it's about focusing on healing myself and loving myself more and more so herpes becomes less and less of an issue by comparison. Focus on making your own light brighter so the shadows dissipate. Anyway, that's my soapbox. Stepping down now. ;)

mister201 - I'll take the meat-filled taco, please. No vegan for me. I'm a carnivore kind of guy all the way (with a side salad). :) And I appreciate the support. I appreciate you forgiving me, too. ;) That was weighing on me more than I thought ... Looking forward to our coaching relationship and heck, friendship. And can't wait to meet you in person in October. So glad and excited that you're coming. Much love, bro. rothkkolady/Anne - (I love how you dropped your name in after the first post, by the way.) I'm so inspired to hear you use the phrase "deeply and permanently touched" by this work. Wow. So appreciative of that. And looking forward to all of us touching many, many others with this work. And I love how you put that about herpes being like "velcro for all the free-floating shame." It's true. And I think that's why herpes can be an opportunity, too. It can be the thing that amplifies all that shame so we can recognize it easier. It's always been there in one form or another. Herpes just seemingly makes it more accessible, more in the forefront. breatheandletgo - You don't owe me anything. AND I look forward to finally connecting (been a long time coming). ;) When I read the "mach 10 with a big grin" I both laughed out loud and got a huge body buzz. A huge rush surged through my body. Awesome. Powerful. I'm glad we're part of each other's worlds. Booyah. Talk soon! Beth - Funny how you felt funny about the name Dale, too. Hmmm, I guess I wasn't fooling everyone, huh? ;) And yes, so true: Revealing the lies actually then allow us to see the truth. Well put. If the lies remain hidden, they remain elusive. In the light of day, they dissolve into what is true. Nice. And I LOVE that quote. It's going in my gargantuan quote repository. ;) Janet - That's awesome! I feel so happy reading that! I love that the whole world can feel even the least bit safer to you based on one blog post. I like that. Yes, beautiful day indeed. See you in October! Orchid49 - As I've told you already, I really enjoyed talking with you yesterday, too. It feels good to hear when that shift in awareness happens ... from the perspective of shame to one of possibility. I love that kind of an "aha" moment! Feels good ...

[Note: I am not a doctor. Consult your doc and don't take this post as medical advice.] I buy my meds (Acyclovir) through my local grocery store (Kroger) pharmacy for $40 for a 3-month supply (400mg 2x/day). And I don't have regular insurance (one of the perks of being self-employed.) Valtrex is super expensive, especially if you don't have a nice insurance plan. But everything I've read and heard says that Acyclovir and Valtrex are practically the same, you just have to take Acyclovir 2x/day instead of taking Valtrex once (V is time-released). Anyway, point is, herpes medication is super cheap! ;) (I just wonder about the long-term health effects of taking a daily medication like that. I have my eye more on that than the cost.)

Ah, yes, this is increasingly the most common way that people are getting genital herpes. 50% of all new genital herpes cases are HSV-1 from oral sex. Here's a blog post on that: http://herpeslife.com/genital-hsv-1-herpes-and-oral-sex/ The fact that there is so little stigma around oral herpes and so much stigma around genital herpes creates a schism when oral herpes become genital herpes. (From how I see it, I see any form of herpes as not deserving any sort of stigma, but that's beside the point here.) The same herpes that doesn't have any stigma gets transferred "down there" and all of the sudden society shuns it. Not fair. And just sad. And even more reason to dispel the stigma in our culture. I'd love to help and offer advice, but I'm still unclear on exactly what sort of help and advice you want? What do you want to come out of this situation?

lively! I love it! Yes, I like episode. I also like occurrence. Anything other than a word that sounds like some dangerous criminal is trying to get out of a prison otherwise known as my body. ;) (And FYI, why I tend to use the cliché terms is so people who are searching for those terms online can stumble upon this site. That's my excuse. AND thanks for the reminder.) And I GUFFAWED on that last one. Bandaid on my labia! That's a new rock band name waiting to happen! :) And seriously, a band-aid doesn't protect your partner from passing herpes. It wouldn't hurt, but definitely don't expect it to be the protection you need to keep your partner safe. Just avoid sex completely when there are any signs or symptoms of a herpes outbreak.

Janet - I'm inspired that you're inspired, lol. :) And I'm humbled. Gotta be honest, feeling both fear and excitement as I consider going down this continuing path of transparency and truth with all of you ... (Yikes/Yay!) crissy - Thank you for seeing, recognizing and celebrating my courage. I can't tell you how many times I went back over the email this morning before sending out. I finally had to force myself to just push the damn send button! ;) Seriously, though, thanks. And no, I don't think your premonitions are crazy in the slightest. I'm wide open to magical things being possible ... That's what makes life worth living to me! Belief in magic (and yeah, that love stuff, too). :) SingBlueSilver - Thank you. It has me feeling super good hearing that you'll be getting more involved. I need help getting this message out there. And I need my community behind me so all of us can continue down this path of self-acceptance and wholeness. I can't wait to meet you in October!

inspired32 - Ah, that feels so good to hear you say all of that. My heart is officially warmed. I appreciate you sharing yourself here. And I like that warm fuzzy feeling. Awesome! :) kneecee - Ah, great to see you on the forums now, friend! ;) Much love and big hugs! Can't wait to see you at the support group Monday! lively - That's pretty perfect timing that you were just talking about that yesterday (wow!) ... hmmm ... maybe I picked up on that telepathically from across the globe. ;) I appreciate you validating this move like that. That has me relaxing more, too. :)

hforumap - You should be telling ALL sexual partners that you have herpes and be clear on what the risks actually are (which are small with awareness and precautions). And yes, of course the more precautions, the less risk. AND taking suppressive therapy lessens (by anywhere from 50-80%, depending on what study you read) the risk that's still there with condoms and avoiding sex during an outbreak. And another thing to consider is what if where your outbreaks happen isn't covered by the condom? Even when an outbreak isn't present, there's still a risk due to asymptomatic viral shedding. All of these considerations are there so you can lessen the risk and then let it all go ... so you can enjoy yourself. ;)

Thanks for the support and the love, Lelani! Yeah, I like the ring of Lelani, too! And Janice ain't so bad as you make it out to be. ;) And what you say about not "coming out of the herpes closet" because of fear of your kids being criticized and judged is an interesting one. Do your kids know? And to continue that thought, I keep reminding myself that being known as "that herpes guy" was definitely one of my worries ... And I remind myself that I'm not representing herpes, but alternatively representing self-acceptance and letting go of the burden around shame in general. I wonder what your kids would think of their mom representing that instead of representing some simple virus? And I totally appreciate you caring about your kids and considering them. :)

I have a scary disclosure for you: I haven't been telling you the whole truth. It has been out of fear. Fear of being found out. Fear of being rejected. Fear of being judged, not liked, made fun of, demeaned. Not by you all, but by the general population. I haven't been using my real name in my Herpes Opportunity realm. I've been using aliases either as "Dale" or as "The H Opp" ... the truth is, my real, full name is Adrial Dale. There's been all sorts of seemingly good reasons I had come up with about why it was reasonable for me to use aliases (I own my own company with my name in it — shameless plug: http://www.adrialdesigns.com — what will my clients think?). And I'm realizing all of those reasons were based in shame and perpetuating the very stigma that I stand for wiping out. There are, in fact, layers of self-acceptance and letting go of shame. And I'd love to hear from you, our community, here: What are your thoughts?

Well you know how I feel about this based on our chat yesterday. ;) I'm still in full-on celebration mode! WOOHOO! So cool that such an awesome girl can find such an awesome guy. Sometimes things just have a tendency to work like that. I'm so happy/proud/excited/pumped/loving right now about all of this for you. What are the risk factors? Low if you can keep an eye on your prodromal symptoms and avoid sex when you feel those coming on. And oral sex is actually much less risky than you might think. There are varying degrees of things I've heard on this, but all point to it being on the low end of genital HSV-2 being passed orally. (However, oral HSV-1 can pass easily to the genitals.) If you're worried and can't fully let go of that worry, start with a dental dam. Have fun with it. Play around with it. Don't let this stop you from gettin' yours, girl. ;) Again, I'm all giddy over here for you. Enjoy this! You deserve it! :)

Chrissy, your post is inspiring. Thank you for sharing this with our community. You're one of those examples for many. Acceptance is a beautiful thing. And it allows us to live into our lives more fully. I love how you put it. VirgoGirl, I love that you're so inspired and appreciative. Warms my heart that people like you are feeling so good and getting so much from this site. It's all of us that make it what it is, so thank you for participating like you do! :) I hope to see BOTH of you at the seminar in October! Yay! :)

Here's that link to the e-book (you get it free when you sign up to the email list): http://eepurl.com/b4IPP ... and if you're already signed up to the email list, private message me and I'll send you the link directly to the pdf. Sorry I haven't had the time to adequately respond to your post, bri94ana! Things have been super busy in preparation to the H Opportunity weekend seminar coming up in October! I'll respond when some time clears up. (And thanks lively for hopping in!) (Funny this is pretty much exactly what I wrote on the previous post. Copy and paste, baby!) ;)

Here's that link to the e-book: http://eepurl.com/b4IPP ... and if you're already signed up to the email list, private message me and I'll send you the link directly to the pdf. :) Sorry I haven't had the time to adequately respond to your post, jp! Things have been super busy in preparation to the H Opportunity weekend seminar coming up in October! I'll respond when some time clears up. :) (And thanks crissy for hopping in!)

Oh no! We'll totally and completely miss you being there, crissy! And maybe it will end up working out where the planets will align to allow you to come. 2 months is plenty of time for magic to happen! ;) And if not, I hope this event is a huge success that helps tons of people so you can come to the next one! :) Big hug!