mr_hopp

Can I just say how thoughtful Alyssa is? When Alex and Alyssa came to scoop me at Denver airport to drive me to Boulder (wow, so sweet for you to offer, Alex!), Alyssa gave me a package. I open it and it's Brene Brown's new book! Not only that, it's signed by Brene! Anyone who knows me knows that her TED talk video blew my heart wide open. Alyssa, thank you for thinking of me and giving such a beautiful, heartfelt gift. And yes, it is still on my bucket list to meet Brene in person and buy her dinner! ;) By the way, here's a pic I took of Brene's signed book. Can't wait to read it! http://herpesopportunity.com/images/brene-book.jpg

I'm happy for you, WD. Nice work! And those %s you listed are right on. My only suggestion for discussing this with him is to be as balanced as possible (realistic yet not paranoid). Yes, you're so right that you knowing your status and knowing your body might actually keep him safer from getting an STD from any other person out there who is ignorant about their status (which 80% of people are). Sounds like you already are balanced about all this. Some people tend to focus on the possibility of rejection instead of knowing that it's a preference that he is going to make for himself after you giving him all the facts about it without the stigma and shame. I've been reading your perspective on all this, WD, and it sounds so healthy and self-accepting. That's all you can hope for is to love yourself and leave it up to him to make his own decision about what he's willing to risk in relationship. (By the way, have you considered what are you risking in relationship with him? The beginning of any relationship involves each partner taking a risk on getting both awesomeness and not-so-awesomeness.)

I'm not too surprised that you're an acceptable catch. ;) Regardless of whether she had Hep C or not. And I'm happy for you. Nice work, bro. Way to follow your integrity. I'm impressed. Enjoy!

That is interesting, Michael. I've heard plenty of people say that before they get an outbreak that they get nerve tingles as if the virus is starting its hike from the basal ganglia to the surface of the skin. I don't tend to get those nerve sensations myself, but I do get the prodrome sensations on the part of my penis where my outbreaks always pop up (right near the head in a small patch of blisters). That prodrome shows up as a slight burning sensation, almost as if I have the cutest little sunburn right on that concentrated spot on my penis. I am assuming this means that I'm having a silent episode of viral shedding. Your specific situation I haven't heard of exactly, but maybe some other community members have had it or heard of it? Also, for these more medically-specific questions, call either of these free hotlines to speak with a live knowledgeable operator (Herpes Opportunity isn't connected with any, but it's an awesome free service): (919) 361-8488 (M-F, 9a-7p EST) (206) 344-2539 (MWF 6:30-9p EST)

I love that you're speaking to this, JAO! I do think that we as males naturally tend to hole up in our mancaves and try to figure out our stuff on our own. It's a universal thing that when women need help, they tend to reach out; when men need help, they tend to isolate. And the sneaky thing about shame is the more we isolate, the stronger the shame gets. It's ironic: The shame tells us that if we start talking about it that it'll get worse, but it actually gets better; it normalizes it, takes the power away from it. It makes you realize you actually aren't alone, despite all the bullshit stories the shame will have you believe. Sharing your shame allows others to connect to their own humanity, too. It's a beautiful cycle, but only one that can happen if the vulnerability of sharing happens first. And everyone has their own process. Lurking is totally acceptable. And realize when the right time to start stepping out from your own shadows is. And when you're ready, we'll be here. Maybe that time is now?

TO EVERYONE POSTING HERE ... Can we try to keep this thread only for people reaching out for (h) buddies support specifically instead of having conversations? If something comes up on this thread and you want to post about it, please start a new post instead of adding to this one. It's more likely to be seen and it won't water down this post. AND I'm LOVIN' all this community support and love. Let's just keep it organized for the masses. :) Thanks all!

Anyone listen to this? What do you think?

Wow mariii! I'm glad it went so well, but even if he would have reacted just the opposite from how he did, I really want to honor you for doing the courageous thing and vulnerably disclosing about herpes to him. And it seems that he likes you for all the right reasons and sees the strength in your vulnerability. Enjoy your shameless relationship! Big hug! ;)

Check it out! First participant interview here! :) Soooo excited right now! http://herpesopportunity.com/podcasts/herpes-opportunity-participant-interview-01.mp3 Want to come to the next Herpes Opportunity Weekend Seminar? When: Fri-Sun, Jan 18-20, 2013 Where: Raleigh, NC http://herpesopportunity.com

Hey! I've been hard at work interviewing all the participants from the first Herpes Opportunity Weekend Seminar that just happened this past weekend. Here's the first interview for your listening pleasure! http://herpesopportunity.com/podcasts/herpes-opportunity-participant-interview-01.mp3 FYI, the next Herpes Opportunity Weekend Seminar is already set for January 18-20, 2013! Full details and earlybird special here: http://thehopp.com (There are only 12 spots available and a waiting list of 4, so jump on it!) See you there!

Shannon, this article really hit me in a beautiful way. So beautiful to read how your seed is growing. Sounds like all it needed was some nourishing water and sunshine to burst up out of the ground! So excited to be on this journey with you! And thanks for the shoutout in the article! Much love and big hugs. :)

Something fascinating is happening to me ... There's a small seed inside of me. It's pushing for more attention daily. Changing, growing, morphing. It's always been there, really, but never nurtured. I've been in therapy most of my life trying to coax the seed to gain roots and prosper. In the end, I think I was afraid to make real changes in my life to love myself and be happy because being a victim and sad all the time was easier. Real growth takes work and dedication. So the seed of my inner strength lay stagnant ... Here's the rest of Shannon's blog post on Herpes Life: http://herpeslife.com/genital-herpes-stigma-as-an-opportunity-to-help

I'm glad you made sure of that beforehand! Ironic how getting herpes can actually make us that much more aware of our own health in general. Something tells me that having sex with a person who knows they have herpes is more safe than having sex with someone who is in denial about their sexual health. lol, no need to apologize about my cringing. :) Just call me the Awareness Police! *whips out official-looking badge* ;) The words we use have an effect on how we experience our world and our situations. So "infect with herpes" vs. "get herpes" has a very different feeling associated with them even though they ultimately are referring to the same thing. I've found that the quality of our words actually points to the quality of the thoughts we're thinking.

Hey NotAlone! Great job on the disclosing! Definitely shows that there are plenty of people out there who aren't caught up in the stigma and shame of herpes. And when you had unprotected sex with your fling, did you make sure he got tested first? We sometimes forget that other people can have STDs that WE can get once we have herpes. And how do you feel using the word "infected"? When I read that, I cringed ... The power of words is huge!

Hey tirnua! There is no miracle cure in pill form or topical creams (at least not yet). It may seem like that cream you used is what caused you to not have another outbreak, but I wonder if that would have happened anyway. I hear of cases where people have their first few outbreaks and then never have another outbreak again, naturally, without pills or creams. The only way to know for sure that this stuff works is in double blind studies to make sure the healing isn't just taking place without any intervention. A big part of this, too, is the placebo effect. I'm a firm believer in the power of belief. ;) If you take a medicine that causes you to believe without a doubt that you won't have another outbreak, I do believe that you will not have another outbreak. The human mind is powerful. More powerful than any pill or cream.

This reminds me of the fact that by default we as human beings can tend to take for granted just the simple fact that we are alive! When we get caught up in the little "problems" (bills, traffic jams, herpes, etc.) then we can forget this big deal staring us right in the friggin' face called LIFE.

Great. You might just be sucking me into TV watching again. You promise I won't get feverishly addicted to this show like I was Lost so many years ago (which, coincidentally, was when I was super lost in my life)? ;)

Here are some others I looooove (and yes, I am a quote whore): "People are disturbed not by things but by the view they take of them." — Epictus "A great attitude does much more than turn on the lights in our worlds; it seems to magically connect us to all sorts of serendipitous opportunities that were somehow absent before the change." — Earl Nightingale "Only the weak are cruel. Gentleness can only be expected from the strong." — Leo Buscaglia "If you want something you've never had, you must be willing to do something you've never done." – Thomas Jefferson "The world needs you now. Not when you're perfect." "The good news is that what you are looking for, you already have. Who has introduced us to us? We're always being introduced to somebody else. No one asks, "By the way, have you met yourself?" Meeting yourself is the difference between being free and being stuck. If you don't want to meet yourself, you are stuck with yourself. The day you want to meet yourself, you become free." — Prem Rawat "Learning is a gift. Even when pain is your teacher." “You fail because you do not see the possibility of success.” —Obi Wan Kenobi

FYI, I took the hint from our community and renamed you NotAlone. I hope you don't mind. I wonder how this new name might impact how you experience your world? ;) Let's think of this as a fun experiment in naming. Much love, NotAlone! ;)

Kristin, this is a good reminder in general for all of us ... I know I've gotten trapped in the idea that in order to heal and move on, I need to DO something. The opposite has actually been the case for me. Sinking into the moment and just letting go of thoughts of the past or anticipation of the future is one of the most healing things we can do for ourselves. Then we sink into connection with ourselves. In the moment. That's what we truly need to deeply heal.

I want to create a handout that we can email to doctors and clinics as a pdf to inform them of the best way to handle newly diagnosed patients so this doesn't happen again. It's just sad that as the first opportunity to shine some positivity into someone's life during a dark time is met with ignorance. Breaks my heart.

What you say in this article reminds me that we can't possibly know what the future has in store for us. The more we worry, the more we destroy our ability to be happy NOW. It doesn't do any good for us to assume what our future will be like based on what is happening now. So let's just be happy now and trust that everything will turn out beautifully. What have we got to lose? Thanks for the reminder, Brenda. :)

I can remember when I was first diagnosed with herpes. It was around December 3, 2011. I had a few things come at me – I became an empty nester and about six weeks later my husband left. My life was turned upside down, to say the least, and then I got herpes symptoms that would suggest my worst nightmare (probably as a result of all the stress I was feeling). I tried to ignore the symptoms for a few days, tried my own remedies, tried to rationalize that it was nothing, but eventually I gave in and went for testing because it wasn’t going away. I wish I would have known then what I know now. Read the rest of WhoopsiDaysi's blog here: http://herpeslife.com/what-i-wish-i-knew-when-i-was-first-diagnosed-with-herpes/

What a great blog, Breathe/Kristin! ;) Thank you for sharing your wisdom, humor and heart! Much love! I especially loved the whole "referred pain" concept. I had never heard that before. Loving the idea that pain isn't bad; it's just our body trying to get our attention: "Hey! You might want to look over here!" ;) Great perspective shift. Overall, a great blog post with great insights across the board. Thank you, thank you!

It’s nearly impossible for many of us who have genital herpes to say the word without feeling shame. I am one of those people, though I am actively working on changing this. And as I’ve worked on the change in myself, I’ve asked a lot of questions about shame, its roots and what strategies are effective in overcoming its paralyzing effects ... Here's the rest of breatheandlego's blog post on Herpes Life: http://herpeslife.com/destroy-your-herpes-shame-and-embrace-your-imperfections