WCSDancer2010

Not sure that your GP will be a lot of help but unfortunately as a guy odds are a Urologist won't be a lot of help either (they have turned into Viagra dispensers and seem to have lost touch with what they should know about STD's). I would make sure that you go well armed with info to educate your Dr because odds are she won't have a clue about LDN... but you deserve to at least have someone help you to find potential ways to stop your symptoms. (((HUGS)))

IgM's are considered useless among the Dr's who are Herpes specialists... they can cross react with other proteins and just don't have a good record. The fact that you had a positive result for the UTI makes me think that you just got a BAD UTI (they can be really miserable!). I had one where I actually BLED and wanted to die for about 3 days.... but if you get another set of blisters/sores get thee to an OBGYN or Planned Parenthood.... try to not go to Urgent Care - they are great for many things but Herpes is a tricky bastard and IMO no regular (non OB) Dr should be diagnosing or giving advice because most are well behind on their info....

Your Dr should have offered you the blood test - if it comes back positive for HSV1, odds are it's just on your lip and that the issues on your labia is something else. But it *could* be HSV2 ... yes you can have both (I do... got HSV1 oral as a kid and HSV2 genital on my first sexual experience... ) That said, you need to get educated about STD's for both your partners and your health... most people are woefully ignorant.... but to be honest, if we are at all sexually active, odds are we ALL will have something (HSV, HPV, whatever) by our age (I'm 54). So while you are a virgin, there's always a chance you *could* have got something from your attacker and I applaud you for being responsible around this.... AND ... whatever the result, I hope you keep moving forward with your healing and working towards a wonderful and fulfilling relationship filled with lots of great sex! http://projectaccept.org/who-gets-hsv/ Handouts + disclosure e-book: https://www.herpesopportunity.com/lp/ebook Herpes facts video

If his results were between .9 and 3.5 and he didn't have symptoms, there's a 40% chance of a false positive ... in which case we suggest to the person that they do a Western Blot test. An IgG only tests for 1 protein... WB tests for something like 16 antibody proteins so it's the Gold Standard, but you have to pay out of pocket as insurance doesn't recognize it. You get it through Westover Heights clinic... http://westoverheights.com/ (503) 226-6678 ... they can order the test for you through Quest Labs. It costs $5/minute for a consult … cheap IMO for clarity and/or peace of mind. They have a great Herpes handbook too :)

@Cin Try this - also try your local Planned Parenthood - they often know the "secret" local groups http://www.pghunitedfriends.org/

No I don't blame him I totally understand but at the same time I just feel so horrible about my mistake and hate that I can't take it back. I feel like such a horrible person because I really liked him and I let this happen. I want to help him pay for testing do you anything about the test or any information on getting tested. When I found out I just had blood drawn and they determined that I had it from the blood test. Could that happen for him? Wait - You had a positive blood test but no symptoms? If so, what was your result? With no symptoms results under 3.5 are 40% chance of a false positive. As for your mistake, it sucks. You lost his trust. Odds are he's struggling with how to go forward. Can't blame him... not because of Herpes, but because of the loss of trust. And he may be trying to get informed. And men often go into their cave when they are struggling with things....that said, he just plain needs a full STD panel anyway.... there's a decent chance he has at least HSV1 orally.... and may not know it... so I would ask him to go get tested now anyway for his peace of mind as well as yours :)

.91 with no real symptoms (I agree with your Dr - odds are it was just that you got rubbed/irritated) is likely a negative result... you can have a result up to 3.5 with no symptoms and you can still be negative... the result of >.90 being a positive result is only useful when someone has a reasonably definite OB. It's VERY normal for women to have irritation with a new partner.... if you haven't had sex in awhile the skin on the vajajay needs to "toughen up" ... especially as we get older. And it's not unusual to be irritated by the ejaculate fluid of new partners. I suggest that you do two things: 1) BREATHE! I think you are freaking out more that you had unprotected sex and you are over-reacting to all the itches and bumps. 2) Get re-tested (IgG Elissa is preferable) in 3-4 months 3) Take this as a lesson about making it clear to a new partner that you don't have unprotected sex without monogamy AND a STD panel ... and that you want to see it as most people believe they have been tested for HSV when in fact they have not as it's not on the normal blood panel..... I've found with guys that sometimes you just have to create boundaries early on and stick to them... if the guy is not willing to accommodate you, he's not into YOU... he just wants to get INTO you. :p (((HUGS)))

From what you said, you have a positive HSV1 test already? In that case, you likely have HSV1 orally already. It's *possible* that you have had it genitally for awhile and you just had your 1st ever OB, but the odds are higher for it being oral. All you can do at this point is swab next time you have an OB - try Planned Parenthood. That or just take a stand and say you won't leave till they do the swab if you go to your Dr. I've learned that sometimes you just have to take a stand with Dr's... if they still refuse, well, it's time for a new Dr... :)

I find that when you don't care who knows, then no one can use it against you. I came out to everyone (yes, EVERYONE) on Facebook and not one person has ever tried to use it against me. I was also out on my dating profiles when I had them up... again, not one nasty comment. And to be honest, if there had been one, I would have realized it was just a reflection about the ugliness of that person, not me.... Bullies only get a charge when they think they can get under your skin. Perhaps you should tell her that you are thinking about coming out to everyone, and you don't care who knows. Odds are she won't like that.... because it sounds like she's really insecure about it.... You can say if she tries to out you, you will just announce it to everyone and let them think what they will... I would guess she will back down... It's sorta a "Pre-emptive strike" on your part :)

Brilliant idea! Going to add this to the suggestions for folks - but hows about using the small Cotton squares instead of paper towels? They would be sturdier and take up less room?

My dating life sucks too but it's nothing to do with H. Just can't find someone who is compatible with where I'm at right now.... but I'm not going to sweat it. Yes, I definitely want a partner, but I've learned that the Universe puts me where I need to be when I don't fight it... so I'm just going to believe that "Mr Right" will come along when I'm ready.... (((HUGS)))

It's possible to get HSV1 genitally if you already have it orally but the chances are lower because you have the antibodies.... I'd say just be cautious, make sure that if she thinks she's got something going on that *might* be an outbreak, you just find other ways to play. Yes you can get HSV2 ... it's interesting that HSV2 protects from HSV1 to some extent, but HSV1 doesn't return the favor, so you do want to be cautious... if she uses Valtrex though your risk will be quite low. These links should help you with understanding the risks 🙂 http://projectaccept.org/who-gets-hsv/ Handouts + disclosure e-book: https://www.herpesopportunity.com/lp/ebook Herpes facts video

Actually HSV2 antibodies should protect you from HSV1 in either area... antibodies are antibodies. It's an interesting thing that H2 protects from H1 but not visa versa...so if these guys have H1 and you have H2, THEY are at a much bigger risk.... if you are on valtrex though that should lower their risk significantly :) I would get them to get properly tested, simply because if they come up with a positive Herpes 2 test later, they can blame you when they may have had it all along... well, maybe not the virgin, but the other one :)

I know she tested positive AND those bumps may or may not be Herpes.... there are many things that cause that kind of OB

I used to have a great link to a blog about Attachment - which is in the same family as the expectations ... sadly the page seems to have disappeared. Essentially it said that we are attached to EVERYTHING. You get a new car, you are attached to/expect it to stay "perfect" .. and the first time it gets scratched, you go ape-shit. Reality is, it's going to likely get dinged and scratched. And it doesn't make any difference to how it runs, but so many get so upset when this happens. Every time you get mad or frustrated, stop and see if you can see what you are "attached" to. If you are using/thinking the word "should" THAT is what you are attached to: That guy SHOULD be driving faster/slower That person shouldn't be late I should be better at this etc. Rather than expect people to be a certain way, hows about you try to accept them EXACTLY as they are. Now, if you are the boss, you have the responsibility to the company to ensure they do their job. So you can make it clear to the person what those expectations within the company are... as well as the consequences if they don't comply. BUT YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE ATTACHED TO THEM COMPLYING! They either comply, and everyone is happy, or they don't and they get fired. You can't control others - so don't try. What you CAN do is make sure they understand (in a loving way) what YOUR boundaries are, and if they cross them too many times, you may need to CHOOSE to distance yourself. Why surround yourself with people who don't support, nourish, and feed your soul? Doesn't mean you completely cut them off if you love them enough to not want that - but it's up to YOU to create the healthy space for yourself... because otherwise they do what they do and then YOU get mad at them AND yourself for tolerating it.... LOL It's a simple principle - but it's not easy to carry out at first --- but like any muscle, it gets easier with time :)

Definitely try the Epsom Salts and Bactine... and these links may help you too ... lots of things on here that people have tried :) (((HUGS))) http://supporttruthanddialog.com/easy-simple-self-help-tips-for-relief-from-herpes-outbreaks/ http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/4810/bactine-for-oral-and-even-genital-herpes http://herpeslife.com/herpes-treatment/#more-2122 http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/1802/going-the-natural-route http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/1624/herpes-medication-genital-hsv-1-how-to-keep-herpes-outbreaks-clean-dry#Item_22 My discussion amonium Alum) http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/1496/bathroom-time- http://herpeslife.com/herpes-treatment/ http://herpeslife.com/herpes-medication/ http://www.cdc.gov/std/treatment/2010/genital-ulcers.htm#hsv Links to some of the items suggested in the links http://amzn.to/1CHUzZE Link to Alum http://tinyurl.com/Aloecream http://amzn.to/1F10r3V Fractionated Coconut Oil http://bit.ly/zincsoap Zinc Soap with coconut oil http://bit.ly/Zinccream http://bit.ly/Calendula_Salve http://tinyurl.com/bactine http://amzn.to/1oUDY2n Chaga Mushroom http://tinyurl.com/Oragelsgldose http://tinyurl.com/DMSO4HSV

We've had people who have their first OB after 35+ yrs of marriage... Just test in 3-4 months - and get your partner tested now. If he's the giver, he will have a positive blood test. As far as helping with the symptoms, these links may help :) http://supporttruthanddialog.com/easy-simple-self-help-tips-for-relief-from-herpes-outbreaks/ http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/4810/bactine-for-oral-and-even-genital-herpes http://herpeslife.com/herpes-treatment/#more-2122 http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/1802/going-the-natural-route http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/1624/herpes-medication-genital-hsv-1-how-to-keep-herpes-outbreaks-clean-dry#Item_22 My discussion amonium Alum) http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/1496/bathroom-time- http://herpeslife.com/herpes-treatment/ http://herpeslife.com/herpes-medication/ http://www.cdc.gov/std/treatment/2010/genital-ulcers.htm#hsv Links to some of the items suggested in the links http://amzn.to/1CHUzZE Link to Alum http://tinyurl.com/Aloecream http://amzn.to/1F10r3V Fractionated Coconut Oil http://bit.ly/zincsoap Zinc Soap with coconut oil http://bit.ly/Zinccream http://bit.ly/Calendula_Salve http://tinyurl.com/bactine http://amzn.to/1oUDY2n Chaga Mushroom http://tinyurl.com/Oragelsgldose http://tinyurl.com/DMSO4HSV

Just as a devils advocate - it's always possible it's "Adult acne" .. it's not unusual for adults to get these "spider-bite" type rashes... I think it's hormonal ... so I would get one swabbed because if it's H, you need to be careful around those OB's - if it's not, that takes pressure off of you worrying about those "ob"s"

I agree - from what I can tell, H6 is in most if not all the population, so it seems pointless to have tested for it. Time to get a new Dr.... and a HSV1 and HSV2 IgG test...

It's *less common* for HSV1 genital to pass to the mouth than the other way around for 2 reasons: 80% of the population already has oral HSV1 and HSV1 sheds about 1/3 as much in the genital area as it does when in the oral area. That said, if you have a lot of oral sex, and she never got tested, you don't know if she was at risk or not. But YOU need to get this. SHE chose to not get tested. SHE assumed that risk. You have asked her to test, she wouldn't. You did your part. The symptoms of bumps on the chin are sounding like she may have got H1 from you. And again, all you can do is ask her to get it swabbed and see if that's what she's dealing with, or if it's something like a Dermatitis issue. Both are equally possible. And if she refuses to go, there's nothing you can do about it. All you can do is either accept her as she is, or choose to walk away. I don't mean that to sound harsh, but we all have things we will never change about our partners, and we just have to choose to love them as they are AAAAAND if they suffer a consequence of that quirk/behavior/whatever, we have to accept that this is THEIR consequence. We can support them through it, We can love them through it. But please, don't take it on yourself that this is your fault... ok??? (((HUGS)))

@Optimist @wcsdancer2010 maybe we should start a change.org petition to demand that. What do you think? I feel it's the only way to get rid of the stigma and to stop typing one as better than to have than the other. If you want to take that one on, I'll support you. I have my own path that I will be taking once my life challenges (dealing with my aging father) settle down.... certainly anything that brings awareness is a good thing!

@WCSDancer2010 - I'll admit my negative stance on asymptomatic testing may change as I come to terms with my own diagnosis. For now, I'm having a hard time seeing beyond the implications of my own circumstances, I think. And that's ok... :)

@wennichkann Hello and Welcome! First - you are FAR from alone in your experience... we have MANY on here who believed they were finally living the dream, had a moment of carelessness or bad luck, and got Herpes.... @HerryTheHerp hasn't been on in awhile, but he's kicking around Europe again and I hope he will come back on and join us.... he certainly will understand where you are right now. BTW, you want to talk about bad luck and "why me?. I got oral HSV1 as a 4 yr old and genital HSV2 on my FIRST sexual experience. At least you got to Germany first...LOL. Why you? Why NOT you? Herpes is an equal opportunity virus. It doesn't care about race, age, sexual exploits, religious beliefs, or whatever. It's out there in one way or another in most of the population. Sometimes you just lose the Herpes Lottery (of HSV1, HSV2, Chicken Pox/Shingles, Mono, etc). That's life. Or at least, a life well lived, because to fully LIVE assumes RISK. If you never want to catch anything, or ever get hurt, go live in a bubble. As for AH ... wellllll... look at the letters you wrote... how's about you write them as "Ah!" Do they look different now? You see, most of life is PERSPECTIVE. *How* you look at things. And one thing I can tell you, this site isn't called the Herpes Opportunity for nothing. Being "positive" doesn't have to result in a negative result. Aas for being Happy? Sure, none of us WANTED this..... but once we get over the diagnosis, and learn now to live with it, (and even before) Happiness is a CHOICE. You can have everything you could ever want, and be unhappy. Perhaps you should make your next world travel to a 3rd world country, go live with people who truly have nothing, and they can teach you that you can find happiness in the littlest of things. It starts with being GRATEFUL. So perhaps for now, you can start there. Get a journal. Every day, write in it 3 things that you are grateful for. It can be ANYTHING. Your friends. Chia Tea. The color yellow. Birds singing. Whatever. It will help you to realize that Herpes is but a speed bump (so to speak) in your life and you can choose to keep driving over it, or put it in the rear view mirror, knowing another one may pop up in the road, but really, most of the road is pretty darned beautiful... but you have to look around you to see the beauty and get the eyes off of the "speed bump" in the rear view mirror :) (((HUGS))) http://projectaccept.org/who-gets-hsv/ http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/6070/it-gets-better great tips for newbies http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/2886/herpes-yoga-and-self-love

I know this will speak to many

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