WCSDancer2010

As for the OB's As @whitedaisies said - there can be a lot of reasons you are getting so many. I would go to a Dr and get thoroughly checked out for any underlying issues like high WBC (indicating some other infection) and viral issues and even possible immune issues. Most adults handle HSV1 orally well so your extreme reaction may mean something else is going on. Second, keep a journal of everything you eat, drink, and do, as well as stress levels. You may notice a pattern that pops out at you. I went through a short spell where I had repeated genital Ob's (I hit the jackpot and got both types!) that was aggravated by TRAIL MIX (chocolate and peanuts specifically) .... neither thing usually bothers me but I was in full Peri-menopause and my hormones must have thrown my balance off. So you never know what combination may make things worse. Third - for oral herpes you can try the following things to knock the sores back (and I find with both types, attacking from the outside seems to shorten the whole cycle anyway.) Ammonium Alum - believe it or not, you can find it in some Seasoning aisles ... I'll put a link below for it too. A pharmacist put my mother onto it and it's been my go to for H my whole life... Make a strong solution or put it on neat. It may sting but it dries it right up. A more expensive option that works well is the Oragel Single Dose vials - they are EXPENSIVE but I always carry one because I find if I hit the OB as soon as I feel the first tingle, I can often stop them before they become too obvious. They are meant to be 1 dose but I cover the end with cling film and reuse them till the sore is gone. Bactine is a cheap option too - it's the exact same thing as Oragel Single dose so useful for home use... the Oragel is useful for keeping in your office or whatever. The links below are good for other things that you can use to help - the calendual salve is great for helping the sores to heal once you get them under control. Hope this helps a bit! Links to some of the items suggested in the links http://amzn.to/1CHUzZE Link to Alum http://tinyurl.com/Aloecream http://amzn.to/1F10r3V Fractionated Coconut Oil http://bit.ly/zincsoap Zinc Soap with coconut oil http://bit.ly/Zinccream http://bit.ly/Calendula_Salve http://tinyurl.com/bactine http://amzn.to/1oUDY2n Chaga Mushroom (to make tea to boost the immune system) http://tinyurl.com/Oragelsgldose

@coyotecat Hello and Welcome! I think you *get* that you are beating yourself up over something that isn't that big of a deal in reality - but that doesn't stop us from being, as your wife said, our own worst critic... so I'm pinning a little something below that you may want to print out and put on your bathroom mirror :) I've had oral herpes since I was very young child. Back then it would kick me on my ass a few times a year (though it was never diagnosed... I figured out years later that the 100+ temps and OB's were linked) For some reason it slowed way down when I hit puberty and over the years has become a minor nuisance at times. But I have some photos of me as a kid with horrendous sores on my face. It was just part of my life and I never thought of it as a bad thing.... because noone and nothing taught me to feel that way. So - I would put it out there that this Herpes issue is bringing up stuff that you have stuffed down and ignored from somewhere in your past.... and now you can't hide from it, because it's coming out in another way. Herpes may be making you face whatever it is that you have subconsciously believed from past experience. You may want to try some therapy to see what's there. As @whitedaisies said, @Adrial is an AMAZING coach (I've seen him do his magic in real life and he's a master) and you can do sessions by Skype with him.... There's also the Lifestyle Guides Here's the full page on the lifestyle guides: https://herpesopportunity.com/lifestyle-guides.html ... and here are short descriptions of the guide that may help you: Guide #1 Self Care and Self Image: shows you how to not only feel better about yourself and your future, but shift into a empowered and realistic mindset. If you use the code P25 you can get 25% off the cost of the one guide. Hope this helps - I'm going to make a separate post of how to deal with the actual OB's below (((HUGS)))

These links are pretty comprehensive between them and the handouts are great if someone wants something easy to refer to 🙂 You numbers mean nothing as far as transfer risk. Once they are over the positive range, we pretty much don't use them for anything else. Condoms reduce risk by 50% ... but that has a lot to do with where your OB is. From the sound of it, they wouldn't help you much given the location of your OB's. Antivirals, taken DAILY, reduce risk by 50%. And IMO, vigilance is every bit as important.... but that takes time to figure out what are your symptoms, and what are other things. Sounds like your OB's are pretty clear and over time you might notice other things that occur right before they come up. My policy is if in doubt, we find other ways to play. It actually makes for a great excuse to find other ways to get yer freak on! LOL http://projectaccept.org/who-gets-hsv/ Handouts + disclosure e-book: https://www.herpesopportunity.com/lp/ebook Herpes facts video

@Exhausted Hello and Welcome! Well, it *could* be Herpes fissure, it *could* be yeast infection, and it *could* be that the clove stuff irritated your skin. I'd say go to another OBGYN or Planned Parenthood, get a blood test and if you have a fissure, a swab. If you are over 4 months post exposure to the ex, then the blood test should be reasonably accurate. Given you said you have thrush, and that the cortisone helped a bit, I'm going to guess that you may well have a yeast infection. Have you tried the OTC stuff for yeast?

This experience has brought up a lot of conversation recently amongst close friends and we've asked ourselves, isn't engaging in casual sex pretty risky? Period? In this culture at least, I don't know anyone who has an std talk in a casual sex setting. I'm not saying it's right, and I now know why it's best to be transparent and up front. But we both made that choice together, I took a risk in sleeping with him too. Sadly, you are right. I get it... who wants to bring that up with someone you may never see again, and break the "spell"... and we all want to believe other people are being responsible, and, well, it's just plain awkward. The problem is that in casual sex, that's the time people really *should* be having these conversations. And people need to just plain get educated. The Porn Industry accepts that there are certain risks associated with that job (just as with many jobs) so they get tested regularly. Although as I understand it, most don't require you to declare if you have Herpes because most of them already have it...LOL.... but that just shows you how knowledge reduces the stigma. They know there are far worse things to worry about (HIV, Syphilis, Gonorrhea all cause worse long term issues than Herpes does for most people). So they worry about the things that matter, and they act "responsibly" by getting tested about every 4-8 weeks. This is why we need to open a conversation about STD's and sex in general - so that swapping STD tests just becomes part of the process without judgement no matter if you are in the casual sex scene or looking for a life partner. I've seen virgins with H (got it from oral sex) and an 80-something yr old woman who got it after her hubby died after 50-something yrs of marriage when she ventured into the dating scene. NO ONE is immune. And like pregnancy, it only takes ONE encounter at the wrong time. The slut shaming (both from others AND towards ones self) has to end. The ignorance needs to stop and we just have to start to look and this as something we understand, a risk we take, and what we can do to protect ourselves.... and that won't happen until enough of us are willing to speak out ... I have a longer term plan, but right now I'm dealing with getting my elderly father moved in with me (and then how to juggle this without him finding out because he's more likely to get upset or confused and I just don't want to worry him if I can help it! LOL) but I have plans to get a lot more public than I already am about it in the not-too-distant future (I'm already 100% out on facebook by the way... and I've only had support and love from the 1000+ people in my friend list). *Jumping off soapbox* LOL

Ask people what pops into their heads when you say the word herpes. Most people imagine oozing sores or really messed up people. You need to change that image not the name. You need to associate the word herpes to the reality - a bunch of red pimples like everyone has in their faces and an ordinary person that continues living his/her life fully. BAM!!! Someone sent me this the other day... it hits the nail on the head!

@opportunity123 Hello and Welcome! So - I hope I remember everything that I was making note of as I read this... but I'm not convinced you have HSV1 genitally for the following reasons: 1) you say you already have HSV1 according to a blood test. Have you ever had cold sores? If not, do you know the values from the blood test? Either way, if you already have HSV1 orally, odds are pretty good you won't get it genitally because you already have the antibodies to it to fight it off. AND 2) HSV1 genitally *rarely* transfers to a partner because the carrier sheds a whole lot less.... that combined with the condom, and her not having an OB and, well, your risk factor was likely well below 1% and that's over the course of a YEAR or regular sex. So, unless your original HSV1 was genital, odds are this isn't H1. You could have a bacterial or yeast issue, or Trichomoniasis... or something completely different. If your Dr was not helpful when you got HPV, I suggest you get another Dr. There's NO excuse for poor/judgemental behavior for something like that from a Dr. And Genital warts (and HPV in general) are incredibly common. The CDC reckons that *anyone* who is at all sexually active will likely get at least 1 type of HPV in their lifetime. Odds are most men actually have at least 1 but the only ones that you guys get diagnosed for are warts because the rest hide in your system and there's no test for them. And once the warts are gone and are in remission, odds are low for you passing them on. I suggest you go to Planned Parenthood for the testing and advice. *Most* (sadly not all) PP's are pretty up to date on their info. Never mind that most GP's are usually terribly informed anyway (even the "nice" ones) because they have more urgent things to stay abreast of. As for being a Dr - honey - 80% of the population has oral herpes, and 15-20% has genital herpes. If potential Dr's were screened for Herpes we wouldn't have any Dr's...LOL . So you want to see the opportunity here? Become that Dr and remember just how tough this time has been on you so you are caring and empathetic for all your clients in the future.... because many Dr's are less than helpful because they don't understand the stranglehold that the stigma can have on people - how their self judgements come to the surface at diagnosis - how this little virus, that most Dr's see as a nuisance skin condition in an inconvenient place - causes so much angst in people when they get the diagnosis. This is YOUR opportunity to look at how all this is affecting you so that your future patients will have someone who accepts whatever way they react to any diagnosis and who is supportive, educational (the definition of Doctor actually is TEACHER, after all!), and compassionate. (((HUGS)))

@gemfusion So - what strain(s) do you have and where do you have them? If you only have HSV2 genitally, then you are only potentially contagious in the boxer short region, and mostly in the actual area of your OB's. *IF* you also have HSV1 orally (only 1% of all oral H is HSV2) , then you can potentially give someone HSV1 genitally from oral sex ... which is how 50% of all new cases of genital herpes happens nowadays. But given that 80% of people with herpes don't know they have it, most people have likely been exposed to it and got lucky... and all was can do is be alert to any issues around/in our mouth and try to not do anything if you might have something going on, or use barrier methods or antivirals - but most people just deal with it.... To be honest I think most people that pass H1 on from oral sex don't know they have it or don't know that the sore they get can cause genital herpes.... once educated, we tend to be more careful and avoid playing if we have something potentially going on so we are less likely to pass it on. :)

We try to get people to go to this post to look for H buddies... I'm going to post this there and close this out... hopefully you will get other responses there :) **edit: I see you found it! Good luck with finding a few buddies! (((HUGS))) https://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/223/need-someone-to-talk-to-herpes-buddies#latest

SMDH Just because it's on the genitals doesn't make it HSV2. 50% of all new genital cases are HSV1 - usually from oral sex. Time to get a new Dr. Go to an OBGYN or Planned Parenthood --- OB is preferable - PP is *usually* on the mark but I've heard a few incidences of idiocy from a few people on here from a PP Dr. and with HPV - there are 40 kinds of HPV... though if he knew he had it likely it was Genital Warts as that's the only one that has a visible effect on men and you can't test men for the other ones. The CDC reckons that anyone who is at all sexually active will get at least 1 type of HPV in their lifetime ... so you just have to hope you get one of the relatively minor ones (only about 4-6 cause cancer, the rest just give you a good scare!) (((HUGS)))

This ship isn't sinking though - it just has a few holes in it and a captain (the CDC) who has no idea of the effect that their big-assed anchor is having on the reef, as it were. They don't *see* the damage of their policies (as we do here in the trenches) so they are blissfully ignorant of the damage of their unwillingness to "pull anchor" and fix the leaks. Cold sores are called that because you often get them with a cold. Genital OB's usually happen with stress. And not everyone gets sores. So saying "Genital Cold Sores" isn't at all accurate. In fact, there's really no way to have a wording that tells you how everyone gets it because there really isn't a true "typical" presentation. Again, CONVERSATION and EDUCATION is the key. Then the name won't matter. Trying to distract for the issue by trying to find a "nicer" name just feeds into the stigma actually. The best cure for stigma is to open up a dialog. HIV, Gays (and other sexual and relationship preferences), mental illness, etc - all those things have had stigma attached to them which is lessening every day thanks to the brave people who step up and speak out and refuse to hide in shame any more. SHAME feeds stigma more than anything else. And as Brene Brown says about shame: If you put shame in a petri dish it needs 3 things to grow exponentially - secrecy, silence, and judgement. If you put the same amount of shame into a petri dish and douse it with empathy, it can't survive. Secrecy Silence Judgement Judgement usually is worse when the first 2 are present. So if you REALLY want to make a change, stand up and be ok with saying "I have Herpes ... just like most of the population. It's just that *I* know where I have it. Do YOU know where you have it?" Because 80% of people won't be able to give you an answer .... and that right there is the place of power that I feel we need to come from.

@hippyherpy - please.... stop. You are not helping here. @Geminij The point I am trying to get you to realize is, whether you feel you consented or not, you were in all intents "mentally incapacitated" by the alcohol. No means no. If y ou don't want to prosecute, that is your call, but he continued after you told him no when he said he didn't have a condom....putting YOU at risk too. What that means also is that if he finds out he has Herpes, you can counter that you were heavily inebriated, you asked him to stop, he didn't. He was obviously in full enough faculties to continue (men generally can't keep it up if they are that trashed) so HE is the one who carries more of the burden of any outcome of the evening. The laws regarding things like disclosure are pretty gray.... and usually only pursued if there seemed to be some kind of INTENT to withhold your status. Given that it sounds like you could barely speak and you told him to stop, *IF* he comes up with Herpes, YOU need to make it VERY CLEAR to him that you asked him to stop, you asked him to use a condom, and in BOTH instances, he continued, thus there was NOT consent in the eyes of the court. That won't bode well for him if he wanted to pursue any kind of court case *if* there's a law to cover it. The laws were put in place in some areas I believe because of HIV ... but ended up being an envelope law covering all STD's. Given that H isn't life or death, and given that most of these things are not straight forward, unless a person can prove that someone *intentionally* exposed them, their lawyer is likely to advise that they don't pursue anything. And for all you know, the guy already has it and either didn't tell YOU or doesn't know it (as 80% of carriers are asymptomatic) The idiocy in the UK is that even people who wish to protect partners often can't because most clinics won't give you the antivirals unless you have at least 8 OB's a year ... which is LUNACY if you have a regular partner and are having regular sex... if you have that many OB"s likely you will give it to them before they let you have the meds... esp in your first year with the virus. Either way, I would say that you should be FINE.... so, again.... BREATHE! Learn from this. Grow from this. Become stronger from this. Don't let it pull you down. I tell people all the time: We are all human beings, being human. Meaning we all fuck up at some point or other. So - you just got one of your fuck-ups out of the way. Don't keep beating yourself up over it. Love yourself like you would love your best friend who told you that they just fucked up... because you are being really hard on yourself.... and I would bet you wouldn't talk to a best friend about this the way you are talking to yourself.... right??? (((HUGS))) PS - did you look at any of the links I gave you above? If not, I suggest that you do. You may get something from them

I agree about HSV - AND - all these STD's need a LOT more education to be injected to the public sector..... because most people are horrendously ignorant about all of them... And whose friggin idea was it to have all the main STD's acronyms represented as 3 letters all starting with H and ending in V????? Talk about how to really confuse the guy on the street.... SMDH....

@Luv2bblonde Hello and welcome! So - first - you put HPV a couple times... I assume you meant HSV? That said, you don't mention whether you have HSV 1 or 2. It helps to know that so we can help you to put things into perspective as far as what happened. Also, did you get a blood test, or a swab? That can give us a timeline (if an IgG blood test comes back negative you just got it... but if it's positive you could have carried this for months or years... and don't get an IgM - they are useless.... ). 80% of people with Herpes don't know they have it. So it IS possible he didn't know he had it if he gave it to you. AND If he knew, it's just plain fact that many people have bought into the stigma so much that they are scared stupid of telling their partner because they are convinced that NO ONE will EVER love them if the tell the truth. That doesn't make the behavior ok... but it helps to understand *why* people don't disclose. And if he has minor OB's, then that kinda gives people the feeling that it's really "no big deal" anyway which they use as more "excuse" for the behavior. Again, not that it's ok, but it helps to see their perspective, AND It just plain sucks that you were not given the choice in the matter. Unfortunately most of us wont insist on making our partners have a test (and show us the results) before we have sex.... so sex really is just plain risky..... even with that men can carry HPV and never know it...because there's no test for men for that. Point being, if we are sexually active, if we aren't in LTR's (where we both get tested first), we are ALWAYS going to be at risk of getting *something*. Heck - I even have a female client who had her FIRST OB after 30+ yrs of marriage. Hubby is H-. She carried it all that time and never knew it. Knowing all this may help you to put all this into perspective... I hope it will at least! Yes, it sucks. But it's not the end of the world. I've had HSV2 for over 35 yrs ... and oral HSV1 since childhood. And I don't let it run my life. Finally - it's ok to go through the anger and upset right now. That's normal. Just don't let it consume you and don't hold onto it. At some point you have to let it go. To do so is like swallowing poison and hoping the other person dies.... it only hurts YOU. So process the anger, (which may mean allowing yourself to be REALLY angry for a short while!) ... then let it go... move on ... get educated and learn to control it and live with it. Anything else is only going to hurt YOU more.... (((HUGS))) http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/6070/it-gets-better great tips for newbies http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/2886/herpes-yoga-and-self-love

As a mom and grandmother, I'm just going to put it out there.... STOP! You are letting your fears run your mind ... when the reality is that unless you are doing something inappropriate with your child, there should be no way for them to get Herpes from your genitals. Your child touched (get it - touched.... as opposed to the sustained rubbing that comes with sex) your crotch. With an area that has THICK skin. When you were "irritated" (ie, not an oozing scabby massive outbreak) so any shedding was likely minimal. To get H you generally need a pretty reasonable "dose" of the virus.... which *if* your child came in contact with any virus, odds are the amount was minimal. On top of that, you say the irritation your child gets is in the butt cheeks - not the foot. If the child got it from you the OB would be on the FOOT! It doesn't migrate to other areas like that. Promise. :) My granddaughter went through a spell of having nasty rashes that turned out were caused by STREP (as I recall - it was some kind of bacteria). Sounds like that is what your child is dealing with. Next time it happens, get it swabbed. Odds are you will get an antibiotic treatment for it, and hopefully you will get it under control.... http://supporttruthanddialog.com/toilets-towels-and-touching-oh-my/

Hows about just educating people - which has been sorely lacking in the medical community. Most stigma comes from ignorance. That, and silence. Look at HIV. When it first came out people were convinced you could get it from a toilet seat and only gays got it. With education and discussion HIV, while still commanding plenty of fear, that fear is FAR more realistic. IE: most get that you can get HIV from ANYONE (ie, male/female, gay/straight, old/young, whatever.) but you won't get it from a toilet seat. Sadly STD education in this country is PATHETIC. Both in High Schools and in general. And the CDC isn't helping by recommending that H not be tested for and then Dr's just not mentioning that you aren't getting tested. We need to hold them to a better standard....and it's something I plan to address hopefully once I get my father moved in with me later this year. Sure, "rebranding" might work - but I'd put my money on education and dialog for getting the best results.... I'd rather dig out the cancer than put a band-aid over something.....

@anette14_99 Hello and Welcome! So - here's what I see. You are a good person who was given shitty advice by your sister (not her fault either, she likely was given shitty advice or none at all!) and who was not properly educated by the people who SHOULD have helped you - the medical professionals who you dealt with when you were diagnosed. That is NOT your fault. Sure, you could have done some research, but it's easy to remain ignorant when you don't know what you don't know. And it's easy to "reason" that you haven't passed it on so you don't need to tell anyone you aren't "serious" with. We humans are good at that. So - time to get "unreasonable" - time to drop all the reasons/excuses that you have used to not have to go through the discomfort of disclosing. To be honest, in your situation, you have HSV1. 80% of the population has HSV1. So you have that in your favor, as it were. AND, if the guy walked after you told him your status and he had done *any* research, well, you just got to see something real loud and clear about him... as @optimist said - he's not good at dealing with reality. And maybe that's something that shows in all his life.... in which case, he's likely not a good match anyway. IE: He's a runner who avoids discussing uncomfortable things. He'll stay till some dose of reality hits then he'll bolt rather than talk it out. If it wasn't H, it would have been something else. So don't beat yourself up too much about his behavior. It says more about him than it does about you.... because if he *really* was concerned about STD's he would have insisted on testing first. Anyone who has casual sex and doesn't realize there's a distinct chance they will get *something* just isn't dealing with reality. Sadly it's quite common for people to live with their heads in the sand when it comes to sex and STD's in this country and the Medical Profession is doing a horrendous disservice around this subject by allowing people to remain blissfully ignorant. Sex Ed in schools it pathetic at best. The CDC recommends that H NOT be tested for when people ask for the FULL STD panel (and no one tells people they have not been tested). And none of this is YOUR fault. AND: Now you have had a good dose of reality. You know better now. When you know better, you do better. And THAT is what matters right now. So don't beat yourself up. Learn from this. Become stronger for this. And yes, rejection stings ... but most rejection isn't about you... it's about the other person (which isn't to say they are bad - it's just what they are willing/able to deal with). When you get THAT, rejection loses a lot of its power over you :) (((HUGS))) http://supporttruthanddialog.com/rejection_its-all-about-perspective/ (my blog)

I'm guessing he is someone who is willing to take an unknown risk but uncomfortable taking a known risk. Ding Ding Ding! We have a Winnah!

I don't see how this is related to herpes. It doesn't sound like a rejection due to herpes considering that sex happened after disclosure. This is EXACTLY why we do try to encourage people to not disclose when sex is imminent. Because people are likely to let the hormones overrule their head. And that usually ends badly. If anything, most people are more likely to come back after you disclose if they don't have sex right after simply because they don't have the "Oh shit what have I done" thoughts running through their head, clouding their reason. We see it on here a lot where people disclose right before, they have sex, and never hear from the other person again.... it's happened to me several times in my past so I kinda know what I'm talking about here...LOL. Just chalk it down to those with experience *trying* to help others to not make the mistakes we have :)

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/2886/herpes-yoga-and-self-love Shame Shame Consent - this is VERY important for you to get that you did NOT consent to have sex with this guy...

@Geminij OK friend..... BREATHE!!!! There's a number of things here that need to be addressed: 1) You are not a bad person. If you were, you wouldn't give a shit about what just happened. You sound like you are dealing with a DEEP depression and self medicating with alcohol. It's easy for people to say "just stop drinking" but it seems there's a LOT more here to deal with. I STRONGLY suggest that you get medical help for the depression. In the meantime, don't let yourself get into situations where you might be tempted to drink. (ie, don't go to bars, or parties where drinking is likely to be the main focus). You are unlikely to make good decisions around that right now...so it's just best to avoid those situations where you might do something you will regret later.... (When I'm craving chips I refuse to allow them in the house because I *KNOW* I will eat them all in 1-2 sittings.... so I get how easy it is to "give in" when we are in a weak point in our lives) 2) STOP MAKING EXCUSES FOR THE GUY!. Yes, you shouldn't have gotten into the situation. But you said, " I said no but it happened...I was so drunk and floppy that I just couldn't stand by my decision of saying no and it happened. I just did it. ". If you said no at all, then NO MEANS NO. I'm going to include a link to a video that explains the issue of "No" better than I can, but technically it sounds like you could call him out for date rape. If not, it's darned close. 3) On top of that, it sounds like he did nothing to try to protect himself with a condom, or to ask you about STD's or whatever. In that part, HE has some accountability in all this. Yes, you should have stopped him but it sounds like you were in no fit state to do so. 4) Personally, I believe you do have a responsibility to tell him. I know that likely scares the crap out of you given that he's telling everyone... but I'd approach it this way. I'd tell him that if he doesn't stop spreading crap, you are going to charge him with date rape because you were darned near black out drunk. Let him know that HE put you both into a compromising situation in several ways by taking advantage of your inebriated state.... then tell him that he needs to get tested because you are H+. You said no. You tried to stop him. He didn't stop. With all that in mind, you are BOTH responsible for the situation regarding his potential exposure to the H virus. Make it clear to him that if he tells ONE person that you have Herpes you will be seeing him in court with a date rape charge....I don't like having to get ugly like this but he sounds like a douch bag and this is likely the only way he will respect your privacy. If you don't tell him and he comes up with H, odds are he will spread that around, so I'd be proactive if I was you over this. Have you don't something illegal? In a handful of states, it's possible he could take you to court. But it's unlikely. ESPECIALLY if you let him know that if he thinks about it, he will have a counter-suit against him for date rape. To be honest, most people won't pursue a possible case in the states where the law allows it simply because THEIR sexual past will get put all over the table by your lawyers. And if the fact that you were shit faced drunk and said no came into the court, the case would get thrown out. So I wouldn't worry about that. So - try to find a way to pull him aside, be prepared to stand up to him and let him know that you won't let him bully you or treat you with disrespect. To be honest, that right there would help to empower you to start working on your healing regarding to H and your depression. And finally, you said iI just wish I could go back in time and un do everything. I'm just going to be alone forever and I need to accept that i might never find love again We ALL have things we wish we could get a do-over with... and... HOW YOU ACT FROM THIS POINT FORWARD is what is important. Take it from someone who got HSV1 as a child (orally) and HSV2 on her first sexual experience (at 17).... you CAN and WILL find love ... but you have to learn to love YOURSELF first! I had a 20 yr marriage, and two 3 yr relationships since then ... Herpes wasn't an issue in any of those relationships. If anything H will help you pick BETTER men, but only once you stop the self destructive behaviors that are helping you to "prove" to yourself all those things you are beating yourself up over. So please, get professional help for the depression. As for Herpes, @Adrial is a kick-ass coach around that stuff. He also has made some awesome Lifestyle guides if you would rather go at your own speed. There are 4 total and I can give you codes to get 25-50% off ... just put them into the coupon code box at checkout. Here's the full page on the lifestyle guides: https://herpesopportunity.com/lifestyle-guides.html ... and here are short descriptions of each guide: Guide #1 Self Care and Self Image: shows you how to not only feel better about yourself and your future, but shift into a empowered and realistic mindset. Guide #2 Dating and Relationships: is all about discovering how to make dating fun and free again (actually, even better than it was before H!). Guide #3 Having “The Talk”: covers disclosing in a way that makes “the talk” something that brings you closer together instead of being a dealbreaker. Guide #4 Sex and Intimacy: fulfills your desire to still have true, deep and profound connections (and shows you how). Coupon codes: P25 is for 25% off and P50 is for 50% off their entire order. I'm going to give you a few more links below as well that I hope will give you something to pull you up a bit for now.... but you sound like you need a bit more help than that... so I hope you will reach out for professional help as well... (((HUGS)))

@fallentitan Hello and Welcome! I have to say I'm smiling over here. I love it when someone gets that "Aha!" moment ... when they stop thinking @Adrial and I are drinking some seriously great Kool-aid and get what we mean about the "Opportunity". I just had an interesting conversation with a gal in her later 20's who is a virgin. Interestingly, while there's no "shame" about it, she sees it as something that is between her and finding love. She decided to reach out to a guy who had shown interest, and upon telling him her V-status, he declined because he was afraid they'd start getting amorous and she'd freak out and run and he'd end up with blue balls. She saw that as "proof" that the virginity is stopping her from getting what she wants. After some dialog with her, she really *got* it that the virginity actually acted as her "Wingman" - showed her the guy was only interested in getting INTO her, rather than into HER. Our conversation got me to start to chew on a new blog that I'm hoping to put up in the next few days about "Turning Deal Breakers into Deal Makers" . ... doesn't matter what it is - Herpes, Virginity, Medical Issues, Financial Issues, whatever. There are tons of "deal Breakers" out there. And they can help you to learn to grow within yourself, to start to create a life for yourself that brings you joy, AND they can help you to learn who is into YOU before you let them get INTO you. Sounds like you are on your way to turning this into a Deal Maker. Good for you! I'm going to post a few links to help you on your way :) (((HUGS))) http://supporttruthanddialog.com/using-herpes-as-your-wingman/ http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/6070/it-gets-better great tips for newbies http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/2886/herpes-yoga-and-self-love Herpes as a relationship filter Adrial

@DD1234 Hello and Welcome! I have to keep this short - I have a lot of catching up to do on here this week, so I'm going to give you a bunch of links and a few thoughts. First, as @optimist said, H is a great excuse to up your standards. It also makes a great Wingman (see links before you think I'm crazy!).... you will quickly learn which guys are into YOU and which ones just want to GET INTO you ;) Read all the Success Stories you can... tons of inspiration right there from people who were once where you are and who have found love (often deeper and more meaningful than anything they have experienced) with a H- partner And I just posted a Brene Brown video link on Forgiveness. You may want to look that up. @Adrial has the Lifestyle Guides that may help you too. Guide #1 Self Care and Self Image: shows you how to not only feel better about yourself and your future, but shift into a empowered and realistic mindset. Guide #2 Dating and Relationships: is all about discovering how to make dating fun and free again (actually, even better than it was before H!). Guide #3 Having “The Talk”: covers disclosing in a way that makes “the talk” something that brings you closer together instead of being a dealbreaker. Guide #4 Sex and Intimacy: fulfills your desire to still have true, deep and profound connections (and shows you how). I have permission to give out coupon codes right now to reduce your cost: P25 is for 25% off a single guide and P50 is for 50% off your entire order. To be honest, with or without Herpes they are a great guide to helping us to get past our fears and self limiting behaviours :) These links are a good start and may help you to get how H can help you to create BETTER relationships.... (((HUGS))) http://projectaccept.org/who-gets-hsv/ http://supporttruthanddialog.com/using-herpes-as-your-wingman/ http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/5897/my-first-disclosure-story#latest Wingman example http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/3309/successful-herpes-disclosure-but-not-for-the-reasons-you-might-think (Herpes Wingman example Mazedaze818 ) http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/6347/my-disclosure-story 2 very different reactions … but both are “successful” in their own ways :) Herpes as a relationship filter Adrial

@DD1234 Regarding the risk of oral sex, I wonder if it might help to think about how most people in the general population typically manage the risk of transmitting and contracting HSV-1 via oral sex. Most adults carry HSV-1 orally and it can be transmitted via oral sex, and some people use barrier methods as a precaution, but I think it's safe to say most people do not use barrier methods with oral sex. I think most people know enough to abstain from performing oral sex when they have a cold sore, but most people don't dwell on the possibility that they could be asymptomatic carriers capable of shedding or that they are shedding between cold sore outbreaks. I would hope it works similarly for genital herpes, whether caused by HSV-1 or HSV-2, that people would be conscientious about abstaining during outbreaks but otherwise feel free to engage in oral sex. The majority of people get H from the 80% of the herpes-carrying population that doesn't know they have it. It's not that the H+ folks don't dwell on the risk, it's that they MANAGE it. They actually learn to listen to their bodies and find other ways to play if they think there's potential that they might be shedding. And that actually gives you an excuse to find other ways to play as a bonus!

Like everything else "Herpes", every person's experience is different but antivirals *can* help shorten or even reduce OB"s. That's the whole point of taking them. OB's are just shedding on steroids.... ie, so much shedding that it causes the body to try to fight it off in ways that result in blisters/inflamed areas that break open. There's tons of non-pharmaceutical ways to deal with H as well. Everyone finds what works for them but these links may help you to get some ideas of other ways to support your immune system. :) I suggest you keep a journal of what you are eating, activities, stressors, etc ... see if you can see a pattern for what makes it worse. I often say that Herpes is like a "first responder" to the health of your body ... although in the first few months, it's often just that your body needs time to figure out how to get it under control. Second - attack it from the outside ... I'm going to put a bunch of links but generally Epsom Salts baths (drop a double handful of the salts between your legs so its concentrated there), followed by thorough drying (even using a hair drier to get it really dry), maybe going commando, and using Bactine (which helps to kill the virus AND numb it thanks to the lidocaine in it) ... or my favorite, Ammonium Alum ... but there's LOTS of suggestions in the links. I find if you attack it from the outside, the inside can do it's job better :) http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/6024/dealing-with-outbreaks#latest includes links below http://supporttruthanddialog.com/easy-simple-self-help-tips-for-relief-from-herpes-outbreaks/ http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/4810/bactine-for-oral-and-even-genital-herpes https://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/7595/bactine-wipes-and-some-motivational-quotes http://herpeslife.com/herpes-treatment/#more-2122 http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/1802/going-the-natural-route http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/1624/herpes-medication-genital-hsv-1-how-to-keep-herpes-outbreaks-clean-dry#Item_22 My discussion amonium Alum) http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/1496/bathroom-time- http://herpeslife.com/herpes-treatment/ http://herpeslife.com/herpes-medication/ http://www.cdc.gov/std/treatment/2010/genital-ulcers.htm#hsv Links to some of the items suggested in the links http://amzn.to/1CHUzZE Link to Alum http://tinyurl.com/Aloecream http://amzn.to/1F10r3V Fractionated Coconut Oil http://bit.ly/zincsoap Zinc Soap with coconut oil http://bit.ly/Zinccream http://bit.ly/Calendula_Salve http://tinyurl.com/bactine http://amzn.to/1oUDY2n Chaga Mushroom http://tinyurl.com/Oragelsgldose http://tinyurl.com/DMSO4HSV