WCSDancer2010

@mandymoon If you only performed oral, and weren't "playing" in other ways, there is NO WAY that it would travel from your mouth to your genitals. Herpes doesn't work that way. It's not blood borne, it stays in the nerves in the area where you get it,, Now, if you were hand jacking him and then playing with yourself, Or he touched himself and then you, THAT would have a better chance of passing it to the genitals..... OR ... you had it for a lot longer and didn't know it. I had a client who had H for over 30 yrs before she had her first OB (She was married 30+ yrs and hubby doesn't have it). So it's very possible that you could have had it some time before the first OB.

Ok - so can you get the guy to get tested? If he's positive that puts your odds up of him being the one that gave it to you... if not, you know you need to protect him anyway. As for worrying about passing it on, IMO us knowing makes us *less* of a risk. Most H is passed through asymptomatic shedding. Usually from someone (like your partner!) who doesn't know they have it. So they ignore minor symptoms that someone like myself would say are "suspect" ... it may be that my underwear rubbed me, but I won't take a chance and my partner and will just get creative in how we play for a few days. You just need to learn your symptoms, perhaps go on Valtrex and/or use condoms. That right there lowers your risk of female-male transmission down to about 1% for HSV2... Your risk of being in a car accident is likely in that range, yet you don't over-think it every time you drive someone somewhere, do you? It's all about getting educated and getting perspective. :) And yes, you can receive oral... HSV2 doesn't like the mouth much. Yes, there is always a risk, but again the odds of other things going wrong in your lives are far higher :) I tell people to wait 10 days after the OB heals. For some, sex is a trigger for more OB's for awhile until things settle down... but remember as a *trigger* it means the sex caused the OB to come up AFTER you have sex. So no need to panic if that happens.... use LOTS of lube and maybe avoid really rough sex if it sets you off for awhile till things "toughen up" again :) (((HUGS)))

And sorry @BrazilGuy for Shanghaiing your thread :(

I also believe typing is important. Beyond the scientific reasons stated above, if you are in a relationship, or are attempting a relationship, and know you both have the same type of HSV, then you can save yourself a lot of heartache. Yes, I know there is a tiny, minuscule chance of passing herpes to another location of someone who already has a particular type of HSV antibodies, but if I knew my partner already had HSV2, I'd be relieved of a lot of guilt and worry. And if you know that you have different HSV antibodies, then you can take the proper precautions to help reduce the possibility of transmission. I don't really see how this is debatable. I already tried to make this point but it seems that it got ignored. *I* had HSV1 as a kid. Thanks to someone not telling me he had HSV2 (and my own ignorance as a young adult) I also got HSV2. But if I only had one or the other, KNOWING which one I had would be important so I would know if I needed to protect my partner. Which is a very good reason to type.

And as in the case with the other person. our belief here is we get typed when possible, we get educated about it, and we FULLY disclose to prospective partners.

Just because "everyone makes HSV1 the better one" isn't a good reason to not type. *I* care about your "opinion" because you are saying things that are not true (Herpes 1 is NOT more contagious) and you are confusing newbies. So I'm going to point out something here. You didn't like it when someone on here didn't want to disclose because of the "unwarranted stigma". What you are saying right now is a VERY similar thing. You don't want to have to deal with explaining the differences or the risks because of the "unwarranted stigma". And my answer to you is the same as it was in the other case. We disclose which one we have when we know (and IMO we SHOULD know) because ITS THE RIGHT THING TO DO

I was diagnosed today (visually). I am a 33 year old female. It shouldn't have been as much of a shocker as it was. I FELT in my heart (& in google's heart) that I had it. One week of very small pain and two blister/sores. Gave me the initial 7 day dose of Valtrex & cream. I go for blood work in two weeks when I have my annual pap. I expressed my want for daily Valtrex, which I will start in seven days. Going to address this first. Go back in and get swabbed TODAY. Visual diagnosis isn't a true diagnosis, and getting blood tested right now isn't likely to give you an accurate result. You need to wait 4 months for the IgG to detect antibodies. A swab should *hopefully* give you a type right now. Assuming that it's not drying up already. And go to an OBGYN if you are not already. GP's are usually woefully ignorant about Herpes....an OB would have (or at least *should* have) done a swab already. Also, don't wait a week to go on Valtrex... just start on it if you want to use it. That said, if you are not sexually active, and the outbreak isn't too bad, you *may* want to see if you can control it with external treatment, diet, and the like. But that's a personal choice. I just don't see any reason to be on it if you are not either protecting a partner or dealing with uncontrollable or very painful OB's.

Just thought though... if it had been me, I might have put "We love you long time" instead of "We'll love you forever".... *snort*

Glad that you put the donation links back up @Adrial ... I know it may not be much, but look at Bernie Sanders.... it all adds up... we just need to get people to realize that while maybe they can't help personally for whatever reason, they can help US to get the message out :) (((HUGS)))

I'm going to chime in here and I will admit I have not read everything here because I just plain don't have time; I *personally* agree with @whitedaisies - I believe in typing and knowing which one you have because if your partner has HSV1 ... and you have HSV2.... you CAN give them HSV2. I personally am proof of that. I had HSV1 from childhood. I got HSV2 on my first sexual experience. If I had known what I know now, and if the guy had known he had H2 (maybe he did...the whole thing was my 17 yr old stupidity at thinking the older guy was really into ME, SMH) , I might have avoided getting it.... So if you know you have HSV1 ... and you are with a partner who already has HSV1, that also gives THEM some immunity and you can then make your CHOICES about what, if anything, you might do as far as protection (which you really shouldn't need in this case, really) However, if you have HSV2, and the other person has HSV1, HSV1 does NOT give you complete protection. So then you and your partner can have that discussion about whether you go on anti-virals or use condoms. Imagine if you had HSV2, and you played it down to a partner when you heard they had HSV1 saying "Well then, YOU have herpes too, so it doesn't matter" ... and then they got unlucky like me and got H2 from you. Likely they are not going to be delighted with you. Many who have HSV1 orally DO get it that it's basically the same thing in a different place and accept the risk of getting HSV2 anyway. And some don't. And that's just humans being human. We all process and deal with things differently. The bottom line is that *WE* just plain need to learn to get FULLY educated and then live our lives *WE* need to stop using the stigma as our excuse to try to find reasons and excuses to not FULLY disclose (which, IMO, means knowing which type you have and having conversations about what that means with regards to our partner's status). Conclusion: when all avenues of transmission are considered and how contagious that are per specified location, the facts cannot be disputed and present the undeniable truth, that at the end of the day, HSV 1 is a hell of a lot more contagious and easier spread, than HSV 2 ;... YET is able to escape the stigma of HSV 2, which is a lot less likely to transmit when all transmission avenues are taken into consideration. Fact. Not opinion. . herpes is herpes! HSV 1 is not herpes lite, but I definitely see it as the riskier one when you lay it all out! <3 Nope Nope Nope. HSV1 is NOT "more contagious". It is MORE COMMON. Two very different things. Here are the %s of the time herpes silently sheds the virus based on the HSV type and location (not to be confused with transmission rates... but it WILL affect that number). HSV-2 genital 15-30% HSV-1 genital 3-5% HSV-1 oral 9-18% HSV-2 oral 1% So HSV1 oral sheds LESS of the time than HSV2 genitally. Making it technically "less contagious". But given that about 15% of the population has HSV2, and 80% of the population has HSV1 (likely higher if you include Genital carriers now... tho it sheds a lot less there), THAT is why it *SEEMS" more contagious. The reason so many have HSV1 is that 60% got it orally in childhood when their immune systems were a lot less strong, and they share drinks and scratch at the sores and are basically little walking Petri dishes that share all their bugs. Add to that the ignorance of the population - especially teens - who think oral sex is "safer", and you have a recipe for what could look like a HSV1 genital epidemic, making people believe it's more contagious. Now - if all this info was taught in Sex Ed, as well as through our OBGYN's, GP's, and Planned Parenthood, then the stigma would start to wither and die. Sadly, it's not. So right now it's up to US to take a stand, and part of that is to accept whichever HSV we have, get educated about it, and not try to play one down, or feel worse because we don't have the "common" one, or whatever. In THAT way, Herpes is Herpes is Herpes. Accept that you have it. AND... get educated about the one you have. Educate your partners. And STOP trying to make one "better" than the other, but don't try to glom them both together either. If they were the same thing, they would just be called HSV. Got it?

@2legit2quit If @BrazilGuy is in Brazil, their testing protocol may be different. So saying the full STD panel doesn't include H may or may not be correct. Working with people from other countries can be challenging because their health care systems often approach STD's very differently than ours. That said, @BrazilGuy - if you can get blood tested for HSV1 & 2 as well, I suggest that you do...the genital OB could have been HSV that was triggered by the Zoster OB that you had had... if it lowered your immune system, and you were carrying it asymptomatically, that's a distinct possibility. One thing I am pretty sure of. If you had Zoster on your genitals, it wouldn't have flared one day and been gone. It generally sticks around for weeks or months and makes you pretty miserable. One possibility is that if you had the Zoster flare and then it was followed by a HSV flare, your nervous system has been triggered in some way and may be reacting to that. Once nerves are aggravated, they can take awhile to settle down. @2legit - I think he's a candidate for LDN treatment - he may have triggered some sort of autoimmune response. Can you direct him to some of your discussions about that so he can ask his Dr's about that too? Thanks

Fast forward another 2 months. I found his profile back online and asked him about it, which is when he said he was debating on taking things to the next level with me and it was the herpes that was giving him pause. Says he still wants to date me, but he's still unsure of where this is going. We went though an amazing Christmas, Valentine's day and my birthday where he even baked vegan cupcakes for me. He has acted like a perfect boyfriend in every area of our budding relationship, yet, he clearly is not my boyfriend. He has never disrespected me and we have never had an argument. It has been blissful. @Gspresq9791 Hello and Welcome! I have to agree with @2legit - time for him to shit or get off the pot. You say he's never disrespected you, but if you were dating monogamously and then he put his profile back up and didn't tell you, that is disrespect in my book. True, it's scary for him. But by this point, he needs to get some perspective. And one way for him to do that is for YOU to walk away, and tell him that if/when he feels you are "worth the risk", he can come back and if YOU are open and available, maybe you can re-open the conversation about your relationship. This will do several things. 1) It will put control back in your court. Right now, he's running the show with his fear and his cowardice (going back online without talking to you IMO is cowardice). This will not only let him know that his behavior is NOT acceptable, but also that you may *want* him, you may *care* for him, but you don't *need* him. You can survive without him, You can find another man who will love and accept you 110% with your little hitchhiker virus. 2) By doing so, he will HAVE to stop and think about how he REALLY feels about you. As @2legit mentioned about her friend, sometimes people need space to realize what they are losing. Right now, things are comfortable for him. He's having a nice time and he's enjoying your company. Hate to say it but men can settle into this kind of thing and just keep going with it (ie: getting needs met - being fed, having great sex, good company, etc) and just keep going with it for a looong time. 3) It sends a CLEAR message that putting a profile back on line is disrespectful and NOT ok. Part of your conversation, if he comes back, is that you EVER see a profile up again, he's gone and not coming back. It's easy when we have H to "settle" and not even know it. You are making excuses for him and while yes, it's understandable that he feels scared, if it's THAT big of a deal for him, he's likely not a good match. But it may be that it's making him think about whether he feels that strongly about you too.... and that isn't a reflection on you, it's just a truth about where HE is. And there's nothing wrong with that. But going back online ISN'T cool. Period. I suggest you read all the Success Stories that you can... you will see that when someone loves us with H, they usually will be all in pretty quickly... there isn't any hesitation. Or if there is, it's only long enough to get educated. I dated someone who went on a total freak out when I disclosed .. we had had sex once (it was before I knew about asymptomatic shedding) and he took a month to come back... we didn't date in that time but we talked a lot on the phone. Eventually his Dr and research helped him to calm down and he chose to continue... and we were together several years until *I* broke it off because I realized there were things missing for me. Nothing to do with H at all. And that guy was a hypochondriac. But once he trusted me to take the meds and be clear about when I *might* be having issues, he was all in. The idiotic thing is that at his age, odds are he's had sex with women who have HSV2 already... and if he gives oral, HE could have passed it to someone himself. You *might* just want to point that out to him. And read these articles... you may want to print the first two out for him too.... the "Black Girls" site is quite ...er... blunt.... but I think you may get something from it too. (((HUGS))) http://projectaccept.org/who-gets-hsv/ Handouts + disclosure e-book: https://www.herpesopportunity.com/lp/ebook http://supporttruthanddialog.com/using-herpes-as-your-wingman/ http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/5897/my-first-disclosure-story Wingman example http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/3309/successful-herpes-disclosure-but-not-for-the-reasons-you-might-think (Herpes Wingman example Mazedaze818 ) http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/6347/my-disclosure-story 2 very different reactions … but both are “successful” in their own ways 🙂 http://blackgirlsareeasy.com/2014/02/dating-with-a-std.html Raw and unapologetic truths about dating with herpes Herpes as a relationship filter Adrial

That's why wen I'm getting that it is an opportunity crammed down my throat I think it's bullshit!! It's designed to make us feel better. The truth of the matter is that there is no book of rules in any area of life. Each situation is individual. I think disclosing to someone where there is. Mutual physical attraction is necessary so u don't hook someone in emotionally and then drop a bomb on them . It isn't fair! Sometimes the truth hurts and if it's meant to be it's meant to be damn it! That beautiful fit leader teacher man that couldn't handle the sickness... Well... I guess it wasn't meant to be. If I was 30 yes old I wouldn't Rory about finding a partner so much . But at 54 I'm running out of time. And age appropriate gorgeous responsible men are one in a thousand at my age. I know you are angry, and that's ok.... AND ... while I know you can't see it now, Herpes, just like ANY major life challenge IS an Opportunity. It's an opportunity to stop and reflect and look inward. It's an opportunity to see who matters to you. It's an opportunity to learn how to be vulnerable. It's an opportunity to learn how to manage rejection. It's an opportunity to let go and let God.... I've learned sooo much about myself through my life challenges. Herpes actually hasn't been the hardest thing I've dealt with, likely because I have had it since I was 17 so I kinda had to learn to LIVE with it, or life woulda really sucked if I let H run my life and my thoughts. Not to say I haven't had my moments. But I've had a few other challenges that pushed me to work on me.... and while they didn't seem like an "opportunity" then, I look back and see how much stronger I am now and as much as it sucked then, I am kinda glad that I had to go through that to grow and become who I am now.... And honey - I'm 54 as well. I TOTALLY get where you are at as far as feeling that time is kinda running out. AND, I absolutely won't settle any more. I've settled too many times. I've worked on being alone and I actually have learned to LOVE ME! And it's a beautiful thing. Right now I have my father moving in with me anyway so likely my love/sex life will be on hold for awhile.... but you never know. Maybe some guy will see me and see what a great catch I am, because he will see my dedication to those I love. I don't know what the future will bring. All I DO know is that it won't be a "fat lazy slob", or someone who doesn't CHERISH me. I know I deserve that and dammit, I WILL get it... and if I have to wait a few more years to find "the one", then so be it.... better that than being unhappy with some jerk or slob or someone who doesn't appreciate me. One other thing. You say something about not "hooking someone emotionally then dropping the bomb on them". Well, there are many, MANY things that people don't tell prospective love interests until the person has shown that they have EARNED the right to that piece of info. Perhaps this link will help you to see that. Like I said above, I dated a guy with ED and his anger and upset around that was almost as strong as yours is about Herpes. And I loved him anyway. And someone WILL love you.... but it will be a lot easier for them to love you if you love yourself first :) (((HUGS))) http://supporttruthanddialog.com/disclosure-its-not-just-about-herpes/ http://www.match.com/magazine/article/4010/I-Have-a-Secret-How-to-Reveal-It-To-Your-Date/

Great that your Dr is helping and I would print out all those links and TAKE them to her.. In the meantime, try taking some B12 and Folate - it will help both with nerve function AND the depression :) I've used this with my father who has depression and he's been a LOT better since he's been on it :) http://amzn.to/1RdmaWZ

@fitgrl89 Hello and Welcome! Two additional things to what's been said above. 1) DON'T go to a family Dr/PCP for "Women's issues". They are generally clueless... that area should be dealt with for anything by an OBGYN. They are the Vagina's R Us of the medical world and they will give you better info.... the fact that your Dr knew nothing about Neuropathy and Paresthesia and Herpes just proves my point. 2) Below are some other things to help you with your OB's - after 35 + yrs of dealing with H, I found that if you attack it on the outside as soon as something tries to come up, you can often make it settle down faster:) (((HUGS))) http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/6024/dealing-with-outbreaks#latest includes links below http://supporttruthanddialog.com/easy-simple-self-help-tips-for-relief-from-herpes-outbreaks/ http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/4810/bactine-for-oral-and-even-genital-herpes https://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/7595/bactine-wipes-and-some-motivational-quotes http://herpeslife.com/herpes-treatment/#more-2122 http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/1802/going-the-natural-route http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/1624/herpes-medication-genital-hsv-1-how-to-keep-herpes-outbreaks-clean-dry#Item_22 My discussion amonium Alum) http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/1496/bathroom-time- http://herpeslife.com/herpes-treatment/ http://herpeslife.com/herpes-medication/ http://www.cdc.gov/std/treatment/2010/genital-ulcers.htm#hsv Links to some of the items suggested in the links http://amzn.to/1CHUzZE Link to Alum http://tinyurl.com/Aloecream http://amzn.to/1F10r3V Fractionated Coconut Oil http://bit.ly/zincsoap Zinc Soap with coconut oil http://bit.ly/Zinccream http://bit.ly/Calendula_Salve http://tinyurl.com/bactine http://amzn.to/1oUDY2n Chaga Mushroom - planning to do a write up for this soon but it's an immune booster AND modulator which should be great for people with H AND autoimmune issues.. or just for helping with immune function in general http://tinyurl.com/Oragelsgldose http://tinyurl.com/DMSO4HSV

The test results came back GHSV1+. My boyfriend has oral HSV1. This was in Novemeber 2015, the last OB he had was March 2015, so it was dormant for a long time before I knew I had it. I did not know when someone said they had a "cold sore" it meant herpes. I was uneducated about the topic. @2legit is right - it's very possible you got it from your BF right before your 1st OB through Asymptomatic Shedding. That is how the vast majority of people get it.... and you are typical about Herpes education... most people are ignorant about "cold sores" and the facts of how Herpes is passed on 😞 http://projectaccept.org/who-gets-hsv/ Handouts + disclosure e-book: https://www.herpesopportunity.com/lp/ebook Herpes facts video

Herpes is great for teaching people patience. It will make you take a long look at yourself and sometimes you may not like what you see. Then you have to determine if that perspective is because of a lack of self worth, or whether there are things you want to change about yourself to become a better person. That's part of the "Opportunity" what we talk about here. Also, people who are recently diagnosed often go through a similar process to the Grief process... and how quickly you get through that is a very individual thing. Some will be your attitudes and beliefs towards yourself before you had Herpes (ie. those who already had a lack of self worth will usually struggle longer). Some may include how many OB's you have and how bad they are. Some may be your confidence with telling friends and then their reactions. And some of it is just the person's way of dealing with things. There are ways you can work towards healing: 1) Be patient with and kind to YOURSELF. Don't beat yourself up for how you got it nor for how you are dealing with it. 2)Remember that most of the population has Herpes one way or the other (orally or genitally) and most just don't know it. 3) Journal - read something inspiring on here then journal about your reaction to it. What feelings did it bring up? What did you notice about yourself as you read it? etc. Sometimes that helps people to get "unstuck".... :) 4) Support others on here. So many find that much of their healing comes from helping someone get through a bad day or by helping someone who is in pain to learn other ways to deal with the virus. In doing so you come to realize that you are FAR from alone AND many people are worse off than you are.... So quick question... how were you diagnosed and why did you go for the test?.... helps me to know this so I can supply better support and advice :) (((HUGS)))

Once the virus is established (about 4-6 months) you have antibodies.... so odds are your body would fight off anything that was transferred to your mouth. I would suggest that you don't do anything with a full-on outbreak, as that is when the body is shedding on steroids.... there's less virus present in asymptomatic shedding, so between that, and the fact that most of the virus doesn't live long outside of the body, and that you would have antibodies, odds are in your favor for not transmitting to the mouth.

@Tagon11 Hello and Welcome! First - I'm not sure about a few things.... and my ultimate reply will depend on a few more details: 1) So you never had any OB's - or at least none on the genitals 2) Do you have a reason to believe you have Herpes or did you just have the test as part of your STD testing? 3) What test did you have? What were your results/values?? Sounds like you had a blood test with no symptoms besides perhaps something on your mouth. In which case, your "Herpes" could be HSV1 oral... aka, cold sores, which 80% of the population has. The blood test can't tell you where it is. OR If the result was for HSV2 and you have no symptoms and it was under 3.5, you have a 40% chance of it being a false positive.... in which case you need to do a Western Blot test which is the Gold Standard and far more accurate than the Elissa (which is accurate enough for CONFIRMING herpes in the presence of symptoms, not so much for testing for those with no symptoms) AND - if you DO have Herpes, take it from a 35 yr Veteran. The stigma in YOUR head will usually be far worse than reality..... while it can look on here like most people have really bad outbreaks, you have to remember that 80% never have symptoms and most of the rest may have a few OB's a year that just become a nuisance part of their life. I'd guess about 5% of people with H have ongoing issues. Given that it sounds like you haven't had symptoms, your main issue would be just becoming educated and being a little more careful about your sexual exploits :) (((HUGS)))

It will. One other thing that H can teach you is patience! I have clients come in (I'm a Massage Therapist) all the time who can't understand when they are taking weeks or months to "feel better" ... we (ESPECIALLY Americans) are so used to being given a pill or perhaps having a "procedure" that magically makes our ills go away... (including our mental ills). Fact of the matter is the body needs to be supported in it's healing - mental and physical support go hand in hand - physical support helps with mental health issues. Mental health support helps with physical issues. AND, sometimes the body/mind just needs time to heal even with support. Sometimes you just need to be patient and trust that it WILL get better with time. We therapists can often take the edge off, and help to restore balance, but sometimes no matter how much we do in a session, the body will need more time to react to the treatment and restore the inner balance. (((HUGS)))

..................everyone has deal breakers, even me. And one of my deal breakers is that I don't want clinical, hesitant sex. I want fun, euphoric sex. So I would be responsible for doing everything I can to minimize risk of transmission, but they would need to be able to put the risk into perspective, set it aside and go to that euphoric place with me. And they can take some time thinking about whether that's possible for them. Thinking of it this way makes me feel more like myself, a sexually adventurous and enthusiastic person, rather than feeling like I'm waiting for someone to decide whether I'm worth having sex with, if that makes sense. Again, I haven't tried it yet, but once I reframed it in my mind this way, I felt more of a feeling of comfort. Ding Ding Ding! Winnah Winnah Chicken Dinnah!!! YOU have the CHOICE about how you approach life challenges. And how you approach life challenges will determine how life appears and how it actually pans out. You go @optimist !!!!!

OK folks.... time to put the brakes on here: @Shanshine and @Bambina We are a NO JUDGEMENT ZONE here... which means that we always approach with kindness and from a place of wanting to SUPPORT. I get what you are both saying, but there are more helpful ways to support. The simplest way to know if you are bringing "judgement" in is if you are saying or implying "You should" ... in this case, you are implying that @Thumper "should" change her attitude. While yes, she is certainly not having a great day here, we ALL have those days and THAT'S OK .... this HAS TO BE a safe place for people to come an rant. AND... we can help those who are in that space a lot more by approaching from a place of love and compassion. (You get a lot more flies with honey than with vinegar :) ) I hope you can see what I'm saying here.... but we are VERY clear on the tone we want to keep here.... it's what makes us different from other boards. If you feel that you are being "reacted" and that you are going to say anything but supportive comments, it's a good time to walk away from the computer and let someone else reply (and believe me, I do that ALL the time... I come back when I'm in a better headspace or I PM someone I know can deal with it better than I can at the moment!) Thanks and (((HUGS))) @Thumper Take a DEEP BREATH friend. Folks were trying to help. And having been on boards like these for a long time, I can tell you that people generally are doing well if they actually GET 50% of most posts - at least, any post that is longer than a simple question or that has any amount of personal detail. So please don't take it personally when someone doesn't say what you wanted or needed to hear. At least they took the time to *try* to support you..... you have the choice to either consider the suggestions or not. Now, as for having a "sick vagina" and believing that you can't have sex. Honey, I've had Herpes for most of my life. I've had HSV1 oral since age 4. HSV2 genital since 17 (first sexual experience....go me!). Neither my mouth nor my vagina are "sick". Excuse my bluntness, but both have been on the receiving end of a penis plenty of times with HSV- men who KNEW my status. As for your man-friend. First - he's talking from a rational POV. Odds are many people who later date and marry or have LTR's with HSV+ folks would have said that if you handed them the info sheets. So you can't take that as anything to go on as far as your ability to find a partner (with or without HSV). I think we agreed elsewhere that you settled with your two husbands because you believed you didn't deserve a man who would want to have sex with you. It sounds like you are allowing yourself to go back to that space, and honey, I can tell you, it's just plain not true. HOWEVER, if you enter relationships believing you have "a diseased vagina", you are likely going to pick men who will be abusive or not good for you in some way. You have a beautiful, sexy vagina that happens to have a nuisance virus that comes to visit at times. That's all. Let me tell you a story - I dated a guy for a couple years who had Erectile Dysfunction who was in his 40's. He'd had it for much of his life. When we met, he would spend a lot of his time bemoaning how why would a woman want him. He would go on also about how his penis wasn't "big". His self esteem was so low when it came to his sexuality. A few women had been callus to him when he "disclosed" his ED and walked away. Those women missed out on a man who was a SUPERB lover... excellent at oral. A great listener when I told him what *I* needed. Willing to try things. And with a little blue pill, (which he would take but it gave him a horrendous headache after sometimes so we didn't use it all the time), he had a very reasonable sized member. But he would allow his head to tell him he wasn't going to find love because of what *he* saw as a deal breaker and a "fault" that women would walk away from. When the fact was, he usually was just picking the wrong women, or taking their reaction personally. The women who reacted negatively - they were just bitches... and he got lucky and dodged a bullet with them. I eventually broke it off because I realized I wanted different things in the longer term than he did. But believe me, there are days I wish I had him around....LOL. See, Herpes isn't the only thing that causes disclosure anxiety! ED is one of MANY things that can cause this. It's one of many things that can cause people to believe that they are not lovable, and will *never* find love. And it's all in your head. And BTW, he TOTALLY freaked out when I told him I had Herpes... I mean, full on, "Oh Shit I've got an STD" freak out. We had had sex once, with a condom. It was before I knew about asymptomatic shedding. He contacted his Dr and went on the internet and I learned from HIM about the shedding thing (which set *me* back a bit as I was told before that that I was ok if I wasn't having an OB so didn't have to disclose till later... it was about 10 yrs ago so info wasn't what it is now). Once he talked to his Dr, and thought about it, he decided he liked me enough to take the "risk" as long as I was on the anti-viral... which I was ok with. I also have had 1 other LTR with a H- man and he didn't want me on the meds and we never used condoms in our 3 yrs together and we had PLENTY of very vigorous sex! I've dated a few other H- men and again, we figured out what they were comfortable with (Me on meds, them using condoms, or both). My point is that if the man is into YOU enough, he'll figure out a way to get INTO you...LOL.... but if you are approaching men with the attitude that you have a "diseased vagina", or that you are not deserving of love, well, odds are you will attract men who will take advantage of you, who will be abusive, or who are just not good for YOU. What I have noticed is that people who already have self-esteem issues really struggle with a H+ diagnosis because now they have *proof* that they are not lovable. It gives them a scapegoat for their beliefs. When the fact of the matter is, they have no self love. Something or someone somewhere has "taught" them that they don't deserve love. Please don't leave. If you need to PM me for awhile, then I'm here to help.

Again, please post this question in the Support thread at the top ... we try to keep all that info there and the answer may already be in that thread :)

Glad that you managed to see where the priorities lay - from what you say even if he truly loves you he's got some sort of co-dependence on the ex (outside of the issue of the child) and you would always be stuck in the middle. Also @2legit2quit When dealing with someone who isn't in the US, we have to accept that the tests that they run may not be what the CDC recommends here...so it's not "wrong" in that country - and in a country with Universal Healthcare, they usually just have 1 test - it keeps costs down for something that they consider to not be important enough to have separate tests for... so the only way to get the IgG is to pay privately IF you can find a place that can supply it :( That's the wonders of a Universal Healthcare program - you may be able to get tested for whatever ails you, but it may not be the BEST test that you could get :(

Uh - Hepatitis isn't spread THAT easily friend - but it's good to get the vaccine The hepatitis A virus is transmitted primarily by the faecal-oral route; that is when an uninfected person ingests food or water that has been contaminated with the faeces of an infected person. Hepatitis A appears only as an acute or newly occurring infection and does not become chronic. People with Hepatitis A usually improve without treatment. Hepatitis B is spread when blood, semen, or other body fluid infected with the Hepatitis B virus enters the body of a person who is not infected. People can become infected with the virus during activities such as: Birth (spread from an infected mother to her baby during birth) Sex with an infected partner. Hepatitis B is NOT transmitted casually. It cannot be spread through sneezing, coughing, hugging or eating food prepared by someone who is infected with hepatitis B. Hep B is the most common one of the 2 because you can get it from sex and given you have Herpes, your odds would be higher so it's a good idea to get vaccinated.... And remember you can still get Hep C :( Hepatitis C is usually spread when blood from a person infected with the Hepatitis C virus enters the body of someone who is not infected. Today, most people become infected with the Hepatitis C virus by sharing needles or other equipment to inject drugs. Before 1992, when widespread screening of the blood supply began in the United States, Hepatitis C was also commonly spread through blood transfusions and organ transplants. People can become infected with the Hepatitis C virus during such activities as: Sharing needles, syringes, or other equipment to inject drugs Needlestick injuries in health care settings Being born to a mother who has Hepatitis C Less commonly, a person can also get Hepatitis C virus infection through: Sharing personal care items that may have come in contact with another person’s blood, such as razors or toothbrushes Having sexual contact with a person infected with the Hepatitis C virus